[X&Y] Are You "Shallow" For Wanting A Physically Beautiful Woman?
Published: Wed, 03/28/12
X & Y COMMUNICATIONS NEWSLETTER FOR MEN
=====
IN THIS EDITION: Have you ever been accused of being "shallow" for
caring about a woman's looks too much? Don't give it a second
thought. Here's why...
=====
THINKING ABOUT 1-ON-1 COACHING? WATCH THIS...
In this five-minute video I'm speaking directly to YOU if you've
ever (even for a second) thought about putting a dating coach like
me to work for you:
www.deservewhatyouwant.com/coachingvideo
Believe me, I know that it's sometimes a big step to pick up the
phone and call, even if you KNOW 1-on-1 coaching just might be what
finally gets you the results you've always been looking for with
women.
That's why I've recorded this video--so you can get a good idea of
what it's like to have me in your corner motivating you and
empowering you to greatness. Take a look:
www.deservewhatyouwant.com/coachingvideo
=====
ARE YOU "SHALLOW" FOR WANTING A PHYSICALLY BEAUTIFUL WOMAN?
It's very common for guys to begin a Ten-Plus coaching program with
less than a clear idea of what they really want in a woman.
And as you probably know by now, I have a device I call, simply "The
Spreadsheet" that I recommend in such cases.
Essentially, what you do is identify the ten most important factors
to you when it comes to evaluating great woman, assign each factor
ten points, and proceed to "grade" every woman you date accordingly.
"The Spreadsheet" is especially effective for helping right-brained
types apply some objective reasoning to the process of evaluating
women.
Although that can sound a bit cold, the only alternative for many
is getting "clouded by beauty-vision".
But that's NOT to say that I advocate replacing "beauty-vision"
with utter blindness.
Here's what I mean.
The other day, it happened again.
A guy sent back his version of "The Spreadsheet", and although
there was a fine collection of virtuous traits listed from 1-10,
not a single one of the silos indicated any concern whatsoever
about how the woman of his dreams might look...let alone whether or
not she'd turn him on sexually in the least.
In fact, the ten factors he listed could theoretically be as useful
for vetting GUY friends as it was for evaluating women.
Having seen this sort of thing before, I responded as I have in the
past.
"What you've written is terrific, but I just want to make sure that
a woman's looks don't matter at all to you.
In other words, even if she's well outside the boundaries of what
you would consider physically attractive, you'll still be able to
get sexually turned on by her enough to procreate--as long as she's
exemplary in these ten areas you've listed.
Is that correct?"
And as is invariably the case, I got the expected answer.
HIM: "Absolutely NOT. I would love for her to be incredibly beautiful
and sexier than I can imagine."
ME: "So then, why isn't that reflected in some way in your version of
'The Spreadsheet'?"
HIM: "Well, it just seemed SHALLOW of me to say anything about that."
Hmm. Shallow, huh?
Where did we ever get the idea that desiring a beautiful woman who
makes us sexually excited was shallow?
Probably from a similar place where women tend to hear that wanting
a man "who can provide for her" is EQUALLY shallow.
Listen up. If a woman says she wants a man who can earn a decent
living so that she can be freed up to be a full-time mom and/or
devote herself to supportive, joy-providing pursuits for the family
that's NOT shallow.
That's how her desires are hard-wired.
She's not necessarily a "gold digger", either.
She probably doesn't require millions of dollars and a calendar
full of "shopping dates".
She'll likely be able to appreciate you for far more reasons than
simply for your ability to provide.
And usually she'll be perfectly willing to offer her unique,
feminine gifts to you in return...all guaranteed to enhance your life
immensely.
Similarly, you as a normal, red-blooded man are hard-wired to be
attracted to physically beautiful women.
Now granted, your idea of exactly what that means may be VERY
different than what it means to some other guy.
But make no mistake: Unless your intention is purely to use a
woman sexually or to treat her as little more than "arm candy",
your desire for her to be beautiful and sexually attractive is NOT
shallow.
It's simply an integral part of what makes a woman great in your
eyes.
So while you don't want to fill "The Spreadsheet" up exclusively
with body part requirements, it's MORE than okay to take your dream
woman's looks and sexual attractiveness into consideration.
Even if her mind truly does turn you on, put that in a different
column.
To be sure, logical, objective support can be lifted from biology
and evolutionary psychology for your tendency to favor physically
attractive women.
Certain traits we as men tend to find physically attractive are
visual indicators of health, strength and fertility. The 7/10
waist-to-hips ratio comes to mind.
So yes, you can defend against being called "shallow" with pure
science...and you'd have a valid case.
But guess what? I think you can sweep all of that under the carpet.
All you REALLY need to do in order to prove once-and-for-all that
you are not "shallow" for caring about a woman's visual sexual
attractiveness is to watch what happens when a man settles.
That's right. And I'm talking about what happens to BOTH the man
AND the woman in such cases...ESPECIALLY the woman, in fact.
Wherever the couple goes, the man will be ashamed of her, won't he?
Let's face it: one of the key ways we as men judge each other is
by the women we're with. And hard-wired as we are, that comes down
to what she looks like.
So when we show up with a woman who we find unattractive, we feel
flat-out humiliated by her in the presence of our peers.
Show me a man whose social proof is damaged, and I'll show you a
man who will in turn become LESS confident and therefore LESS
attractive to the woman he's with.
Do you see the vicious, attraction-killing cycle forming already?
But there's more.
The truth is that EVERY woman wants her man to view her as the most
beautiful woman in the world in his eyes.
Think about it. Even if a woman manages to cajole a guy who's
clearly not attracted to her into a relationship by telling him
he's "shallow" for wanting a woman who's prettier than she is, how
happy is she really going to be?
Will she tolerate his "wandering eye" during the next trip to the
shopping mall?
Of course she won't. He'll probably get a rolling pin up 'side his
head.
Why? Because she'll feel humiliated also.
And two humiliated partners do not a great relationship make.
So then, what happens when EITHER of them becomes sexually
frustrated in the least? Dare I even speak about what happens when
she wants to have a baby and he can't even stomach the thought of
having sex with her?
The tragedy here is that based on how subjective looks are anyway,
another guy may have been WAY better at meeting her overall needs
than the guy who got guilt-tripped OUT of being "shallow " and INTO
being in a relationship with her to begin with.
The solution is simple. As always, we as men have a golden
opportunity to LEAD.
Stop being a martyr for the lame-o cause of "political correctness"
and admit to yourself--proudly--that you will settle for nothing less
than the "complete package" when it comes to finding a great woman.
The bottom line is that she's got to be beautiful and sexually
attractive to YOU, or SHE won't even be happy.
No apology is necessary...unless you marry a woman you aren't
particularly attracted to, of course.
Then, you'll need to apologize to HER for keeping her from going
out and finding that guy who would have appreciated her way more
than you ever will.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
=====
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2012. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly (and promptly) remove you from our mailing list.
"No games" doesn't only apply to dating around here.
=====
IN THIS EDITION: Have you ever been accused of being "shallow" for
caring about a woman's looks too much? Don't give it a second
thought. Here's why...
=====
THINKING ABOUT 1-ON-1 COACHING? WATCH THIS...
In this five-minute video I'm speaking directly to YOU if you've
ever (even for a second) thought about putting a dating coach like
me to work for you:
www.deservewhatyouwant.com/coachingvideo
Believe me, I know that it's sometimes a big step to pick up the
phone and call, even if you KNOW 1-on-1 coaching just might be what
finally gets you the results you've always been looking for with
women.
That's why I've recorded this video--so you can get a good idea of
what it's like to have me in your corner motivating you and
empowering you to greatness. Take a look:
www.deservewhatyouwant.com/coachingvideo
=====
ARE YOU "SHALLOW" FOR WANTING A PHYSICALLY BEAUTIFUL WOMAN?
It's very common for guys to begin a Ten-Plus coaching program with
less than a clear idea of what they really want in a woman.
And as you probably know by now, I have a device I call, simply "The
Spreadsheet" that I recommend in such cases.
Essentially, what you do is identify the ten most important factors
to you when it comes to evaluating great woman, assign each factor
ten points, and proceed to "grade" every woman you date accordingly.
"The Spreadsheet" is especially effective for helping right-brained
types apply some objective reasoning to the process of evaluating
women.
Although that can sound a bit cold, the only alternative for many
is getting "clouded by beauty-vision".
But that's NOT to say that I advocate replacing "beauty-vision"
with utter blindness.
Here's what I mean.
The other day, it happened again.
A guy sent back his version of "The Spreadsheet", and although
there was a fine collection of virtuous traits listed from 1-10,
not a single one of the silos indicated any concern whatsoever
about how the woman of his dreams might look...let alone whether or
not she'd turn him on sexually in the least.
In fact, the ten factors he listed could theoretically be as useful
for vetting GUY friends as it was for evaluating women.
Having seen this sort of thing before, I responded as I have in the
past.
"What you've written is terrific, but I just want to make sure that
a woman's looks don't matter at all to you.
In other words, even if she's well outside the boundaries of what
you would consider physically attractive, you'll still be able to
get sexually turned on by her enough to procreate--as long as she's
exemplary in these ten areas you've listed.
Is that correct?"
And as is invariably the case, I got the expected answer.
HIM: "Absolutely NOT. I would love for her to be incredibly beautiful
and sexier than I can imagine."
ME: "So then, why isn't that reflected in some way in your version of
'The Spreadsheet'?"
HIM: "Well, it just seemed SHALLOW of me to say anything about that."
Hmm. Shallow, huh?
Where did we ever get the idea that desiring a beautiful woman who
makes us sexually excited was shallow?
Probably from a similar place where women tend to hear that wanting
a man "who can provide for her" is EQUALLY shallow.
Listen up. If a woman says she wants a man who can earn a decent
living so that she can be freed up to be a full-time mom and/or
devote herself to supportive, joy-providing pursuits for the family
that's NOT shallow.
That's how her desires are hard-wired.
She's not necessarily a "gold digger", either.
She probably doesn't require millions of dollars and a calendar
full of "shopping dates".
She'll likely be able to appreciate you for far more reasons than
simply for your ability to provide.
And usually she'll be perfectly willing to offer her unique,
feminine gifts to you in return...all guaranteed to enhance your life
immensely.
Similarly, you as a normal, red-blooded man are hard-wired to be
attracted to physically beautiful women.
Now granted, your idea of exactly what that means may be VERY
different than what it means to some other guy.
But make no mistake: Unless your intention is purely to use a
woman sexually or to treat her as little more than "arm candy",
your desire for her to be beautiful and sexually attractive is NOT
shallow.
It's simply an integral part of what makes a woman great in your
eyes.
So while you don't want to fill "The Spreadsheet" up exclusively
with body part requirements, it's MORE than okay to take your dream
woman's looks and sexual attractiveness into consideration.
Even if her mind truly does turn you on, put that in a different
column.
To be sure, logical, objective support can be lifted from biology
and evolutionary psychology for your tendency to favor physically
attractive women.
Certain traits we as men tend to find physically attractive are
visual indicators of health, strength and fertility. The 7/10
waist-to-hips ratio comes to mind.
So yes, you can defend against being called "shallow" with pure
science...and you'd have a valid case.
But guess what? I think you can sweep all of that under the carpet.
All you REALLY need to do in order to prove once-and-for-all that
you are not "shallow" for caring about a woman's visual sexual
attractiveness is to watch what happens when a man settles.
That's right. And I'm talking about what happens to BOTH the man
AND the woman in such cases...ESPECIALLY the woman, in fact.
Wherever the couple goes, the man will be ashamed of her, won't he?
Let's face it: one of the key ways we as men judge each other is
by the women we're with. And hard-wired as we are, that comes down
to what she looks like.
So when we show up with a woman who we find unattractive, we feel
flat-out humiliated by her in the presence of our peers.
Show me a man whose social proof is damaged, and I'll show you a
man who will in turn become LESS confident and therefore LESS
attractive to the woman he's with.
Do you see the vicious, attraction-killing cycle forming already?
But there's more.
The truth is that EVERY woman wants her man to view her as the most
beautiful woman in the world in his eyes.
Think about it. Even if a woman manages to cajole a guy who's
clearly not attracted to her into a relationship by telling him
he's "shallow" for wanting a woman who's prettier than she is, how
happy is she really going to be?
Will she tolerate his "wandering eye" during the next trip to the
shopping mall?
Of course she won't. He'll probably get a rolling pin up 'side his
head.
Why? Because she'll feel humiliated also.
And two humiliated partners do not a great relationship make.
So then, what happens when EITHER of them becomes sexually
frustrated in the least? Dare I even speak about what happens when
she wants to have a baby and he can't even stomach the thought of
having sex with her?
The tragedy here is that based on how subjective looks are anyway,
another guy may have been WAY better at meeting her overall needs
than the guy who got guilt-tripped OUT of being "shallow " and INTO
being in a relationship with her to begin with.
The solution is simple. As always, we as men have a golden
opportunity to LEAD.
Stop being a martyr for the lame-o cause of "political correctness"
and admit to yourself--proudly--that you will settle for nothing less
than the "complete package" when it comes to finding a great woman.
The bottom line is that she's got to be beautiful and sexually
attractive to YOU, or SHE won't even be happy.
No apology is necessary...unless you marry a woman you aren't
particularly attracted to, of course.
Then, you'll need to apologize to HER for keeping her from going
out and finding that guy who would have appreciated her way more
than you ever will.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
=====
(c) X & Y Communications LLC, 2012. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly (and promptly) remove you from our mailing list.
"No games" doesn't only apply to dating around here.