[X&Y] 12 Things Guys Overlook When Choosing The Right Woman [Part One]
Published: Thu, 12/09/10
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12 THINGS GUYS OVERLOOK WHEN SELECTING THE RIGHT WOMAN (PART ONE)
You've been asking me to write more about relationship management.
It really has been too long since we discussed anything that's
directly related to that, so today I'm going to catch up. Here's
the first of a three part series.
The inspiration for what I'm about to share with you came while
listening to sports radio the other night.
The two hosts were going back and forth about San Antonio Spurs
point guard Tony Parker and his imminent divorce from Desperate
Housewife Eva Longoria when one of them blurted out this gem:
"What an idiot. Why would any guy who has someone who looks like
Eva Longoria in his bed every night ever even THINK about LOOKING
at another woman?"
My first thought, having been immersed in continuous thought about
dating and attraction stuff for years now, was, "Now THERE'S a guy
who just blatantly admitted that he's had next to ZERO success with
women in his entire life."
What tipped me off on that, you ask?
The simple fact that his statement was 100% "clouded by
beauty-vision", that's what.
ANY man who has ever found the confidence to attract truly
beautiful women finds out ALMOST IMMEDIATELY that it takes MUCH,
MUCH more than a pretty face to be happy with a woman long-term.
I've even heard pretty women themselves talk as if they've bought
into the whole notion that all they need to be is good looking in
order to make sure some guy will sweep them off of their feet and
put up with them, er..."love them" forever.
"OMG. Tony cheated on Eva? But she's, like, so PRETTY and junk."
Now, all of that said I'm not naïve. I get it. I realize we as
guys really can be mesmerized by ONE woman's looks in particular.
It can happen to the best of us, and it really catches us off guard
when it does. I mean, you just see that one woman who "does it
for you" in a way that no other woman has for at least six months
and you're off to the races.
Not so fast, Lightning McQueen.
Before you jump into a "relationship" and even THINK about dropping
your life savings at Jared (as if you should EVER think about
that), here are the first four of a full dozen areas of further
consideration for you.
Shockingly few guys ever think about ANY of these when "clouded by
beauty-vision". But you'd better start if you want to avoid
divorce lawyers and build a truly satisfying shared history with a
great woman instead:
1) HOW SHE HANDLES HER ATTRACTIVENESS
Let's take care of the obvious one first.
OK, granted she's a hottie. But what's her ATTITUDE toward her
physical beauty?
As it turns out, what SHE thinks about it and how SHE acts upon it
is quite probably even more important than how YOU do.
For example, is SHE "clouded by beauty-vision" herself? In other
words, does SHE think that being physically attractive is all she
needs to get by in life? As such, is that all she obsesses about?
If so, you're dealing with a woman who's going to disappoint you in
just about every way OTHER than how she looks.
And even then, after you've put up with enough shallowness THAT may
even wear off.
Remember the old saying: "For every beautiful woman out there is a
guy who's sick of putting up with her."
Choose the wrong woman instead of one with more depth and that
saying could come true for YOU.
As you may have heard before, the most amazing type of woman is the
one who genuinely doesn't realize how truly beautiful she is.
Find one of those, be the one who informs her and you'll be a happy
man.
2) INTEGRITY
I've written before about how the "Big Four" are essentially
similar for both men and women.
So yes...her CHARACTER matters. This is sort of related to the first
point above, but is more holistic in focus.
Instead of simply being obsessed over her looks, a beautiful woman
who lacks character may use it in selfish or even manipulative
ways.
For example, if she is used to being kowtowed to by men she may go
from simply relying on her physical beauty to becoming what I call
a "Double Standard Chick".
Case in point: If you get clobbered over the head for even LOOKING
at another woman, she shouldn't manipulate you into believing all
of her adoring "guy friends" who get frisky with her before your
very eyes are "no big deal".
At that point, what began as simple shallowness has turned to the
"dark side".
And that's only one possible scenario related to what I'm getting
at here.
She may be beautiful, but if she lies, cheats, steals or even fails
to do whatever it is she said she was going to do then she's a BAD
CHOICE.
Worse, what if she turns out to be a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT person
than who she made herself out to be...or changes course on you in the
future?
The ruin THAT could bring to your life goes without saying.
3) STRENGTH
Years ago someone older gave me some very wise counsel. "Marry a
strong woman", he said.
How right he was.
Obviously, we're not talking about hooking up with some chick who
can bench press 400 pounds here.
But indeed you want to make sure you select a woman who's not a
total WEAKLING, even at the physical level.
You want her to have energy to go on those cool adventures with
you, right? And you'd greatly prefer if she weren't sick all the
time, no doubt.
And even on a day-to-day basis you want some evidence that she's
going to be able to work with you to get things done around the
house.
At the emotional level, you don't want to have to feel like her
babysitter instead of her lover.
Considering the longer term, you want a PARTNER in handling
inevitable challenges that will arise rather than having her
reaction to it make matters worse.
4) CONTENTION
Yes, you want a STRONG woman. This means she can't be a "shrinking
violet".
After all, she's got to be able to say what she means and mean what
she says...especially if you plan on having children together.
Besides, it's just a good thing to know where you stand with her.
It's easier to communicate with someone who's forthright.
But that's NOT to be confused with contentiousness.
A contentious woman, by definition, is combative rather than
supportive. You don't want that.
Now, you'd think this one would be obvious also, right?
But unfortunately we live in a world that appears to celebrate the
idea of a woman criticizing any idea that a man comes up with. All
you have to do is watch TV commercials to figure this out.
Let's face it though, BOTH PARTNERS are flat-out miserable in any
relationship where the man can do nothing right and the woman is
always frustrated by his actions. It's just a lose/lose situation
all around.
I don't care how beautiful a woman is. Make sure she's on board
with your dreams and ambitions.
And even when it comes to all the "normal" stuff the two of you
take care of on a daily basis, you've got to be on the same page...or
else.
Above all, make sure she isn't just a negative complainer. If
that's the case, you're doomed regardless of how ambitious or
rational you are.
Next time, we'll continue the list with four more--including one
that very well could have been the one Tony himself overlooked when
selecting Eva.
Plus, just for good measure, I'll give you solid reason to check
your "political correctness" at the door.
Don't touch that dial.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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