X & Y COMMUNICATIONS WEEKLY NEWSLETTER


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WHAT'S INSIDE:  We've always been told that women are all about
subtlety, all the time.

But lately I've become convinced that's not so true after all.
 
Perhaps there's something deeper going on here that we've
overlooked...at least until now.

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WE'RE A WEEK AND A HALF INTO 2011 ALREADY...IS IT ANY DIFFERENT
FROM 2010 FOR YOU YET?


Alright guys, I'm STILL getting e-mails from guys who are asking
about how to get over fear of approaching women, what to say to
them when you first meet them and how to get their numbers.

If you're one of those guys who has e-mailed me, what follows is
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You know as well as I do that there's just NO WAY I could possibly
answer a question like, "So Scot, how do I meet women...and what do
I say to them?" in the context of an e-mail, even if I could wave a
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That's because no matter what I told you in that brief space, you
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WOMEN ARE "CREATURES OF SUBTLETY"...RIGHT?


[Note:  The following is a brief excerpt from the latest X & Y
Communications  program The Man's Approach, transcribed from the
audio titled "Getting Her Number, Making Plans And Following
Through (Part One)".  Enjoy.]


Most guys report that they have ABSOLUTELY no idea when women are
attracted to them. 

This is probably because we consider ourselves to be all about
seeing things in "black and white", whereas women tend to be
creatures of subtlety--at least when it comes to showing interest in
a man.

Let's camp on that thought for a brief moment. 

Most of us as guys automatically assume that women are creatures of
subtlety in GENERAL--because that's what we've been taught to
believe.

But I invite you to eavesdrop on a conversation a woman is having
with the customer service dept. somewhere when things aren't going
as she expects them to go.

Or better yet, go to your local supermarket around mid-morning on a
weekday and observe how moms deal with their pre-school aged
children.

They're about as subtle as a lightning bolt.  True, isn't it?

The truth is that women can be about as overtly blunt as men can
be.  And similarly, some men can operate with the kind of subtle
finesse that is usually credited to women.

So subtlety, as it turns out, is neither a masculine or feminine
trait, per se. 

So what gives?  How come women absolutely, positively tend to be so
subtle in the context of showing signs of interest toward a man
they are romantically attracted to?

The answers are pretty simple. 

First, women are VERY conscious of their social status as "ladies".
 

They know that being branded a "slut" is the social kiss of death,
for better or worse.  So they aren't going to just throw themselves
at you.  

You're going to have to make it clear that you welcome their
affection, and that they can feel SAFE and COMFORTABLE in your
presence. 

Will you protect their reputation or expose them to potential
social harm?

Further, women know you REALLY DON'T WANT them to come right out
with a blatant expression of interest.

Someone just said, "What?  Are you KIDDING me?  I'd LOVE for women
to be "all over me" without having to make the first move.

Show me a guy who thinks that, and I'll show you a guy who doesn't
have a whole lot of practical, real-world experience with women
throwing themselves at him.

We may think we'd like that--and may even flat-out dream about
it--but the truth is that when reality comes knocking we tend to
get turned off by women who are "forward", don't we?
 
When that happens, we feel like we've had our part in the dance of
attraction utterly hijacked.

This factor is ironic in itself, considering we as guys tend to
feel that way even if we usually wimp out from approaching women
and progressing things ourselves at all.

But when faced with the opportunity we previously dreamed of, we
quickly realize that appearing needy and even desperate is a
UNIVERSAL turnoff--it's not gender specific.

The two reasons for women's subtlety in expressing interest in you
are both valid. 

But there's another factor...and this one is FAR more significant
than even the other two.

MOST OF ALL, women tend to be subtle when showing interest because
when it comes to matters of attraction and dating, they want YOU to
man up and take the lead. 

They want YOU to make the first move.  After all, a man should have
a plan and be able to make decisions.  Subtlety may not be a
gender-specific trait, but THOSE sure are.

Women KNOW this, and they want to SEE those traits in you.  They
want you to IGNITE THEM MORE, not LESS.

So naturally, when you DON'T make that all-important bold move to
act on mutual attraction, the woman is left with a choice to make.

Either she will finally make that move HERSELF, or she'll keep
waiting...and keep hoping...that you'll DO SOMETHING.  ANYTHING.

That's why a woman who likes you will drop subtle hints but will
wait it out until the bitter end to be forward with you.

And the irony?  When that time finally comes, it's a "bitter end"
indeed.  She probably has lost all attraction for you by that time
anyway...and may even be frustrated about it.

Because here it is:  Were she to decide that she needs to take up
the masculine on your behalf and MAKE THE MOVE, she'd LOSE
attraction. 

Even when a woman IS aggressive enough to have the guts to make a
first move toward you, she'd RATHER NOT.  It's like a last resort. 

And know this. 

Let's assume you do somehow end up with a few women in your life
who nutted up on your behalf and made the first move when you were
too timid to...and somehow remain attracted to you, at least to some
degree.

You surely can't depend upon that forever, or you'll be back to
ending up only with women who selected you...no kidding.  

And when you don't select the women YOU want in your life, you
settle.  And when you settle, everyone loses...even the women in your
life.


Be Good,

Scot McKay

  
Subscribe for f-r-e-e on iTunes here:


The TCW Podcast On iTunes




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X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled
participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of
life you are in.  It's all about straight talk about the most
creative subjects, somehow encompassing character-based principles
while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important
things head on.  The basic stuff you've heard a million times isn't
rehashed around here.  Enjoy!
 
Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for
entertainment purposes only and is not intended to constitute
professional advice. 
 


(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2011.  All Rights Reserved.



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