[X&Y] Six Ways To Man Up...Starting TODAY
Published: Tue, 02/23/10
X & Y COMMUNICATIONS WEEKLY NEWSLETTER
=====
WHAT'S INSIDE: What does it really mean to "man up". Here are
six basic ways to get the job done starting TODAY.
Emily and I are headed down under to Australia even as you're
reading this, so I've decided to share with you a couple of sample
chapters from Chick Whispering while we're out-of-pocket for a few
days traveling. This one is the first...enjoy.
=====
SO MANY QUESTIONS ON APPROACHING, SO LITTLE TIME
A couple of newsletters ago we talked about approaching women and
dealing with "rejection", which is an ever-popular topic around
here.
As a result, the questions on approaching women and making
conversation have been POURING in.
Well, even though I've done some direct coaching for many of you on
how to meet women, what I haven't done is come up with a program or
e-book of my own specifically on that subject...at least not yet.
So...it has occurred to me that I probably should direct you to the
single best resource on the subject of approaching women that I've
ever seen.
That, of course, would be Joseph Matthews' definitive book on the
=====
WHAT'S INSIDE: What does it really mean to "man up". Here are
six basic ways to get the job done starting TODAY.
Emily and I are headed down under to Australia even as you're
reading this, so I've decided to share with you a couple of sample
chapters from Chick Whispering while we're out-of-pocket for a few
days traveling. This one is the first...enjoy.
=====
SO MANY QUESTIONS ON APPROACHING, SO LITTLE TIME
A couple of newsletters ago we talked about approaching women and
dealing with "rejection", which is an ever-popular topic around
here.
As a result, the questions on approaching women and making
conversation have been POURING in.
Well, even though I've done some direct coaching for many of you on
how to meet women, what I haven't done is come up with a program or
e-book of my own specifically on that subject...at least not yet.
So...it has occurred to me that I probably should direct you to the
single best resource on the subject of approaching women that I've
ever seen.
That, of course, would be Joseph Matthews' definitive book on the
subject:
The Art Of Approaching
It has been read (and re-read) by a ton of guys, and for good
reason. It does a GREAT job of breaking down both process AND
theory for you.
In a sense, it's a "one stop shop" for getting a handle on what has
to be the #1 sticking point most guys face: how to actually MEET
women.
If you've consistently found yourself with more questions than
answers when it comes to how to approach women the right way, I
think you'll thank me for this:
The Art Of Approaching
You've heard me say that women define masculinity different than we
as guys tend to. What does that MEAN?
By all means, let's get around to covering exactly that...
=====
SIX WAYS TO MAN UP
One of the most prevalent themes of questions I receive has to do
with how EXACTLY to "be masculine".
Inherently, most of us---men and women alike---suspect that the
diametric opposite personas of "Mr. Nice Guy" and the "Bad Boy"
can't be the only possible choices when it comes to slotting guys
according to their general demeanor.
But based on what you tend to read nowadays, you'd think that was
the case.
Well, by now you know that I spend a lot of time talking about the
concept of being a GREAT MAN.
He is not a neuter, wussified "Mr. Nice Guy" who believes he can
get somewhere by "kissing up" to pretty women. He is also not an
abusive, cold-hearted slacker who slaps women around.
What he IS about is being a HIGH-QUALITY human being, who happens
to exude sheer masculine presence all the while.
And it's that "masculine presence" factor that tends to confound
guys everywhere. Surely this isn't about being "macho". It isn't
about "slaying dragons" and "conquering enemies".
Of course not. Not these days...at least for most of us.
So how about some straight-talk about what it IS about?
Right on.
Here are six measures of TRUE MASCULINITY, as adored by women
everywhere.
Notice "adored" starts with an "A". I've made it so every point
below starts with an "A" also. Call this lesson "How To Get
Straight As In Masculinity". Ready? Here we go:
1) Assist With Strength
Recently I was talking to a guy who was told by a great woman that
he probably wasn't her "type", as disappointed as she was about it.
When pressed why, the first reason that came to her mind revolved
around how she had been struggling with a heavy suitcase at the
airport...while he watched empty-handed.
Sure, women are more "independent" now than they've ever been. But
here's a major hint: That doesn't mean they don't appreciate you
doing the "heavy lifting" for them.
In fact, if you proudly do the high-reaching, heavy lifting and
pickle-jar opening...and she DOESN'T appreciate it, it's not your
problem. I promise.
2) Assert With Strength
Recently I got an e-mail from a guy I've been coaching who is
making exceptional strides in his newfound ability to make
high-quality women desire him immensely.
The latest? At the end of an event the other night, the venue was
closing but a woman (whom he wasn't even particularly attracted to)
needed to use the bathroom before leaving for a long-ish drive
home.
When told she couldn't by some employee of the venue, our main man
reasoned a "newfound commitment to customer service" into the
employee's mindset. He did so with calmness, but with resolve.
And EVERY woman around, including the one he WAS attracted to took
notice. Terrific.
Take up for people in your life when it's the right thing to do.
Care not whether or not whom you're standing up for is attractive
to you.
Do this especially when it's potentially uncomfortable for both you
AND for the person who requires taking some initiative toward.
Try opening such conversations with, "You and I need to 'visit'
about something." That's a Texas-born phrase with universally
understood intentions--something is awry and it needs to be
discussed in a civil, yet direct manner.
3) Attend With Strength
Do what you say you'll do, when you say you're going to do it.
Keep promises, without complaint.
When you mess up, which will be rarely, apologize.
When women can trust your promises, you build that level of SAFETY
in their minds AND in their hearts. When you tell women you've got
things handled, they BELIEVE YOU.
This is not to be confused with being predictable or with having a
supplication problem. If you are repeatedly being "owned" by
women, then you aren't getting the concept.
Think rock solid LEADERSHIP versus kissing up and you are well on
your way to greatness.
Women can't resist a man who is trustworthy and dependable. It
speaks volumes about your central core character strength as a MAN
(as we'll discuss more next).
4) Align With Strength
While #3 above (Attend) speaks to your actions, this one speaks to
your CORE character. This is the more overarching, far-reaching
concept.
Essentially, by "alignment" here I mean that all your "numbers
match", just like what makes classic car valuable.
Consistency in all your thoughts, beliefs, and values...above and
beyond words and deeds.
There's a distinct CONGRUENCE between who you appear to be and who
you really are.
In case you're wondering, YES...this is yet another way to
perfectly encapsulate the elusive cure for "What Do I Do Next
Syndrome".
5) Assume With Strength
Yeah, I know what happens when you assume. But what we're talking
about here is not being naïve but putting away neediness in
exchange for social confidence.
A real man assumes approval and even attraction while neither
demanding it nor begging for it. This results in an unmistakable
aura of flat-out confidence that exudes masculine presence and
dignity.
Lots of guys have no idea what women could possibly see in Leonardo
DiCaprio. He used to be one of my least favorite actors for
exactly that reason.
Once I buried myself in learning about what women really want, I
soon (and unwittingly) became a Leonardo DiCaprio fan.
He's got THIS down, that's why.
6) Anticipate With Strength
Well, since "A Plan" sounded a bit, well, forced...I chose
"Anticipate" as the 6th "A" on this particular report card.
Come to think of it, I like "anticipate" is exactly the word I was
looking for anyway.
Have a plan. When you pick her up, know where the evening's
headed. Don't offload that on her. She won't appreciate it.
Have a plan for your LIFE also. Think women want rich guys?
Well, being rich is merely a symptom of AMBITION, as we'll discuss
in greater detail in the next section. Women love a man with a
plan for his life. It's irresistible to them.
But "anticipation" is more than a plan. It's LEADERSHIP.
The anticipator has his "plan" mapped out several chess moves in
advance. That way no matter what goes down, he's never rattled.
He's the guy with the Swiss Army knife. He's the guy with the
jumper cables. We already know (see #1) he's the guy who rescues
his woman when she has a flat tire.
With the measure of confidence afforded by #5 above, the guy with
the deeply rooted "field sense" we're talking about here become the
de facto leader in any situation when the chips are down.
A few such battle-tested sorties and genuine WISDOM is naturally
the imminent--and desired--result.
Note that all six "A" words are modified with STRENGTH. My purpose
there is that I want you to clearly see the difference between what
women view as STRENGTH versus the traditionally male understanding.
The musclehead guys aren't necessarily the "strong" ones to most
women out there. In fact, depending on their motivations they can
appear quite to opposite.
Can you see that distinct difference now?
Ruminate for a moment upon the persona of the kind of guy who
fulfills upon the 6 "As" above.
Can you see how the MASCULINE traits combine with CHARACTER to
The Art Of Approaching
It has been read (and re-read) by a ton of guys, and for good
reason. It does a GREAT job of breaking down both process AND
theory for you.
In a sense, it's a "one stop shop" for getting a handle on what has
to be the #1 sticking point most guys face: how to actually MEET
women.
If you've consistently found yourself with more questions than
answers when it comes to how to approach women the right way, I
think you'll thank me for this:
The Art Of Approaching
You've heard me say that women define masculinity different than we
as guys tend to. What does that MEAN?
By all means, let's get around to covering exactly that...
=====
SIX WAYS TO MAN UP
One of the most prevalent themes of questions I receive has to do
with how EXACTLY to "be masculine".
Inherently, most of us---men and women alike---suspect that the
diametric opposite personas of "Mr. Nice Guy" and the "Bad Boy"
can't be the only possible choices when it comes to slotting guys
according to their general demeanor.
But based on what you tend to read nowadays, you'd think that was
the case.
Well, by now you know that I spend a lot of time talking about the
concept of being a GREAT MAN.
He is not a neuter, wussified "Mr. Nice Guy" who believes he can
get somewhere by "kissing up" to pretty women. He is also not an
abusive, cold-hearted slacker who slaps women around.
What he IS about is being a HIGH-QUALITY human being, who happens
to exude sheer masculine presence all the while.
And it's that "masculine presence" factor that tends to confound
guys everywhere. Surely this isn't about being "macho". It isn't
about "slaying dragons" and "conquering enemies".
Of course not. Not these days...at least for most of us.
So how about some straight-talk about what it IS about?
Right on.
Here are six measures of TRUE MASCULINITY, as adored by women
everywhere.
Notice "adored" starts with an "A". I've made it so every point
below starts with an "A" also. Call this lesson "How To Get
Straight As In Masculinity". Ready? Here we go:
1) Assist With Strength
Recently I was talking to a guy who was told by a great woman that
he probably wasn't her "type", as disappointed as she was about it.
When pressed why, the first reason that came to her mind revolved
around how she had been struggling with a heavy suitcase at the
airport...while he watched empty-handed.
Sure, women are more "independent" now than they've ever been. But
here's a major hint: That doesn't mean they don't appreciate you
doing the "heavy lifting" for them.
In fact, if you proudly do the high-reaching, heavy lifting and
pickle-jar opening...and she DOESN'T appreciate it, it's not your
problem. I promise.
2) Assert With Strength
Recently I got an e-mail from a guy I've been coaching who is
making exceptional strides in his newfound ability to make
high-quality women desire him immensely.
The latest? At the end of an event the other night, the venue was
closing but a woman (whom he wasn't even particularly attracted to)
needed to use the bathroom before leaving for a long-ish drive
home.
When told she couldn't by some employee of the venue, our main man
reasoned a "newfound commitment to customer service" into the
employee's mindset. He did so with calmness, but with resolve.
And EVERY woman around, including the one he WAS attracted to took
notice. Terrific.
Take up for people in your life when it's the right thing to do.
Care not whether or not whom you're standing up for is attractive
to you.
Do this especially when it's potentially uncomfortable for both you
AND for the person who requires taking some initiative toward.
Try opening such conversations with, "You and I need to 'visit'
about something." That's a Texas-born phrase with universally
understood intentions--something is awry and it needs to be
discussed in a civil, yet direct manner.
3) Attend With Strength
Do what you say you'll do, when you say you're going to do it.
Keep promises, without complaint.
When you mess up, which will be rarely, apologize.
When women can trust your promises, you build that level of SAFETY
in their minds AND in their hearts. When you tell women you've got
things handled, they BELIEVE YOU.
This is not to be confused with being predictable or with having a
supplication problem. If you are repeatedly being "owned" by
women, then you aren't getting the concept.
Think rock solid LEADERSHIP versus kissing up and you are well on
your way to greatness.
Women can't resist a man who is trustworthy and dependable. It
speaks volumes about your central core character strength as a MAN
(as we'll discuss more next).
4) Align With Strength
While #3 above (Attend) speaks to your actions, this one speaks to
your CORE character. This is the more overarching, far-reaching
concept.
Essentially, by "alignment" here I mean that all your "numbers
match", just like what makes classic car valuable.
Consistency in all your thoughts, beliefs, and values...above and
beyond words and deeds.
There's a distinct CONGRUENCE between who you appear to be and who
you really are.
In case you're wondering, YES...this is yet another way to
perfectly encapsulate the elusive cure for "What Do I Do Next
Syndrome".
5) Assume With Strength
Yeah, I know what happens when you assume. But what we're talking
about here is not being naïve but putting away neediness in
exchange for social confidence.
A real man assumes approval and even attraction while neither
demanding it nor begging for it. This results in an unmistakable
aura of flat-out confidence that exudes masculine presence and
dignity.
Lots of guys have no idea what women could possibly see in Leonardo
DiCaprio. He used to be one of my least favorite actors for
exactly that reason.
Once I buried myself in learning about what women really want, I
soon (and unwittingly) became a Leonardo DiCaprio fan.
He's got THIS down, that's why.
6) Anticipate With Strength
Well, since "A Plan" sounded a bit, well, forced...I chose
"Anticipate" as the 6th "A" on this particular report card.
Come to think of it, I like "anticipate" is exactly the word I was
looking for anyway.
Have a plan. When you pick her up, know where the evening's
headed. Don't offload that on her. She won't appreciate it.
Have a plan for your LIFE also. Think women want rich guys?
Well, being rich is merely a symptom of AMBITION, as we'll discuss
in greater detail in the next section. Women love a man with a
plan for his life. It's irresistible to them.
But "anticipation" is more than a plan. It's LEADERSHIP.
The anticipator has his "plan" mapped out several chess moves in
advance. That way no matter what goes down, he's never rattled.
He's the guy with the Swiss Army knife. He's the guy with the
jumper cables. We already know (see #1) he's the guy who rescues
his woman when she has a flat tire.
With the measure of confidence afforded by #5 above, the guy with
the deeply rooted "field sense" we're talking about here become the
de facto leader in any situation when the chips are down.
A few such battle-tested sorties and genuine WISDOM is naturally
the imminent--and desired--result.
Note that all six "A" words are modified with STRENGTH. My purpose
there is that I want you to clearly see the difference between what
women view as STRENGTH versus the traditionally male understanding.
The musclehead guys aren't necessarily the "strong" ones to most
women out there. In fact, depending on their motivations they can
appear quite to opposite.
Can you see that distinct difference now?
Ruminate for a moment upon the persona of the kind of guy who
fulfills upon the 6 "As" above.
Can you see how the MASCULINE traits combine with CHARACTER to
form an image that is intensely attractive precisely to HIGH-CHARACTER
WOMEN?
To sum all of this up, being a GREAT MAN who gets somewhere with
GREAT WOMEN is more defined by what WOMEN THEMSELVES
WOMEN?
To sum all of this up, being a GREAT MAN who gets somewhere with
GREAT WOMEN is more defined by what WOMEN THEMSELVES
WANT from a man rather than our own visions of speed, power, wealth
and world domination.
So many of us as guys throw up our hands and pronounce women as
"impossible to understand". Meanwhile, women are on the other side
of the fence puzzling over the "enigma" that is manhood.
Truth is, we're all human. And we're a lot more ALIKE than you
think--especially with regard to what our CHARACTER is composed of.
If you want women who will lie, cheat and finally cuckold you
someday then deceptive "quick fixes" and pure "pickup" game may do
the trick.
If you want a GREAT WOMAN, however, the strategy is WAY different.
But still, understanding the ways we ARE different is the true
secret to transforming exceptional manhood into exceptional ability
to ATTRACT the MOTOS you want most.
And it's by no means impossible.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. If you liked what you just read and would like to get your
hands on the rest, here's the link to Chick Whispering for you.
It's a special link with a few extra bonuses since you're a
So many of us as guys throw up our hands and pronounce women as
"impossible to understand". Meanwhile, women are on the other side
of the fence puzzling over the "enigma" that is manhood.
Truth is, we're all human. And we're a lot more ALIKE than you
think--especially with regard to what our CHARACTER is composed of.
If you want women who will lie, cheat and finally cuckold you
someday then deceptive "quick fixes" and pure "pickup" game may do
the trick.
If you want a GREAT WOMAN, however, the strategy is WAY different.
But still, understanding the ways we ARE different is the true
secret to transforming exceptional manhood into exceptional ability
to ATTRACT the MOTOS you want most.
And it's by no means impossible.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. If you liked what you just read and would like to get your
hands on the rest, here's the link to Chick Whispering for you.
It's a special link with a few extra bonuses since you're a
subscriber to this newsletter:
Chick Whispering
=====
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