[X&Y] Why Putting A Woman On A Pedestal Is A Bad Idea
Published: Tue, 01/05/10
X & Y COMMUNICATIONS WEEKLY NEWSLETTER
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IN THIS EDITION: You've heard a million times that "putting women
on a pedestal" kills attraction. Now it's time to find out exactly WHY...
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IN THIS EDITION: You've heard a million times that "putting women
on a pedestal" kills attraction. Now it's time to find out exactly WHY...
and it's not just about your perceived "value" versus hers.
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I ALMOST FORGOT...
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I ALMOST FORGOT...
With all this talk about "New Year's Resolutions", I almost forgot
to let you know about the guy who's the KING when it comes to
inspiring us all to get in shape.
I'm talking, of course, about Robert Martin. This guy is 61 years
old and is cut like an Olympian.
Best of all, he's got a dead-simple, easy to follow program that
allows you to achieve similar results in about ten minutes a
day...all without expensive equipment or gym memberships.
How does he do it, you say? Find out all the details here:
http://bit.ly/5iUtc8
What's more, I managed to talk Robert into offering a full 30%
discount on his already affordable program...but that deal is good
TODAY ONLY (January 5th, 2010).
He covers it ALL...strength, cardio, nutrition, mindset and
motivation. And of course you'll get access to all the workouts
that are PROVEN to get results.
I mean, look at the guy:
http://bit.ly/5iUtc8
If you ask me, TRACK RECORD is what matters when it comes to
anything we talk about around here. Robert brings it, so definitely take
a look
And now, here's the real truth about what happens when we put women
on a pedestal...
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EXACTLY WHY PUTTING A WOMAN ON A PEDESTAL IS A
BAD IDEA
The theme of today's newsletter is one that's talked about quite a
bit in men's dating and seduction advice.
By now we know the basic warning all too well: Put a woman on a
pedestal, and you send a clear message to her that she's of "higher
value" than you are, and therefore she'll never in a million years
be attracted to you.
Not good.
For what it's worth, I completely believe in the truth of that statement.
The theme of today's newsletter is one that's talked about quite a
bit in men's dating and seduction advice.
By now we know the basic warning all too well: Put a woman on a
pedestal, and you send a clear message to her that she's of "higher
value" than you are, and therefore she'll never in a million years
be attracted to you.
Not good.
For what it's worth, I completely believe in the truth of that statement.
Nothing's going to cause a woman to banish you to the "Just Be
Friends Zone" any faster than demonstrating to her that even YOU
believe she's out of your league.
After all, when the knights of old first romanticized the concept
of "placing a woman on a pedestal", I'm pretty sure they weren't
implying that they (or we) should "worship her". Chivalry was
supposed to UNDERSCORE masculinity, not DEFEAT it.
But nonetheless, you know how the story typically ends nowadays.
The woman you're so hopelessly idealizing sees nothing particularly
WRONG with you, and even SHE is frustrated because she can't
After all, when the knights of old first romanticized the concept
of "placing a woman on a pedestal", I'm pretty sure they weren't
implying that they (or we) should "worship her". Chivalry was
supposed to UNDERSCORE masculinity, not DEFEAT it.
But nonetheless, you know how the story typically ends nowadays.
The woman you're so hopelessly idealizing sees nothing particularly
WRONG with you, and even SHE is frustrated because she can't
figure out why she's "just not feeling it" for you.
What's happened in such a case is you've actually triggered in her
a sinking feeling that SHE would be the center of your world.
And in order for her to feel as if you can provide her that
all-important (and attractive) feeling of safety and security, the
last thing you can expect to get away with is thrusting upon her
full responsibility for YOUR ambition, motivation and passion.
After all, that's supposed to be YOUR job, not HERS.
The whole scenario starts looking like a dog chasing its tail at
that point. And as we all know about dogs that chase their own
tails, they go NOWHERE...fast.
That alone gives a bit more insight into why putting a woman on a
pedestal backfires. But there's more.
As we were just reminded, women need to feel safe and secure in
What's happened in such a case is you've actually triggered in her
a sinking feeling that SHE would be the center of your world.
And in order for her to feel as if you can provide her that
all-important (and attractive) feeling of safety and security, the
last thing you can expect to get away with is thrusting upon her
full responsibility for YOUR ambition, motivation and passion.
After all, that's supposed to be YOUR job, not HERS.
The whole scenario starts looking like a dog chasing its tail at
that point. And as we all know about dogs that chase their own
tails, they go NOWHERE...fast.
That alone gives a bit more insight into why putting a woman on a
pedestal backfires. But there's more.
As we were just reminded, women need to feel safe and secure in
our presence. That's a major linchpin of the "Big Four".
So with that in mind, let's turn our attention to what would happen
even if putting her on a pedestal actually WORKED.
What if you covered your bases elsewhere in the attraction process
and she actually ended up interested enough to go out with you
anyway?
Well if you've idealized her so much up front that she can
basically do no wrong, she may feel pressured to LIVE UP to your
expectations.
And if your expectation is PERFECTION, that's going to DRIVE
So with that in mind, let's turn our attention to what would happen
even if putting her on a pedestal actually WORKED.
What if you covered your bases elsewhere in the attraction process
and she actually ended up interested enough to go out with you
anyway?
Well if you've idealized her so much up front that she can
basically do no wrong, she may feel pressured to LIVE UP to your
expectations.
And if your expectation is PERFECTION, that's going to DRIVE
HER NUTS.
Do you want to turn a perfectly decent woman into a raving psycho
who resents YOU every time she exhibits any form of basic human
frailty?
Congratulations, you might find that you will have successfully
created that monster, doctor.
And what ABOUT you?
When you spot a woman and she immediately is exalted to
goddess-like status in your estimation, there's NO WAY she's
Do you want to turn a perfectly decent woman into a raving psycho
who resents YOU every time she exhibits any form of basic human
frailty?
Congratulations, you might find that you will have successfully
created that monster, doctor.
And what ABOUT you?
When you spot a woman and she immediately is exalted to
goddess-like status in your estimation, there's NO WAY she's
going to meet your inflated expectations.
You almost can't blame her for growing more and more frustrated
trying to keep up with your imagination.
After all, she's going to fail you. You ARE going to find out
she's human after all.
And that's when guys tend to pull stunts like LOSING ALL
You almost can't blame her for growing more and more frustrated
trying to keep up with your imagination.
After all, she's going to fail you. You ARE going to find out
she's human after all.
And that's when guys tend to pull stunts like LOSING ALL
ATTRACTION for a woman the first time she gets sick in your
bathroom.
...Or the first time you see her in the morning without makeup.
...Or the first time she "loses composure" and cries about
...Or the first time you see her in the morning without makeup.
...Or the first time she "loses composure" and cries about
something.
In fact, if you can relate to what I'm talking about, chances are
you've indeed been putting women on pedestals up front, only to be
disappointed later...even after getting what you thought you wanted
so badly.
And here's the "punch line": When you find yourself suddenly not
attracted anymore, you often can't really put your finger on WHY
you're "not feeling it anymore".
And so the whole dynamic comes full circle.
Notably, I've been assuming thus far that the woman of your
affection is a well-adjusted human being with a healthy self-image.
I haven't even mentioned what happens when you place a woman
In fact, if you can relate to what I'm talking about, chances are
you've indeed been putting women on pedestals up front, only to be
disappointed later...even after getting what you thought you wanted
so badly.
And here's the "punch line": When you find yourself suddenly not
attracted anymore, you often can't really put your finger on WHY
you're "not feeling it anymore".
And so the whole dynamic comes full circle.
Notably, I've been assuming thus far that the woman of your
affection is a well-adjusted human being with a healthy self-image.
I haven't even mentioned what happens when you place a woman
with low self-esteem on a pedestal. And we all know that LOTS
and LOTS of women fit that description.
Well, THAT woman is likely to be even MORE DISGUSTED by you
Well, THAT woman is likely to be even MORE DISGUSTED by you
should you adore her profusely.
Why?
Well, if she sees little or no value in herself, what does your
adoration say to HER about YOU? How can her perception of you
Why?
Well, if she sees little or no value in herself, what does your
adoration say to HER about YOU? How can her perception of you
as finding more value in her than she does in herself end well for
you?
Well, you'd hope that your confidence in her would inspire her to
think more highly of herself, right?
Unfortunately, however, that's not usually how the cookie crumbles.
You can't often just walk up and FIX low self-esteem.
The hard truth is that YOU'LL become even LESS VALUABLE to her
you?
Well, you'd hope that your confidence in her would inspire her to
think more highly of herself, right?
Unfortunately, however, that's not usually how the cookie crumbles.
You can't often just walk up and FIX low self-esteem.
The hard truth is that YOU'LL become even LESS VALUABLE to her
for thinking so highly of her.
Pretty twisted, but that's how it's likely to go.
In her mind, at least the guy who "understands" her low value and
treats her accordingly will come off as "honest", and she'll feel
like she's with the kind of guy she "deserves".
Welcome, as an added bonus here, to why you should RUN AWAY
Pretty twisted, but that's how it's likely to go.
In her mind, at least the guy who "understands" her low value and
treats her accordingly will come off as "honest", and she'll feel
like she's with the kind of guy she "deserves".
Welcome, as an added bonus here, to why you should RUN AWAY
from women with low self-esteem.
But ultimately, whether the woman has a healthy self-esteem or an
unhealthy self-image, YOU LOSE either way when you place her on
But ultimately, whether the woman has a healthy self-esteem or an
unhealthy self-image, YOU LOSE either way when you place her on
a pedestal.
That's the bottom line.
The high quality woman who is a real gem slots you beneath her
(even if subconsciously), while the woman with low self-esteem
straight-up faults you for thinking highly of her.
So the moral of the story here is dead simple.
Stop pre-qualifying women as the "perfect woman" up front, and do
both YOU AND HER the service of evaluating what's beneath the
attractive exterior.
That's a key first step to creating the proper environment for a
real, solid relationship to potentially develop.
View yourself as a man with real options, who is neither rushed nor
forced into scrambling to keep that ONE "pretty face" from
rejecting him.
Because in the end, if you put a woman on a pedestal--especially
very early on--rejection may have actually been the easier and less
painful way out.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. YES...be on the lookout for a new episode of The Chick
Whisperer. I'll be working on that tomorrow and Wednesday.
=====
If you like what you've read, please feel free to forward this
newsletter to others. Help a friend out.
In fact, did a friend forward YOU this message? To receive this
newsletter for men from X & Y Communications on a regular basis,
simply visit our main portal...
http://bit.ly/ohBdR
...drop your email in the annoying popup window, and download "Get
The First Date...And The Second Date" for free. Or, just send a
blank email to "xandy@aweber.com". Easy stuff.
X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled
participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of
life you are in. It's all about straight talk about the most
creative subjects, somehow encompassing character-based principles
while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important
things head on. The basic stuff you've heard a million times isn't
rehashed around here. Enjoy!
Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for
entertainment purposes only and is not intended to constitute
professional advice.
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2010. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.
That's the bottom line.
The high quality woman who is a real gem slots you beneath her
(even if subconsciously), while the woman with low self-esteem
straight-up faults you for thinking highly of her.
So the moral of the story here is dead simple.
Stop pre-qualifying women as the "perfect woman" up front, and do
both YOU AND HER the service of evaluating what's beneath the
attractive exterior.
That's a key first step to creating the proper environment for a
real, solid relationship to potentially develop.
View yourself as a man with real options, who is neither rushed nor
forced into scrambling to keep that ONE "pretty face" from
rejecting him.
Because in the end, if you put a woman on a pedestal--especially
very early on--rejection may have actually been the easier and less
painful way out.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. YES...be on the lookout for a new episode of The Chick
Whisperer. I'll be working on that tomorrow and Wednesday.
=====
If you like what you've read, please feel free to forward this
newsletter to others. Help a friend out.
In fact, did a friend forward YOU this message? To receive this
newsletter for men from X & Y Communications on a regular basis,
simply visit our main portal...
http://bit.ly/ohBdR
...drop your email in the annoying popup window, and download "Get
The First Date...And The Second Date" for free. Or, just send a
blank email to "xandy@aweber.com". Easy stuff.
X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled
participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of
life you are in. It's all about straight talk about the most
creative subjects, somehow encompassing character-based principles
while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important
things head on. The basic stuff you've heard a million times isn't
rehashed around here. Enjoy!
Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for
entertainment purposes only and is not intended to constitute
professional advice.
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2010. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.