[X&Y] "Don't Throw The Babes Out With The Bathwater"
Published: Wed, 05/19/10
X & Y COMMUNICATIONS WEEKLY NEWSLETTER
=====
WHAT'S INSIDE: "I miss her" Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
The answer might not be what you think.
=====
As you read the letter below from Barry in the UK, you're likely to
be as least a bit amazed by his story.
Before diving into it, I have a VERY IMPORTANT message for you.
Whatever you do, don't read Barry's message and think that it
somehow DOESN'T apply to you because you may not exactly exactly as
far along as Barry is right now.
Don't focus on that.
Instead, pay VERY close attention to the simple fact that Barry
makes it perfectly clear that he was in pretty dire straits with
women a while back.
Barry is just another "normal" guy, just like you. BUT...he has done
what it takes to deserve what he wants with women and is reaping
the results these days.
I've done the same, and rest assured--so can you.
So read on...and be encouraged.
=====
WHAT'S INSIDE: "I miss her" Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
The answer might not be what you think.
=====
As you read the letter below from Barry in the UK, you're likely to
be as least a bit amazed by his story.
Before diving into it, I have a VERY IMPORTANT message for you.
Whatever you do, don't read Barry's message and think that it
somehow DOESN'T apply to you because you may not exactly exactly as
far along as Barry is right now.
Don't focus on that.
Instead, pay VERY close attention to the simple fact that Barry
makes it perfectly clear that he was in pretty dire straits with
women a while back.
Barry is just another "normal" guy, just like you. BUT...he has done
what it takes to deserve what he wants with women and is reaping
the results these days.
I've done the same, and rest assured--so can you.
So read on...and be encouraged.
=====
HINT: If you're in a hurry and want to skip directly to finding out
about how you can get results like Barry's, here's something
new I've put together for you:
The Master Plan + The Leading Man
=====
READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS
Hiya Scot,
How you doing?
I wonder if you can maybe help me out for a sec. Could you give me
your take on something that's giving me sleepless nights? It's my
'sticking point' if you like.
I'm 45, completely reinvented myself from divorced wimp 5 years ago
to well, as you would put it, a guy that deserves what he wants
...and my question is...
How important is missing a girl when it comes to selecting 'my
Emily' from the many options I have?
You see, I've gotten myself into the 'nice problem to have' of
having a several great girls pine for me, miss me every day and
generally do the chasing to take up my time to erm...let's say
provide them with the pleasures and social life they crave.
Remember when you had 3 great options before selecting Emily?
Well, I'm pretty similar... And my bottom line is I'm wanting to
select and stop all this high activity but I have a problem in that
I don't miss any of them.
Now does this mean that none of these is the right girl?
Or does it just mean that because I'm now such an extremely
independent successful business guy that it's not surprising I
don't even need a great girl as a lifelong companion?
Yeah, I miss them a bit each but it's not that I can't live without
them and it doesn't bother me if one doesn't call because they
pretty much rotate evenly and fight for my time.
I realize too that they miss me daily, which is pretty easy (let's
face it) when we are all that they've ever wanted in a real man.
But does it matter if we don't miss them?
Where's the line here? Is missing them a lot just a female gender
specific thing?
Am I ok to just choose any one of them and start to exclude the
others and build a great life together ...or would I be settling if
I did that?
I'd love to hear your views any time you got a moment.
BTW, diving into the Master Plan now after being through the
Leading Man last week. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on
missing girls, and the importance to guys like us who are ready to
choose from his great options.
Warm regards,
Barry (Confused in the UK)
=====
Hello Barry:
First of all, congratulations on achieving the level of success you
have with women. You are clearly a chooser rather than a chaser.
Now you've come to the point that I have to say few men believe is
even POSSIBLE, and yet--like I did over five years ago now--you're
now finding that the complexities of relating to women don't
exactly go away when success comes your way, they simply evolve
into different ones.
That is, you indeed have a "high quality problem"...which we tend to
specialize in solving around here.
To give a simple answer to your central question, YES...how much
you miss a woman when she's not around matters VERY MUCH.
And YES...that probably means that NONE of them are the "right"
woman.
Yet, you're saying that you're ready to select a great woman and
move away from the "high activity" that your busy dating life
involves.
For sure, a lot of guys would think you must be out of your mind,
but believe me I know. A wildly successful dating life can
literally EAT YOU ALIVE if you let it.
Seriously, being able to attract terrific women like that who want
to be with you all the time can start consuming all of your free
time.
This would include the time once spent going to the gym to get into
great shape, partaking in all those "interesting" activities that
intrigued women to begin with, and spending time with the friends
that earned you social status.
Heck, it can even start cutting into your sleep and even distract
you from giving your career the attention it deserves.
All of that spells D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R in general for your personal
life. And the irony is that the more "out of control" your dating
life gets, the LESS attractive you might become to women.
I'm betting you sense all of that already.
In fact, you may even be thinking that there's more to life than
just sex.
What I'm about to say may sound crazy to a guy who hasn't gotten to
where you are yet.
But once you can call any of five or six hotties who would each
jump at the chance to come crawl in bed with you at any given
moment, a "change of pace" like hitting a sports bar or even
playing a round of golf starts to sound REALLY good.
I mean, as couples on their honeymoons quickly discover: You just
can't have sex ALL THE TIME.
So when I say that the word "balance" might ring a bell for you,
I'm thinking I just hit the nail on the head.
Considering that you don't necessarily favor any of the terrific
women in your life over the others, I can definitively say that you
WOULD indeed be "settling" if you just pinned all of their names to
the wall and threw a dart.
Like I said, on one hand none of these women are probably "The
One".
It's my experience that a guy in your situation really will likely
get "knocked out" when a woman who checks all the boxes comes
along.
Given the amount of experience relating and evaluating women that
you have, you're far less likely to "grow into" seeing a woman as
the right one for you long-term if she doesn't occur as such
sometime over the course of the first few dates, max.
That's just one of the many benefits of having actually been out
with lots of high quality women.
But on the other hand, should you just "wipe the slate" and give
all these women the JBF talk?
I wouldn't throw the babes out with the bathwater just yet.
If you're ENJOYING the company of these women, by all means
continue to do so.
But yes, you're going to have to JBF some of them. It's a
logistical necessity at this point.
One EASY way to make a decision here is to pay careful attention to
whether or not any particular woman's feelings are deepening toward
you such that she may be starting to think YOU'RE "The One" even as
you already know SHE ISN'T.
You've got to let those women go. Otherwise, you're proceeding
with little concern over their emotions, and that's hurtful.
Assuming, however, that the women in your life tracking with the
casual, non-exclusive nature of your relationship with them, the
decision making process can indeed appear to be more complicated,
can't it?
Considering every woman is an individual, trying to somehow
subjectively decide which women stay in your life may be all but
impossible.
I mean, how do you compare that spunky ex-gymnast brunette to the
leggy, elegant blonde? And those to three other women...each of
whom are exquisite snowflakes in their own right?
The answer for me was to draw up what I call "The Checklist".
What you do is you decide upon ten "must have" factors that your
ideal woman would have going for her.
These can be ANYTHING you want them to be. Don't cheat yourself
here by leaving off what you may think is "shallow" or even a bit
eccentric.
Once you have that list together, rank EACH woman in your life on a
scale of 1-10 under EACH respective factor.
Add each of those columns together, and you'll end up with a number
that approaches 100.
Don't skimp when you add up the numbers, either. But at the same
time be honest rather than generous.
This process may sound a bit cut and dried, and even flat-out stone
cold to some.
But when you have multiple women in your life who ALL are
subjectively fantastic to you, this really is how you get down to
measuring the important traits that portend long term potential (or
otherwise).
In fact, you may SHOCK yourself at how the numbers add up for the
women in your life. There may actually turn out to be wide deltas
between them when these objective factors are held up to the light.
But whatever the case, I can all but assure you that this simple
exercise will help you figure out who to keep in your circle and
who to release so that they can find men who will in turn
appreciate them as much as they deserve.
From there, you really, truly shouldn't decide to move forward
exclusively with one woman for the rest of your life until you meet
your "100".
If that sounds insanely "picky" or even flat-out unreasonable, I
can understand how one would perceive it as such.
But then again, I broke up with a "99" for my "100".
After all, we're talking about the woman that you, a man in demand,
are going to spend the rest of your life with.
You indeed cannot "settle". This isn't about "charity". You
don't marry a woman because you feel sorry for her or because you
think she's "probably good enough".
Once you meet your "100", the two of you can volunteer at a soup
kitchen or something...TOGETHER.
And yes, the "I Miss You Factor" was one of the ten columns on my
own, personal version of "The Checklist".
Forget what you've heard from any of the PUA guys out there about
getting "one-itis", "developing too much feeling for a woman", etc.
Such advice is designed for newbies who tend to lose emotional
control over a sexually attractive woman--often before they even
meet her.
The point isn't to lose touch with your emotions as a living,
breathing human being and become Mr. Spock or something.
Feeling is living. And when you've got a mature, evolved
perspective on women and attraction--the kind that comes from
experiential success, such as yours--then your feelings will speak
the truth to you.
And if you're not missing certain women so much when they're not
around, that means that they don't obviate your desire to have
other women around.
That's rather elementary logic.
But when any woman who may really turn out to be "The One" shows
up, and you indeed naturally start wanting her to ride shotgun with
you EVERY night, you'll realize you DO miss her when she's not
around.
...Even when another woman IS around.
Ultimately, that's the kind of sign you're looking for.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
=====
So how about it? Are you as amazed by Barry's story as I was?
Perhaps you're even MORE amazed by the fact that despite already
experiencing considerable success with women, Barry STILL invested
in The Leading Man just recently and is now delving into The Master
Plan.
How about you? Are you ready to take back your birthright as a
real man who was BORN to attract women?
And are you ready to LOCK DOWN the "revolving door of women" in
your life and know what it takes to keep the RIGHT woman in your
life for as long as you'd like?
How good a feeling would it be to know that you can not only BE the
man women naturally desire, but that you can CALL THE SHOTS when it
comes to you relationships with them?
And most of all, can you "wear the pants" without losing your
shirt? Can you be IN CONTROL without being a CONTROLLER?
Right now, for the first time, I've arranged it so that you can get
on the VERY SAME TRACK that Barry is on with just ONE CLICK.
I've got BOTH The Master Plan AND The Leading Man for you...all for
just $20 more than The Master Plan usually goes for by itself.
If you're keeping score, that's a $77 savings:
=====
READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS
Hiya Scot,
How you doing?
I wonder if you can maybe help me out for a sec. Could you give me
your take on something that's giving me sleepless nights? It's my
'sticking point' if you like.
I'm 45, completely reinvented myself from divorced wimp 5 years ago
to well, as you would put it, a guy that deserves what he wants
...and my question is...
How important is missing a girl when it comes to selecting 'my
Emily' from the many options I have?
You see, I've gotten myself into the 'nice problem to have' of
having a several great girls pine for me, miss me every day and
generally do the chasing to take up my time to erm...let's say
provide them with the pleasures and social life they crave.
Remember when you had 3 great options before selecting Emily?
Well, I'm pretty similar... And my bottom line is I'm wanting to
select and stop all this high activity but I have a problem in that
I don't miss any of them.
Now does this mean that none of these is the right girl?
Or does it just mean that because I'm now such an extremely
independent successful business guy that it's not surprising I
don't even need a great girl as a lifelong companion?
Yeah, I miss them a bit each but it's not that I can't live without
them and it doesn't bother me if one doesn't call because they
pretty much rotate evenly and fight for my time.
I realize too that they miss me daily, which is pretty easy (let's
face it) when we are all that they've ever wanted in a real man.
But does it matter if we don't miss them?
Where's the line here? Is missing them a lot just a female gender
specific thing?
Am I ok to just choose any one of them and start to exclude the
others and build a great life together ...or would I be settling if
I did that?
I'd love to hear your views any time you got a moment.
BTW, diving into the Master Plan now after being through the
Leading Man last week. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on
missing girls, and the importance to guys like us who are ready to
choose from his great options.
Warm regards,
Barry (Confused in the UK)
=====
Hello Barry:
First of all, congratulations on achieving the level of success you
have with women. You are clearly a chooser rather than a chaser.
Now you've come to the point that I have to say few men believe is
even POSSIBLE, and yet--like I did over five years ago now--you're
now finding that the complexities of relating to women don't
exactly go away when success comes your way, they simply evolve
into different ones.
That is, you indeed have a "high quality problem"...which we tend to
specialize in solving around here.
To give a simple answer to your central question, YES...how much
you miss a woman when she's not around matters VERY MUCH.
And YES...that probably means that NONE of them are the "right"
woman.
Yet, you're saying that you're ready to select a great woman and
move away from the "high activity" that your busy dating life
involves.
For sure, a lot of guys would think you must be out of your mind,
but believe me I know. A wildly successful dating life can
literally EAT YOU ALIVE if you let it.
Seriously, being able to attract terrific women like that who want
to be with you all the time can start consuming all of your free
time.
This would include the time once spent going to the gym to get into
great shape, partaking in all those "interesting" activities that
intrigued women to begin with, and spending time with the friends
that earned you social status.
Heck, it can even start cutting into your sleep and even distract
you from giving your career the attention it deserves.
All of that spells D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R in general for your personal
life. And the irony is that the more "out of control" your dating
life gets, the LESS attractive you might become to women.
I'm betting you sense all of that already.
In fact, you may even be thinking that there's more to life than
just sex.
What I'm about to say may sound crazy to a guy who hasn't gotten to
where you are yet.
But once you can call any of five or six hotties who would each
jump at the chance to come crawl in bed with you at any given
moment, a "change of pace" like hitting a sports bar or even
playing a round of golf starts to sound REALLY good.
I mean, as couples on their honeymoons quickly discover: You just
can't have sex ALL THE TIME.
So when I say that the word "balance" might ring a bell for you,
I'm thinking I just hit the nail on the head.
Considering that you don't necessarily favor any of the terrific
women in your life over the others, I can definitively say that you
WOULD indeed be "settling" if you just pinned all of their names to
the wall and threw a dart.
Like I said, on one hand none of these women are probably "The
One".
It's my experience that a guy in your situation really will likely
get "knocked out" when a woman who checks all the boxes comes
along.
Given the amount of experience relating and evaluating women that
you have, you're far less likely to "grow into" seeing a woman as
the right one for you long-term if she doesn't occur as such
sometime over the course of the first few dates, max.
That's just one of the many benefits of having actually been out
with lots of high quality women.
But on the other hand, should you just "wipe the slate" and give
all these women the JBF talk?
I wouldn't throw the babes out with the bathwater just yet.
If you're ENJOYING the company of these women, by all means
continue to do so.
But yes, you're going to have to JBF some of them. It's a
logistical necessity at this point.
One EASY way to make a decision here is to pay careful attention to
whether or not any particular woman's feelings are deepening toward
you such that she may be starting to think YOU'RE "The One" even as
you already know SHE ISN'T.
You've got to let those women go. Otherwise, you're proceeding
with little concern over their emotions, and that's hurtful.
Assuming, however, that the women in your life tracking with the
casual, non-exclusive nature of your relationship with them, the
decision making process can indeed appear to be more complicated,
can't it?
Considering every woman is an individual, trying to somehow
subjectively decide which women stay in your life may be all but
impossible.
I mean, how do you compare that spunky ex-gymnast brunette to the
leggy, elegant blonde? And those to three other women...each of
whom are exquisite snowflakes in their own right?
The answer for me was to draw up what I call "The Checklist".
What you do is you decide upon ten "must have" factors that your
ideal woman would have going for her.
These can be ANYTHING you want them to be. Don't cheat yourself
here by leaving off what you may think is "shallow" or even a bit
eccentric.
Once you have that list together, rank EACH woman in your life on a
scale of 1-10 under EACH respective factor.
Add each of those columns together, and you'll end up with a number
that approaches 100.
Don't skimp when you add up the numbers, either. But at the same
time be honest rather than generous.
This process may sound a bit cut and dried, and even flat-out stone
cold to some.
But when you have multiple women in your life who ALL are
subjectively fantastic to you, this really is how you get down to
measuring the important traits that portend long term potential (or
otherwise).
In fact, you may SHOCK yourself at how the numbers add up for the
women in your life. There may actually turn out to be wide deltas
between them when these objective factors are held up to the light.
But whatever the case, I can all but assure you that this simple
exercise will help you figure out who to keep in your circle and
who to release so that they can find men who will in turn
appreciate them as much as they deserve.
From there, you really, truly shouldn't decide to move forward
exclusively with one woman for the rest of your life until you meet
your "100".
If that sounds insanely "picky" or even flat-out unreasonable, I
can understand how one would perceive it as such.
But then again, I broke up with a "99" for my "100".
After all, we're talking about the woman that you, a man in demand,
are going to spend the rest of your life with.
You indeed cannot "settle". This isn't about "charity". You
don't marry a woman because you feel sorry for her or because you
think she's "probably good enough".
Once you meet your "100", the two of you can volunteer at a soup
kitchen or something...TOGETHER.
And yes, the "I Miss You Factor" was one of the ten columns on my
own, personal version of "The Checklist".
Forget what you've heard from any of the PUA guys out there about
getting "one-itis", "developing too much feeling for a woman", etc.
Such advice is designed for newbies who tend to lose emotional
control over a sexually attractive woman--often before they even
meet her.
The point isn't to lose touch with your emotions as a living,
breathing human being and become Mr. Spock or something.
Feeling is living. And when you've got a mature, evolved
experiential success, such as yours--then your feelings will speak
the truth to you.
And if you're not missing certain women so much when they're not
around, that means that they don't obviate your desire to have
other women around.
That's rather elementary logic.
But when any woman who may really turn out to be "The One" shows
up, and you indeed naturally start wanting her to ride shotgun with
you EVERY night, you'll realize you DO miss her when she's not
around.
...Even when another woman IS around.
Ultimately, that's the kind of sign you're looking for.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
=====
So how about it? Are you as amazed by Barry's story as I was?
Perhaps you're even MORE amazed by the fact that despite already
experiencing considerable success with women, Barry STILL invested
in The Leading Man just recently and is now delving into The Master
Plan.
How about you? Are you ready to take back your birthright as a
real man who was BORN to attract women?
And are you ready to LOCK DOWN the "revolving door of women" in
your life and know what it takes to keep the RIGHT woman in your
life for as long as you'd like?
How good a feeling would it be to know that you can not only BE the
man women naturally desire, but that you can CALL THE SHOTS when it
comes to you relationships with them?
And most of all, can you "wear the pants" without losing your
shirt? Can you be IN CONTROL without being a CONTROLLER?
Right now, for the first time, I've arranged it so that you can get
on the VERY SAME TRACK that Barry is on with just ONE CLICK.
I've got BOTH The Master Plan AND The Leading Man for you...all for
just $20 more than The Master Plan usually goes for by itself.
If you're keeping score, that's a $77 savings:
The Master Plan + The Leading Man
If you've been wondering lately about which program to get, I've
just made that decision about as easy as it gets, haven't I?
And YES...I'll be sure to send you the EXTRA audio program called
"Igniting Femininity: 14 Ways Women Define Masculinity".
And YES...just so you'll be all set once you begin experiencing the
kind of success that Barry is having, I'll give you a copy of my
book How To Manage Your Wildly Successful Dating Life as ANOTHER
BONUS.
In fact, that has ALREADY been waiting for you in the Member's Area
for The Leading Man for quite some time now.
So here's the link once again.
The Master Plan + The Leading Man
Have a great Wednesday night, gentlemen. I'll talk to you again
soon.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. If you've never actually checked out what all's included with
The Master Plan and The Leading Man, here are the links to each
respective Web site:
The Master Plan
The Leading Man
=====
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