[X&Y] Women Who Are In Long-Distance Relationships
Published: Fri, 04/30/10
X & Y COMMUNICATIONS WEEKLY NEWSLETTER
=====
WHAT'S INSIDE: Have you ever had your eye on a woman who was in a
long-distance relationship?
Whether that relationship was with YOU or with SOMEONE ELSE, there
are always some serious challenges associated with knowing how to
handle things, aren't there?
=====
READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS
Below is a fascinating message I received from Graham in Northern
Ireland earlier this morning. I knew immediately that this was one I
=====
WHAT'S INSIDE: Have you ever had your eye on a woman who was in a
long-distance relationship?
Whether that relationship was with YOU or with SOMEONE ELSE, there
are always some serious challenges associated with knowing how to
handle things, aren't there?
=====
READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS
Below is a fascinating message I received from Graham in Northern
Ireland earlier this morning. I knew immediately that this was one I
needed to share with you ASAP.
I get a good number of e-mails from some of you guys who are in
long-distance relationships, and I'm convinced that what Graham is
talking about here is FAR from uncommon.
As much as it may scare the wits out of some of you guys who are
actually in long-distance relationships, you should definitely read
what follows.
What's more, those of you who have your eye on attractive women
long-distance relationships, and I'm convinced that what Graham is
talking about here is FAR from uncommon.
As much as it may scare the wits out of some of you guys who are
actually in long-distance relationships, you should definitely read
what follows.
What's more, those of you who have your eye on attractive women
who are in a LDR with someone else need to read this also.
The skillset of recognizing when a woman may be sick and tired of
the status quo cuts both ways, for better or worse. That's just the
way it is.
By the way, before we get into Graham's letter, I wanted to let you
know that I only have two Ten-Plus coaching program spots left open
at the moment.
Your response to that e-mail challenge I sent you a week or so ago
has been tremendous.
Likewise, there are only a few opportunities to schedule a Ten-Plus
Live experience with us here in San Antonio between now and
summertime.
If you've been thinking hard about finally getting 1-on-1 attention
to help you fast-track your success with women (and in life in
general, frankly) be sure to write me today at:
scot@deservewhatyouwant.com
The skillset of recognizing when a woman may be sick and tired of
the status quo cuts both ways, for better or worse. That's just the
way it is.
By the way, before we get into Graham's letter, I wanted to let you
know that I only have two Ten-Plus coaching program spots left open
at the moment.
Your response to that e-mail challenge I sent you a week or so ago
has been tremendous.
Likewise, there are only a few opportunities to schedule a Ten-Plus
Live experience with us here in San Antonio between now and
summertime.
If you've been thinking hard about finally getting 1-on-1 attention
to help you fast-track your success with women (and in life in
general, frankly) be sure to write me today at:
scot@deservewhatyouwant.com
Remember, each Ten-Plus program is specifically customized to your
unique needs. No "cookie cutters" here.
=====
READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS
Hi Scot,
Hope you are well. I'm really enjoying your Leading Man product
and have been working my way through it. I like the fact you tell
things as they are, but still in a positive way.
I would like to your thoughts on my current situation, its not
exactly a crisis or anything dramatic, but Iike you advised - I
like to check the status of my relationship and pay attention to
how I handle the 'smaller' things as well as the big.
I live in the UK and I met a girl in California in June, and hung
with her/her friends and also met her family for a few days, kept
in very regular contact over the months that followed getting to
know her gradually (deeper stuff like values and future hopes as
well as the usual), then spent part of my Xmas holiday over there
again with her.
We got on really well and Skype'd regularly afterwards, then in
late February I decided to ask her to be my girlfriend.
This is actually my first serious relationship and the long
distance situation without any physicality has proved to be
challenging to say the least.
Recently I sense a decline taking place, she's testing me more,
becoming very casual with our Skype 'dates', not bothering to wear
make-up and generally disinterest/disengagement in conversation
showing.
Quite a contrast to how things were.
Maybe individually these things do not make a big deal, but
together I feel they could be signs of a deeper, underlying
problem. I really want to take charge of this situation, but in
the best way.
When I've dated women in person I've managed to keep attraction
level consistent and respond to tests in a way that demonstrates
that I can stand up for myself (without being a domineering jack
ass), however I feel like things are slipping in this relationship.
I'd really like your advice on the responding to tests in the best
way (she is quite a sensitive person) and the best ideas/mind-set
for keeping attraction in this particular situation (specifically
between our face to face meetings).
If you have any other thoughts that you feel are more important for
relationship management/addressing situations early then I'd love
to hear them.
I'd just like to end by saying I've really benefited from your
advice and products so far so thank you for the work you do.
Graham,
Northern Ireland, UK
=====
Hello Graham:
First, welcome to the Power Session inner circle. I'm glad you're
enjoying The Leading Man as so many other guys are.
As you probably know already, I'm not a huge fan of long-distance
exclusive relationships. Considering you're as far away from her
as you are, your situation is that much more challenging.
Quote: "When I've dated women in person I've managed to keep
attraction level consistent"
I think that's a major key, right there.
I know you're not going to like hearing this, but there's just no
substitute for being there. The two of you have only seen each
other ONCE since almost a year ago.
That kind of relationship is flat-out unsustainable--well, unless
both of you are pretty much desperate and dateless apart from each
other, which I suspect you are not.
Given what you've shared with me, I'm all but sure she's starting
to lose interest.
The increased "testing" could very well be her attempt to look for
a good excuse to lose attraction for you and/or break up with you.
Her taking less effort to look attractive could point to her
wanting (even if unconsciously) for YOU to lose attraction for her
so she wouldn't have to take on the burden of initiating the break
up.
Either way, both factors along with your mention of her being a
"sensitive person" indicate that she might have some guilt about
breaking things off.
You've probably been wonderful and attracted her like mad when the
two of you are together. But dude...seeing each other once a year?
She lives in California, for Heaven's sake.
So the bottom line is this: Do you REALLY want to hold this
relationship together?
If so, you've GOT to deal with the "out of sight, out of mind"
reality.
Forget what you've heard in fairy tales, this is the real world.
You're going to have to SHOW UP more often, and I'd say that means
once every month to six weeks minimum.
If that can't be swung, you've got to move to California. Period.
Now, I fully realize this forces you to deal with the question of
whether or not you value the POTENTIAL of this relationship more
that the comfort, stability, existing relationships and/or even the
very sustainability of your lifestyle in the UK.
And uprooting yourself would not exactly involve a "sure thing" at
the other end.
But I mean heck, think of it this way. What's the alternative?
At the rate of spending a few days together once a year, how many
YEARS is it going to take for you to have spent enough time
together to know you're truly compatible enough to last long-term?
25? 30?
Sure, I asked Emily to marry me after seven months and we were
married after nine. But we also spent just about EVERY waking hour
together during that time...and yet I'm sure that by the reckoning of
many we still got married too soon.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. Now that we're back in the States, I've begun work in
earnest on that new program about approaching and meeting women.
You want the skills without having to be a pickup artist, and I
plan to deliver majorly.
I'm also working on that "frequent flier" program featuring extra
goodies for those of you who have a few programs already and/or are
Ten-Plus graduates.
Stay tuned.
P.P.S. If you're not a member of Power Sessions like Graham is,
what are you waiting for? I really do answer your e-mail questions
if your part of that elite inner circle.
Plus, I've got some AMAZING advanced content coming up specifically
for Power Sessions guys--including my ENTIRE presentation from the
Real Man Conference...including the "standing o" at the end.
You can get your first month on me if you like when you get
ANYTHING from the X & Y Communications Store:
Visit The Store
=====
If you like what you've read, please feel free to forward this
newsletter to others. Help a friend out.
In fact, did a friend forward YOU this message? To receive this
newsletter for men from X & Y Communications on a regular basis,
simply visit our main portal...
http://bit.ly/ohBdR
...drop your email in the annoying popup window, and download "Get
The First Date...And The Second Date" for free. Or, just send a
blank email to "xandy@aweber.com". Easy stuff.
X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled
participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of
life you are in. It's all about straight talk about the most
creative subjects, somehow encompassing character-based principles
while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important
things head on. The basic stuff you've heard a million times isn't
rehashed around here. Enjoy!
Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for
entertainment purposes only and is not intended to constitute
professional advice.
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2010. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.
unique needs. No "cookie cutters" here.
=====
READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS
Hi Scot,
Hope you are well. I'm really enjoying your Leading Man product
and have been working my way through it. I like the fact you tell
things as they are, but still in a positive way.
I would like to your thoughts on my current situation, its not
exactly a crisis or anything dramatic, but Iike you advised - I
like to check the status of my relationship and pay attention to
how I handle the 'smaller' things as well as the big.
I live in the UK and I met a girl in California in June, and hung
with her/her friends and also met her family for a few days, kept
in very regular contact over the months that followed getting to
know her gradually (deeper stuff like values and future hopes as
well as the usual), then spent part of my Xmas holiday over there
again with her.
We got on really well and Skype'd regularly afterwards, then in
late February I decided to ask her to be my girlfriend.
This is actually my first serious relationship and the long
distance situation without any physicality has proved to be
challenging to say the least.
Recently I sense a decline taking place, she's testing me more,
becoming very casual with our Skype 'dates', not bothering to wear
make-up and generally disinterest/disengagement in conversation
showing.
Quite a contrast to how things were.
Maybe individually these things do not make a big deal, but
together I feel they could be signs of a deeper, underlying
problem. I really want to take charge of this situation, but in
the best way.
When I've dated women in person I've managed to keep attraction
level consistent and respond to tests in a way that demonstrates
that I can stand up for myself (without being a domineering jack
ass), however I feel like things are slipping in this relationship.
I'd really like your advice on the responding to tests in the best
way (she is quite a sensitive person) and the best ideas/mind-set
for keeping attraction in this particular situation (specifically
between our face to face meetings).
If you have any other thoughts that you feel are more important for
relationship management/addressing situations early then I'd love
to hear them.
I'd just like to end by saying I've really benefited from your
advice and products so far so thank you for the work you do.
Graham,
Northern Ireland, UK
=====
Hello Graham:
First, welcome to the Power Session inner circle. I'm glad you're
enjoying The Leading Man as so many other guys are.
As you probably know already, I'm not a huge fan of long-distance
exclusive relationships. Considering you're as far away from her
as you are, your situation is that much more challenging.
Quote: "When I've dated women in person I've managed to keep
attraction level consistent"
I think that's a major key, right there.
I know you're not going to like hearing this, but there's just no
substitute for being there. The two of you have only seen each
other ONCE since almost a year ago.
That kind of relationship is flat-out unsustainable--well, unless
both of you are pretty much desperate and dateless apart from each
other, which I suspect you are not.
Given what you've shared with me, I'm all but sure she's starting
to lose interest.
The increased "testing" could very well be her attempt to look for
a good excuse to lose attraction for you and/or break up with you.
Her taking less effort to look attractive could point to her
wanting (even if unconsciously) for YOU to lose attraction for her
so she wouldn't have to take on the burden of initiating the break
up.
Either way, both factors along with your mention of her being a
"sensitive person" indicate that she might have some guilt about
breaking things off.
You've probably been wonderful and attracted her like mad when the
two of you are together. But dude...seeing each other once a year?
She lives in California, for Heaven's sake.
So the bottom line is this: Do you REALLY want to hold this
relationship together?
If so, you've GOT to deal with the "out of sight, out of mind"
reality.
Forget what you've heard in fairy tales, this is the real world.
You're going to have to SHOW UP more often, and I'd say that means
once every month to six weeks minimum.
If that can't be swung, you've got to move to California. Period.
Now, I fully realize this forces you to deal with the question of
whether or not you value the POTENTIAL of this relationship more
that the comfort, stability, existing relationships and/or even the
very sustainability of your lifestyle in the UK.
And uprooting yourself would not exactly involve a "sure thing" at
the other end.
But I mean heck, think of it this way. What's the alternative?
At the rate of spending a few days together once a year, how many
YEARS is it going to take for you to have spent enough time
together to know you're truly compatible enough to last long-term?
25? 30?
Sure, I asked Emily to marry me after seven months and we were
married after nine. But we also spent just about EVERY waking hour
together during that time...and yet I'm sure that by the reckoning of
many we still got married too soon.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. Now that we're back in the States, I've begun work in
earnest on that new program about approaching and meeting women.
You want the skills without having to be a pickup artist, and I
plan to deliver majorly.
I'm also working on that "frequent flier" program featuring extra
goodies for those of you who have a few programs already and/or are
Ten-Plus graduates.
Stay tuned.
P.P.S. If you're not a member of Power Sessions like Graham is,
what are you waiting for? I really do answer your e-mail questions
if your part of that elite inner circle.
Plus, I've got some AMAZING advanced content coming up specifically
for Power Sessions guys--including my ENTIRE presentation from the
Real Man Conference...including the "standing o" at the end.
You can get your first month on me if you like when you get
ANYTHING from the X & Y Communications Store:
Visit The Store
=====
If you like what you've read, please feel free to forward this
newsletter to others. Help a friend out.
In fact, did a friend forward YOU this message? To receive this
newsletter for men from X & Y Communications on a regular basis,
simply visit our main portal...
http://bit.ly/ohBdR
...drop your email in the annoying popup window, and download "Get
The First Date...And The Second Date" for free. Or, just send a
blank email to "xandy@aweber.com". Easy stuff.
X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled
participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of
life you are in. It's all about straight talk about the most
creative subjects, somehow encompassing character-based principles
while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important
things head on. The basic stuff you've heard a million times isn't
rehashed around here. Enjoy!
Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for
entertainment purposes only and is not intended to constitute
professional advice.
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2010. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.