[X&Y] She's Hot, She Has A Boyfriend, And She's Being Really Nice To You
Published: Tue, 03/16/10
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WHAT'S INSIDE: What happens if you meet a woman you are
when you can't "have her", or do you actively try to get her to turn on
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READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS
Hey Scot, howzit?
I got invited to a half day chat show event in London last Saturday,
on dating and relationships. I was invited (along with my camera)
so I figured it was a good opportunity and went.
I took some photos, including some really good ones of the lady who
was a part of the panel, "L" - and if I didn't have any self-control, I
I know I've not got much to base my opinion on, but so far - ding-a-ling.
Unfortunately, L's seeing someone. However, I'm determined to keep
contact and it would be good to build my network, and good for my
profile as a photographer.
I messaged L about the photos (I've been messaging people about
them anyway), and volunteered my services for future events. I was
complimentary towards her skills as a chat show host, and her
I think the response is very positive but leaves me with questions:
"Hi Alex, thank you so much for the great feedback and kind words,
I'm so glad that you enjoyed it and that you would love to come to
future events that is brilliant!
That is also a great idea about the single parents option could be
onto something there. As for you doing photography at the next
event that is a great idea, we could definitely talk further about
that.
I'm loving the photos you took too that is fab! Quick question
could we put the photos on public display so that everyone can see
them? Lots of friends have been asking. Thanks Alex would be
great to catch up with you soon anyway."
What's your take on what she's said?
E.G. What does she mean by "catching up"? Is she just being polite
or is there a real interest in her seeing me (on whatever basis)?
Given that she's seeing someone, my instinct is to be very casual
and respond with, "sure, call me sometime" rather than try to get
her number...or is that too cautious?
BTW, we didn't speak a huge amount (maybe that was a good thing!
LOL), but I asked a lot of questions to the panel (I think that
scored me points).
We posed afterward for photos, plus she was a bit of a poser
whenever I had the camera pointed at her. I got the impression on
the day that she was impressed with me.
I've published the photos on
everyone involved to say so. I just wanted some thoughts on how to
interpret what she's said before I contact her again.
Incidentally, the question was raised about what the women in the
audience think about guys dating multiple women and the consensus
was against it...that most of them would just walk away.
Cheers,
Alberto (Bristol, UK)
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Hello Alberto:
There's a LOT here to consider, but I'll get right down to business--
Quote: "Incidentally, the question was raised about what the women
in the audience think about guys dating multiple women and the
consensus was against it...that most of them would just walk away."
Of course that's what they'll say. This is one of those classic
scenarios where real life isn't always as simple as the easy
question. The women answering are likely automatically thinking in
terms of a man sleeping around with ten women at once.
In
who dates several women at once is not necessarily in line with
women's immediate fears.
The point for such a man (as yourself) is not to get roped into a
relationship with a woman too quickly just because she pushed you.
Instead, you take committed relationships seriously and will only
embark on one with a woman you know is right for you. And that
takes time to figure out.
Any reasonable woman will not only respect that, she's likely to
AGREE with that--even if SHE already knows instinctively that she'd
very much like to "lock you down" ASAP.
But to flatly ask women if they'd keep dating a man who is '"dating
multiple women" is pretty much tantamount to asking a room full of
guys, "Would you keep dating a woman who didn't sleep with you?"
and throwing a blanket over it.
As for "L", you've got to remember she's a HUMAN BEING. If she's
got a boyfriend she actually likes, she's not going to automatically
And if she did, I'd disqualify her on those grounds on the spot...
especially since she's also, um...a dating and relationship expert.
And guess what. It's OKAY she has a boyfriend...but you'll only
see that if you are coming from a position of STRENGTH and
ABUNDANCE rather than WEAKNESS and DESPERATION.
Those who are starving are weak. Those who are well-fed are
strong. It's a Maslow's Hierarchy thing.
If you are a man with options, you have the ability to realize that
sometimes it's just nice to hang around where femininity is--simply
because it's better than hanging out in front of the tube by
yourself and/or with a bunch of engineers all day.
Heck, even as I WRITE THIS, Emily has about ten other young mommies
and their litluns in the other room making pancakes and running
around the house barefoot.
And attractive mommies tend to hang out with other attractive
mommies, so were I to tell you that it's an all-out "estrogen fest"
out there it'd be an understatement.
Am I going to cheat on Emily with any of those women? Of course
not. But that doesn't mean it isn't nice to have them around.
And since Emily talks about me to them as if I hung the moon and
the stars, they are VERY nice to me...which doesn't suck either.
So sure "L" probably thinks you're cool. You ARE cool.
And because you're MASCULINE, she's probably indeed drawn to you.
Work with her on the next project, keep doing what you did the
first time you saw her and DON'T PUSH.
There are no routines to memorize and no checklist of "what's
next". You simply ARE...and you rest in that, with great success.
Think of it this way. Ideally, most of us are going to break up
with every person we ever date except for one.
Chances are she's not dating her future husband, and if not he's
probably already missing out on meeting her needs in some way...or
her his...that's a possibility also.
Have you ever thought about that?
We don't always think of the latter scenario, but believe me lots
of guys get sick of women they're with no matter how great they are
and/or find one who is better-suited to their individual needs.
That's what makes the world go round.
Heck, a quick search of
women I dated a few years ago but DIDN'T keep around are already
married and posting pics of their babies...with happy dads standing
along side.
Good for all of them, and their husbands. I wasn't right for them,
but hopefully the other guys are. That's exactly what I wished for
them, because they were all terrific women who deserved what they
want.
The "big four" man meets women and true to his masculine, confident
attractive self in a way that shows his true character to ALL...and
in a way that puts ALL of them at ease.
As such, when women are attracted they may or may not be
"available" per se. But when they ARE available to explore
relationships with--either now or in the future--the "big four" man
is not only ABLE to choose, he's READY to.
And that remains true until you ultimately decide you've met your
"100 out of 100" woman.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. The next episode of The Chick Whisperer is going to be
recorded this week--probably tomorrow. You asked for it, and you're
about to get it: How to meet and attract MILFs...from two guys who
know this stuff cold.
P.P.S. I have exactly TWO open spots on my Ten-Plus coaching
program. If you know 1-on-1 coaching is the right way for you to
go from where you are today to where you want to be, write me at
scot@deservewhatyouwant.com and let's talk about it. This
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