[X&Y] Do "Looks" Matter As Much To Women? <-- Finally, The Truth
Published: Sun, 07/29/12
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WHAT'S INSIDE: Think that the "GQ model" type of guys who tend to
catch women's eye naturally have a better dating life than you everwill?
Not necessarily...by a long shot. Here's the fascinating reason why
you CAN and SHOULD do better with women than they can.
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WHY YOU SHOULD HAVE A BETTER DATING LIFE THAN MOST "PRETTY BOYS" DO
All told, I think it's perfectly natural that most of us as guys
would assume that other dudes who are "gifted" in the looks
department would have incredible success with women...without really
trying.
After all, that's how it seems to go for beautiful women, so why
not for men also?
If a woman looks great, guys will be all over her, often (to their
own potentially disastrous risk) without concern for her
personality or character.
And really, no matter how much we hear about how "looks don't
matter" to women, we can't help but overhear them talking about how
"hot" a particular guy is and/or making side comments to their
girlfriends about how they may be fantasizing about him.
Great, huh?
According to all external evidence, it would indeed seem that men
and women are a lot alike when it comes to how much looks "matter",
right?
Not so fast.
What if I told you that my direct experience tells me that how good
looking a guy is has almost NOTHING TO DO with his ultimate level
of "success" with women?
Your first thought may by that I'm going to join the chorus who
would sell you on the trite but persistent notion that "looks don't
matter".
Well, not me.
Looks may in fact "matter", but NOT in the way you might think. At
the very least, not in the SAME WAY that how a woman looks matters
to guys.
Here's how it all works.
First, let's look at the "average" guy.
And for the record, by "average" I mean ANY guy who doesn't see
himself as being particularly good looking. My firmly held belief
is that ALL of us can be at least an "average guy" by simply caring
enough to have self-respect.
So please don't e-mail me moaning about how you're probably "below
average", and how what I'm about to say therefore still won't help
you. It's the whining about that itself that actually spells out
"below average"...believe me.
Anyway...
Since "Mr. Average" is not particularly good looking, he may think
that he has less of a chance with a beautiful woman.
This is predicated on logic, of course. Deep down, we all tend to
feel like we should get what we think we deserve.
So "Mr. Average" sees "Mr. GQ" with a beautiful woman, and despairs.
But then again, it always seems like the NEXT beautiful woman he
sees is with a guy whom he might think doesn't deserve her as much
as HE does. And that frustrates him.
Despair alternating with frustration. Why? Because he's assuming
the women he sees must make dating and relationship decisions the
way WE do as men.
So he sees "Mr. GQ" as deserving, and any less handsome man with a
pretty woman as simply "lucky" or something. And he resents BOTH
guys.
As a result of this poisonous mindset, his problem is that he can't
get up the nerve to ask a woman out on a first date.
But if he could just muster a bit of confidence, he may find that
his masculinity, ability to put a woman at ease in his presence and
his solid character could actually make women go crazy for him
after they meet him.
In fact, a BIG part of his frustration may even lie in knowing that
if he could just get a woman on a first date, she'd LOVE HIM.
...If only, in his mind, she could get past his underwhelming
physical appearance.
Have you ever caught yourself thinking that? I know I have.
Meanwhile, let's consider "Mr. GQ".
Women naturally smile at him when they see him. They may even
flirt a little more noticeably.
Heck, women may even approach him first.
It's not altogether out of the question that women would be
throwing slips of paper with their phone number on it at him.
As such, he likely has NO PROBLEM getting first dates.
But when you get right down to it, a first date does NOT equal
"success with women".
And if you're among the legion of "Mr. Average" guys out there, you
might not ever see the part that comes next. You may not even ever
consider the POSSIBILITY of it, frankly.
Here it is, though: I've lost count of the number of "handsome"
guys who can get a first date with ANY woman, but who can't get a
SECOND DATE to save their lives.
Why not?
Usually it's one of three reasons:
1) Women, ultimately can't stand to be "upstaged" in the looks
department. Insecurity and jealousy cause them to run away. They
literally prefer not to date someone "prettier" than they are.
(And for what it's worth, YES...this means you should feel empowered
to go after women who are better looking than you are. They'll
actually like you MORE than women who aren't.)
2) The guy falls for his own shortsighted belief that women make
dating decisions the same way men do, and therefore develops an
arrogant attitude based on his looks. Women like good-looking
guys, but they can't stand arrogant ones. Mark that.
3) It turns out the guy is either BORING or a flat-out WUSS behind
that "pretty boy" façade. Game over.
Isn't the "big picture" here a little bit crazy?
"Mr. Average" doesn't get a FIRST DATE...mostly due to having psyched
himself out with negative "self-talk".
"Mr. GQ" can't get a SECOND DATE...for one (or all) of the reasons
listed above.
In the end BOTH GUYS FAIL with women.
And the most breathtaking part of this whole scenario? Both men
actually have the SAME PROBLEM.
Neither guy has the ability to CHOOSE the women they really want.
Whether that means "short term fling" or "long term relationship"
is irrelevant. If ANY guy fails to create deep attraction in a
woman, he's getting nowhere with her.
And remember, this is REGARDLESS OF LOOKS.
What's the net/net of all this?
It's simple. Good looks may help a guy catch a woman's eye up
front, but really only "matter" as it pertains to HOW and WHEN
success or failure with women presents itself.
And yes...an "average" guy may need to take a more objective approach
to getting a woman's attention initially.
But ultimately, only the "Big Four" matter when it comes to truly
attracting her...on YOUR TERMS and for as long as you'd like her to
be in your life.
And the bottom line is that ONLY guys who are in control of their
dating lives can expect to have success with women.
In the example given above, neither "Mr. Average" nor "Mr. GQ" has
CONTROL over his dating life.
They don't hold the cards when it comes to deciding which women
they want to keep around for any length of time.
So if you think about it, whether a guy feels like he has a hard
time GETTING a woman's attention or KEEPING it, the problem is
still pretty much the same thing in the end: He doesn't have the
women in his life that he wants.
And by the way, if you think that the good looking guy may still
have one-up over "average" guys because he can get the "quick lay"
out of the transaction before he ultimately blows it, guess again.
As I've shown you before in the past, high quality women DO NOT
make decisions regarding who to sleep with the same way guys do.
Without "Big Four" substance, ANY guy can forgettaboutit.
But with the "Big Four" in full effect, you essentially weed out
just about ALL of your "competition" in today's modern, neutered
world replete with confused men...good-looking and otherwise.
I can hear someone asking, "Yeah, but what about women who AREN'T
high quality?"
What about 'em?
If a woman has low self-esteem and the lower standards that go with
it, the irony is that a more "average" guy may have a better
chance, as it were, even with her.
I personally thank my lucky stars that I DON'T have "model looks",
but that I know what the "Big Four" are and recognize their
importance. My experience with women has been way less complicated
that way...and far more successful.
How about you? Can you adopt that mindset and take full advantage
of the power it holds?
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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