[X&Y] You Just Gotta TALK To Her, Man...
Published: Sun, 03/28/10
X & Y COMMUNICATIONS SPECIAL EDITION
=====
=====
OK, here's the deal. Based on your response to what I sent you two
newsletters ago, Y'all really liked what our friends Slade Shaw and
Mirabelle Summers down in New Zealand are about.
I mean, it's obvious.
And then there's been the MOUNTAIN of e-mails I've been getting
lately asking the same question over and over:
"How do I TALK to women? What do I SAY?"
Well, having finally gotten a 2x4 upside the head and figured out the
obvious way to give you EXACTLY the proper answer to those questions,
it's time to let you know that the very same Slade Shaw has written
what has to be the most comprehensive guide on how to be a fantastic
conversationalist with women.
In fact, it's been under our nose all along... Check it out:
Conversation Chemistry
And just to give you an idea of what goes on in his devious "down
under" mind, today's newsletter is a guest newsletter written by
none other than Slade himself.
It's called "How To Create Subliminal Attraction".
Read on and enjoy. (And by the way, prepare to be somewhat shocked
by how much Slade and I truly think alike. That could be because
it's ALL TRUE.)
=====
HOW TO CREATE "SUBLIMINAL ATTRACTION"
Today, it's time to talk about how to connect on a SUBLIMINAL LEVEL
with females. More specifically, I'm talking about how to SEEM like
an extremely confident guy.
Now, clearly this sounds a little at odds with my usual policy.
I'm not a big one for 'faking it til you make it', because I think
it's pretty easy for women to sense any kind of inauthenticity and
be instantly and MASSIVELY turned off by it.
It's like a bucket of cold water in the face: any progress you've
made so far gets instantly reversed.
Another reason I don't tend to advocate the 'fake it til you make it'
approach is because there's often a lot of stuff to REMEMBER, and
that gets in the way of your ability to relax, get into the momentum
of what's happening, and involve yourself intensely in what's
happening around you.
It's a little difficult to be spontaneous and chilled-out if you're
repeating bullet-points inside your head to 'keep you on track'.
But fortunately, today's subject matter is a horse of a different
color.
Yes, there's going to be some stuff to remember here - but this isn't
'bullet points' that we're talking about here. No factoids to learn
by rote.
Instead, this about showing you how to get in touch with your own,
physical confidence and then portray it to those around you.
This is about positioning your BODY in such a way that her
instinctive impression of you is that you are an at-ease guy.
It's another way of LEADING her: you're setting an atmosphere of
easy relaxation which she can then enjoy and contribute to.
So just to clarify: this isn't about 'faking' ANYTHING. It's about
making an EFFORT to man up and prove to her on a subconscious, GUT
LEVEL that you're a calm, competent, laid-back kinda guy.
And after we've dealt with the physical aspect of confidence, I'll
have a few words to say about the importance of congruence, as well.
But that can wait til later.
Onward ...
There's a phrase that's remarkably appropriate to today's subject
matter, and that is: 'Motion Creates Emotion.'
In other words, your body and what you're doing with it has not only
a massive impact on how OTHERS PERCEIVE YOU, but - first and foremost
- it actually impacts HOW YOU FEEL inside yourself.
So if you STAND like a dude who's in control, chances are, you'll
start FEELING like one too. Authenticity guaranteed and 'on the
house' ... which means your CONGRUENCE is ALSO guaranteed.
Meaning, you're not going to be attracting females using a 'trick'
that they'll soon figure out ... it's actually the REAL DEAL.
Not bad for a quick postural realignment.
Think about most of the 'nervous' guys that you see who are trying
to forge connections with women.
Chances are, they're looking pretty uncomfortable. And that winds up
making HER uncomfortable.
Once again, this is because most women will unknowingly FOLLOW YOUR
LEAD.
If you seem anxious and weird, she'll pick up on it and start feeling
that way herself ... and she'll rightly blame you for it.
So let's take a closer look at the unseen pitfalls that your body's
setting up for you.
Here's something that literally MOST MEN unknowingly do when they're
not 100% at ease: they actually can't even stand up straight on their
own two feet.
I bet you know what I'm talking about here.
They're rocking all over the place, they might have one ankle hooked
around the other one, or they've got one foot kind of heeled over to
the side, or they're leaning on the wall, or they're leaning on a
chair ...
This connotes a very strong message of UNEASE to whoever happens to
be around. It's very simple, but not even being able to stand
comfortably on your own two feet makes it quite clear that you're
not at home with yourself. And if you're not comfortable with
YOURSELF (so the logic goes) how will you ever manage to be
comfortable with HER?
... and if you're not comfortable with her, you can just bet that
you're going to transfer that discomfort onto her ... so that
EVERYONE'S having a nervous, anxious, and all-round low-quality time.
Hmmm. That's a lot to infer from just one little postural
imperfection.
But unfortunately, it's true. Think about any 'alpha males' that you
know.
Now think about how they carry themselves. As a general rule, men who
are 'high value' tend to KNOW IT, and hold themselves accordingly -
in a way that's very calm, very powerful, and with very little 'wasted
movement'.
So now might be a good idea for you to get a full-length mirror and
practice striking some poses in front of it.
Pay attention to the difference between how comfortable and at-ease
a posture LOOKS, and how it actually FEELS.
Most guys get fidgety because they can't slot themselves into a
posture that feels as though it's going to look natural, so they end
up squirming all over the place.
But if you actually pay attention here, you'll notice that postures
that might FEEL WEIRD at first actually LOOK very natural and relaxed.
So take a look and get used to how particular positions feel so you
can use them in public.
A few quick pointers:
- Shoulders relaxed and down.
- Midsection tight and sucked in toward your backbone.
- Feet a good distance apart.
- Hands hanging relaxed at your sides.
But WHY are these things attractive to females?
Does it REALLY matter if your feet are a couple inches apart or not?
It's like this. None of these things are attractive PER SE. For
example, a woman won't take a look at a man's relaxed hands and think,
'Wow, check it out.'
But it's the UNDERLYING OBSERVATIONS that are CAUSED by these little
physical details that DO count in a very big way towards gut-level
attraction.
Specifically, all of these physical postures have the cumulative
effect of portraying you as IN CONTROL and RELAXED.
In other words, they're the physical hallmarks of a high-value,
confident, dominant man. And as you know, these are the types of men
who tend to CONSISTENTLY SUCCEED with quality women.
It's a little like the little physical details that we, as guys, pay
SUBCONSCIOUS attention to with women.
For example, something that I've noticed is that men tend to be
attracted to females with small noses and long eyelashes.
Now, neither of these characteristics is necessarily something that
we'd bother noticing in and of itself. You don't usually hear a
guy talking about what a 'sexy nose' a woman has, or going on about
her eyelashes.
But if you take a look at some pictures of really attractive females,
not a ONE of them will have short eyelashes or a big nose.
Just as things like long lashes connote FEMININITY for women, certain
POSTURES connote MASCULINITY for men.
Know it. Use it.
The 'little details' are more important than most people believe.
Your body screams out the truth about what you're feeling and
thinking, long before you could articulate it verbally.
If you want proof of how important, and SUBTLE, body language is,
then check this out:
... the case of the "counting horse".
About 50 years ago, this horse trainer claimed to have taught his
horse to be able to add, subtract, and multiply mathematical figures.
He actually proved it many times over, throughout county fairs,
Vaudeville acts, and theaters throughout the country.
Audience members would call out complicated equations, and the horse
would tap out the answer with his hoof.
And every time, the horse got it right.
Nobody could figure out what was going on. Scientists examined the
horse closely. They screened for electronic cheating devices - none
were found.
The trainer stood absolutely motionless every time - no cheating
there, either.
Finally, a communications expert videotaped what was happening. It
was discovered, after many YEARS of debate about this phenomenon,
that the trainer wrinkled his brow slightly and blinked whenever he
expected the horse to stop tapping his hoof.
That is, whenever the correct answer was tapped out, his HOPE that
the horse would get the answer right showed itself upon his face.
The horse noticed this TINY little change in his expression, and
stopped tapping.
Here's the weird part.
The trainer didn't even know he was doing it.
He wasn't TRYING to help the horse cheat. But his face twitched just
a TINY little bit when the horse reached the 'right answer' ...
... which was all that was needed for the horse to know to stop
tapping.
Now, granted, women are not horses. But the fact remains: YOU ARE
TELLING PEOPLE THINGS WITH YOUR FACE AND BODY, EVEN
I mean, it's obvious.
And then there's been the MOUNTAIN of e-mails I've been getting
lately asking the same question over and over:
"How do I TALK to women? What do I SAY?"
Well, having finally gotten a 2x4 upside the head and figured out the
obvious way to give you EXACTLY the proper answer to those questions,
it's time to let you know that the very same Slade Shaw has written
what has to be the most comprehensive guide on how to be a fantastic
conversationalist with women.
In fact, it's been under our nose all along... Check it out:
Conversation Chemistry
And just to give you an idea of what goes on in his devious "down
under" mind, today's newsletter is a guest newsletter written by
none other than Slade himself.
It's called "How To Create Subliminal Attraction".
Read on and enjoy. (And by the way, prepare to be somewhat shocked
by how much Slade and I truly think alike. That could be because
it's ALL TRUE.)
=====
HOW TO CREATE "SUBLIMINAL ATTRACTION"
Today, it's time to talk about how to connect on a SUBLIMINAL LEVEL
with females. More specifically, I'm talking about how to SEEM like
an extremely confident guy.
Now, clearly this sounds a little at odds with my usual policy.
I'm not a big one for 'faking it til you make it', because I think
it's pretty easy for women to sense any kind of inauthenticity and
be instantly and MASSIVELY turned off by it.
It's like a bucket of cold water in the face: any progress you've
made so far gets instantly reversed.
Another reason I don't tend to advocate the 'fake it til you make it'
approach is because there's often a lot of stuff to REMEMBER, and
that gets in the way of your ability to relax, get into the momentum
of what's happening, and involve yourself intensely in what's
happening around you.
It's a little difficult to be spontaneous and chilled-out if you're
repeating bullet-points inside your head to 'keep you on track'.
But fortunately, today's subject matter is a horse of a different
color.
Yes, there's going to be some stuff to remember here - but this isn't
'bullet points' that we're talking about here. No factoids to learn
by rote.
Instead, this about showing you how to get in touch with your own,
physical confidence and then portray it to those around you.
This is about positioning your BODY in such a way that her
instinctive impression of you is that you are an at-ease guy.
It's another way of LEADING her: you're setting an atmosphere of
easy relaxation which she can then enjoy and contribute to.
So just to clarify: this isn't about 'faking' ANYTHING. It's about
making an EFFORT to man up and prove to her on a subconscious, GUT
LEVEL that you're a calm, competent, laid-back kinda guy.
And after we've dealt with the physical aspect of confidence, I'll
have a few words to say about the importance of congruence, as well.
But that can wait til later.
Onward ...
There's a phrase that's remarkably appropriate to today's subject
matter, and that is: 'Motion Creates Emotion.'
In other words, your body and what you're doing with it has not only
a massive impact on how OTHERS PERCEIVE YOU, but - first and foremost
- it actually impacts HOW YOU FEEL inside yourself.
So if you STAND like a dude who's in control, chances are, you'll
start FEELING like one too. Authenticity guaranteed and 'on the
house' ... which means your CONGRUENCE is ALSO guaranteed.
Meaning, you're not going to be attracting females using a 'trick'
that they'll soon figure out ... it's actually the REAL DEAL.
Not bad for a quick postural realignment.
Think about most of the 'nervous' guys that you see who are trying
to forge connections with women.
Chances are, they're looking pretty uncomfortable. And that winds up
making HER uncomfortable.
Once again, this is because most women will unknowingly FOLLOW YOUR
LEAD.
If you seem anxious and weird, she'll pick up on it and start feeling
that way herself ... and she'll rightly blame you for it.
So let's take a closer look at the unseen pitfalls that your body's
setting up for you.
Here's something that literally MOST MEN unknowingly do when they're
not 100% at ease: they actually can't even stand up straight on their
own two feet.
I bet you know what I'm talking about here.
They're rocking all over the place, they might have one ankle hooked
around the other one, or they've got one foot kind of heeled over to
the side, or they're leaning on the wall, or they're leaning on a
chair ...
This connotes a very strong message of UNEASE to whoever happens to
be around. It's very simple, but not even being able to stand
comfortably on your own two feet makes it quite clear that you're
not at home with yourself. And if you're not comfortable with
YOURSELF (so the logic goes) how will you ever manage to be
comfortable with HER?
... and if you're not comfortable with her, you can just bet that
you're going to transfer that discomfort onto her ... so that
EVERYONE'S having a nervous, anxious, and all-round low-quality time.
Hmmm. That's a lot to infer from just one little postural
imperfection.
But unfortunately, it's true. Think about any 'alpha males' that you
know.
Now think about how they carry themselves. As a general rule, men who
are 'high value' tend to KNOW IT, and hold themselves accordingly -
in a way that's very calm, very powerful, and with very little 'wasted
movement'.
So now might be a good idea for you to get a full-length mirror and
practice striking some poses in front of it.
Pay attention to the difference between how comfortable and at-ease
a posture LOOKS, and how it actually FEELS.
Most guys get fidgety because they can't slot themselves into a
posture that feels as though it's going to look natural, so they end
up squirming all over the place.
But if you actually pay attention here, you'll notice that postures
that might FEEL WEIRD at first actually LOOK very natural and relaxed.
So take a look and get used to how particular positions feel so you
can use them in public.
A few quick pointers:
- Shoulders relaxed and down.
- Midsection tight and sucked in toward your backbone.
- Feet a good distance apart.
- Hands hanging relaxed at your sides.
But WHY are these things attractive to females?
Does it REALLY matter if your feet are a couple inches apart or not?
It's like this. None of these things are attractive PER SE. For
example, a woman won't take a look at a man's relaxed hands and think,
'Wow, check it out.'
But it's the UNDERLYING OBSERVATIONS that are CAUSED by these little
physical details that DO count in a very big way towards gut-level
attraction.
Specifically, all of these physical postures have the cumulative
effect of portraying you as IN CONTROL and RELAXED.
In other words, they're the physical hallmarks of a high-value,
confident, dominant man. And as you know, these are the types of men
who tend to CONSISTENTLY SUCCEED with quality women.
It's a little like the little physical details that we, as guys, pay
SUBCONSCIOUS attention to with women.
For example, something that I've noticed is that men tend to be
attracted to females with small noses and long eyelashes.
Now, neither of these characteristics is necessarily something that
we'd bother noticing in and of itself. You don't usually hear a
guy talking about what a 'sexy nose' a woman has, or going on about
her eyelashes.
But if you take a look at some pictures of really attractive females,
not a ONE of them will have short eyelashes or a big nose.
Just as things like long lashes connote FEMININITY for women, certain
POSTURES connote MASCULINITY for men.
Know it. Use it.
The 'little details' are more important than most people believe.
Your body screams out the truth about what you're feeling and
thinking, long before you could articulate it verbally.
If you want proof of how important, and SUBTLE, body language is,
then check this out:
... the case of the "counting horse".
About 50 years ago, this horse trainer claimed to have taught his
horse to be able to add, subtract, and multiply mathematical figures.
He actually proved it many times over, throughout county fairs,
Vaudeville acts, and theaters throughout the country.
Audience members would call out complicated equations, and the horse
would tap out the answer with his hoof.
And every time, the horse got it right.
Nobody could figure out what was going on. Scientists examined the
horse closely. They screened for electronic cheating devices - none
were found.
The trainer stood absolutely motionless every time - no cheating
there, either.
Finally, a communications expert videotaped what was happening. It
was discovered, after many YEARS of debate about this phenomenon,
that the trainer wrinkled his brow slightly and blinked whenever he
expected the horse to stop tapping his hoof.
That is, whenever the correct answer was tapped out, his HOPE that
the horse would get the answer right showed itself upon his face.
The horse noticed this TINY little change in his expression, and
stopped tapping.
Here's the weird part.
The trainer didn't even know he was doing it.
He wasn't TRYING to help the horse cheat. But his face twitched just
a TINY little bit when the horse reached the 'right answer' ...
... which was all that was needed for the horse to know to stop
tapping.
Now, granted, women are not horses. But the fact remains: YOU ARE
TELLING PEOPLE THINGS WITH YOUR FACE AND BODY, EVEN
WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW IT.
You need to accept the fact that right now, you are communicating
things to others via your body language that you are NOT EVEN AWARE
OF. That's spooky stuff.
Obviously, this isn't something to get bogged down in.
It's just a small, but IMPORTANT, detail to consider in the overall
scheme of reinventing yourself as a top-notch, high-caliber,
EXCELLENT human being who's worthy of the women of his choice.
Oh yeah ... a little 'extra credit' reading material for you. If
you're interested in fast-tracking yourself towards real-deal success
starting RIGHT NOW, then you should know that accurate information
is your FRIEND ... and ignorance and laziness are your ENEMIES.
All things being equal, you can leap-frog yourself towards an
'unfair advantage' by informing yourself adequately about how to
talk to women.
Your best place to start is right here:
Conversation Chemistry
Stay Cool,
Slade Shaw
=====
I couldn't have said it better myself. Thanks, Slade for your
contribution today. I think you guys already know how valuable his
words are.
And if you're even THINKING you'd love to get better at starting
conversations with women and making them interesting enough to
keep her interested, then I'd say clicking on this link is a must:
Conversation Chemistry
Be Good,
Scot McKay
=====
If you like what you've read, please feel free to forward this
newsletter to others. Help a friend out.
In fact, did a friend forward YOU this message? To receive this
newsletter for men from X & Y Communications on a regular basis,
simply visit our main portal...
www.deservewhatyouwant.com
...drop your email in the annoying popup window, and download "Get
The First Date...And The Second Date" for free. Or, just send a
blank email to "xandy@aweber.com". Easy stuff.
X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled
participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of
life you are in. It's all about straight talk about the most
creative subjects, somehow encompassing character-based principles
while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important
things head on. The basic stuff you've heard a million times isn't
rehashed around here. Enjoy!
Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for
entertainment purposes only and is not intended to constitute
professional advice.
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2010. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.
You need to accept the fact that right now, you are communicating
things to others via your body language that you are NOT EVEN AWARE
OF. That's spooky stuff.
Obviously, this isn't something to get bogged down in.
It's just a small, but IMPORTANT, detail to consider in the overall
scheme of reinventing yourself as a top-notch, high-caliber,
EXCELLENT human being who's worthy of the women of his choice.
Oh yeah ... a little 'extra credit' reading material for you. If
you're interested in fast-tracking yourself towards real-deal success
starting RIGHT NOW, then you should know that accurate information
is your FRIEND ... and ignorance and laziness are your ENEMIES.
All things being equal, you can leap-frog yourself towards an
'unfair advantage' by informing yourself adequately about how to
talk to women.
Your best place to start is right here:
Conversation Chemistry
Stay Cool,
Slade Shaw
=====
I couldn't have said it better myself. Thanks, Slade for your
contribution today. I think you guys already know how valuable his
words are.
And if you're even THINKING you'd love to get better at starting
conversations with women and making them interesting enough to
keep her interested, then I'd say clicking on this link is a must:
Conversation Chemistry
Be Good,
Scot McKay
=====
If you like what you've read, please feel free to forward this
newsletter to others. Help a friend out.
In fact, did a friend forward YOU this message? To receive this
newsletter for men from X & Y Communications on a regular basis,
simply visit our main portal...
www.deservewhatyouwant.com
...drop your email in the annoying popup window, and download "Get
The First Date...And The Second Date" for free. Or, just send a
blank email to "xandy@aweber.com". Easy stuff.
X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled
participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of
life you are in. It's all about straight talk about the most
creative subjects, somehow encompassing character-based principles
while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important
things head on. The basic stuff you've heard a million times isn't
rehashed around here. Enjoy!
Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for
professional advice.
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2010. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.