[X&Y] Fear Of NOT Getting Rejected?
Published: Thu, 06/10/10
X & Y COMMUNICATIONS WEEKLY NEWSLETTER
=====
WHAT'S INSIDE: She's beautiful. In fact, she seems like a
princess to you. Does that mean she seems like a princess to
HERSELF? Read my answer to an excellent question from one of you.
=====
"IT'S LIKE THE 'UNIVERSITY OF PHOENIX ' FOR GETTING
=====
WHAT'S INSIDE: She's beautiful. In fact, she seems like a
princess to you. Does that mean she seems like a princess to
HERSELF? Read my answer to an excellent question from one of you.
=====
"IT'S LIKE THE '
BETTER WITH WOMEN"
I already realize that if you're reading this you want more than a
one night stand.
MUCH more.
You want a quality woman who catches your eye from the beginning
and who gets better and better the more you get to know her.
Well, what if you could get your grubby mitts on a course that
sticks with you as you learn and grow, offering you valuable
insights and advice every step of the way?
Sounds like a killer plan, doesn't it?
Well...I've managed to secure a much-anticipated sneak peek at the
very first issue of Meet Your Sweet's Ultimate Attraction
Transformation Series, which they have ever so graciously allowed
me to share with you:
http://bit.ly/d248pe
My good friends Slade Shaw and Mirabelle Summers have just released
a 12-part Ultimate Attraction Transformation series for men.
Released monthly, this is a MUST for men who want a true path to
greatness, one step at a time. And it's ALL ONLINE.
I kid you not, this is sort of like "University Of Phoenix " and you
get to major in "Female Success Science".
Each month you'll get a whole slate of great new practical ideas,
all presented to you in a dynamic and visually attractive
magazine-style layout.
And it's packed full of quality attraction, dating, relationship
AND health / lifestyle secrets.
Women want the whole package, and that's ust what Meet Your Sweet's
Ultimate Attraction Transformation Series delivers, frankly.
This is an important first step toward a total lifestyle
transformation that will give you results like you have never
achieved before.
Guys, I had to do some smooth talking to get this complimentary
first issue for you, so I don't want you to squander this
opportunity.
Check it out now and see how comprehensive this first issue ALONE
is.
And this is only the first of 12, of course. As you go further,
you'll get fresh life-changing issue every month for the next year.
So why wait? This is open though the weekend, so get your first
free issue now right here:
http://bit.ly/d248pe
By now you know we have great respect for what our friends down in
New Zealand put together for you guys. Emily and I even VISITED
Slade Shaw and Amy Waterman back in March, and they've become great
friends.
So I can tell you, without reservation, that this is truly the good
stuff. (And hey...I wouldn't have CONTRIBUTED to one of the issues
otherwise, right?)
And now, here is a question from a reader in Germany that truly
applies to just about all of us...
=====
LETTER FROM A READER
Hey Scot,
Ok, I've been thinking about this one for a while.
I am frustrated with myself. I have been to a nightclub and it was
awful. I was with a friend and there were lots of girls.
I could really see how they were just waiting for me to take them
by the hand to dance with them etc. - but I couldn't.
I was looking good, they were clearly interested - man one
attractive girl sat down RIGHT NEXT TO ME and I did not talk to
her.
I've seen this happen every time I go out lately.
I realise what all the other guys are doing wrong (not having the
guts to just go and talk to the pretty girls), I can see she's
waiting for a real man who's not intimidated by her to finally show
up.
I look at her and she looks at me with that hope in her eyes. I
know it's all just a matter of going over there and talking to her
BUT I DON'T.
There is something in me that is too scared to just go over - or in
fact even just to talk to a girl who sat down next to me.
I have this inner vision of myself of being this awesome, extremely
successful guy that everyone wants to be friends with and all women
love. You know how when you hold a vision it becomes part of your
being in the present.
For example, when you think of yourself as being a future
millionaire all the time eventually you will start to think and act
more like one.
That's kind of what's happening to me here. I have what seems a
strong ego at first. But what's going on inside is that this
"strong ego" knows that it hasn't really been tested yet.
Part of me knows that it's all not based on solid ground. Therefore
I shy out of every test that could hurt my ego.
The thoughts that are going through my mind are "fear of success".
In a way I am scared that this 25 year old model might actually be
into me - I would not know how to deal with that situation because
I never experienced it before and that is another reason why I shy
out.
Please do tell me if you feel there's something else going on as
well that I am missing here?
Best regards,
Ulrich (Wiesbaden, Germany)
=====
How's it going, Ulrich? It's always excellent to hear from guys
like you in Germany.
And, well, I can understand what you're saying. And not just because
you wrote it in convenient English for me.
The ideas of "How do I make plans with a woman?" and "What do we
actually DO together now that I've met her?" are both covered with
ENTIRE dedicated audio programs in the upcoming program The Man's
Approach.
Rest assured, that's because A LOT of guys ask this sort of thing.
It's as if the "fear of rejection" that most guys experience has
given way to "fear of NOT getting rejected."
I do think that your self-perceived "fear of what to do with her if
she's actually attracted to me" can have something to do with the
need to build basic confidence, of course.
But I suspect there may be a more overarching issue at play here,
especially since you can already see the forest for the trees and
REALIZE you're attractive to them.
And that's what I want to address.
But first off, good job on getting a fantastic head start at
getting through all of this in one piece.
So many guys suffer from the "too good to be true factor" when they
encounter beautiful women, but you already FULLY recognize that
they're indeed attracted to you quite often.
But my guess here is that YOU, however, may be infected by a nasty
strain of the "putting women on a pedestal" virus--and it's a
particularly destructive yet subtle one.
Specifically, you're suggesting to yourself that highly attractive
women are not mere mortals for whom "normal life" experiences are
enough.
In other words, you may believe that they somehow require a higher
standard ofentertainment , etc. As such, you perhaps think you
can't pull together something to do that will be interesting enough
for them.
I mean, forget anxiety over whether your performance in the bedroom
is going to be grandiose enough for them. That's several chess
moves ahead.
First you've got to figure out that you can pick them up in your
Opel Astra rather than a gilded carriage drawn by eight white
horses...and it'll be okay.
And then you've got to realize that walking in the park on a
starlit summer night with a gelato might be preferable to being
whisked off for Kobe beef and Dom Perignon via helicopter.
Meanwhile, these women are going home and watching reruns of
"friends" on TV with a Diet Coke and a Donor kebab since you didn't
ask them out.
That's the fact.
They're just WOMEN.
And that means they're just HUMAN BEINGS.
If they like you--and they do--then they'll implicitly enjoy hanging
out with you REGARDLESS of what you're doing.
Really, you can just share your lifestyle with them and they'll
love you for it.
I remember I once went grocery shopping with a woman late one
night--for HER groceries, no less.
That's about as mundane as it gets.
I just did what I could do to make it more fun. I was casually
placing weird things in her shopping cart when she wasn't looking
and stuff like that.
Afterward, all she wanted to do was make out. And make no mistake,
she was an incredible woman in every way.
So what if a particular woman does indeed behave like a "diva" when
you hang out with her, and nothing is good enough?
Well then, take the high road. Maybe she's right. Let some other
guy go and try to figure out how to retrieve the pea out from under
her mattress.
People who are unpretentious and down-to-earth rock. Even
beautiful female ones...and I promise you they're out there.
Rest comfortably in the notion that you're clearly attractive to
women and that your personality WORKS.
They want to hang out with YOU.
Ironically, it's very often the case that the more we try to plan
something "impressive" and outlandish, the more likely it is to
BACKFIRE on us.
Crazy as it sounds, that same woman you may have THOUGHT would
tolerate nothing less than the "princess" treatment may be left
thinking, "Why does this guy have to hide behind this huge
production? Doesn't he realize his authentic self is ENOUGH for
me?"
Then, she'd go back home to her Donor kebab and reruns, radiant in
her goddess-like beauty all the while...but disappointed. Go figure.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. Starting next time, I'm going to be sending you a series of
f-r-e-e goodies ahead of the release of The Man's Approach. Stay
tuned.
=====
If you like what you've read, please feel free to forward this
newsletter to others. Help a friend out.
In fact, did a friend forward YOU this message? To receive this
newsletter for men from X & Y Communications on a regular basis,
simply visit our main portal...
www.deservewhatyouwant.com
...drop your email in the annoying popup window, and download
I already realize that if you're reading this you want more than a
one night stand.
MUCH more.
You want a quality woman who catches your eye from the beginning
and who gets better and better the more you get to know her.
Well, what if you could get your grubby mitts on a course that
sticks with you as you learn and grow, offering you valuable
insights and advice every step of the way?
Sounds like a killer plan, doesn't it?
Well...I've managed to secure a much-anticipated sneak peek at the
very first issue of Meet Your Sweet's Ultimate Attraction
Transformation Series, which they have ever so graciously allowed
me to share with you:
http://bit.ly/d248pe
My good friends Slade Shaw and Mirabelle Summers have just released
a 12-part Ultimate Attraction Transformation series for men.
Released monthly, this is a MUST for men who want a true path to
greatness, one step at a time. And it's ALL ONLINE.
I kid you not, this is sort of like "
get to major in "Female Success Science".
Each month you'll get a whole slate of great new practical ideas,
all presented to you in a dynamic and visually attractive
magazine-style layout.
And it's packed full of quality attraction, dating, relationship
AND health / lifestyle secrets.
Women want the whole package, and that's ust what Meet Your Sweet's
Ultimate Attraction Transformation Series delivers, frankly.
This is an important first step toward a total lifestyle
transformation that will give you results like you have never
achieved before.
Guys, I had to do some smooth talking to get this complimentary
first issue for you, so I don't want you to squander this
opportunity.
Check it out now and see how comprehensive this first issue ALONE
is.
And this is only the first of 12, of course. As you go further,
you'll get fresh life-changing issue every month for the next year.
So why wait? This is open though the weekend, so get your first
free issue now right here:
http://bit.ly/d248pe
By now you know we have great respect for what our friends down in
New Zealand put together for you guys. Emily and I even VISITED
Slade Shaw and Amy Waterman back in March, and they've become great
friends.
So I can tell you, without reservation, that this is truly the good
stuff. (And hey...I wouldn't have CONTRIBUTED to one of the issues
otherwise, right?)
And now, here is a question from a reader in Germany that truly
applies to just about all of us...
=====
LETTER FROM A READER
Hey Scot,
Ok, I've been thinking about this one for a while.
I am frustrated with myself. I have been to a nightclub and it was
awful. I was with a friend and there were lots of girls.
I could really see how they were just waiting for me to take them
by the hand to dance with them etc. - but I couldn't.
I was looking good, they were clearly interested - man one
attractive girl sat down RIGHT NEXT TO ME and I did not talk to
her.
I've seen this happen every time I go out lately.
I realise what all the other guys are doing wrong (not having the
guts to just go and talk to the pretty girls), I can see she's
waiting for a real man who's not intimidated by her to finally show
up.
I look at her and she looks at me with that hope in her eyes. I
know it's all just a matter of going over there and talking to her
BUT I DON'T.
There is something in me that is too scared to just go over - or in
fact even just to talk to a girl who sat down next to me.
I have this inner vision of myself of being this awesome, extremely
successful guy that everyone wants to be friends with and all women
love. You know how when you hold a vision it becomes part of your
being in the present.
For example, when you think of yourself as being a future
millionaire all the time eventually you will start to think and act
more like one.
That's kind of what's happening to me here. I have what seems a
strong ego at first. But what's going on inside is that this
"strong ego" knows that it hasn't really been tested yet.
Part of me knows that it's all not based on solid ground. Therefore
I shy out of every test that could hurt my ego.
The thoughts that are going through my mind are "fear of success".
In a way I am scared that this 25 year old model might actually be
into me - I would not know how to deal with that situation because
I never experienced it before and that is another reason why I shy
out.
Please do tell me if you feel there's something else going on as
well that I am missing here?
Best regards,
Ulrich (Wiesbaden, Germany)
=====
How's it going, Ulrich? It's always excellent to hear from guys
like you in Germany.
And, well, I can understand what you're saying. And not just because
you wrote it in convenient English for me.
The ideas of "How do I make plans with a woman?" and "What do we
actually DO together now that I've met her?" are both covered with
ENTIRE dedicated audio programs in the upcoming program The Man's
Approach.
Rest assured, that's because A LOT of guys ask this sort of thing.
It's as if the "fear of rejection" that most guys experience has
given way to "fear of NOT getting rejected."
I do think that your self-perceived "fear of what to do with her if
she's actually attracted to me" can have something to do with the
need to build basic confidence, of course.
But I suspect there may be a more overarching issue at play here,
especially since you can already see the forest for the trees and
REALIZE you're attractive to them.
And that's what I want to address.
But first off, good job on getting a fantastic head start at
getting through all of this in one piece.
So many guys suffer from the "too good to be true factor" when they
encounter beautiful women, but you already FULLY recognize that
they're indeed attracted to you quite often.
But my guess here is that YOU, however, may be infected by a nasty
strain of the "putting women on a pedestal" virus--and it's a
particularly destructive yet subtle one.
Specifically, you're suggesting to yourself that highly attractive
women are not mere mortals for whom "normal life" experiences are
enough.
In other words, you may believe that they somehow require a higher
standard of
can't pull together something to do that will be interesting enough
for them.
I mean, forget anxiety over whether your performance in the bedroom
is going to be grandiose enough for them. That's several chess
moves ahead.
First you've got to figure out that you can pick them up in your
Opel Astra rather than a gilded carriage drawn by eight white
horses...and it'll be okay.
And then you've got to realize that walking in the park on a
starlit summer night with a gelato might be preferable to being
whisked off for Kobe beef and Dom Perignon via helicopter.
Meanwhile, these women are going home and watching reruns of
"friends" on TV with a Diet Coke and a Donor kebab since you didn't
ask them out.
That's the fact.
They're just WOMEN.
And that means they're just HUMAN BEINGS.
If they like you--and they do--then they'll implicitly enjoy hanging
out with you REGARDLESS of what you're doing.
Really, you can just share your lifestyle with them and they'll
love you for it.
I remember I once went grocery shopping with a woman late one
night--for HER groceries, no less.
That's about as mundane as it gets.
I just did what I could do to make it more fun. I was casually
placing weird things in her shopping cart when she wasn't looking
and stuff like that.
Afterward, all she wanted to do was make out. And make no mistake,
she was an incredible woman in every way.
So what if a particular woman does indeed behave like a "diva" when
you hang out with her, and nothing is good enough?
Well then, take the high road. Maybe she's right. Let some other
guy go and try to figure out how to retrieve the pea out from under
her mattress.
People who are unpretentious and down-to-earth rock. Even
beautiful female ones...and I promise you they're out there.
Rest comfortably in the notion that you're clearly attractive to
women and that your personality WORKS.
They want to hang out with YOU.
Ironically, it's very often the case that the more we try to plan
something "impressive" and outlandish, the more likely it is to
BACKFIRE on us.
Crazy as it sounds, that same woman you may have THOUGHT would
tolerate nothing less than the "princess" treatment may be left
thinking, "Why does this guy have to hide behind this huge
production? Doesn't he realize his authentic self is ENOUGH for
me?"
Then, she'd go back home to her Donor kebab and reruns, radiant in
her goddess-like beauty all the while...but disappointed. Go figure.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. Starting next time, I'm going to be sending you a series of
f-r-e-e goodies ahead of the release of The Man's Approach. Stay
tuned.
=====
If you like what you've read, please feel free to forward this
newsletter to others. Help a friend out.
In fact, did a friend forward YOU this message? To receive this
newsletter for men from X & Y Communications on a regular basis,
simply visit our main portal...
www.deservewhatyouwant.com
...drop your email in the annoying popup window, and download
"Get The First Date...And The Second Date" for free. Or, just send
a blank email to xandy@aweber.com. Easy stuff.
X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled
participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of
life you are in. It's all about straight talk about the most creative
X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled
participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of
life you are in. It's all about straight talk about the most creative
subjects, somehow encompassing character-based principles
while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important
things head on. The basic stuff you've heard a million times isn't
rehashed around here. Enjoy!
Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for
entertainment purposes only and is not intended to constitute
professional advice.
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2010. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you believe
while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important
things head on. The basic stuff you've heard a million times isn't
rehashed around here. Enjoy!
Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for
professional advice.
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2010. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you believe
you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.