[X&Y] Is This What "Alpha" Looks Like?
Published: Fri, 05/21/10
X & Y COMMUNICATIONS WEEKLY NEWSLETTER
=====
WHAT'S INSIDE: Get ready to have your impression of what's "alpha"
rocked to the core.
=====
HOW TO MEET AND DATE ASIAN WOMEN
Well, it's about time.
You guys have been hammering me for YEARS to find you a good
resource on how to be successful with Asian women.
But the problem was that I had never seen a single one I was
willing to recommend...until THIS MORNING.
Having gotten my hands on a copy of what I'm about to reveal to
you, I can say without reservation that this is the REAL DEAL.
You name it, it's in there.
And it's written from the clearperspective of a two guys who
definitely know what they're talking about:
Secrets Of Dating Asian Women
Now, if you're a member of the Power Sessions inner circle, you've
seen that video of my presentation from the Real Man Conference.
And as such, you've already seen how I talked about Asian flight
attendants as pretty much theparagon of femininity--and how the
entire audience totally concurred.
Well, let's just say that this will set you back about 99% less
than the cost of a business class ticket from LAX-HKG on Cathay
Pacific....and give you longer lasting results:
Secrets Of Dating Asian Women
So grab a copy and get the answers you've been looking for about
how to meet and date those amazing Asian cuties.
As for how to start conversations with flight attendants, no worries...
=====
WHAT'S INSIDE: Get ready to have your impression of what's "alpha"
rocked to the core.
=====
HOW TO MEET AND DATE ASIAN WOMEN
Well, it's about time.
You guys have been hammering me for YEARS to find you a good
resource on how to be successful with Asian women.
But the problem was that I had never seen a single one I was
willing to recommend...until THIS MORNING.
Having gotten my hands on a copy of what I'm about to reveal to
you, I can say without reservation that this is the REAL DEAL.
You name it, it's in there.
And it's written from the clear
definitely know what they're talking about:
Secrets Of Dating Asian Women
Now, if you're a member of the Power Sessions inner circle, you've
seen that video of my presentation from the Real Man Conference.
And as such, you've already seen how I talked about Asian flight
attendants as pretty much the
entire audience totally concurred.
Well, let's just say that this will set you back about 99% less
than the cost of a business class ticket from LAX-HKG on Cathay
Pacific....and give you longer lasting results:
Secrets Of Dating Asian Women
So grab a copy and get the answers you've been looking for about
how to meet and date those amazing Asian cuties.
As for how to start conversations with flight attendants, no worries...
I'm actually covering that in The Man's Approach, so I've got your
back as always.
And now here's a letter from a woman, along with my answer to her.
And now here's a letter from a woman, along with my answer to her.
This could turn out to be a VERY IMPORTANT read before you head out
on a Friday night...
=====
LETTER FROM A WOMAN: IS THIS WHAT "ALPHA" LOOKS LIKE?
Good Afternoon Emily & Scot:
I have been subscribed to your e-letters since 2006.
My life and those in it have grown so much more beautifully from
yourperspective on Deserving What You Want (I do have your book on
that - awesome!).
Anywho, I have a dilemma of sorts.
I frequent a particular dance club here in San Antonio (1 - for the
exercise, 2 - for the music, 3 - social network).
Last year, I was with this I/J (a.k.a. "Idiot/Jerk", as you refer
to them as) as an on/off again roller coaster.
That relationship (if it could even be called that) ended right
before New Years with me walking out of his apt. after being
insulted and going straight to my phone provider to change my
number.
From New Years until meeting my AMAZING & PHENOMENAL new
on a Friday night...
=====
LETTER FROM A WOMAN: IS THIS WHAT "ALPHA" LOOKS LIKE?
Good Afternoon Emily & Scot:
I have been subscribed to your e-letters since 2006.
My life and those in it have grown so much more beautifully from
your
that - awesome!).
Anywho, I have a dilemma of sorts.
I frequent a particular dance club here in San Antonio (1 - for the
exercise, 2 - for the music, 3 - social network).
Last year, I was with this I/J (a.k.a. "Idiot/Jerk", as you refer
to them as) as an on/off again roller coaster.
That relationship (if it could even be called that) ended right
before New Years with me walking out of his apt. after being
insulted and going straight to my phone provider to change my
number.
From New Years until meeting my AMAZING & PHENOMENAL new
man this past April, this ex-boyfriend would be with another woman,
yet leave me flowers on my door step or "accidentally" show up at the
same places he knew I frequented.
He and I along with my new man run in similar social groups.
Well, this past weekend, this ex-boyfriend went up to my new man
and asked him "How's my girl" and at other times "Where's my girl".
My new man does know that we had been together - so he just
same places he knew I frequented.
He and I along with my new man run in similar social groups.
Well, this past weekend, this ex-boyfriend went up to my new man
and asked him "How's my girl" and at other times "Where's my girl".
My new man does know that we had been together - so he just
laughed it off. I on the other hand had very mixed feelings.
I know from a mature standpoint that you don't give any ammo to
someone to let them know that it irritates you.
But at the same time I can see the ex doing this to either subtlety
say, " Ha...You have something 'used'." or that he still has
intentions.
I honestly don't believe that my ex was being innocuous about it.
I can see one of my "guy" friends saying that to my new man as in,
"take care of my girl" (as in, "if you don't you'll answer to big
brother") but not someone that I had a prior (and rough)
relationship with.
Again, this ex said this to my new man WHILE he himself is with
another woman (who wasn't within earshot).
I talked with my new man about this because in my eyes he wasn't
being "protective" of my status with him. He understands this and
now will make sure I feel "safe".
I am very curious as to how you would handle this type of situation?
Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you and
Emily.
Respectfully,
Theresa
=====
Hello Theresa:
Thanks for writing, and thank you also for the kind words.
We always love to hear from the ladies, especially when you have
questions that a lot of us--men OR women--can really relate to.
My take is that the best protection your new boyfriend can offer to
you AND to your relationship here is to under-react to such
obnoxious statements from your ex-boyfriend.
In other words, I think he has handled it perfectly.
Sure, I can understand how you might have liked to have seen him
really feed it to this guy.
But let's get inside the mind of BOTH of these guys here.
First, the ex-boyfriend may have had you in his life at one time,
but he LOST you.
The key word here is LOST.
Men HATE to LOSE.
In fact, being called a LOSER is about the worst insult a man can
hear.
Your ex-boyfriend KNOWS this.
He also knows that you are a good woman and that YOU kicked your
HIM to the curb, not vice-versa.
So now your old boyfriend is left to deal with what must be an
INCREDIBLY uncomfortable social situation for him: He's got to
watch you and your NEW boyfriend interacting HAPPILY together.
In other words, he's got to watch your new boyfriend SUCCEED
I know from a mature standpoint that you don't give any ammo to
someone to let them know that it irritates you.
But at the same time I can see the ex doing this to either subtlety
say, " Ha...You have something 'used'." or that he still has
intentions.
I honestly don't believe that my ex was being innocuous about it.
I can see one of my "guy" friends saying that to my new man as in,
"take care of my girl" (as in, "if you don't you'll answer to big
brother") but not someone that I had a prior (and rough)
relationship with.
Again, this ex said this to my new man WHILE he himself is with
another woman (who wasn't within earshot).
I talked with my new man about this because in my eyes he wasn't
being "protective" of my status with him. He understands this and
now will make sure I feel "safe".
I am very curious as to how you would handle this type of situation?
Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you and
Emily.
Respectfully,
Theresa
=====
Hello Theresa:
Thanks for writing, and thank you also for the kind words.
We always love to hear from the ladies, especially when you have
questions that a lot of us--men OR women--can really relate to.
My take is that the best protection your new boyfriend can offer to
you AND to your relationship here is to under-react to such
obnoxious statements from your ex-boyfriend.
In other words, I think he has handled it perfectly.
Sure, I can understand how you might have liked to have seen him
really feed it to this guy.
But let's get inside the mind of BOTH of these guys here.
First, the ex-boyfriend may have had you in his life at one time,
but he LOST you.
The key word here is LOST.
Men HATE to LOSE.
In fact, being called a LOSER is about the worst insult a man can
hear.
Your ex-boyfriend KNOWS this.
He also knows that you are a good woman and that YOU kicked your
HIM to the curb, not vice-versa.
So now your old boyfriend is left to deal with what must be an
INCREDIBLY uncomfortable social situation for him: He's got to
watch you and your NEW boyfriend interacting HAPPILY together.
In other words, he's got to watch your new boyfriend SUCCEED
where he couldn't.
So, being the man of low-character he is, he waits until his NEW
girlfriend is out of earshot before sneaking in some sort of
irritating jab at your new boyfriend.
You may think your old boyfriend is trying to "out alpha" your new
guy by asserting some sort of weird "original ownership" claim on
you or something.
But don't kid yourself. The truth is that your ex's ego can't
endure the physical presence of you and your new boyfriend happy
together.
So then, he feels like he has to knock your new guy's ego DOWN
some, as exhibited by his remarks.
This is NOT what WINNERS do. This is what LOSERS do.
"Saving face" is right up there with whining, blaming and making
excuses. It's bad sportsmanship and it's low-end on the character
scale.
Thankfully, your new guy is enough of a "big four" man to recognize
EXACTLY what is going on and deal with it accordingly.
That is...with GRACE and DIGNITY.
Your new guy knows he WON. As such, there's no need to defend in
any way against a man who has already been long since defeated.
Read that last paragraph again.
In short, there's about as much of a chance of your new boyfriend
getting all steamed up and defensive over this matter as there is
that my neighbor's kitty is going to fetch his newspaper for him.
Now, don't get me wrong.
I'm sure a part of you're new guy would LOVE to respond to your
ex's pathetic question with, "Uh...WAY, WAY better than your NEW
girl...obviously." (Followed by a brief serious pause and then
uproarious, mocking spontaneous laughter.)
But he knows exactly why that would be a BAD choice.
Never mind the ensuing fistfight. Staying out of the back seat of
a police car is one thing, but it's not the only thing.
More importantly, your boyfriend understands the immense value of
serving notice that he WILL NOT stoop to the level your ex is
operating on.
He's far too high quality a man for that.
My guess is that if you're able to view the whole scenario with the
sort of holisticperspective I've just described, you'll soon see
how highly your ex is respecting you as WELL as your choice in a
new boyfriend.
And by giving you so much to be proud of, he's inherently
protecting your best interests in a very real way.
Ultimately, I think you'll find that your ex boyfriend will
probably give up the snide remarks sooner than later.
He's not getting any sort of insecure response like unto what he
was hoping for that would in any way validate his own superiority.
Make no mistake: That's frustrating to him.
And make no mistake about this, either: Your NEW boyfriend is the
true "alpha" in this scenario, if you will.
In fact, were I your new boyfriend, I may actually give your ex a
compassionate (but knowing) smile to go along with the silence the
next time he tried to rattle me.
All of that said, I do want to make something else clear.
You alluded to the fact that your ex's comment about you being
"his" might serve to imply "ownership" at the sexual level.
I'm not sure I'm ready to recommend that your boyfriend openly
acknowledge and/or react to any subtle innuendo in that regard
either.
That could make it potentially VERY easy for your ex to prey on his
response as a sign of insecurity. (As if the nature of your past
sexual relationship with your ex really has anything to do with
your present worth as a human being anyway.)
That, of course, would only spur him on.
My bet is that your ex knows he'd better not ever go so far as to
remove the subtlety of his remarks...for his OWN good.
That's right. He wouldn't refer directly to any sexual
relationship the two of you had previously because then HE would
come off as the insecure one.
And indeed, he's probably got that figured out.
BUT...that said, were your ex to EVER BEGIN to insult or disrespect
you in some direct manner, then YES...your new boyfriend would
likely verbalize to him that he needs to stop it and show some
respect.
That's a wholly different situation, and you betcha...direct affronts
need to be dealt with in an equally direct manner.
Now, were that type of thing to go down, EVERYONE in the room would
immediately know who the "low man on the totem pole" is. It'd be
obvious.
Given that all of you run in the same social circle, however, I
remain confident that your ex wouldn't sacrifice his own social
status like that.
Think about it. That would be contrary to his intentions of
salvaging his pride here.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. Did you happen to download the latest episode of The Chick
Whisperer podcast with Brad Howard yet? If not, it's waiting for
you on iTunes:
The TCW Podcast On iTunes
=====
If you like what you've read, please feel free to forward this
newsletter to others. Help a friend out.
In fact, did a friend forward YOU this message? To receive this
newsletter for men from X & Y Communications on a regular basis,
simply visit our main portal...
www.deservewhatyouwant.com
...drop your email in the annoying popup window, and download
So, being the man of low-character he is, he waits until his NEW
girlfriend is out of earshot before sneaking in some sort of
irritating jab at your new boyfriend.
You may think your old boyfriend is trying to "out alpha" your new
guy by asserting some sort of weird "original ownership" claim on
you or something.
But don't kid yourself. The truth is that your ex's ego can't
endure the physical presence of you and your new boyfriend happy
together.
So then, he feels like he has to knock your new guy's ego DOWN
some, as exhibited by his remarks.
This is NOT what WINNERS do. This is what LOSERS do.
"Saving face" is right up there with whining, blaming and making
excuses. It's bad sportsmanship and it's low-end on the character
scale.
Thankfully, your new guy is enough of a "big four" man to recognize
EXACTLY what is going on and deal with it accordingly.
That is...with GRACE and DIGNITY.
Your new guy knows he WON. As such, there's no need to defend in
any way against a man who has already been long since defeated.
Read that last paragraph again.
In short, there's about as much of a chance of your new boyfriend
getting all steamed up and defensive over this matter as there is
that my neighbor's kitty is going to fetch his newspaper for him.
Now, don't get me wrong.
I'm sure a part of you're new guy would LOVE to respond to your
ex's pathetic question with, "Uh...WAY, WAY better than your NEW
girl...obviously." (Followed by a brief serious pause and then
uproarious, mocking spontaneous laughter.)
But he knows exactly why that would be a BAD choice.
Never mind the ensuing fistfight. Staying out of the back seat of
a police car is one thing, but it's not the only thing.
More importantly, your boyfriend understands the immense value of
serving notice that he WILL NOT stoop to the level your ex is
operating on.
He's far too high quality a man for that.
My guess is that if you're able to view the whole scenario with the
sort of holistic
how highly your ex is respecting you as WELL as your choice in a
new boyfriend.
And by giving you so much to be proud of, he's inherently
protecting your best interests in a very real way.
Ultimately, I think you'll find that your ex boyfriend will
probably give up the snide remarks sooner than later.
He's not getting any sort of insecure response like unto what he
was hoping for that would in any way validate his own superiority.
Make no mistake: That's frustrating to him.
And make no mistake about this, either: Your NEW boyfriend is the
true "alpha" in this scenario, if you will.
In fact, were I your new boyfriend, I may actually give your ex a
compassionate (but knowing) smile to go along with the silence the
next time he tried to rattle me.
All of that said, I do want to make something else clear.
You alluded to the fact that your ex's comment about you being
"his" might serve to imply "ownership" at the sexual level.
I'm not sure I'm ready to recommend that your boyfriend openly
acknowledge and/or react to any subtle innuendo in that regard
either.
That could make it potentially VERY easy for your ex to prey on his
response as a sign of insecurity. (As if the nature of your past
sexual relationship with your ex really has anything to do with
your present worth as a human being anyway.)
That, of course, would only spur him on.
My bet is that your ex knows he'd better not ever go so far as to
remove the subtlety of his remarks...for his OWN good.
That's right. He wouldn't refer directly to any sexual
relationship the two of you had previously because then HE would
come off as the insecure one.
And indeed, he's probably got that figured out.
BUT...that said, were your ex to EVER BEGIN to insult or disrespect
you in some direct manner, then YES...your new boyfriend would
likely verbalize to him that he needs to stop it and show some
respect.
That's a wholly different situation, and you betcha...direct affronts
need to be dealt with in an equally direct manner.
Now, were that type of thing to go down, EVERYONE in the room would
immediately know who the "low man on the totem pole" is. It'd be
obvious.
Given that all of you run in the same social circle, however, I
remain confident that your ex wouldn't sacrifice his own social
status like that.
Think about it. That would be contrary to his intentions of
salvaging his pride here.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. Did you happen to download the latest episode of The Chick
Whisperer podcast with Brad Howard yet? If not, it's waiting for
you on iTunes:
The TCW Podcast On iTunes
=====
If you like what you've read, please feel free to forward this
newsletter to others. Help a friend out.
In fact, did a friend forward YOU this message? To receive this
newsletter for men from X & Y Communications on a regular basis,
simply visit our main portal...
www.deservewhatyouwant.com
...drop your email in the annoying popup window, and download
"Get The First Date...And The Second Date" for free. Or, just
send a blank email to xandy@aweber.com. Easy stuff.
X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled
participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of
life you are in. It's all about straight talk about the most creative
X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled
participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of
life you are in. It's all about straight talk about the most creative
subjects, somehow encompassing character-based principles
while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important
things head on. The basic stuff you've heard a million times isn't
rehashed around here. Enjoy!
Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for
entertainment purposes only and is not intended to constitute
professional advice.
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2010. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you believe
while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important
things head on. The basic stuff you've heard a million times isn't
rehashed around here. Enjoy!
Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for
professional advice.
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2010. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you believe
you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.