[X&Y] When "Rejection" Isn't Really "Rejection" At All
Published: Tue, 02/16/10
X & Y COMMUNICATIONS WEEKLY NEWSLETTER
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WHAT'S INSIDE: You ask her out, but she declines the invitation.
Here are the first six of a full dozen different reasons why it might
have had NOTHING to do with you at all.
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SO...ARE YOU READY TO GET TO THE NEXT LEVEL?
If you already sense that you are closer than ever to being the
"Big Four" man who represents what high quality women are
powerfully attracted to, you're probably right.
And you instinctively know that were you to step up to the plate
=====
SO...ARE YOU READY TO GET TO THE NEXT LEVEL?
If you already sense that you are closer than ever to being the
"Big Four" man who represents what high quality women are
powerfully attracted to, you're probably right.
And you instinctively know that were you to step up to the plate
and make the breakthrough happen, you could be spending more
time with the kind of women you REALLY WANT to be with.
Right now I'm giving you an INSTANT $50 OFF on The Master
Plan...which is, of course, the absolute top-shelf toolkit for making
the kind of success you want with women a reality, starting today.
All the extras--including the fast-action bonuses--are still
included, along with over 14 FULL HOURS of nonstop, fluff-free
content.
If you're in a hurry, here's the direct link to order from:
$50 Off The Master Plan
If for some reason you've been living under a rock and you haven't
yet taken a look at everything The Master Plan covers, I've
temporarily set the "subscribers only" version of the Web site up
to reflect this very rare opportunity to get $50 OFF.
No worries...you can order directly from that page as well, even
taking full advantage of the three-month EASY PURCHASE option
Right now I'm giving you an INSTANT $50 OFF on The Master
Plan...which is, of course, the absolute top-shelf toolkit for making
the kind of success you want with women a reality, starting today.
All the extras--including the fast-action bonuses--are still
included, along with over 14 FULL HOURS of nonstop, fluff-free
content.
If you're in a hurry, here's the direct link to order from:
$50 Off The Master Plan
If for some reason you've been living under a rock and you haven't
yet taken a look at everything The Master Plan covers, I've
temporarily set the "subscribers only" version of the Web site up
to reflect this very rare opportunity to get $50 OFF.
No worries...you can order directly from that page as well, even
taking full advantage of the three-month EASY PURCHASE option
if you so choose:
Discover The Master Plan
So why am I doing this? The answer is simple.
The Master Plan has been proven to deliver REAL RESULTS to any
Discover The Master Plan
So why am I doing this? The answer is simple.
The Master Plan has been proven to deliver REAL RESULTS to any
man who is serious about having high quality women in his life.
Every man should know the secrets contained in this program, so I'm
making it MORE ACCESSIBLE to you than EVER BEFORE.
But again, this IS NOT PERMANENT. This $50 off promo is only valid
through the Friday at midnight PST, after which it will be going
away for a LONG TIME.
So if you've ever thought about snapping up a copy of The Master
Plan AT ALL, this is seriously your best chance ever:
Discover The Master Plan
And now, let's talk about when approaching a woman might not turn
out how you wanted it to, but not because of anything at all having
to do with YOU personally...
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WHEN REJECTION ISN'T REALLY REJECTION AT ALL
Every man should know the secrets contained in this program, so I'm
making it MORE ACCESSIBLE to you than EVER BEFORE.
But again, this IS NOT PERMANENT. This $50 off promo is only valid
through the Friday at midnight PST, after which it will be going
away for a LONG TIME.
So if you've ever thought about snapping up a copy of The Master
Plan AT ALL, this is seriously your best chance ever:
Discover The Master Plan
And now, let's talk about when approaching a woman might not turn
out how you wanted it to, but not because of anything at all having
to do with YOU personally...
=====
WHEN REJECTION ISN'T REALLY REJECTION AT ALL
(PART ONE)
Regardless of what you've heard, women would much rather you
approach them than vice-versa.
If you think about it, this makes perfect sense. Part of being a
man is taking leadership.
Women are attracted to a man who "goes after what he wants".
Initiative and ambition are masculine traits that ignite femininity.
What's more, if "approach anxiety" is such a universal issue among
men all over the world, who are we to think that women are going to
"man up" and make the first move any more than we are?
So the simple fact of the matter is this: If we're going to meet
women and go out with them we've GOT to get over approach anxiety.
Granted, that's hard to do because we FEAR REJECTION.
And we FEAR REJECTION because we TAKE REJECTION
Regardless of what you've heard, women would much rather you
approach them than vice-versa.
If you think about it, this makes perfect sense. Part of being a
man is taking leadership.
Women are attracted to a man who "goes after what he wants".
Initiative and ambition are masculine traits that ignite femininity.
What's more, if "approach anxiety" is such a universal issue among
men all over the world, who are we to think that women are going to
"man up" and make the first move any more than we are?
So the simple fact of the matter is this: If we're going to meet
women and go out with them we've GOT to get over approach anxiety.
Granted, that's hard to do because we FEAR REJECTION.
And we FEAR REJECTION because we TAKE REJECTION
PERSONALLY.
In other words, if a woman we're attracted to isn't interested in
return, we tend to automatically believe we're simply not
attractive to women AT ALL.
That's never a good feeling.
In fact, the risk of being subjected to perceived rejection usually
outweighs any potential reward of her actually liking us back. So
we typically do NOTHING rather than approaching, right?
But wait a minute...I just said "perceived rejection". What's up
with that?
Well, lately I've witnessed a number of situations first-hand that
have galvanized my belief that in a SHOCKING number of instances
when "rejection" happens it has NOTHING TO DO WITH US.
Yet, because we usually have NO WAY OF KNOWING what's really
In other words, if a woman we're attracted to isn't interested in
return, we tend to automatically believe we're simply not
attractive to women AT ALL.
That's never a good feeling.
In fact, the risk of being subjected to perceived rejection usually
outweighs any potential reward of her actually liking us back. So
we typically do NOTHING rather than approaching, right?
But wait a minute...I just said "perceived rejection". What's up
with that?
Well, lately I've witnessed a number of situations first-hand that
have galvanized my belief that in a SHOCKING number of instances
when "rejection" happens it has NOTHING TO DO WITH US.
Yet, because we usually have NO WAY OF KNOWING what's really
going on inside a woman's head when she turns us down, we believe
--by default--that we're inadequate in some way.
Now granted, if you are pushy, weird, creepy or smell bad you've
got some work to do.
But most of us are somewhere between "normal" and "hyper amazing",
so why would women refuse dates with us?
In the name of helping get rid of "approach anxiety" forever, here
are the first six of a whopping DOZEN reasons why women turn us
down--all of which have ZERO to do with personal rejection.
In other words, in each of the cases I'm about to share you could
have been ANYBODY--no matter how incredible--and you STILL
Now granted, if you are pushy, weird, creepy or smell bad you've
got some work to do.
But most of us are somewhere between "normal" and "hyper amazing",
so why would women refuse dates with us?
In the name of helping get rid of "approach anxiety" forever, here
are the first six of a whopping DOZEN reasons why women turn us
down--all of which have ZERO to do with personal rejection.
In other words, in each of the cases I'm about to share you could
have been ANYBODY--no matter how incredible--and you STILL
would have had the same outcome: the undesired one.
I've broken down the "dirty dozen" rejection look-alikes into two
subsets: The "political" and the "emotional". In other words,
stuff that's external to the woman's feelings and factors that are
internal to who she is at her core.
This time we'll deal with the "political" side. Here goes...
1) She Really Does "Have A Boyfriend"
I've written before about how to deal with the dreaded "I have a
boyfriend" excuse.
But sometimes it's not really an "excuse". It's for real. And if
she's in a solid, healthy relationship with some other guy she's
not going to cheat on him to go out with you.
And that's okay. After all, were she so bereft of character you'd
be next in line to get cheated on.
Nonetheless, all of this doesn't preclude her from saying to
herself, "Yeah, but if I DIDN'T have a boyfriend, I would have been
all over that guy." Just don't plan on her admitting it to you.
2) The Pen And The Company Ink
No matter what your beliefs are about dating co-workers, hers may
be dramatically different. You've got to recognize that and
respect it.
I think that's easy enough for most of us to understand when we're
talking about women we work along side of every day.
It's the "grey areas", however, that tend to cross us up.
For instance, she works in a different office. She is a vendor
representative rather than a co-worker, per se. She may even work
for a company that is a B2B customer of yours.
In such cases YOU may think it's "open season". But HER
perspective on things may be VERY different, and her potential
on-the-job exposure to a relationship gone wrong far greater than
yours.
3) Her Friend Likes You
What a bummer this is, right? She may actually like you, but
because her friend mumbled something about having the hots for
I've broken down the "dirty dozen" rejection look-alikes into two
subsets: The "political" and the "emotional". In other words,
stuff that's external to the woman's feelings and factors that are
internal to who she is at her core.
This time we'll deal with the "political" side. Here goes...
1) She Really Does "Have A Boyfriend"
I've written before about how to deal with the dreaded "I have a
boyfriend" excuse.
But sometimes it's not really an "excuse". It's for real. And if
she's in a solid, healthy relationship with some other guy she's
not going to cheat on him to go out with you.
And that's okay. After all, were she so bereft of character you'd
be next in line to get cheated on.
Nonetheless, all of this doesn't preclude her from saying to
herself, "Yeah, but if I DIDN'T have a boyfriend, I would have been
all over that guy." Just don't plan on her admitting it to you.
2) The Pen And The Company Ink
No matter what your beliefs are about dating co-workers, hers may
be dramatically different. You've got to recognize that and
respect it.
I think that's easy enough for most of us to understand when we're
talking about women we work along side of every day.
It's the "grey areas", however, that tend to cross us up.
For instance, she works in a different office. She is a vendor
representative rather than a co-worker, per se. She may even work
for a company that is a B2B customer of yours.
In such cases YOU may think it's "open season". But HER
perspective on things may be VERY different, and her potential
on-the-job exposure to a relationship gone wrong far greater than
yours.
3) Her Friend Likes You
What a bummer this is, right? She may actually like you, but
because her friend mumbled something about having the hots for
you she doesn't feel right about accepting your invitation to go out.
Great. This is the quintessential "political rejection" situation,
isn't it?
The worst part of all is that she'll never rat out her friend's
secret crush on you, and the friend is unlikely to tell you herself
either...because, of course, the friend is probably waiting for YOU
to ask HER out for all the reasons mentioned at the beginning.
Because you don't exactly find the friend attractive, that's never
going to happen.
But it's never going to happen with the woman you actually wanted to
go out with either...at least not until the friend moves out of town,
gets whacked by the mob and/or gets into a massive tiff with her
erstwhile BFF.
And so revolves the world.
4) Botched Introduction
Sometimes it may seem like a great idea to get a mutual friend to
introduce you to a woman you have your eye on.
Just make sure your friend is really someone whose opinion she
respects.
Otherwise, you could be "rejected" by proxy...with no chance of
making a high-quality first impression.
I realize this sounds flat-out ridiculous, but for some reason women
Great. This is the quintessential "political rejection" situation,
isn't it?
The worst part of all is that she'll never rat out her friend's
secret crush on you, and the friend is unlikely to tell you herself
either...because, of course, the friend is probably waiting for YOU
to ask HER out for all the reasons mentioned at the beginning.
Because you don't exactly find the friend attractive, that's never
going to happen.
But it's never going to happen with the woman you actually wanted to
go out with either...at least not until the friend moves out of town,
gets whacked by the mob and/or gets into a massive tiff with her
erstwhile BFF.
And so revolves the world.
4) Botched Introduction
Sometimes it may seem like a great idea to get a mutual friend to
introduce you to a woman you have your eye on.
Just make sure your friend is really someone whose opinion she
respects.
Otherwise, you could be "rejected" by proxy...with no chance of
making a high-quality first impression.
I realize this sounds flat-out ridiculous, but for some reason women
really take all of this into serious consideration.
Similarly, even if you introduce yourself directly "bad timing" can
kill the moment. If another friend walks up at the same exact time
you do, or anything else awkward like that, your mojo can get
crushed.
Perhaps you even KNOW the situation is unfavorable when you see a
woman you'd like to meet, but it's the only chance you're going to
get so it's better than nothing.
In any of these situations, had someone else introduced you to
her--or had you approached her under different circumstances
Similarly, even if you introduce yourself directly "bad timing" can
kill the moment. If another friend walks up at the same exact time
you do, or anything else awkward like that, your mojo can get
crushed.
Perhaps you even KNOW the situation is unfavorable when you see a
woman you'd like to meet, but it's the only chance you're going to
get so it's better than nothing.
In any of these situations, had someone else introduced you to
her--or had you approached her under different circumstances
--things may have turned out very differently.
5) You Look Like Someone
Admit it. There has been at least one perfectly attractive woman
out there who you wanted NONE OF.
Most red-blooded dudes would have pawned their grandmother to get a
date with her, but not you.
Why? Well, she reminded you of your little sister or ex-girlfriend, that's
5) You Look Like Someone
Admit it. There has been at least one perfectly attractive woman
out there who you wanted NONE OF.
Most red-blooded dudes would have pawned their grandmother to get a
date with her, but not you.
Why? Well, she reminded you of your little sister or ex-girlfriend, that's
why. Or of that mean first grade teacher who sent you to the principal's
office. Or of someone even worse...a GUY.
One time I met one of the hottest redheads ever on Match.com. And
when I first saw her in person I felt like I had hit the jackpot.
But as the date progressed I found myself getting more and more
turned off by her...inexplicably.
It took me two days to finally figure out that she reminded me of
my roommate from college. Ouch.
Everyone has experienced this at some point, I'd guess. And when
the tables are turned it can be as frustrating as it gets, can't
it?
6) You Weren't Even Noticed
If you're doing online dating at all (which you should be), this
one is for you.
I remain nonplussed by all the guys coming to me who have been
e-mailing women whose profiles flatly state "not active for over
three weeks"...and who feel "rejected".
Guess what? She can't really "reject" you if she's NOT EVEN THERE,
can she?
Of course not.
And if you're still writing "Hi" or "Hello" in your subject line to
women who are getting 50-100 e-mails per day, here's more news for
you: If your e-mail never even got READ, then you weren't really
"rejected" either, were you?
Of course not.
office. Or of someone even worse...a GUY.
One time I met one of the hottest redheads ever on Match.com. And
when I first saw her in person I felt like I had hit the jackpot.
But as the date progressed I found myself getting more and more
turned off by her...inexplicably.
It took me two days to finally figure out that she reminded me of
my roommate from college. Ouch.
Everyone has experienced this at some point, I'd guess. And when
the tables are turned it can be as frustrating as it gets, can't
it?
6) You Weren't Even Noticed
If you're doing online dating at all (which you should be), this
one is for you.
I remain nonplussed by all the guys coming to me who have been
e-mailing women whose profiles flatly state "not active for over
three weeks"...and who feel "rejected".
Guess what? She can't really "reject" you if she's NOT EVEN THERE,
can she?
Of course not.
And if you're still writing "Hi" or "Hello" in your subject line to
women who are getting 50-100 e-mails per day, here's more news for
you: If your e-mail never even got READ, then you weren't really
"rejected" either, were you?
Of course not.
Even though we're only halfway through the list, you can already
see how many convoluted ways there are for dates NOT to happen with
women.
And in all six examples I've given you thus far, who you are isn't
a factor AT ALL.
Hopefully, knowing that your inherent worth to all women on the
face of the Earth isn't really at play when approaching women is
empowering to you...as well it SHOULD be.
Next time we'll cover the other six situations when "rejection"
isn't really "rejection" at all. And my guess is that we've all
experienced at least a few of the remaining items on the list,
perhaps without ever even realizing it.
So get ready to have a huge burden lifted off your shoulders.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. If you haven't caught the latest episode of The Chick
Whisperer yet, download it from iTunes here:
Subscribe To TCW On iTunes
By the way, if you've tried for the past few days to get your hands
on what my co-host Adam Gilad and I talk about at the end of the
show, you've probably noticed that the link has been broken.
Adam's IT guy has now fixed that.
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If you like what you've read, please feel free to forward this
newsletter to others. Help a friend out.
In fact, did a friend forward YOU this message? To receive this
newsletter for men from X & Y Communications on a regular basis,
simply visit our main portal...
www.deservewhatyouwant.com
...drop your email in the annoying popup window, and download
on what my co-host Adam Gilad and I talk about at the end of the
show, you've probably noticed that the link has been broken.
Adam's IT guy has now fixed that.
=====
If you like what you've read, please feel free to forward this
newsletter to others. Help a friend out.
In fact, did a friend forward YOU this message? To receive this
newsletter for men from X & Y Communications on a regular basis,
simply visit our main portal...
www.deservewhatyouwant.com
...drop your email in the annoying popup window, and download
"Get The First Date...And The Second Date" for free. Or, just send
a blank email to "xandy@aweber.com". Easy stuff.
X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled
participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of
life you are in. It's all about straight talk about the most creative
X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled
participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of
life you are in. It's all about straight talk about the most creative
subjects, somehow encompassing character-based principles
while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important
things head on. The basic stuff you've heard a million times isn't
rehashed around here. Enjoy!
Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for
entertainment purposes only and is not intended to constitute
professional advice.
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2010. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you believe
while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important
things head on. The basic stuff you've heard a million times isn't
rehashed around here. Enjoy!
Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for
entertainment purposes only and is not intended to constitute
professional advice.
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2010. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you believe
you have been sent this message in error, please respond and
we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.