[X&Y] It's Not You, It's Her... (Redux)
Published: Tue, 05/04/10
X & Y COMMUNICATIONS WEEKLY NEWSLETTER
=====
WHAT'S INSIDE: You've given an apparently interested woman every
opportunity to return your messages...and she doesn't. What could
you possibly be doing wrong? The answer could quite possibly be
NOTHING.
=====
IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S HER (REDUX)
You got her number, and being the "big four" man that you are you
give her a call as promised.
She doesn't answer, so you leave a voice mail.
She doesn't return it.
You try her number again a couple of days later...fully intending to
play it cool when she answers.
And again...voice mail.
So being a chooser rather than a chaser, you drop her a text saying
it was nice to meet her but find it disappointing that she doesn't
pick up the phone. You prefer women who are mature enough not to
play games, and wish her well in the future.
Lo and behold, the next day she calls you when you're at work and
can't answer the phone. You check voice mail later and hear only a
click...no message whatsoever.
How frustrating is that?
Or perhaps you're browsing around on Match.com and happen across
the profile of a woman who seems friendly and engaging, so you
write her a quick email.
You've become a master at this stuff, so you craft a brilliantly
worded message that acknowledges you've read her profile in a
witty, charming way and issues a clear call to action...all in three
lines of text.
Later, you not only notice that she has opened and read your
message, but she's also looked at your profile six times in the
last 48 hours.
But you've got cobwebs forming on your inbox, nonetheless.
If you can relate to either of these examples, you're a normal,
red-blooded guy.
And for sure, whenever this sort of thing has happened you've been
left to wonder, "What on Earth did I do to mess this up?"
The answer may very well be NOTHING. In fact, that's likely the
case.
In other words, It's not YOU...it's THEM.
I've written to you previously about how we as guys tend to blame
ourselves when a date goes horribly wrong, even when any 3rd party
bystander could have easily concluded that the woman was a total
basket case--and that meanwhile you had conducted yourself with
textbook "big four" perfection.
The truth of the matter is that MOTOS (members of the opposite sex)
are equally likely to have dating and relationship issues. We're
all human here, and women don't necessarily have everything figured
out, regardless of what you've been led to believe.
Heck, there's even a video or two circulating lately where a guy's
teaching about how to get over "rejection" by especially aloof,
rude women.
This is a great example of what we as guys tend to brainwash
ourselves into believing, thinking it's perfectly normal and
reasonable to do so.
We put women on a pedestal SO MUCH that we'll simultaneously excuse
any preposterous behavior on their part while redoubling our
efforts to fix the problem of things "not working out."
So what ends up happening?
Because we're "barking up the wrong tree" from the get-go, we spend
our time trying to figure out how to REACT to the situation (i.e.
fix ourselves) rather than PROACTIVELY seeing the scenario for what
it is and taking leadership (i.e. addressing and eliminating
whatever obstacle is in her way).
To objectively illustrate what I'm getting at here, let's revisit
the two examples I gave above.
In the case of having gotten a woman's number only to encounter the
shenanigans I described, the typical knee-jerk reaction for most of
us as guys would be to think that we somehow managed to mess things
up even though we haven't even spoken to her since meeting her.
Or maybe we'd allow our "if/then loop" to spin out of control so
much as to begin deconstructing that initial conversation from
memory--looking for what certainly must have been some blunder we
made that creeped her out later the more she thought about it.
But here's what's probably REALLY going on.
You and I both know that it's HARD to pick up the phone and follow
up with a woman.
It was hard to call girls you liked in 7th grade, and nothing has
changed since. Yet you do it.
So then, what makes you think that calling YOU is so EASY for HER
to do?
The truth is that she may be just as wadded up over calling you
BACK as you were over calling her to begin with.
But yet you automatically assume that she'll "man up" and call you
back, don't you?
In the case of the woman you were hoping to meet online, maybe it's
not that your profile was as lurid a mess as you thought.
Maybe she's just massively gun shy about writing e-mails back
because she's self-conscious about her spelling. Or perhaps she
just doesn't know what to write.
OR...maybe she's completely new to this whole online dating thing and
is totally intimidated in general. That factor can never be
underestimated.
Guess what gentlemen? Generally speaking, it may not be that she's
so indifferent about you as to be okay with blowing you off like a
rusty muffler.
The OPPOSITE may be true.
That's right. She may REALLY, REALLY like you.
She may even be sitting there thinking, "Oh wow...how am I going to
make sure NOT to ruin this."
In fact, this is what you should ASSUME is the case if you see
indications like unto what I've been describing above.
So here's what you should do.
In the case of the woman you met and called on the phone, try this.
When you call her back, say, "Hey, I realize that talking to people
you just met on the phone can be a bit intimidating. But hey, I'm
an easy going guy so don't be shy at all."
And for the woman you wrote on Match.com, you might write her back
after seeing all those profile hits and say something similar.
Make the subject line, "Re: Caught You Looking".
"Inspiring confidence", or causing a woman to feel safe and secure
in your presence" is a mission-critical component of the "big
four".
When you are able to see a situation when a woman appears to be
chickening out for what it is, you're better equipped to put her at
ease than if you're unable to get past your own insecurities.
Remember, all women--even the ones you're really attracted to--are
human beings.
When you can move away from the "too good to be true" factor and
recognize that she may be just as excited and/or nervous to meet
you as you are about meeting her, you can put aside any concern
about looking needy and confidently take leadership in a way that
shows her you're a man.
And yes...when you look at these situations through that filter, your
confidence is what turns your otherwise lame, apologetic voicemails
and e-mails into inspiring calls to action.
The words you use aren't so revolutionary, but the attitude sure is.
Can you adopt that transformational mindset and get the job done?
My bet is you'll get that call or message returned if you can.
=====
Now listen...I fully recognize that you may even now be saying to
yourself, "Yeah sure, McKay. You may have all of this figured out
enough to make it sound easy for us...but it's NOT. Meeting women is
COMPLICATED, online OR offline.
Well, it wasn't long ago that I would have said the same thing.
But the good news is that once you take a firm step toward learning
the ropes you tend to get on a roll very quickly and the pieces
really do start coming together faster than you think.
As you already know, I'm hard at work on that program on
approaching and meeting women for REGULAR guys like you and
I...without any "pickup artist" mindset whatsoever.
That one's still several weeks away.
But if you want to get your ONLINE dating life handled, you can
start getting on that RIGHT NOW.
That's because Online Dating Domination gives you step-by-step ways
you (yes YOU) can identify the absolute highest-quality women in
your entire metro area on the site of your choice and actually MEET
THEM:
Enjoy Real Online Dating Success
And yes, I said MEET THEM. If you're like me, simply getting women
to respond to e-mails is NOT online dating "success", although
other programs out there would like for you to believe that.
But let's face it. You've got to turn e-mails into REAL meetings
with REAL women--inthe REAL world .
And those first meetings have to consistently go well for you.
Then I'd say you've got online dating working for you...instead of
vice-versa.
That's why Online Dating Domination is so powerfully different.
And you're about to see why:
Enjoy Real Online Dating Success
In fact, you're down with a discount.
Just enter "handled35" as your "Optional Code" when ordering, and
I'll give you a whopping 35% off on Online Dating Domination.
As a bonus, I'm going to send you something along with Online
Dating Domination that will help you get past the obstacles
associated with CALLING and TEXTING women, too.
That's right. I've got a TWO HOUR session on phone and text
strategies that will blow your mind...and I'm sending it to you with
my compliments.
You'll never be at a loss again when you pick up the phone.
PLUS...just for good measure, I'm ALSO going to send you a special
audio report called "iDate Revelations".
In it, I share a ton of online dating industry insider secrets that
they probably DON'T want you to know. After all, they're all about
keeping you as a customer rather than marrying you off in a week
and a half, right?
But here it is. Since I was a speaker back in January at the latest
=====
WHAT'S INSIDE: You've given an apparently interested woman every
opportunity to return your messages...and she doesn't. What could
you possibly be doing wrong? The answer could quite possibly be
NOTHING.
=====
IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S HER (REDUX)
You got her number, and being the "big four" man that you are you
give her a call as promised.
She doesn't answer, so you leave a voice mail.
She doesn't return it.
You try her number again a couple of days later...fully intending to
play it cool when she answers.
And again...voice mail.
So being a chooser rather than a chaser, you drop her a text saying
it was nice to meet her but find it disappointing that she doesn't
pick up the phone. You prefer women who are mature enough not to
play games, and wish her well in the future.
Lo and behold, the next day she calls you when you're at work and
can't answer the phone. You check voice mail later and hear only a
click...no message whatsoever.
How frustrating is that?
Or perhaps you're browsing around on Match.com and happen across
the profile of a woman who seems friendly and engaging, so you
write her a quick email.
You've become a master at this stuff, so you craft a brilliantly
worded message that acknowledges you've read her profile in a
witty, charming way and issues a clear call to action...all in three
lines of text.
Later, you not only notice that she has opened and read your
message, but she's also looked at your profile six times in the
last 48 hours.
But you've got cobwebs forming on your inbox, nonetheless.
If you can relate to either of these examples, you're a normal,
red-blooded guy.
And for sure, whenever this sort of thing has happened you've been
left to wonder, "What on Earth did I do to mess this up?"
The answer may very well be NOTHING. In fact, that's likely the
case.
In other words, It's not YOU...it's THEM.
I've written to you previously about how we as guys tend to blame
ourselves when a date goes horribly wrong, even when any 3rd party
bystander could have easily concluded that the woman was a total
basket case--and that meanwhile you had conducted yourself with
textbook "big four" perfection.
The truth of the matter is that MOTOS (members of the opposite sex)
are equally likely to have dating and relationship issues. We're
all human here, and women don't necessarily have everything figured
out, regardless of what you've been led to believe.
Heck, there's even a video or two circulating lately where a guy's
teaching about how to get over "rejection" by especially aloof,
rude women.
This is a great example of what we as guys tend to brainwash
ourselves into believing, thinking it's perfectly normal and
reasonable to do so.
We put women on a pedestal SO MUCH that we'll simultaneously excuse
any preposterous behavior on their part while redoubling our
efforts to fix the problem of things "not working out."
So what ends up happening?
Because we're "barking up the wrong tree" from the get-go, we spend
our time trying to figure out how to REACT to the situation (i.e.
fix ourselves) rather than PROACTIVELY seeing the scenario for what
it is and taking leadership (i.e. addressing and eliminating
whatever obstacle is in her way).
To objectively illustrate what I'm getting at here, let's revisit
the two examples I gave above.
In the case of having gotten a woman's number only to encounter the
shenanigans I described, the typical knee-jerk reaction for most of
us as guys would be to think that we somehow managed to mess things
up even though we haven't even spoken to her since meeting her.
Or maybe we'd allow our "if/then loop" to spin out of control so
much as to begin deconstructing that initial conversation from
memory--looking for what certainly must have been some blunder we
made that creeped her out later the more she thought about it.
But here's what's probably REALLY going on.
You and I both know that it's HARD to pick up the phone and follow
up with a woman.
It was hard to call girls you liked in 7th grade, and nothing has
changed since. Yet you do it.
So then, what makes you think that calling YOU is so EASY for HER
to do?
The truth is that she may be just as wadded up over calling you
BACK as you were over calling her to begin with.
But yet you automatically assume that she'll "man up" and call you
back, don't you?
In the case of the woman you were hoping to meet online, maybe it's
not that your profile was as lurid a mess as you thought.
Maybe she's just massively gun shy about writing e-mails back
because she's self-conscious about her spelling. Or perhaps she
just doesn't know what to write.
OR...maybe she's completely new to this whole online dating thing and
is totally intimidated in general. That factor can never be
underestimated.
Guess what gentlemen? Generally speaking, it may not be that she's
so indifferent about you as to be okay with blowing you off like a
rusty muffler.
The OPPOSITE may be true.
That's right. She may REALLY, REALLY like you.
She may even be sitting there thinking, "Oh wow...how am I going to
make sure NOT to ruin this."
In fact, this is what you should ASSUME is the case if you see
indications like unto what I've been describing above.
So here's what you should do.
In the case of the woman you met and called on the phone, try this.
When you call her back, say, "Hey, I realize that talking to people
you just met on the phone can be a bit intimidating. But hey, I'm
an easy going guy so don't be shy at all."
And for the woman you wrote on Match.com, you might write her back
after seeing all those profile hits and say something similar.
Make the subject line, "Re: Caught You Looking".
"Inspiring confidence", or causing a woman to feel safe and secure
in your presence" is a mission-critical component of the "big
four".
When you are able to see a situation when a woman appears to be
chickening out for what it is, you're better equipped to put her at
ease than if you're unable to get past your own insecurities.
Remember, all women--even the ones you're really attracted to--are
human beings.
When you can move away from the "too good to be true" factor and
recognize that she may be just as excited and/or nervous to meet
you as you are about meeting her, you can put aside any concern
about looking needy and confidently take leadership in a way that
shows her you're a man.
And yes...when you look at these situations through that filter, your
confidence is what turns your otherwise lame, apologetic voicemails
and e-mails into inspiring calls to action.
The words you use aren't so revolutionary, but the attitude sure is.
Can you adopt that transformational mindset and get the job done?
My bet is you'll get that call or message returned if you can.
=====
Now listen...I fully recognize that you may even now be saying to
yourself, "Yeah sure, McKay. You may have all of this figured out
enough to make it sound easy for us...but it's NOT. Meeting women is
COMPLICATED, online OR offline.
Well, it wasn't long ago that I would have said the same thing.
But the good news is that once you take a firm step toward learning
the ropes you tend to get on a roll very quickly and the pieces
really do start coming together faster than you think.
As you already know, I'm hard at work on that program on
approaching and meeting women for REGULAR guys like you and
I...without any "pickup artist" mindset whatsoever.
That one's still several weeks away.
But if you want to get your ONLINE dating life handled, you can
start getting on that RIGHT NOW.
That's because Online Dating Domination gives you step-by-step ways
you (yes YOU) can identify the absolute highest-quality women in
your entire metro area on the site of your choice and actually MEET
THEM:
Enjoy Real Online Dating Success
And yes, I said MEET THEM. If you're like me, simply getting women
to respond to e-mails is NOT online dating "success", although
other programs out there would like for you to believe that.
But let's face it. You've got to turn e-mails into REAL meetings
with REAL women--in
And those first meetings have to consistently go well for you.
Then I'd say you've got online dating working for you...instead of
vice-versa.
That's why Online Dating Domination is so powerfully different.
And you're about to see why:
Enjoy Real Online Dating Success
In fact, you're down with a discount.
Just enter "handled35" as your "Optional Code" when ordering, and
I'll give you a whopping 35% off on Online Dating Domination.
As a bonus, I'm going to send you something along with Online
Dating Domination that will help you get past the obstacles
associated with CALLING and TEXTING women, too.
That's right. I've got a TWO HOUR session on phone and text
strategies that will blow your mind...and I'm sending it to you with
my compliments.
You'll never be at a loss again when you pick up the phone.
PLUS...just for good measure, I'm ALSO going to send you a special
audio report called "iDate Revelations".
In it, I share a ton of online dating industry insider secrets that
they probably DON'T want you to know. After all, they're all about
keeping you as a customer rather than marrying you off in a week
and a half, right?
But here it is. Since I was a speaker back in January at the latest
iDate Conference in Miami, I not only heard all of the presentations
that online dating site execs gave to one another I took GREAT
NOTES.
That means you now have access to information that most other guys
can't get their hands on. And I guarantee this info will give you
a clear advantage in the online dating world that will amaze you.
That's TWO bonus audio reports that nobody else will have access to.
Add it all up and this is your single best chance to score Online
Dating Domination ever. So here's the link again:
That means you now have access to information that most other guys
can't get their hands on. And I guarantee this info will give you
a clear advantage in the online dating world that will amaze you.
That's TWO bonus audio reports that nobody else will have access to.
Add it all up and this is your single best chance to score Online
Dating Domination ever. So here's the link again:
Enjoy Real Online Dating Success
I'll keep this available for you until the next newsletter comes your
way in a few days. After that, the coupon code field on the order
page will disappear again.
If you haven't run a local search on Match.com lately, you won't
believe the women who are online nowadays.
Spring has sprung, gentlemen. Go meet the woman of your dreams.
Meet her and never let go...before some other guy figures all of this
out before you do.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
If you haven't run a local search on Match.com lately, you won't
believe the women who are online nowadays.
Spring has sprung, gentlemen. Go meet the woman of your dreams.
Meet her and never let go...before some other guy figures all of this
out before you do.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. I've got two Ten-Plus coaching spots left open, and two Ten-
Plus Live opportunities available here in San Antonio between now
and July.
E-mail me immediately at scot@deservewhatyouwant.com if
interested.
=====
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(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2010. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you believe
while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important
things head on. The basic stuff you've heard a million times isn't
rehashed around here. Enjoy!
Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for
professional advice.
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2010. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you believe
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