[X&Y] Get A Load Of THIS "Facepalm" Voice Mail <--Don't Be That Guy
Published: Sun, 09/09/12
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IN THIS EDITION: Is the "paint by numbers" approach enough to get
you somewhere with women? Possibly, at least in the short term.
But just don't be THIS guy...
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VOICE MAIL DISASTERS: WHY THE "PAINT BY NUMBERS" APPROACH
DOESN'T CUT IT
Listen up. I fully understand that we all want quick and dirty
answers in life.
We tend to respond eagerly to marketing messages that tell us how
our pain "isn't our fault" and that the cure is as easy as falling
out of bed in the morning.
We all want the "Easy Button", right?
There's only one problem with all of that.
The proposed solutions rarely work...especially over the long term.
Sure, if you're starting from Square One when it comes to your
skills with women, some very objective basics can give you
exactly what you need to enjoy some quick success.
If you've never done a cold approach before, the right opener can
indeed finally get you in front of a woman and talking to her.
If you need a better grasp of when a woman is ready to be kissed,
knowing the signs to watch out for (e.g. her playfulness, touching
and/or getting closer to you) can work wonders.
But let's face it. If you've got 50 pounds to lose, it's not going
to "melt off overnight".
If you want to get rich, it's not going to happen within the next
two weeks as you sip pina-coladas while relaxing on the beach.
And if you really want to attract high-quality women and manage
relationships with them in masterful fashion, you just can't recite
a bunch of lines.
Yet, even as some guys aspire to be "artists" (pickup or
otherwise), what they sometimes really settle for is PAINTING BY
NUMBERS.
And painting by numbers isn't exactly "art", now is it?
Joe Jensen, one of our coaches here at X & Y Communications, can
always be counted on to send me some real gems from the Internet.
For example, listen carefully to this brief audio clip Joe sent me
the link to this week. It's of two voice mails left by a guy to a
woman he had met a few days earlier:
"Facepalm" Voice Mail
When you listened to that, you likely responded in one of two
different ways:
1) "This guy needs to step up his game BIG TIME", or...
2) "I don't understand what's so funny."
I'll tell you straight up. If on the odd chance you're in the
second camp and you fail to see why a radio morning show would play
this on the air, you COULD be painting by numbers.
Heck, even if you can relate just THE SLIGHTEST BIT to this guy's
approach, that reality is probably hitting you like a ton of bricks
about now, I'd imagine.
That said, I trust most of you can indeed see the tragic-comedy at
play here.
But you see, the part that the female recipient of these voice
mails along with the morning show crew probably doesn't even begin
to understand is this harsh reality: The extreme likelihood is
that the guy on the phone has probably come a LONG, LONG way in his
skills with women.
He's probably WAY better now than he was before.
That's right. You heard me correctly.
Perhaps he used to suffer from approach anxiety in the worst way.
And maybe he used to put women on a pedestal and kowtow to them as
if they were "divine goddesses".
Maybe he even used to be the CHASER instead of the chooser.
Well, he's clearly gotten over AA, hasn't he? And from the looks
of things, he ain't kowtowing to nobody these days. Moreover, you
can hear how he has carefully chosen his words so as to objectively
position himself as the CHOOSER.
But to say all of his application of what he has learned thus far
fell flat is an understatement, isn't it?
Why?
Simple. My man is going around painting by numbers.
Now frankly, the clip I just pointed you to is a few years old
now. There's some discussion in the lengthy comment section that
it all might possibly have been media PR for some pickup company.
Well, if that's the case...then things are even WORSE than I
thought. Yes, that would mean somebody out there who deems himself
a "professional" is actually PROUD of those two voicemails.
But believe it or not, I see this sort of thing all the time around
here...and its definitely FOR REAL.
Guys are doing very similar things to what you just heard,
and not understanding why the desired results aren't happening.
It can take several forms. Perhaps there's the "cocky" without the
"funny", resulting in a guy wondering why women aren't responding
to raw insults with "instant, uncontrollable attraction".
Or maybe "Mr. Nice Guy" reads about how "women love Idiot/Jerks"
(like I talked about yesterday) and swings his pendulum to the
opposite extreme...only to be left more bitter toward women than
ever.
All of this is the result of reading or hearing very objective,
by-the-book strategies on "how to pickup women" and attempting to
apply them in a linear fashion to every single situation with every
woman.
Or worse, attempting to apply a HALF-BAKED understanding of those
strategies. Ouch.
You know what? Assuming the audio clip I sent you IS for real, I
don't think the guy in it is all that bad a guy. In fact, he's
probably only doing exactly what he THINKS he read was the right
thing to do.
With practice, he'll learn what isn't working (the hard way) and
get more effective with women.
And hey, at least he's PRACTICING instead of just sitting around
reading. I give him all the credit in the world for that.
But where paint-by-numbers will turn into true artistry for him
(and for the rest of us also) is when he realizes that objective
strategies ultimately won't cut it with women.
In this case one size truly does NOT fit all.
After all, women are human beings like we as men are. That means
applying some of the more subjective truths about social skill in
general HAS GOT to take precedence over any step-by-step tactics.
For starters, if WE wouldn't respond positively to what we're
saying to women, there's solid reason to believe THEY WON'T EITHER.
Similarly, if WE would feel pushed and/or swindled if treated a
certain way, we shouldn't exactly expect women to get the "warm
fuzzies" if we feed them the same.
And if something seems creepy to us, you can bet the farm on the
fact that it'll be at least TWICE as creepy to any woman.
This all isn't necessarily hard to grasp, it simply means that we
have to be a bit more flexible in our ability (and even our
willingness) to meet the challenge of interacting with every woman
we meet (and indeed, EVERYONE we meet) on an individual basis.
In other words, we've got to stop being lazy. That's another very
real reason why a lot of guys depend on canned "tactics".
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, we've also got to actually
LIKE women in order to expect them to LIKE us back. They follow
our lead, remember?
But you can't recite from of the manual. And you can't FORCE that
leadership on them like our friend in the voice mail example
attempted to.
So how about it? Can you put aside the "paint by numbers
approach", even if it potentially means leaving your comfort zone
with women?
Can you trust your genuine, authentic "Big Four" self to come
through for you on the fly every time you're with a new and
uniquely individual woman?
It's all about making a woman feel comfortable in your presence.
It's all about igniting her femininity with your masculinity even
as you respect her basic inalienable rights as a fellow human
being--without pushing, without cajoling.
It's all about believing your personality WORKS...whether you are in
the presence of a woman you are attracted to or not.
If your mindset is such, you are well on your way to leaving the
paint by numbers approach behind and achieving true artistry.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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