[X&Y] Are You Really Leading...Or Just Being Needy?
Published: Sun, 09/25/11
X & Y COMMUNICATIONS NEWSLETTER FOR MEN
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WHAT'S INSIDE: You pick up the phone because you want to see a
particular woman. But are you about to make a HUGE mistake?=====
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DOES YOUR LEADERSHIP COME OFF AS NEEDINESS?
Let's get right down to business.
This is the third and final installment in my mini-series on acing
first dates, and this time we're going to address another example
of what I like to call a "hidden detractor".
But don't kid yourself.
Just because YOU (and most of your friends) may be doing what I'm
about to talk about without even realizing it, the message is LOUD
and CLEAR to women.
It's like this.
You know how much I harp on how women view masculine LEADERSHIP
much in the same way as kitties view Little Friskies.
It makes them, well...a little frisky.
On the other hand, you also know that if you come off as "needy"
it's pretty much the kiss of death.
Desperation is just NOT attractive...to anyone.
So this presents a problem.
The simple act of what's commonly known as "asking a woman out"
could land you on EITHER end of the spectrum.
When executed to perfection, it demonstrates the kind of LEADERSHIP
a woman will gladly follow (i.e. say "yes" to).
But when done incorrectly, it makes women RUN AWAY...if "politely".
So what's the difference?
Simply this. Most of the time how things turn out is contingent
upon the EXPECTED OUTCOME.
When you call her up, are you EXPECTING her to say yes?
If so, you'll step up and BOLDLY tell her you'd like to make plans
with her instead of beating around the bush.
You'll SUGGEST where to go and when to meet instead of sheepishly
asking her what she'd like to do and if it's okay if maybe you join
her.
And importantly, if she gives you any "resistance" in the name of
her own wish to keep from looking desperate, you'll see it for what
it is instead of taking it personally.
You'll reassure her that it would be fun to see each other rather
than backing down...or worse, BEGGING.
Similarly, if she says she "can't make it" at the time you suggest
you don't grasp at straws trying to float a "counter offer".
You take a deep breath, relax, and tell her "that's too bad". And
you wait for her to volunteer a better time.
And because you're confident, you honestly tell her whether that
time works for you or not because you realize that playing games is
a poor excuse for genuine confidence.
Finally, when you DO have plans in place, you casually but clearly
mention that you are a man of your word and that you WILL be there
on time and you respect women who do likewise.
You don't hurry up and "quit while you're ahead", hoping and
praying she doesn't flake out on you.
Come to think of it, isn't it CRAZY how often women flake when
you're actually AFRAID they're going to flake?
Meanwhile, when you are firm about your plans and stop worrying
about whether she'll show up or not...she USUALLY DOES, doesn't she?
And thinking about the scenario as a whole, did you take your time
to decide whether or not you actually like her, or did you lose
patience and rush into asking her out before you really should have?
That can sure have an impact on whether things go one way or the
other as well.
So yes...in a very real way, it's YOU who decides whether you're
going to be successful at getting a date with her or not.
Women REALLY DO follow your leadership...even from the very start.
Now sure, some women may have their own reasons for declining.
And there are OTHER women who might even go out with you REGARDLESS
of the mistakes you make.
Everyone is an individual, so every specific situation is as unique
as a snowflake.
But having read what I revealed to you today, focus more on LEADING
rather than BEGGING and watch the pattern that ensues.
The tangible difference in outcome compared to what you've become
used to might astonish you.
And from there, keep up the good work when you're actually with her
on that date.
Don't timidly ask if she likes you and/or if she'd really like to
go somewhere else (of her choosing).
Have a plan for the evening and boldly make it happen.
Make suggestions rather than asking her for permission.
And when the time is right, take her home--leaving her wanting more.
Leadership beats neediness every single time, and at every phase of
your relationship with a woman...but you've got to have a solid
awareness of what it genuinely looks like.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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