[X&Y] Being "In Control" Vs. Being A "Controller"
Published: Tue, 04/05/11
X & Y COMMUNICATIONS NEWSLETTER FOR MEN
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WHAT'S INSIDE: You've got to "wear the pants", but you don't
want to be a controlling jerk. Here's how to get this right...=====
SO YOU'RE ONLINE...BUT ARE YOU ACTUALLY MEETING WOMEN?
Here's a "pop quiz": What's your definition of "online dating
success"?
If you're like the unfortunate majority of guys online you might
have answered, "Getting a response to one of my e-mails...ANY
response."
That's because at least 50% of all men who try online dating never
get a SINGLE E-MAIL from a woman.
Think about that for a second. That's really heavy.
But wait...the weird part is OVER 90% of all guys online QUIT
within 90 days of signing up.
That can only mean one thing. Even guys who DO get a few women
to respond to their e-mails STILL get fed up with the whole
experience after a while.
If the statistics I'm throwing out on the table here are any
indicator, the truth is that you can probably relate to what
I'm saying...in one way or another.
(And hey...I'm raising my hand. I've been there.)
So then, the BIG question is this: "What to the few (and the proud)
among guys online DO that gives them the kind of REAL SUCCESS
that keeps 'em coming back for more?"
Well, for one thing they define online dating "success" as
ACTUALLY MEETING WOMEN and CREATING ATTRACTION.
That's right. Simply coming up with some clever "online opener"
and sending it to a couple hundred women is a nice start, but
THEN WHAT?
You've got to be the man who actually ends up IN FRONT OF HER...
as in LIVE and IN PERSON.
Give me a "Heck, yeah!" if what I'm saying makes sense.
Next, the guys who actually ENJOY online dating are meeting the
women they REALLY WANT TO MEET instead of playing some random
"numbers game".
I mean seriously, isn't that how it SHOULD BE? Isn't online
dating--by design--supposed to give you results that make you
HAPPY, for a change?
Well amazingly, there's still only ONE system for online dating
success that actually helps you MEET women who are your TOP
CHOICES in your entire metro area.
That's Online Dating Domination:
Don't be misled. Getting a woman to answer your e-mail is NOT
ENOUGH.
Similarly, meeting just ANY random woman is NOT ENOUGH.
If you want to attract the RIGHT WOMEN online--and actually get
to MEET them--this is the complete plan for rising above the
"faceless herd" of quitters:
Between RIGHT NOW and Thursday night, 4/7 at 12 midnight PST
you can enter the coupon code "ODD50" and snap up Online Dating
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Do the math and you'll find that's less than the cost of ONE
bad date with the WRONG woman.
Yet this is the ticket to finally mastering online dating.
And UNLIKE any bad date you've ever been on, Online Dating
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Just enter "ODD50" in the "Coupon Code" field, hit "Recalculate"
and enjoy:
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BEING "IN CONTROL" VS. BEING A "CONTROLLER"
Back when I was in the IT world I flew to Chicago quite a bit.
Since United Airlines is hubbed at O'Hare (or "ORD"), that was my
usual airline of choice.
Now, whatever your personal opinion of United Airlines is, there
are two ultra-cool things about UA that cannot be denied: 1) They
serve Starbucks on board, and... 2) ...if you tune in to channel 9 on
their in-flight audio system, you can listen to air traffic control
(aka "ATC") in real time.
While cruising at 38,000 feet, overhearing the Ft. Worth Area
Control Center hand off to Kansas City Center is admittedly not the
most exciting thing in the world.
But when the initial approach into ORD would begin, I found myself
utterly fascinated by the flawless choreography necessary on the
part of air traffic controllers to ensure safe and efficient
traffic flow into and out of one of the busiest airports on the
planet.
"...United 6092, descend and maintain 3500. Turn left, heading 030
for three-two left. Contact O'Hare tower 132.7, good day. United
298, maintain at or above 4000. Observe company traffic, 7-5 at
2:00. Lufthansa 430 heavy, descend and maintain 5000..."
The flight crews trying to land jets at O'Hare fully understand
that it's a really good idea to take whatever ATC tells them
seriously.
After all, there's seldom any doubt that those manning the radar
screens are utterly competent. And to deviate from their guidance
could spell out disaster.
And it's not like there's a power struggle or anything. The pilots
are doing their job, which is a pretty cool gig in its own right,
and the guys in the tower at London Gatwick, on the job at Potomac
Terminal Radar Approach Control, or at the Boise Center are doing
theirs.
And as a team, the pilot and the air traffic controller are
operating in the best interest of everyone involved...especially the
passengers.
It's not like ATC is saying "my way or the highway". Believe me, if
Iberia 27 Heavy happens to blow an engine in ORD airspace,
priorities will gladly be adjusted accordingly.
And the pilots? Their number one concern is arriving safely and
soundly on terra firma.
They're all about getting their part of the plan done without any
drama. For them, attempting to create order out of chaos in the
skies would be unthinkable--they've GOT to be freed up to go about
the business of flying.
Relationship management is, in many ways, not unlike air traffic
control.
Granted, we as men probably do well not to issue an emotionless
stream of rapid-fire commands to a woman if we want to get anywhere
with her.
But we as guys must have a PLAN.
We need to be able to confidently assert what's best for everyone
involved in any given scenario.
And what's best for our significant others should take precedence
over our own selfish needs, within reason. That should be by our own
choice.
This means putting ego aside and making decisions based on a clear
knowledge of what a woman's hopes and dreams are vis-à-vis what is
both feasible and reasonable...and executing based on that vision.
But this doesn't mean we allow ourselves to be taken advantage of
by an opportunistic woman. If we're in jeopardy of quickly becoming
someone's "doormat", all bets are off.
Make no mistake. In such a case a great woman will not be demanding
and selfish. Similarly, she won't make unreasonable demands at the
expense of common sense.
Just like a pilot theoretically could veer from course, summarily
ignoring ATC's solid plan of action, she could do her own thing.
But if your leadership example smacks of confidence and benevolence,
that won't happen--whether you are an air traffic controller or one
half of a great relationship.
What's more, as men being able to see the "big picture" regarding
what's on the radar screen both now and in the future is a must.
Without that kind of field vision, potential snags will seemingly
arise out of nowhere and bite us where the sun don't shine.
And lets face it, were a pilot suddenly to find him or herself on a
visual collision course with a 777 he or she would consider that an
unwelcome surprise. And trust in air traffic control would probably
degenerate quickly, and rightly so.
So yes, as there is in the skies, there's a careful balance to be
attained when practicing solid relationship management.
It's not so much about "control" per se as it is "leadership"
when you get right down to it. Women respond to the leadership of a great man. It's hard-wired.
But the man must be both confident and competent as a leader in
order for this to function according to design.
If you assert your way without regard for the woman, either out of
selfishness or foolish arrogance, unfortunate disasters are likely
to happen. Such is the behavior of a control-freak I/J
("idiot/jerk").
But if you carry yourself in an almost regal manner that inspires
confidence in a woman, your ability to maintain that all-important
sense of order in a world of chaos is a crucial--and welcome--
component of what gives the woman in your life freedom to
fly.
And this is a good thing, because someday there may even be
passengers on the flight, and you'll need to be ready.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled
participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of
life you are in. It's straight talk about the most creative
subjects, somehow encompassing character-based principles while
being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important
things head on. The basic fluff you've heard a million times
isn't rehashed around here.
Enjoy!
Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for
entertainment purposes only and is not intended to constitute
"professional advice". You are responsible for your own decisions
in life (which we hope will include meeting more high quality
women).
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2011. All Rights Reserved.
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