[X&Y] Are You "Shallow" For Wanting A Physically Beautiful Woman?

Published: Tue, 01/26/10

X & Y COMMUNICATIONS WEEKLY NEWSLETTER

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WHAT'S INSIDE: Have you ever been accused of being "shallow"

for caring about a woman's looks too much? Don't give it a second

thought. You ARE NOT shallow if looks matter to you, and here's a
brutally-honest look at exactly why that is.

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DID YOU CASH IN YOUR GIFT CARD YET?

Last time I handed out another $20 gift card for you, just like I did at

Christmas time.

This one was in honor of Valentine's Day, every man's favorite
holiday...not.

But no matter what, between now and February 14th is PRIME TIME

as far as meeting women goes. Seriously, not a woman alive wants

to spend Valentine's Day alone.

And that can only mean YOU are the "solution" to every high quality
woman's "problem" this time of year. That's a pretty good feeling,
isn't it?

In order to maximize your potential for meeting some of those women
over the next couple weeks or so, I'm figuring you'll need EVERY
ADVANTAGE I can give you.

So yes...it's time to take that extra twenty bucks I've spotted you
and RUN WITH IT.

You can spend it like cash in the X & Y Communications Store. Just

use the code "giftcard20" to redeem...even for items less than $20:

Redeem Your Gift Card Here

I'll be closing this out by the end of the week, so be sure to get
your shopping done before now, while there's still time to prepare
for February 14th.

And now, I'm going to explain why it's not only OKAY to want a

beautiful, sexy woman in your life...it's actually a GOOD THING.

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ARE YOU "SHALLOW" FOR WANTING A PHYSICALLY

BEAUTIFUL WOMAN?

It's very common for guys to begin a Ten-Plus coaching program

with less than a clear idea of what they really want in a woman.

And as you probably know by now, I have a device I call "The
Spreadsheet" that I recommend in such cases.

Essentially, what you do is identify the ten most important factors
to you when it comes to evaluating great woman, assign each factor
ten points, and proceed to "grade" every woman you date accordingly.

"The Spreadsheet" is especially effective for helping right-brained
types apply some objective reasoning to the process of evaluating
women.

Although that can sound a bit cold, the only alternative for many
is getting "clouded by beauty-vision".

But that's NOT to say that I advocate replacing "beauty-vision" with

utter blindness.

Here's what I mean.

The other day, it happened again.

A guy sent back his version of "The Spreadsheet", and although

there was a fine collection of virtuous traits listed from 1-10,

not a single one of the silos indicated any concern whatsoever

about how the woman of his dreams might look...let alone whether or

not she'd turn him on sexually in the least.

In fact, the ten factors he listed could theoretically be as useful
for vetting GUY friends as it was for evaluating women.

Having seen this sort of thing before, I responded as I have in the
past.

"What you've written is terrific, but I just want to make sure that

a woman's looks don't matter at all to you. Even if she's well

outside the boundaries of what you would consider physically

attractive, you'll still be able to get sexually turned on by her

enough to procreate--as long as she's exemplary in these ten

areas you've listed. Is that correct?"

And as is invariably the case, I got the expected answer.

"Absolutely NOT. I would love for her to be incredibly beautiful
and sexier than I can imagine."

"So then, why isn't that reflected in some way in your version of
'The Spreadsheet'?"

"Well, it just seemed SHALLOW of me to say anything about that."

Hmm. Shallow, huh?

Where did we ever get the idea that desiring a beautiful woman

who makes us sexually excited was SHALLOW?

Probably from a similar place where women tend to hear that

wanting a man "who can provide for her" is EQUALLY shallow.

Listen up. If a woman says she wants a man who can earn a decent

living so that she can be freed up to be a full-time mom and/or devote

herself to supportive, joy-providing pursuits for the family that's NOT

SHALLOW.

That's how her desires are HARD WIRED.

She's not necessarily a "gold digger", either.

She probably doesn't require millions of dollars and a calendar
full of "shopping dates".

She'll likely be able to appreciate you for far more reasons than
simply for your ability to provide.

And usually she'll be perfectly willing to offer her unique,
feminine gifts to you in return...all guaranteed to enhance your life
immensely.

Similarly, you as a normal, red-blooded man are HARD WIRED

to be attracted to physically beautiful women.

Now granted, your idea of exactly what that means may be VERY
DIFFERENT than what it means to some other guy.

But make no mistake: Unless your intention is purely to use a
woman sexually or to treat her as little more than "arm candy",
your desire for her to be beautiful and sexually attractive is NOT
shallow.

It's simply an integral part of what makes a woman great in your
eyes.

So while you don't want to fill "The Spreadsheet" up exclusively

with body part requirements, it's MORE THAN OKAY to take your

dream woman's looks and sexual attractiveness into consideration.

Even if her mind truly does turn you on, put that in a different
column.

To be sure, logical, objective support can be lifted from biology
and evolutionary psychology for your tendency to favor physically
attractive women.

Certain traits we as men tend to find physically attractive are

visual indicators of health, strength and fertility. The 7/10 waist-to-

hips ratio comes to mind.

So yes, you can defend against being called "shallow" with pure
science...and you'd have a valid case.

But guess what? I think you can sweep all of that under the carpet.

All you REALLY need to do in order to PROVE once-and-for-all that
you are not "shallow" for caring about a woman's visual sexual
attractiveness is to watch what happens when a man SETTLES.

That's right. And I'm talking about what happens to BOTH the man
AND the woman in such cases...ESPECIALLY the woman, in fact.

Wherever the couple goes, the man will be ashamed of her, won't he?

Let's face it: one of the key ways we as men judge each other is

by the women we're with. And hard-wired as we are, that comes

down to what she looks like.

So when we show up with a woman who we find unattractive, we feel
flat-out HUMILIATED by her in the presence of our peers.

Show me a man whose social proof is damaged, and I'll show you a

man who will in turn become LESS CONFIDENT and therefore

LESS ATTRACTIVE to the woman he's with.

Do you see the vicious, attraction-killing cycle forming already?

But there's more.

The truth is that EVERY WOMAN wants her man to view her as the

most beautiful woman in the world in his eyes.

Think about it. Even if a woman manages to cajole a guy who's
clearly not attracted to her into a relationship by telling him
he's "shallow" for wanting a woman who's prettier than she is, how
happy is she really going to be?

Will she tolerate his "wandering eye" during the next trip to the
shopping mall?

Of course she won't. He'll probably get a rolling pin up 'side his
head.

Why? Because SHE'LL FEEL HUMILIATED also.

And two HUMILIATED partners do not a great relationship make.

So then, what happens when EITHER of them becomes sexually
frustrated in the least? Dare I even speak about what happens when
she wants to have a baby and he can't even stomach the thought of
having sex with her?

The tragedy here is that based on how subjective looks are anyway,

ANOTHER GUY may have been WAY BETTER at meeting her overall

needs than the guy who got guilt-tripped OUT of being "shallow " and

INTO being in a relationship with her to begin with.

The solution is simple. As always, we as men have a golden
opportunity to LEAD.

Stop being a martyr for the lame-o cause of "political correctness"
and admit to yourself--proudly--that you will settle for nothing less
than the "complete package" when it comes to finding a great woman.

The bottom line is that she's got to be beautiful and sexually
attractive to YOU, or SHE won't even be happy.

No apology is necessary...unless you marry a woman you aren't
particularly attracted to, of course.

Then, you'll need to apologize to HER for keeping her from going
out and finding that guy who would have appreciated her way more
than you ever will.

Be Good,

Scot McKay

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