[X&Y] Do Women Want To "Compete" For You?
Published: Wed, 04/28/10
X & Y COMMUNICATIONS WEEKLY NEWSLETTER
=====
WHAT'S INSIDE: We as men are naturally competitive beings.
=====
WHAT'S INSIDE: We as men are naturally competitive beings.
That's why we love sports and love to win.
But what about women? Will they compete for a man? And what's
more, do they actually LIKE it that way?
And what about when you actually have a girlfriend...should she ever
actually "win" you?
=====
THE TRUTH ABOUT TEXT MESSAGING
OK, last time I told you about B4 U TXT HER, that new program from
Christian Hudson and Race DePriest about how to completely master
text messaging in order to dramatically increase your success with
women.
And despite what I wrote, the e-mails landed in my inbox.
"Hey McKay, I thought you were AGAINST text messaging! What's the
deal?"
So let's make this clear one more time.
I'm 100% IN FAVOR of text messaging women. I'm only against using
text messaging to replace a phone call when the call would have been
But what about women? Will they compete for a man? And what's
more, do they actually LIKE it that way?
And what about when you actually have a girlfriend...should she ever
actually "win" you?
=====
THE TRUTH ABOUT TEXT MESSAGING
OK, last time I told you about B4 U TXT HER, that new program from
Christian Hudson and Race DePriest about how to completely master
text messaging in order to dramatically increase your success with
women.
And despite what I wrote, the e-mails landed in my inbox.
"Hey McKay, I thought you were AGAINST text messaging! What's the
deal?"
So let's make this clear one more time.
I'm 100% IN FAVOR of text messaging women. I'm only against using
text messaging to replace a phone call when the call would have been
a better idea.
The problem is that a TON of guys make BIG, BIG MISTAKES with women
because the difference between using text messaging the right way
and the wrong way can be a fine line.
If you've EVER blown it with a woman before because you let a text
message conversation ruin everything, I really do think this is the
link that's going to make sure that NEVER happens again:
B4 U TXT HER
And if you've been sending texts like, "Hi...it's me. I liked
meeting you so would it be okay if we hung out sometime?" then I
think it's TWICE as important that you click the link above.
In fact, if you are scratching your head right now wondering what's
wrong with the example I gave in the last paragraph, you can
upgrade that to THREE TIMES as important.
Here it is: The truth is that if you really know how to use text
messaging the RIGHT way, you can have a MAGICAL (as in almost
SUPERNATURAL) effect on women.
If you don't, you won't.
You already know that Race and Christian have some serious game
when it comes to this, so you should use their knowledge and skill
to your advantage as much as you can. Here's how:
B4 U TXT HER
Now listen. Just to underscore how I REALLY feel about this, I'm
going to add in a SPECIAL GIFT to anyone who grabs a copy of B4 U
TXT HER using that link above.
I happen to have a full-on TWO HOUR interview I did with a guy on
this very subject of text messaging, with a little strategy or two
on "phone game" thrown in there for good measure.
You want my complete, unedited take on how to use text messaging
with women along with Race and Jonathan's? You got it.
Just e-mail me after you get B4 U TEXT HER and make sure you give
me your full name so I can cross-ref you on my referral list. Then
I'll send you that whopping TWO HOUR audio program right away.
It's as simple as that.
B4 U TXT HER
Oh, and one more thing.
Did you know that the FIRST KISS between Emily and I happened as a
DIRECT RESULT of a text message? It's true...and I tell you the
whole story in that audio program I mentioned.
But here's a hint. It WASN'T because I had a long, drawn-out
emotional conversation with her over SMS. And it wasn't because I
asked her out with a text message either...
And now, here's a truly terrific question from Rob in Bristol, UK.
=====
READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS
Hi Scot,
Quick question about long-term relationships.
After a ton of fun dating multiple women I've gone exclusive with a
phenomenal girl.
First of all - thank you for coaching me to raise my standards and
deserve what I want. Your material and your teaching style works
100% and it has made a difference to EVERY aspect of my life.
I was at a salsa dancing class last night without my girlfriend. I
had two different women ask me out for a drink (one an older
divorcee, the other a younger student - being a Big Four man really
is a universal attractor).
Obviously I politely declined both and later told my girlfriend.
That got me thinking about something you mention a fair bit - that
women say they want a man to themselves, but often they actually
love, even need, to compete for a man.
My question is how does that dynamic work in an exclusive LTR? I
see my future with my girlfriend. I don't want anyone else. And I
make that clear to her! So how do you keep a woman's urge to
compete for her man satiated?
Cheers,
Rob
PS I loved your blog about your volcano-driven adventures in
Europe, particularly the bit about the media fishing for trauma and
suffering, and people not taking the bait and simply getting on
with things. Your initiative is inspirational.
[Ed note: The blog Rob's referring to is still up if you haven't
taken a look yet: Edumckaytion Blog]
=====
Hello Rob:
Your question is a good one. The best way to answer it would be to
explore the idea of a woman wanting to "compete" for you.
The desire to compete is firmly rooted in masculinity. So, I'm
pretty sure that women don't *want* to compete at all. In fact,
they detest it.
But they sure will *do* it if they sense you are the man they want
long term, won't they?
The central concept at play here is really not gender specific,
actually.
People "buy" on the approval of others. Neither we as guys nor
women want someone whom nobody else seems to be attracted to. But
when someone is attractive to someone else, that validates our
attraction toward them in our own mind.
This is exactly why back in high school or college it seemed like
we could go dateless for weeks or months, only to have women come
out of the woodwork flirting and showing interest once we actually
got a girlfriend.
Frustrating, wasn't it? I mean, where WERE all those women before?
Well, they were always there...but they only began to take real
notice of you AFTER another woman did.
For the record here, a man can and should be proactive about
flirting with women and creating attraction when he doesn't yet
have a girlfriend, because the interest he generates in women by
doing so will indeed be noticed by other women.
So indeed, much of the same positive effect we're talking about
here can be created in that manner as well.
But either way, there's really no question about it: When it comes
to attraction, the rich really do get richer.
That's one of the reasons why I always say, "If you can attract one
high quality woman, you can attract many more".
If you have a high quality woman interested, it's almost never a
fluke. And yes...it also naturally intrigues other women.
So I think it's absolutely a good thing that your woman knows that
other women are into you. But obviously, you've still got to make
her feel safe and comfortable in your presence as a "big four" man.
As such, when you mention that someone showed interest in you but
that you declined to reciprocate that interest it actually does two
things.
First, it reinforces her attraction for you in the way we've
discussed above.
But your willingness to share the story and how you handled it also
demonstrates to her that you're willing to communicate her and tell
her the truth about what goes on when she's not with you.
A woman LOVES having that warm fuzzy feeling, knowing she have a
guy like that in her life.
It's a positive thing to be attractive to other MOTOS (members of
the opposite sex). How you HANDLE that attraction is what dictates
whether the woman in your life will adore you even more or morph
into a jealous virago.
As always, it's how you LEAD that affects the climate of your
relationship. And Rob it sounds like you're doing a great job.
And my educated guess is that it's EASY for you to run things as
you have been.
After all, when you truly have the greatest woman you've ever known
in your life, refusing to act on interest from other women is not
only perfectly natural, it's your logical preference.
Believe me, that only escalates your woman's attraction for you
EVEN further. She knows beyond ashadow of a doubt that you've
CHOSEN her from among many options.
...Yet another reason why "settling" never does ANYBODY any good at
all.
So now that we've described the dynamics of what tends to go on
relative to the topic you brought up, only the objective answer to
your most pressing question remains.
Does your woman really need to CONTINUE to compete for you in order
to feel satisfied?
Well, as I said I don't believe women LIKE to compete, even though
they will.
At some point she needs to know she WON, just like you do.
I mean, regardless of what other dating experts tend to say about
"never allowing oneself to be fully 'caught'" you just can't go
through life feeling as if you could lose your significant other to
someone else at any given moment.
That sucks.
Then again, allowing her to feel as if she "won" you doesn't mean
you've been "conquered". You don't ever become henpecked and
subject to her every whim, of course.
Rather, it only means that you continuously make it clear that the
CHOICE has been made by you to select her--preferably from a
position of strength (i.e. abundance) rather than weakness (i.e.
desperation).
When she hears about other women respond positively to you or sees
it first hand--and yet you continue to favor her--that more than
does the job.
Rock on, my good man.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
=====
If you like what you've read, please feel free to forward this
newsletter to others. Help a friend out.
In fact, did a friend forward YOU this message? To receive this
newsletter for men from X & Y Communications on a regular basis,
simply visit our main portal...
www.deservewhatyouwant.com
...drop your email in the annoying popup window, and download "Get
The First Date...And The Second Date" for free. Or, just send a
blank email to "xandy@aweber.com". Easy stuff.
X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled
participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of
life you are in. It's all about straight talk about the most creative
The problem is that a TON of guys make BIG, BIG MISTAKES with women
because the difference between using text messaging the right way
and the wrong way can be a fine line.
If you've EVER blown it with a woman before because you let a text
message conversation ruin everything, I really do think this is the
link that's going to make sure that NEVER happens again:
B4 U TXT HER
And if you've been sending texts like, "Hi...it's me. I liked
meeting you so would it be okay if we hung out sometime?" then I
think it's TWICE as important that you click the link above.
In fact, if you are scratching your head right now wondering what's
wrong with the example I gave in the last paragraph, you can
upgrade that to THREE TIMES as important.
Here it is: The truth is that if you really know how to use text
messaging the RIGHT way, you can have a MAGICAL (as in almost
SUPERNATURAL) effect on women.
If you don't, you won't.
You already know that Race and Christian have some serious game
when it comes to this, so you should use their knowledge and skill
to your advantage as much as you can. Here's how:
B4 U TXT HER
Now listen. Just to underscore how I REALLY feel about this, I'm
going to add in a SPECIAL GIFT to anyone who grabs a copy of B4 U
TXT HER using that link above.
I happen to have a full-on TWO HOUR interview I did with a guy on
this very subject of text messaging, with a little strategy or two
on "phone game" thrown in there for good measure.
You want my complete, unedited take on how to use text messaging
with women along with Race and Jonathan's? You got it.
Just e-mail me after you get B4 U TEXT HER and make sure you give
me your full name so I can cross-ref you on my referral list. Then
I'll send you that whopping TWO HOUR audio program right away.
It's as simple as that.
B4 U TXT HER
Oh, and one more thing.
Did you know that the FIRST KISS between Emily and I happened as a
DIRECT RESULT of a text message? It's true...and I tell you the
whole story in that audio program I mentioned.
But here's a hint. It WASN'T because I had a long, drawn-out
emotional conversation with her over SMS. And it wasn't because I
asked her out with a text message either...
And now, here's a truly terrific question from Rob in Bristol, UK.
=====
READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS
Hi Scot,
Quick question about long-term relationships.
After a ton of fun dating multiple women I've gone exclusive with a
phenomenal girl.
First of all - thank you for coaching me to raise my standards and
deserve what I want. Your material and your teaching style works
100% and it has made a difference to EVERY aspect of my life.
I was at a salsa dancing class last night without my girlfriend. I
had two different women ask me out for a drink (one an older
divorcee, the other a younger student - being a Big Four man really
is a universal attractor).
Obviously I politely declined both and later told my girlfriend.
That got me thinking about something you mention a fair bit - that
women say they want a man to themselves, but often they actually
love, even need, to compete for a man.
My question is how does that dynamic work in an exclusive LTR? I
see my future with my girlfriend. I don't want anyone else. And I
make that clear to her! So how do you keep a woman's urge to
compete for her man satiated?
Cheers,
Rob
PS I loved your blog about your volcano-driven adventures in
Europe, particularly the bit about the media fishing for trauma and
suffering, and people not taking the bait and simply getting on
with things. Your initiative is inspirational.
[Ed note: The blog Rob's referring to is still up if you haven't
taken a look yet: Edumckaytion Blog]
=====
Hello Rob:
Your question is a good one. The best way to answer it would be to
explore the idea of a woman wanting to "compete" for you.
The desire to compete is firmly rooted in masculinity. So, I'm
pretty sure that women don't *want* to compete at all. In fact,
they detest it.
But they sure will *do* it if they sense you are the man they want
long term, won't they?
The central concept at play here is really not gender specific,
actually.
People "buy" on the approval of others. Neither we as guys nor
women want someone whom nobody else seems to be attracted to. But
when someone is attractive to someone else, that validates our
attraction toward them in our own mind.
This is exactly why back in high school or college it seemed like
we could go dateless for weeks or months, only to have women come
out of the woodwork flirting and showing interest once we actually
got a girlfriend.
Frustrating, wasn't it? I mean, where WERE all those women before?
Well, they were always there...but they only began to take real
notice of you AFTER another woman did.
For the record here, a man can and should be proactive about
flirting with women and creating attraction when he doesn't yet
have a girlfriend, because the interest he generates in women by
doing so will indeed be noticed by other women.
So indeed, much of the same positive effect we're talking about
here can be created in that manner as well.
But either way, there's really no question about it: When it comes
to attraction, the rich really do get richer.
That's one of the reasons why I always say, "If you can attract one
high quality woman, you can attract many more".
If you have a high quality woman interested, it's almost never a
fluke. And yes...it also naturally intrigues other women.
So I think it's absolutely a good thing that your woman knows that
other women are into you. But obviously, you've still got to make
her feel safe and comfortable in your presence as a "big four" man.
As such, when you mention that someone showed interest in you but
that you declined to reciprocate that interest it actually does two
things.
First, it reinforces her attraction for you in the way we've
discussed above.
But your willingness to share the story and how you handled it also
demonstrates to her that you're willing to communicate her and tell
her the truth about what goes on when she's not with you.
A woman LOVES having that warm fuzzy feeling, knowing she have a
guy like that in her life.
It's a positive thing to be attractive to other MOTOS (members of
the opposite sex). How you HANDLE that attraction is what dictates
whether the woman in your life will adore you even more or morph
into a jealous virago.
As always, it's how you LEAD that affects the climate of your
relationship. And Rob it sounds like you're doing a great job.
And my educated guess is that it's EASY for you to run things as
you have been.
After all, when you truly have the greatest woman you've ever known
in your life, refusing to act on interest from other women is not
only perfectly natural, it's your logical preference.
Believe me, that only escalates your woman's attraction for you
EVEN further. She knows beyond a
CHOSEN her from among many options.
...Yet another reason why "settling" never does ANYBODY any good at
all.
So now that we've described the dynamics of what tends to go on
relative to the topic you brought up, only the objective answer to
your most pressing question remains.
Does your woman really need to CONTINUE to compete for you in order
to feel satisfied?
Well, as I said I don't believe women LIKE to compete, even though
they will.
At some point she needs to know she WON, just like you do.
I mean, regardless of what other dating experts tend to say about
"never allowing oneself to be fully 'caught'" you just can't go
through life feeling as if you could lose your significant other to
someone else at any given moment.
That sucks.
Then again, allowing her to feel as if she "won" you doesn't mean
you've been "conquered". You don't ever become henpecked and
subject to her every whim, of course.
Rather, it only means that you continuously make it clear that the
CHOICE has been made by you to select her--preferably from a
position of strength (i.e. abundance) rather than weakness (i.e.
desperation).
When she hears about other women respond positively to you or sees
it first hand--and yet you continue to favor her--that more than
does the job.
Rock on, my good man.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
=====
If you like what you've read, please feel free to forward this
newsletter to others. Help a friend out.
In fact, did a friend forward YOU this message? To receive this
newsletter for men from X & Y Communications on a regular basis,
simply visit our main portal...
www.deservewhatyouwant.com
...drop your email in the annoying popup window, and download "Get
The First Date...And The Second Date" for free. Or, just send a
blank email to "xandy@aweber.com". Easy stuff.
X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled
participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of
life you are in. It's all about straight talk about the most creative
subjects, somehow encompassing character-based principles
while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important
things head on. The basic stuff you've heard a million times isn't
rehashed around here. Enjoy!
Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for
entertainment purposes only and is not intended to constitute
professional advice.
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2010. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you believe
while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important
things head on. The basic stuff you've heard a million times isn't
rehashed around here. Enjoy!
Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for
professional advice.
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2010. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you believe
you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.