[X&Y] You Thoroughly Ruined The Date...But She's Still Around. What?
Published: Fri, 03/26/10
X & Y COMMUNICATIONS WEEKLY NEWSLETTER
=====
WHAT'S INSIDE: OK, maybe a woman really will go out on a second
date with you even if she really isn't "feeling it" for you.
But does that really mean you have a "second chance"?
(By the way, all you guys who are into online dating pay particularly
close attention to what's below.)
=====
OK, I'll fess up...
Even though I'm on record as stating that the best way to know if a
woman is really "into" you or not is if she's on a second date with
you, I've got to admit that there's at least ONE situation where
that may not be true.
That would be when she's truly DESPERATE for any male attention
whatsoever.
Go ahead and read this account from Amanda in South Africa...but my
solemn advice is to eat a few Tums first.
You're about to get a CLASSIC CASE STUDY in how exactly to ruin
your chances with any woman you meet.
=====
READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS
Hi Scot,
I thought I'd send you this message from one of the ladies in an
online dating group I belong to.
It shows precisely what a man shouldn't do on a second date!
As the message comes from a woman in my online dating group and has
a lot of identifying details, I wouldn't want to abuse her privacy
in any way by reproducing the email on the internet, but I thought
you'd be interested in this email from the dating trenches, as it
were.
(I've changed the name of the guy and left the woman's name off the
email.)
It's hard for women to deal with men like this, because although
this man is a "nice guy" he doesn't seem to know anything about
generating attraction!
Kind regards,
Amanda (Durban, South Africa)
"Pete arrived at my house and brought me Hershey kisses and some
nice desserts he bought at the food store.
A big turn-off -- he smelled very strongly of moth balls - yuck!
=====
WHAT'S INSIDE: OK, maybe a woman really will go out on a second
date with you even if she really isn't "feeling it" for you.
But does that really mean you have a "second chance"?
(By the way, all you guys who are into online dating pay particularly
close attention to what's below.)
=====
OK, I'll fess up...
Even though I'm on record as stating that the best way to know if a
woman is really "into" you or not is if she's on a second date with
you, I've got to admit that there's at least ONE situation where
that may not be true.
That would be when she's truly DESPERATE for any male attention
whatsoever.
Go ahead and read this account from Amanda in South Africa...but my
solemn advice is to eat a few Tums first.
You're about to get a CLASSIC CASE STUDY in how exactly to ruin
your chances with any woman you meet.
=====
READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS
Hi Scot,
I thought I'd send you this message from one of the ladies in an
online dating group I belong to.
It shows precisely what a man shouldn't do on a second date!
As the message comes from a woman in my online dating group and has
a lot of identifying details, I wouldn't want to abuse her privacy
in any way by reproducing the email on the internet, but I thought
you'd be interested in this email from the dating trenches, as it
were.
(I've changed the name of the guy and left the woman's name off the
email.)
It's hard for women to deal with men like this, because although
this man is a "nice guy" he doesn't seem to know anything about
generating attraction!
Kind regards,
Amanda (Durban, South Africa)
"Pete arrived at my house and brought me Hershey kisses and some
nice desserts he bought at the food store.
A big turn-off -- he smelled very strongly of moth balls - yuck!
[Ed Note: Pardon the interruption here but...WHAT? Before we even
et rolling with this, gentlemen, let's face it. The clothes you
wear when you meet a woman must not only be CLEAN, they can't have
been STORED for a decade waiting for the "big chance".
Rule: If you even feel like you have to give it a SNIFF TEST, the
answer is DON'T WEAR IT.]
We drove down to the river and walked along the bank for about an
hour and then wandered into the downtown.
Then we had a nice dinner.
He took half a vacation day to come see me today. He was as polite
and chivalrous as he was on our first meeting.
He is way head over heels and I heard too many details about his
personal life.
Heard about every operation he's had. I saw all the pictures on his
camera phone - including one of him with his ex-wife.
He was married for 27 years and I am only the 5th woman he has
dated. I am the only woman he has dated a second time.
He told me how much alimony he is paying - a lot - he must be
making good money - LOL!
He talked about his divorce a lot. I kept changing the subject and
he kept saying "I know. I know. I shouldn't be talking about this."
He even told me about the excel spreadsheet he put together to rank
all of his POF matches. Points for tennis, points for hiking, etc.
Even though I lost a point for being over 50 miles... blah...
blah... blah.
He asked me where in the US I would live and then told me he is
concerned because he might interview for a job in the United
States,
but he won't if I wouldn't want to live there... I told him we just
met and I shouldn't even be a consideration.
He told me I seemed very guarded and he wishes I could open up my
heart the way he has.
He asked what I am feeling. I told him he is moving too fast and he
needs to slow down.
No chemistry.
He asked to see me again but didn't offer a specific time and date,
so I don't need to make a decision yet.
Think I should give him one more shot to see if chemistry develops?
Or would that be leading him on?"
=====
[Ed Note: OK, first here's what I wrote back to Amanda]
Hello Amanda:
Wow. Believe it or not, this is pretty much a textbook rendition
of how recently divorced guys often act on dates.
Please tell your friend she most certainly doesn't have to go on
another date with him. She's only settling if she ends up with
this guy.
Cheers,
Scot McKay
=====
[Ed Note: ...And NOW here's the REAL set of takeaways, especially
for YOU.]
We covered the "stinky clothes issue" above, so that leaves THIS
front and center:
If you blow a date THIS FULLY and the woman is EVEN CONSIDERING
going out with you again, you can safely conclude that she's
FLAT-OUT DESPERATE.
That's right. When you KNOW you blew it sky high and she KEEPS
COMING BACK, you know with 100% certainty that you're dealing with
a woman who isn't getting a whole lot of male attention.
You can tell from the texture of the message above that the woman
writing it feels like she's "settling".
And believe you me--you'll feel the SAME WAY if you talk yourself
into liking a woman who is generally ignored by most other men.
This is ESPECIALLY true if y'all live in a decent sized metro-area.
And guess what? I ALREADY KNOW that the guy in the sad story above
KNOWS he wrecked the date.
How? Easy. He was saying things like "I know I shouldn't be
talking like this."
And just to reinforce his impression of how poorly things were
going, SHE HELPED HIM realize how badly he was screwing things up.
She had to remind HIM that "she shouldn't even be a consideration",
after his own mega-desperation sprang forth in the form of his
announcing that he would gladly rest the entire weight of whether
he relocated to an entirely different continent on whether or not
she was interested in being with him PERMANENTLY or not.
Dude...back off. It's your SECOND DATE. And more importantly, you
haven't even managed to create ATTRACTION yet...let alone COMMITMENT.
But just for good measure, when he committed the Cardinal Sin of
asking her what she was feeling (can you say, "needy"?), she put
him in his place in no uncertain terms.
Well hey...that's the expected by-product of relinquishing all
personal control over the conversation (and by proxy, the entire
date), isn't it?
And all of the above was simply the culmination of him basically
hitting every single bullet point on the "Don't Discuss List" in
order...all the way to the bottom floor:
1) All the mountains you moved just to be in her presence that
day, including taking vacation time.
2) Lurid details of your medical history
3) Pictures of your ex-wife whom you're still mourning the loss
of
4) Your paltry level of dating experience since the divorce
5) How much alimony you're paying
6) The divorce in general
7) The possibility you may be relocating 10,000 nautical miles
away
8) How she feels about you
9) And for Heaven's sake, if you DO have anything even remotely
resembling what I call "The Spreadsheet", KEEP IT A SECRET. That
goes DOUBLE for any reference to where she ranks on the list.
All things considered, you can pretty much apply the first rule of
Fight Club to that ENTIRE LIST.
The man would have been better off chit-chatting about politics,
religion, family planning and his porn collection than ANY of those
things (or at least no WORSE off).
And the icing on the cake (which may as well be a URINAL CAKE at
this point...it would leave a better taste in your mouth than this
date experience) was when he was completely VAGUE about planning
the next date.
It's as if he instinctively already knew he was COOKED. In fact,
my guess is that he did indeed sense that.
Except, of course, she's actually considering giving him a second
date.
In the land of FUBARs, this situation reigns supreme.
Gentlemen. Listen and learn from this unfortunate story.
If you're newly divorced, you've GOT to make sure you check your
anger, bitterness and insecurities at the door when you start
dating again.
If you having trouble getting to that point, I have all the
experience and resources in the world to help you get there. But
you CAN'T expect to succeed with ANY high quality woman until you
get that accomplished.
And if you're meeting women online (which you should be), you've
ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY got to know how to represent yourself as
effectively as humanly possible.
You've got to be a "big four" man...from the moment you post your
profile and every single time you type a first e-mail to a great
woman.
Otherwise, BOTH you and any women you manage to go out with are in
imminent danger of SETTLING.
Ouch. I know that's a tough pill to swallow.
But there's an EASY way to get way, way ahead of the online dating
game.
How's that?
My program Online Dating Domination helps you cut through the
"numbers game" of online dating and start getting e-mails returned
by and going out on REAL DATES with exactly the women you TRULY
WANT to meet:
Online Dating Domination
You've got it: Online Dating Domination isn't only about how to
get a woman to write you back.
It covers how to handle phone calls and even first meetings with
high-quality women.
By doing so, you'll separate yourself from 95% of all guys out
there (like our friend above) who will likely NEVER get it...but only
because they NEVER stopped to ask for directions.
Let me ask you this one, all-important question:
Is it closer to the truth that you can RELATE to the guy above, or
that you'd HAVE NO FEAR of him were he on the same online dating
site you are in your city?
There's only one answer. And only you can decide whether Online
Dating Domination is a critical part of that answer:
Online Dating Domination
Just to show you how important it truly is to gain EVERY advantage
over the other guys on the dating site of your choice, I'm going to
give you a SPECIAL BONUS when you claim your copy of Online Dating
Domination.
Earlier this year I had the honor of speaking at the #1 event for
online dating industry insiders. I spoke to them about all the
ways they can and should improve YOUR experience with their sites.
But here's the amazing part. I was also able to be a "fly on the
wall" as some of the most influential executives--in other words,
the guys RUNNING the major sites like PlentyOfFish and
Match.com--held closed-door meeting where they talked about exactly
why they do things the way they do.
Needless to say, I hurried home and recorded EVERY SINGLE SECRET I
heard, and broke down EXACTLY how to turn them all into devastating
advantages in the online dating world.
Let me tell you...most, if not all, of what you hear will BLOW YOUR
MIND.
So even though that audio program is a $47 value by itself, if you
pull the trigger within the next 48 HOURS I'm going to SEND IT TO
YOU when I hand you your keys to the Online Dating Member's Area:
Online Dating Domination
Now, don't look for that groundbreaking audio in the already
jam-packed list of bonuses you'll get with Online Dating
Domination. This is MY GIFT TO YOU for the next 48 HOURS only.
Don't let another humiliating date happen. Instead, become the guy
who NEVER has to ask whether the woman you're with or not is
attracted.
Won't it be great to be able to rest in the knowledge that she not
only is happy to be there, she's already thanking her lucky stars
that she met you.
I'll talk to you again soon.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
=====
If you like what you've read, please feel free to forward this
newsletter to others. Help a friend out.
In fact, did a friend forward YOU this message? To receive this
newsletter for men from X & Y Communications on a regular basis,
simply visit our main portal...
www.deservewhatyouwant.com
...drop your email in the annoying popup window, and download "Get
The First Date...And The Second Date" for free. Or, just send a
blank email to "xandy@aweber.com". Easy stuff.
X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled
participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of
life you are in. It's all about straight talk about the most
creative subjects, somehow encompassing character-based principles
while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important
things head on. The basic stuff you've heard a million times isn't
rehashed around here. Enjoy!
Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for
entertainment purposes only and is not intended to constitute
professional advice.
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2010. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.
hour and then wandered into the downtown.
Then we had a nice dinner.
He took half a vacation day to come see me today. He was as polite
and chivalrous as he was on our first meeting.
He is way head over heels and I heard too many details about his
personal life.
Heard about every operation he's had. I saw all the pictures on his
camera phone - including one of him with his ex-wife.
He was married for 27 years and I am only the 5th woman he has
dated. I am the only woman he has dated a second time.
He told me how much alimony he is paying - a lot - he must be
making good money - LOL!
He talked about his divorce a lot. I kept changing the subject and
he kept saying "I know. I know. I shouldn't be talking about this."
He even told me about the excel spreadsheet he put together to rank
all of his POF matches. Points for tennis, points for hiking, etc.
Even though I lost a point for being over 50 miles... blah...
blah... blah.
He asked me where in the US I would live and then told me he is
concerned because he might interview for a job in the United
States,
but he won't if I wouldn't want to live there... I told him we just
met and I shouldn't even be a consideration.
He told me I seemed very guarded and he wishes I could open up my
heart the way he has.
He asked what I am feeling. I told him he is moving too fast and he
needs to slow down.
No chemistry.
He asked to see me again but didn't offer a specific time and date,
so I don't need to make a decision yet.
Think I should give him one more shot to see if chemistry develops?
Or would that be leading him on?"
=====
[Ed Note: OK, first here's what I wrote back to Amanda]
Hello Amanda:
Wow. Believe it or not, this is pretty much a textbook rendition
of how recently divorced guys often act on dates.
Please tell your friend she most certainly doesn't have to go on
another date with him. She's only settling if she ends up with
this guy.
Cheers,
Scot McKay
=====
[Ed Note: ...And NOW here's the REAL set of takeaways, especially
for YOU.]
We covered the "stinky clothes issue" above, so that leaves THIS
front and center:
If you blow a date THIS FULLY and the woman is EVEN CONSIDERING
going out with you again, you can safely conclude that she's
FLAT-OUT DESPERATE.
That's right. When you KNOW you blew it sky high and she KEEPS
COMING BACK, you know with 100% certainty that you're dealing with
a woman who isn't getting a whole lot of male attention.
You can tell from the texture of the message above that the woman
writing it feels like she's "settling".
And believe you me--you'll feel the SAME WAY if you talk yourself
into liking a woman who is generally ignored by most other men.
This is ESPECIALLY true if y'all live in a decent sized metro-area.
And guess what? I ALREADY KNOW that the guy in the sad story above
KNOWS he wrecked the date.
How? Easy. He was saying things like "I know I shouldn't be
talking like this."
And just to reinforce his impression of how poorly things were
going, SHE HELPED HIM realize how badly he was screwing things up.
She had to remind HIM that "she shouldn't even be a consideration",
after his own mega-desperation sprang forth in the form of his
announcing that he would gladly rest the entire weight of whether
he relocated to an entirely different continent on whether or not
she was interested in being with him PERMANENTLY or not.
Dude...back off. It's your SECOND DATE. And more importantly, you
haven't even managed to create ATTRACTION yet...let alone COMMITMENT.
But just for good measure, when he committed the Cardinal Sin of
asking her what she was feeling (can you say, "needy"?), she put
him in his place in no uncertain terms.
Well hey...that's the expected by-product of relinquishing all
personal control over the conversation (and by proxy, the entire
date), isn't it?
And all of the above was simply the culmination of him basically
hitting every single bullet point on the "Don't Discuss List" in
order...all the way to the bottom floor:
1) All the mountains you moved just to be in her presence that
day, including taking vacation time.
2) Lurid details of your medical history
3) Pictures of your ex-wife whom you're still mourning the loss
of
4) Your paltry level of dating experience since the divorce
5) How much alimony you're paying
6) The divorce in general
7) The possibility you may be relocating 10,000 nautical miles
away
8) How she feels about you
9) And for Heaven's sake, if you DO have anything even remotely
resembling what I call "The Spreadsheet", KEEP IT A SECRET. That
goes DOUBLE for any reference to where she ranks on the list.
All things considered, you can pretty much apply the first rule of
The man would have been better off chit-chatting about politics,
religion, family planning and his porn collection than ANY of those
things (or at least no WORSE off).
And the icing on the cake (which may as well be a URINAL CAKE at
this point...it would leave a better taste in your mouth than this
date experience) was when he was completely VAGUE about planning
the next date.
It's as if he instinctively already knew he was COOKED. In fact,
my guess is that he did indeed sense that.
Except, of course, she's actually considering giving him a second
date.
In the land of FUBARs, this situation reigns supreme.
Gentlemen. Listen and learn from this unfortunate story.
If you're newly divorced, you've GOT to make sure you check your
anger, bitterness and insecurities at the door when you start
dating again.
If you having trouble getting to that point, I have all the
experience and resources in the world to help you get there. But
you CAN'T expect to succeed with ANY high quality woman until you
get that accomplished.
And if you're meeting women online (which you should be), you've
ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY got to know how to represent yourself as
effectively as humanly possible.
You've got to be a "big four" man...from the moment you post your
profile and every single time you type a first e-mail to a great
woman.
Otherwise, BOTH you and any women you manage to go out with are in
imminent danger of SETTLING.
Ouch. I know that's a tough pill to swallow.
But there's an EASY way to get way, way ahead of the online dating
game.
How's that?
My program Online Dating Domination helps you cut through the
"numbers game" of online dating and start getting e-mails returned
by and going out on REAL DATES with exactly the women you TRULY
WANT to meet:
Online Dating Domination
You've got it: Online Dating Domination isn't only about how to
get a woman to write you back.
It covers how to handle phone calls and even first meetings with
high-quality women.
By doing so, you'll separate yourself from 95% of all guys out
there (like our friend above) who will likely NEVER get it...but only
because they NEVER stopped to ask for directions.
Let me ask you this one, all-important question:
Is it closer to the truth that you can RELATE to the guy above, or
that you'd HAVE NO FEAR of him were he on the same online dating
site you are in your city?
There's only one answer. And only you can decide whether Online
Dating Domination is a critical part of that answer:
Online Dating Domination
Just to show you how important it truly is to gain EVERY advantage
over the other guys on the dating site of your choice, I'm going to
give you a SPECIAL BONUS when you claim your copy of Online Dating
Domination.
Earlier this year I had the honor of speaking at the #1 event for
online dating industry insiders. I spoke to them about all the
ways they can and should improve YOUR experience with their sites.
But here's the amazing part. I was also able to be a "fly on the
wall" as some of the most influential executives--in other words,
the guys RUNNING the major sites like PlentyOfFish and
Match.com--held closed-door meeting where they talked about exactly
why they do things the way they do.
Needless to say, I hurried home and recorded EVERY SINGLE SECRET I
heard, and broke down EXACTLY how to turn them all into devastating
advantages in the online dating world.
Let me tell you...most, if not all, of what you hear will BLOW YOUR
MIND.
So even though that audio program is a $47 value by itself, if you
pull the trigger within the next 48 HOURS I'm going to SEND IT TO
YOU when I hand you your keys to the Online Dating Member's Area:
Online Dating Domination
Now, don't look for that groundbreaking audio in the already
jam-packed list of bonuses you'll get with Online Dating
Domination. This is MY GIFT TO YOU for the next 48 HOURS only.
Don't let another humiliating date happen. Instead, become the guy
who NEVER has to ask whether the woman you're with or not is
attracted.
Won't it be great to be able to rest in the knowledge that she not
only is happy to be there, she's already thanking her lucky stars
that she met you.
I'll talk to you again soon.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
=====
If you like what you've read, please feel free to forward this
newsletter to others. Help a friend out.
In fact, did a friend forward YOU this message? To receive this
newsletter for men from X & Y Communications on a regular basis,
simply visit our main portal...
www.deservewhatyouwant.com
...drop your email in the annoying popup window, and download "Get
The First Date...And The Second Date" for free. Or, just send a
blank email to "xandy@aweber.com". Easy stuff.
X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled
participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of
life you are in. It's all about straight talk about the most
creative subjects, somehow encompassing character-based principles
while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important
things head on. The basic stuff you've heard a million times isn't
rehashed around here. Enjoy!
Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for
professional advice.
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2010. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.