[X&Y] Once And For All, The Difference Between "Nice Guys" And "Great Men"
Published: Wed, 10/27/10
X & Y COMMUNICATIONS WEEKLY NEWSLETTER
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WHAT'S INSIDE: Most of us don't really buy that "jerks" get high
quality women. But on the other hand, we also know that coming
off as "Mr. Nice Guy" doesn't attract women in the least. So then,what's the REAL difference between Mr. Nice Guy and being a truly
great, high quality man who gets the girl?
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Now, let's get to the topic of the day. It's a good one...
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ONCE AND FOR ALL, THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN "NICE GUYS" AND "GREAT MEN"
We know that "Nice Guys" tend to end up in the dreaded "Just Be
Friends Zone". But that doesn't stop women everywhere from
claiming that's what they really want in a man. So what's the deal
here?
As often seems to be the case, the true answer is a disarmingly
simple one. "Nice" behavior by a man in and of itself is not what
differentiates "keepers" from the "rejects" in the minds of women.
Make no mistake, it's not necessarily the I/Js (Idiot/Jerks) who
get women--ESPECIALLY the highest echelon of women. Being "good" or
"bad" in and of itself is NOT the key, despite what you may have
heard elsewhere.
In fact, being a "bad boy" is at best a quick-fix for getting some
women...ANY women who'll take him, as long as she's "hot".
To the contrary, success with women is directly tied to how a man
PRESENTS himself as a masculine, sexually aware creature...at least
at first.
Whether we are "nice" or "bad", it is my informed and therefore
strong opinion that we as guys rarely if ever get tossed into the
"friendship" pile if we have succeeded in any way, shape or form
at creating ATTRACTION.
Sure, there's the rare instance when a woman recognizes that a guy
is flat-out no good for her, but ends up with him anyway...no thanks
to her overpowering primal desire for him.
But let's face it--that's not what truly SHARP WOMEN do, and it's not
a GREAT MAN she's dealing with in such a scenario anyway.
And you know by now that we LOVE truly sharp women around here. So
it's attracting THEM that's most important to us anyway.
So here it is: The difference between a genuinely great man who
ATTRACTS great women and one who ultimately does not is centered
around what position he is coming from in performing his "good guy"
behavior.
Men who act "nice" from a position of WEAKNESS end up rejected.
Men who are in a position of STRENGTH, yet who treat women "nicely"
will often make those women so crazy for them that they have more
options than they can handle.
Sorting all of this apparently counter-intuitive stuff out doesn't
have to be as complicated as it sounds.
As always, I'm happy to break it down for you. Here are some key
differentiators between "nice guys" who finish first and those
who...well...don't.
THE NICE GUY WHO FINISHES LAST (Having Come From A Position Of
Weakness)...1) ...Capitulates To Women's Whims.
"Yes Dear." "Whatever you want, honey". Men only say this to avoid
conflict (at best) or (at worst) because they pathetically think that
their efforts will somehow impress a woman. Women smell insincerity
a mile away. Sorry.
2) ...Is Afraid To Lose The Woman He Is With.
Therefore, they literally bend over backwards not to "upset" her or
say the wrong thing. Despite the obvious desperation involved here,
arguably the most unattractive aspect of all this to a woman is how
BORING it is.
3) ...Has Zero Leadership Ability.
Guys often hear that "if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy". So
the thought process is geared toward letting women make decisions and
letting them get what they want. Unfortunately, women have a level
of respect for a man that correlates to his level of leadership in a
relationship. Zero leadership equals zero respect...which, logically,
equals zero second dates.
4) ...Lacks Confidence.
If you are worried she won't like you she probably won't. And
similarly, if you act "nice" because you haven't the courage to
stand up for yourself, she'll likely walk all over you...disgusted by
every second of it.
5) ...Has Thinly-Veiled Ulterior Motives.
Nobody likes to be "brown nosed" or "buttered up". There is no more
blatant display of viewing a woman as a purely sexual object than to
go overboard being "nice". She knows, you know and the rest of the
world knows you wouldn't be so "nice" if she wasn't so sexy.
Consider how weak this appears to a woman. End of story.
Meanwhile,
THE GREAT MAN WHO WINS (Having Come From A Position Of Strength)...
1) ...Treats ALL WOMEN Well, Regardless Of Sexual Attractiveness.
Guys, take this test for yourself: Do you open doors for ALL
women, or only for the ones who look good. If the latter, don't be
so shocked that your dates slot you in the JBF zone so much. Your
"nice" behavior is all about manipulating women into giving you
what you need. Start appreciating women more genuinely, and you
will begin to be more genuinely appreciated. Is this really so
difficult to get?
2) ...Is Not Focused On "Getting Some".
Sex-starved men stay hungry. Men without pressing sexual needs cause
women to feel more comfortable in their presence. Ironically, women
who are comfortable around a man are more attracted...and ultimately
more sexual. So the pattern operates.
3) ...Takes Charge.
Such a man does not sheepishly ask a woman her preference and thereby
let her dictate the flow of a date. A Great Man has paid attention
and learned what makes the woman tick. When the date comes, he has
the plan completely handled. At the end of the evening, the woman
is often flabbergasted at how "perfect" her evening full of surprises
was. But the Great Man with leadership ability knows it was all no
accident.
4) ...Has Options.
Therefore, he succeeds in causing the woman he is with feel to
particularly valuable and special. She views herself as the
"winner", and rightly so. Other women want this guy, but she is
with him. That feeling is a good one to have. If a man can inspire
a woman to feel valuable OR special he's on the right track, but
getting both right is an unbeatable combination. By the way,
contrast this scenario with the weak man's cavalcade of compliments
and/or gifts designed to help him somehow manipulate a woman's
attraction.
5) ...Has High Standards.
This means the man is EVALUATING the woman he is with rather than
attempting to impress her. He has complete control over his dating
life, and as a good man is confident enough in his character to
realize that women worth his time and effort will recognize that
and be impressed without his having to press the issue.
Once again, men have been brainwashed in this culture into
believing that all male behavior is bad behavior. Yet, women
continue to seek out real men.
The tragedy is that most men have either given up on being good men
entirely and gone to the I/J "dark side", or they wallow around in
an asexual virtual mudpit of being too "nice".
Either way, the casualty is that magically gallant true masculinity
that women STARVE for.
Come on, guys...get it figured out and go get the amazing woman you
deserve.
And ladies, I know some of you are reading. Keep the candle burning.
We're busy around here building the population of real men for you.
Will you be ready when you finally meet one?
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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