[X&Y] What To Do If You're Ashamed To Introduce Her To Your Friends
Published: Sat, 09/17/11
X & Y COMMUNICATIONS NEWSLETTER FOR MEN
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WHAT'S INSIDE: Have you ever dated someone and found yourself
unwilling to introduce her to your friends? Or worse...were youashamed to even be seen in public with her?
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WHAT TO DO IF YOU'RE ASHAMED TO INTRODUCE HER TO YOUR FRIENDS
This newsletter is going to be controversial, no doubt.
But what I'm about to tell you HAS to be said.
Here's the deal. Right here, right now you just might be dating a
woman who you're quite literally ASHAMED of.
That's right. And it very well COULD go beyond what's implied by
the title above.
You might be reticent to even be seen in PUBLIC with her.
So what should you do about this little problem?
Well, for starters let's get one thing straight from the very
beginning.
If you aren't even ATTRACTED to this woman you've been seeing
lately, it's time to LET HER GO.
And I don't even mean that euphemistically.
Seriously. By breaking up with her you're actually setting her
free.
You've been "settling", at best, and that's a bummer for BOTH of
you.
She needs to go find a man who'll appreciate her more than you ever
will, just like YOU need to "raise the bar" and find a woman you
actually like.
Similarly, if your issue with the woman you've been seeing is that
you're on pins and needles thinking she's about four seconds away
from publicly humiliating you whenever you're out together, my
counsel remains the same.
You don't need that, and you can't CHANGE her, either. No matter
how sexy you think she is, she'll make you miserable for as long as
you're with her.
OK, then. With those housekeeping items out of the way, let's
address the more complicated issue at hand...which is the one that
actually inspired this newsletter.
So here's the thing. I've talked to LOTS of guys who are dating
women they actually, really like.
They even find them outrageously SEXY, no less.
But for some reason, they feel ASHAMED of that. Or more
accurately, they're ashamed of HER.
It's as if they believe they're a little bit (or a LOT bit) weird
for finding her attractive.
They think their taste in women has taken a bizarre turn that
virtually NONE of their friends or acquaintances would appreciate.
So they only invite their lady friend over to the house for dinner
or whatever.
Or they crash at her place and watch movies.
Or they go out with her on the OTHER side of town, where they're
less likely to bump into someone they know.
The fear, of course, is that if friends ever found out who they are
dating, they'd get talked about negatively--or even flat-out
ridiculed.
This is a HUGE issue that many guys face. In fact, I'd say a vast
majority of us have dealt with this exact dilemma at some point in
our lives (and yes, I'm raising my hand).
Well, check it out.
The bottom line is that every one of us as human beings has a
DIFFERENT idea of what is sexy.
BUT...in today's media-saturated world we're all but brainwashed to
believe that only a CERTAIN type of woman can be classified as
"attractive".
We're left to think that virtually everyone agrees with the
media...and if we DON'T exactly fall in line, WE'RE the weird ones.
The truth, however, is that media-driven perceptions of what's
"sexy" in a woman are usually grounded in what's particularly
difficult--and expensive--for women to attain.
This means, then, that they're not always based on the true
prevailing opinion of most men out there.
For example, I've never actually met a MAN who believes that "six
pack abs" should be anywhere NEAR his "must have" list when it
comes to what he wants in a woman.
And in fact, you wouldn't BELIEVE the number of guys who actually
are NOT attracted to women who are skinny as a rail.
I'm immersed in the art and science of attraction, and I talk to a
LOT of people about it day in and day out.
I'd dare say that MOST of us as guys really, truly are sexually
drawn to women with MORE weight on them than LESS weight on them.
We're not talking about morbid obesity, here...but a woman who is,
say, 5'5" and 160 lbs. might very well be a bigger turn on for most
of us than another woman of the same height who is 115 lbs.
But are MOST of us going to fear that our friends would laugh at us
for having a "fat" girlfriend if we indeed went for a woman like
that?
You betcha, we would.
Meanwhile, even if some of our friends DID laugh, chances are
they'd be first in line to ask her out (secretly, of course)
shortly after we break up with her because of our shame.
There are other examples of this dynamic in action, of course.
What if you're most attracted to women who are of a different race
or cultural background than yourself? Do you fear "raised
eyebrows"?
If so, rest assured that any problem there--either real or
perceived--is NOT yours OR hers.
Further, some of us as guys (myself included, for what it's worth)
like women who have a unique look to them...they're not just another
"cookie cutter" example of a pretty girl.
If that's the case, you could drive yourself NUTS trying to guess
if the women you like are attractive to others.
But there's NOTHING WRONG with you OR her if that's the case.
There's just no benchmark for "uniqueness", and you're going to
have to get over it.
And how about this for a poignant example?
One guy I know was sort of embarrassed to be seen with a woman who
had a gap between her front teeth...even though that very feature one
of her sexiest in his mind.
Sure enough...he thought he was the only one who could have such an
unusual preference.
But shortly after hearing that from him, I actually found an
article online that mentioned how hot women with a gap between
their front teeth are.
So what does this all come down to?
Look, I'm not going to feed you some Pollyanna-ish line like, "Who
cares what anyone else thinks?" or "What you like is the only thing
that's important."
I get that social proof matters in this life.
But here's the honest truth, gentlemen.
If YOU believe that the woman you are seeing is irresistibly sexy,
you can bet the farm on the fact that A LOT of other guys will
agree with you...whether they SAY so or not.
Will some genuinely wonder what on Earth you see in her? Sure they
will. But again...every one of us has UNIQUE tastes in women.
So meanwhile, then, if you fall prey to going out only with women
you think OTHERS will find attractive, here's a weird irony.
Not only will YOU be "settling" for someone who might not actually
be your "type", you'll find that not all of your friends will
necessarily think much of her either.
And yes...you're probably doing HER a disservice since there's
another guy out there who might genuinely appreciate her more...for
all the right reasons.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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