[X&Y] Seven Deadly Mistakes We Make When We're With A Woman
Published: Thu, 09/09/10
X & Y COMMUNICATIONS WEEKLY NEWSLETTER
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WHAT'S INSIDE: Not long ago I told you about seven unconscious
mannerisms that are deadly when relating to women. On second
thought, I'd better share seven more deadly actions that we're
often FULLY AWARE of, but do anyway.
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REMINDER: TELESEMINAR TONIGHT ON MEETING WOMEN
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WHAT'S INSIDE: Not long ago I told you about seven unconscious
mannerisms that are deadly when relating to women. On second
thought, I'd better share seven more deadly actions that we're
often FULLY AWARE of, but do anyway.
=====
REMINDER: TELESEMINAR TONIGHT ON MEETING WOMEN
AND STARTING CONVERSATIONS WITH THEM
DATE: TONIGHT -- Thursday September 9th
TIME: 9pm Eastern Daylight Time (GMT -4)
ACCESS: Via US Call-In Number Or Worldwide Via The Web
DETAILS: http://bit.ly/TheMansApproachWebinar
Here's a quick reminder, as promised. The first teleseminar /
webinar we've hosted in literally months is happening TONIGHT.
We're going to be covering a TON of the sticking points submitted
by the 2346 guys so far who have responded to our online survey
asking, "What is your biggest challenge when it comes to meeting
women, starting conversations with them and making plans to see
them again?"
Scheduled to join me on the call are Bobby Rio from TSBmag, Brad
Howard from The Adonis Effect, Christian Hudson from The Social
DATE: TONIGHT -- Thursday September 9th
TIME: 9pm Eastern Daylight Time (GMT -4)
ACCESS: Via US Call-In Number Or Worldwide Via The Web
DETAILS: http://bit.ly/TheMansApproachWebinar
Here's a quick reminder, as promised. The first teleseminar /
webinar we've hosted in literally months is happening TONIGHT.
We're going to be covering a TON of the sticking points submitted
by the 2346 guys so far who have responded to our online survey
asking, "What is your biggest challenge when it comes to meeting
women, starting conversations with them and making plans to see
them again?"
Scheduled to join me on the call are Bobby Rio from TSBmag, Brad
Howard from The Adonis Effect, Christian Hudson from The Social
Man and none other than Bill Preston--co-host of the most recent
TCW podcast.
I've picked these guys not only because I've seen them meet women
in person with my very own eyes, but also because I know they tend
to bring their "A game" to calls like this.
See you on the call in about three hours. I'll have some cool
surprises waiting for you.
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7 THINGS YOU MUST NEVER DO WITH A WOMAN YOU
I've picked these guys not only because I've seen them meet women
in person with my very own eyes, but also because I know they tend
to bring their "A game" to calls like this.
See you on the call in about three hours. I'll have some cool
surprises waiting for you.
=====
7 THINGS YOU MUST NEVER DO WITH A WOMAN YOU
JUST MET
Ok, about a week or so ago I wrote to you about seven unconscious
mannerisms that tend to crater a LOT of guys' chances with women.
As insidious as it sounds to think we might be messing up without
even realizing it, I've gotten several e-mails from guys lately
that have served as poignant reminders that our mess-ups aren't
always "unconscious"...not by a long shot.
I mean, I've heard the phrase "no brain, no pain" plenty of times,
as I'm sure you have also. But some of what we do really gives
that concept new meaning.
Guys have even been known make admissions to the effect of, "I know
what I'm doing is going to cause her to lose attraction or even
make her run away...but I keep doing it anyway."
Gotta stop that stuff, gentlemen
With that in mind, consider the following seven bullet points
collectively as the Things That Must Never Be. As you read, make
a mental note just to STOP IT whenever the overwhelming temptation
to do ANY OF THESE comes over you:
1) Buy Her Stuff
OK, I get it. I fully understand that we as guys are hard-wired to
be "providers", and we're typically very good at it. We even LIKE
taking that role.
But I'm telling you, it's a little too early to go into "provider
mode" on the first date. In fact, I've watched guys actually buy
women presents BEFORE they even ask them out.
Trying to "buy her affection" is way, way different than being a
"provider". You "provide" for people you genuinely care about and
are responsible for in one way or another.
A woman you've just met (or NEVER met) isn't exactly there yet. So
your efforts come off more as a pathetic form of bribery than
"provision".
It's not only sure-fire failure, it's expensive sure-fire failure.
Even worse.
2) "Surprise Visits"
If you take nothing else from this newsletter, beat into your head
once and for all that women CRAVE safety and security.
Knowing that, keep this simple formula in mind:
AMBUSH = NOT SAFE OR SECURE
Sometimes I'm almost ashamed I have to write certain things out in
black and white. But chalk it all up to questions in my e-mail box
like these gems:
"How do I get a woman to be attracted again to me if I'm not
allowed to see her anymore? Like, a judge said I can't go within
100 feet of her."
Or...
"She closed my communication with her on eHarmony, but I think I
know enough about her to figure out where she works. Should I show
up at her office [Ed. note: ...which happens to be in another state,
as it turns out] with the most beautiful flowers I can find?"
Ok, about a week or so ago I wrote to you about seven unconscious
mannerisms that tend to crater a LOT of guys' chances with women.
As insidious as it sounds to think we might be messing up without
even realizing it, I've gotten several e-mails from guys lately
that have served as poignant reminders that our mess-ups aren't
always "unconscious"...not by a long shot.
I mean, I've heard the phrase "no brain, no pain" plenty of times,
as I'm sure you have also. But some of what we do really gives
that concept new meaning.
Guys have even been known make admissions to the effect of, "I know
what I'm doing is going to cause her to lose attraction or even
make her run away...but I keep doing it anyway."
Gotta stop that stuff, gentlemen
With that in mind, consider the following seven bullet points
collectively as the Things That Must Never Be. As you read, make
a mental note just to STOP IT whenever the overwhelming temptation
to do ANY OF THESE comes over you:
1) Buy Her Stuff
OK, I get it. I fully understand that we as guys are hard-wired to
be "providers", and we're typically very good at it. We even LIKE
taking that role.
But I'm telling you, it's a little too early to go into "provider
mode" on the first date. In fact, I've watched guys actually buy
women presents BEFORE they even ask them out.
Trying to "buy her affection" is way, way different than being a
"provider". You "provide" for people you genuinely care about and
are responsible for in one way or another.
A woman you've just met (or NEVER met) isn't exactly there yet. So
your efforts come off more as a pathetic form of bribery than
"provision".
It's not only sure-fire failure, it's expensive sure-fire failure.
Even worse.
2) "Surprise Visits"
If you take nothing else from this newsletter, beat into your head
once and for all that women CRAVE safety and security.
Knowing that, keep this simple formula in mind:
AMBUSH = NOT SAFE OR SECURE
Sometimes I'm almost ashamed I have to write certain things out in
black and white. But chalk it all up to questions in my e-mail box
like these gems:
"How do I get a woman to be attracted again to me if I'm not
allowed to see her anymore? Like, a judge said I can't go within
100 feet of her."
Or...
"She closed my communication with her on eHarmony, but I think I
know enough about her to figure out where she works. Should I show
up at her office [Ed. note: ...which happens to be in another state,
as it turns out] with the most beautiful flowers I can find?"
You are NOT charming her by sneaking up on her...ever. In fact,
you're creeping her out or maybe even scaring her to death.
This goes double if she doesn't like you.
3) Call Her More Than Once A Day
It's one of the most important rules in attraction: "Leave her
wanting more".
You can't possibly do that if you lack the patience to go 20
minutes (or ten hours, for that matter) without hearing the sound
of her voice.
One time a guy told me that he knew that calling her every couple
hours or so made him look clingy, but it was just like smoking
cigarettes. He couldn't stop doing it.
Yeah well, both the phone (or worse, incessant text messages) and
the cigarettes are equally deadly in that case.
4) Ask Her If She Likes You
The saddest part about this blatantly needy action is that it's
COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY.
Look, man. If she's STILL THERE and she seems to be having fun,
she LIKES YOU. There's no need to ask.
If she's making excuses to avoid you and/or can't get away from you
fast enough when you're on a first date together, she DOESN'T.
Look alive out there and there's zero guesswork involved here. I
promise.
5) "Steal" A Kiss
Kisses aren't something you shoplift. In fact, the consequences
tend to be the same as if you stuffed a pack of gum in your shorts
at Walgreen's and got snagged as you attempted to walk out with it.
That is, you'll have caused yourself sudden and extreme DISAPPROVAL
over something completely silly.
So if you get the feeling she isn't ready to kiss you, show a bit
more restraint than a two-year-old.
Believe me, it's not like you DON'T come off like a potential
rapist when you try to force a kiss to happen. Think about it.
But the tragic part is that oftentimes a woman might WANT to kiss
you, but needs to feel a bit more safe around you before it's
naturally going to happen.
Again, safety and security is paramount.
As such, getting impatient is basically the most counter-productive
thing you can do in that situation.
6) Mimic Her Voice Or Behavior
She has a cute voice. She does cute things. Your natural tendency
is to "mirror" her. You start giggling a bit and talking like she
does.
MISTAKE.
Women are NOT attracted to the feminine behavior and traits that
drive YOU nuts as a man.
In fact, for women like the one I just described, the deeper your
voice and more calculated your gestures the BETTER.
Femininity is attracted to masculinity. That's as simple as it
gets. Anything short of that is a one-way ticket to the Just Be
Friends Zone.
Save the "mirroring" for your next job interview...unless the hiring
manager is a woman.
7) Compare Her To Other Women
I don't care if you're seeing a dozen or more women right now.
When you're with any ONE of those women, focus your attention
completely on her.
Don't mention what another woman you know said or did. And
whatever happens, NEVER tell a woman she "reminds you of someone
else".
Now, I'm assuming I don't have to tell you to avoid making direct
negative comparos. For example, "I was out with Susie last week
and SHE didn't mind it when I took her to this restarurant, so
what's YOUR problem?"
For what it's worth, mentioning other female friends and drawing
comparisons between them and the woman who is in front of you is
bad enough.
But bring either your sister or especially your MOTHER into the
conversation, and you might as well just say "goodnight" right now.
If there was ANY semblance of attraction there, you just
bludgeoned it with a blunt object.
Okay, okay. Clearly most of what I've written today was for
"entertainment purposes" for the vast majority of you.
A bit of comic relief can be a good thing.
Nevertheless, I'm not naïve enough to think that at least one or
two of the points above didn't hit just a few of you squarely
between the eyes.
If that's the case, don't beat yourself up over it (well, unless
you can relate to the restraining order thing, maybe). Instead,
just STOP IT before it STOPS your success with women dead in it's
tracks.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. See you on the call in just about three hours. We're all
bringing our "A game" for you tonight...no doubt.
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