[X&Y] When In Doubt, Just "Call It Out"...
Published: Fri, 04/29/11
X & Y COMMUNICATIONS NEWSLETTER FOR MEN
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WHAT'S INSIDE: Have you ever been stuck in a situation with a
woman where you were left at a complete loss for words? Here's howto handle those moments smoothly and effectively from now on...
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BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE CAN HAPPEN, YOU'VE GOT TO ACTUALLY MEET HER
You know what? If you aren't exactly into becoming a "pick up
artist", that's more than okay.
In fact, you've come to the right place. I've certainly never been
interested AT ALL in becoming one.
But that doesn't change a simple fact of life: If you want a great
woman (or several, for that matter) in your life, you've actually
got to MEET her first.
I mean, that's only logical, right?
So let's say you're more interested in a sharp, intelligent
sweetheart who's the classic "girl next door" type as opposed to
the "club flower" type?
Well, here's the deal. Fortunately for you, she's probably not
going to respond to a PUA's routines, tactics and other shenanigans
anyway.
But what WILL get her attention?
And better yet, how can you create INSTANT attraction in a great
woman like that?
As amazed as I am by the fact, The Man's Approach is STILL the
world's ONLY full-scale system for NORMAL GUYS like you and I who
want to meet a great, down-to-earth woman in the REAL WORLD:
And believe me, it covers EVERYTHING you're going to need to know
in order to meet women almost effortlessly, start conversations
with them, create attraction with them and even make plans to see
them again.
Are you the type of guy who has no trouble being social...until
confronted with a particularly attractive woman?
Do you REALLY WANT to "break the ice" by starting conversations
with them, but some "invisible force" seems to hold you back?
And if you actually DO start a conversation with a particularly
terrific woman, do you somehow "clam up" right when it's time to
get her number...inexplicably letting her walk away at that crucial
point, probably FOREVER?
If you can relate to ANYTHING I just described let me tell you--I
was once RIGHT THERE with you.
And after literally YEARS of total immersion in the art of getting
better with women, all the solutions that I've discovered and
personally put into effect in my life are now being imparted to men
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Here's the deal.
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Be sure to take advantage of the "TMA50" coupon by midnight Texas
time on April 30th, though because that's when it expires.=====
WHEN IN DOUBT, JUST "CALL IT OUT"
Have you ever known it was time to step up and SAY SOMETHING to a
woman, but you found yourself with either no idea of exactly WHAT
to say or HOW to say it?
Chances are you have experienced that dilemma before, just like
most of the rest of us.
In fact, a specific situation in your past may have immediately
popped in your head as soon as I brought the issue up.
Maybe you've wanted to meet a woman you caught your eye, but found
yourself tongue-tied.
Or perhaps you noticed a woman's online profile that knocked your
socks off, but she gave you exactly NOTHING to go on in terms of
writing a first e-mail to her.
And hey...maybe you can recall a certain time when you were already
in a relationship with a woman but you just KNEW something was
awry...somehow, somewhere. Yet you didn't know how to bring up the
subject...at all.
Do any of those ring a bell?
How about, "D"..."all of the above"? I know that's the box I'm
checking as I run through the file cards of my own memories.
But seriously, though...don't situations like those just make your
skin crawl?
I mean, if feeling nervous and unsure isn't bad enough, you're left
with that utterly HELPLESS feeling that tends to sap your manhood
of any sense of confidence.
It just plain sucks.
Well, from this day forward you need never get painted into a
corner like that ever again.
That's because there is VERY, VERY often a very special card
available to you that is disarmingly simple to play...and strikingly
effective.
What is it?
Only this: Just "call out" the situation for what it is.
What do I mean by that?
Well, by way of illustration let's consider the specific examples I
already cited.
When you see a woman from afar and begin to think about approaching
her, it's natural to allow your imagination to start spinning out
of control searching for that one PERFECT line to "open" her with.
What does that frame of mind typically lead to?
You got it...a big, steaming pile of NOTHING. You're just as likely
to "psyche yourself out" as you are to man up and actually approach
her at that point.
Now you've heard before that the best "pickup line" is just to walk
up to a woman in plain view and say, "Hi, my name is _____."
But as simple as that sounds, some guys--perhaps reasonably--are
still left with some trepidation as to what to say NEXT after that.
Well, have you ever thought about going the "objective" route and
telling her EXACTLY what was going through your head to begin with?
You don't have to come off as weak or needy. On the contrary, your
bold statement of fact can come off as VERY masculine and confident:
"You know, I saw you over here and I spent about a half minute
dreaming up the perfect line to open a conversation with you. But
sooner than later it hit me that you seem like a pretty
down-to-earth woman. So I'm just going to introduce myself to
you...my name is _____."
Granted, simply dropping the introduction would have been enough to
get the "heavy lifting" done.
But if you feel like you'd better give her more to go on than that
just to make sure the conversation flows nicely...mission
accomplished.
Similarly, what if a woman's profile causes you to draw a complete
blank when you go to type at her?
Try something to the effect of this: "You know, I'm usually never
at a loss for words when it comes to writing women online. But
congratulations...your profile narrative has left me speechless."
Or maybe you can say this, if she seems like a particularly spunky,
sassy chick: "I've gotten pretty good at writing these first
e-mails, but congratulations...that profile of yours has given me
absolutely NOTHING to go on."
Does that sound too basic to work? Consider this: My first e-mail
to Emily was very similar to the example I just gave you.
Not only did she respond, things obviously have gone well from
there.
And then there's the matter of when you already know a woman pretty
well, and you just sense that SOMETHING isn't right.
There's a tension in the air that you can cut with a knife.
There's an "elephant in the room".
Heck, even if you DON'T know her all that well yet, when you have
enough experience with women to know how things usually flow, you
can quickly sense when things are going COMPLETELY CONTRARY to plan.
Once again, in such scenarios you can just state the obvious.
Clear the air by "calling it out".
Now granted, engaging in "deep conversation" with a woman when
there are known problems normally just tends to exacerbate things
and lead to arguments.
But in this case it's a different story.
It's what's UNSAID that's creating the tension.
If you think there's something that's potentially going to be hard
to hear that she needs to tell you, simply say, "I think there's
something you need to tell me. Go ahead...it's alright."
Alternatively, you can soften the suggestion a bit by telling her
that you realize women like to talk and usually also appreciate a
man who listens, so it's obviously time to do those things.
Note two points here.
First, you're not openly GUESSING what it is she might have to tell
you. That would come off as insecure or fearful...neither of which
is good.
Second, you're not ASKING her to reveal what's on her mind. You're
TELLING her to.
Boldness and directness is what's going to be rewarded here, even
as you're completely calm, cool and collected all the while.
And by the way, if it's YOU who has a conversational "bomb" to
drop, by all means TELL HER that you have something important that
she needs to hear, and then SAY IT after she's prepared herself to
hear it.
Yes, you may get broken up with. Or a very real grievance might be
thrown on the table.
But that's better than NOT getting the matter out in the open.
Similarly, even if you're on a first date with a woman and just
struggling to get conversation going, you're STILL better off
"calling it out".
Go ahead and flatly acknowledge that it seems like the
conversational ball isn't exactly rolling yet. Tell her that
you're glad to be hanging out with her, and assure her that she's
doing fine.
In doing so you'll empower her with confidence.
And hey, if after relieving the palpable tension that's been
clamping down on the situation you STILL can't seem to find
anything to talk about, maybe the two of you just aren't clicking
so well.
That's OKAY, as long as you've taken the bull by the horns and
gotten REAL with her by "calling out" the situation for what it is.
No matter what the specific case is, really, you already know that
if the status quo prevails in conversationally awkward situations
you're headed to a really screwed up place. That's a FOREGONE
CONCLUSION.
So your best shot at getting back on course is nearly ALWAYS to use
the direct approach to the solving the matter as I've described
At this point, the only obvious question remaining here is why such
an EASY, UNCOMPLICATED solution is so often overlooked by men.
The answer to that mystery is two-fold.
First, I think we as guys are always looking for the "slick" way to
talk to a woman, thinking that's going to be what's necessary to
get anywhere with her.
We put attractive women on a pedestal and talk ourselves into
believing that we are required to outperform the typical limits of
mere human functionality in order to maintain her interest.
The truth, however, is that women are typically just as "rational"
as you are, and certainly just as "human".
No matter how amazingly attractive she is, you don't have to speak
in super-heroic terms with her. You can just say what would make
sense in any other conversation with anyone else.
That will be fine...I promise.
The second reason why guys miss the obvious solution to avoiding
conversational awkwardness is that they FEAR coming off as
"offensive" to a woman.
That leads to unnecessary pressure to "soft peddle" anything that
might possibly be even remotely difficult or confrontational, for
fear of scaring her away.
But "putting our heads in the sand" like that never ends well for
us. The awkward confusion only tends to increase.
So with all that in mind, the next time you find yourself about to
"clam up" again when faced with the challenge of conversing with a
woman, remember you really can keep it simple--and human.
You can just "call it out". Not only can she handle it, she'll
probably relate to it a lot better than she will to awkward silence.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. You can get the brand new Episode #44 of The Chick Whisperer
podcast at either of these two places, if you haven't already.
It's good stuff:
Direct Link To iTunes:
Regular RSS Feed:
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X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled
participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of
life you are in. It's straight talk about the most creative
subjects, somehow encompassing character-based principles while
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Enjoy!
Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for
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"professional advice". You are responsible for your own decisions
in life (which we hope will include meeting more high quality
women).
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