[X&Y] 8 Ways To Blow A First Date <--Don't Be That Guy
Published: Sun, 10/14/12
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WHAT'S INSIDE: Do you keep going on first dates...but not a
lot of second ones? This list just might tell you why.
=====
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=====
8 WAYS TO BLOW A FIRST DATE (DON'T BE THAT GUY)
I've been giving considerable thought lately to why so many first
dates go awry.
Based on some of the emails I get you would think that the concept
of a first date going well is about as rare as an '86 Yugo in
running condition.
Are half of us really that deficient in making a solid first
impression? Or is it the OTHER half of us who are that unreasonable
in our expectations?
Here's exactly as bad as it gets. I can tell you with a straight
face that I think most of us are BOTH. "C: All Of The Above".
Ironically enough, these days people want immediate gratification
even as the concept of "customer service" is all but instinct. So
in a world of short attention spans and expectations of
disappointment we make dates with people.
Assuming we have enough integrity to show up rather than flaking
out, we expect to be "entertained" even as we feel perfectly free
to leave our "A game" hanging in the locker.
We're going on dates, but simply put we are not "bringing it".
And to complicate matters, thanks to online dating many of us are
going on more first dates than ever with people we haven't even MET
before. In such situations "going big or going home" takes on new
meaning.
To quote Christopher Walken in the infamous SNL skit, "I got a
fever. And the only prescription is more cowbell."
Here are eight ways we fail to put forth our best effort on first
dates:
1) Failure To Communicate...AT ALL
Maybe you're nervous. Perhaps you're playing it conservative so as
not to "blow it". But if it takes four dentists, two rocket
scientists and a small boy to extract words from your mouth when
you are sitting in front of someone you just met don't come whining
to me when the date doesn't progress the way you want it to.
2) Interview Questions
This is obvious and you've heard it a million times before, haven't
you? Yeah well, the problem is that we STILL KEEP DOING IT anyway.
So instead of repeating the problem for the seventy-leventh time,
here's a practical solution: Take careful note of anything
interesting that you happen to see or read during the day of the
date.
When you meet the person, casually begin conversation using the
topics you've already invested time in preparing to talk about.
Tease a bit--whether you are a man OR a woman. Use the "banter"
skills you've learned. When you start hearing "I've known you for
ten minutes but it's like we've know each other for years" then you
know you are on the right track.
3) You Don't Feel Like Being There
I've actually heard horror stories where someone's date actually
SAID this at the front end of the date.
Lookit. That's practically tantamount to soft-core dating terrorism.
"Hello, A. I'm B. I really don't want to be here. No really--I
have better things to do."
You know, I'm beginning to think that flaking out on someone at the
last minute--or even flat-out standing them up--isn't as bad as it
gets.
4) Distractions
Can you put down the cell phone for however long the date is going
to last? Can you handle it? Can you trust that the house isn't on
fire? Better yet, can you hold a conversation without spacing out
over whatever's happening (or potentially happening) elsewhere?
5) You're Mentally Detached
I'm going to dogpile "tired", "stressed", and "preoccupied" onto
this category. Dates that happen over lunch or at the end of a
work day are particularly prone to "compression sickness".
If you aren't completely present you aren't, well...you aren't
all there.
At least that's what the other person is going to be forced into
assuming. This can even go so far as to creep someone out, which
we all know is the Thing That Must Never Happen.
6) You're Rushed
Yeah you may go so far as actually wanting to be on the date.
You may even have had a good night's sleep and a caffeine fix.
But if you are trying to shoehorn a planned 2-hour experience into
25 minutes because "something came up" then you're stacking the deck
against anything good coming from the date. At least the ordeal is
an abbreviated one, right?
7) Apathy Towards Appearance
Emily commented about this to me recently. She noticed, and I
agree, that people in general are much more cavalier about how they
dress and clean up than they used to be.
Maybe the "business casual" revolution has devolved into some sort
of "post-casual" debacle.
Sure, you don't want to telegraph some needy fixation on
"impressing" someone. But that's not at all related in concept to
making no effort at all to even look good.
8) Sex Focus
Objectifying your date early and often invariably leads to an
indifferent response. And no, this isn't necessarily a purely male
phenomenon anymore (as if it really ever was).
Stop focusing on sexuality and start igniting femininity instead.
You will discover life-changing secrets to getting second dates.
If this doesn't make sense, send me an email.
Remember, this once again--as is usually the case around here--comes
down to deserving what you want.
Are you expecting to meet exciting people who you are actually
attracted to?
Instead of arriving for dates expecting to be "entertained", start
putting some focus on being excellent.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. Work continues on my new program Female Persuasion. I
keep thinking of great new content for it. Stay tuned...
=====
(c) X & Y Communications, 2012. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.
away...
=====
8 WAYS TO BLOW A FIRST DATE (DON'T BE THAT GUY)
I've been giving considerable thought lately to why so many first
dates go awry.
Based on some of the emails I get you would think that the concept
of a first date going well is about as rare as an '86 Yugo in
running condition.
Are half of us really that deficient in making a solid first
impression? Or is it the OTHER half of us who are that unreasonable
in our expectations?
Here's exactly as bad as it gets. I can tell you with a straight
face that I think most of us are BOTH. "C: All Of The Above".
Ironically enough, these days people want immediate gratification
even as the concept of "customer service" is all but instinct. So
in a world of short attention spans and expectations of
disappointment we make dates with people.
Assuming we have enough integrity to show up rather than flaking
out, we expect to be "entertained" even as we feel perfectly free
to leave our "A game" hanging in the locker.
We're going on dates, but simply put we are not "bringing it".
And to complicate matters, thanks to online dating many of us are
going on more first dates than ever with people we haven't even MET
before. In such situations "going big or going home" takes on new
meaning.
To quote Christopher Walken in the infamous SNL skit, "I got a
fever. And the only prescription is more cowbell."
Here are eight ways we fail to put forth our best effort on first
dates:
1) Failure To Communicate...AT ALL
Maybe you're nervous. Perhaps you're playing it conservative so as
not to "blow it". But if it takes four dentists, two rocket
scientists and a small boy to extract words from your mouth when
you are sitting in front of someone you just met don't come whining
to me when the date doesn't progress the way you want it to.
2) Interview Questions
This is obvious and you've heard it a million times before, haven't
you? Yeah well, the problem is that we STILL KEEP DOING IT anyway.
So instead of repeating the problem for the seventy-leventh time,
here's a practical solution: Take careful note of anything
interesting that you happen to see or read during the day of the
date.
When you meet the person, casually begin conversation using the
topics you've already invested time in preparing to talk about.
Tease a bit--whether you are a man OR a woman. Use the "banter"
skills you've learned. When you start hearing "I've known you for
ten minutes but it's like we've know each other for years" then you
know you are on the right track.
3) You Don't Feel Like Being There
I've actually heard horror stories where someone's date actually
SAID this at the front end of the date.
Lookit. That's practically tantamount to soft-core dating terrorism.
"Hello, A. I'm B. I really don't want to be here. No really--I
have better things to do."
You know, I'm beginning to think that flaking out on someone at the
last minute--or even flat-out standing them up--isn't as bad as it
gets.
4) Distractions
Can you put down the cell phone for however long the date is going
to last? Can you handle it? Can you trust that the house isn't on
fire? Better yet, can you hold a conversation without spacing out
over whatever's happening (or potentially happening) elsewhere?
5) You're Mentally Detached
I'm going to dogpile "tired", "stressed", and "preoccupied" onto
this category. Dates that happen over lunch or at the end of a
work day are particularly prone to "compression sickness".
If you aren't completely present you aren't, well...you aren't
all there.
At least that's what the other person is going to be forced into
assuming. This can even go so far as to creep someone out, which
we all know is the Thing That Must Never Happen.
6) You're Rushed
Yeah you may go so far as actually wanting to be on the date.
You may even have had a good night's sleep and a caffeine fix.
But if you are trying to shoehorn a planned 2-hour experience into
25 minutes because "something came up" then you're stacking the deck
against anything good coming from the date. At least the ordeal is
an abbreviated one, right?
7) Apathy Towards Appearance
Emily commented about this to me recently. She noticed, and I
agree, that people in general are much more cavalier about how they
dress and clean up than they used to be.
Maybe the "business casual" revolution has devolved into some sort
of "post-casual" debacle.
Sure, you don't want to telegraph some needy fixation on
"impressing" someone. But that's not at all related in concept to
making no effort at all to even look good.
8) Sex Focus
Objectifying your date early and often invariably leads to an
indifferent response. And no, this isn't necessarily a purely male
phenomenon anymore (as if it really ever was).
Stop focusing on sexuality and start igniting femininity instead.
You will discover life-changing secrets to getting second dates.
If this doesn't make sense, send me an email.
Remember, this once again--as is usually the case around here--comes
down to deserving what you want.
Are you expecting to meet exciting people who you are actually
attracted to?
Instead of arriving for dates expecting to be "entertained", start
putting some focus on being excellent.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. Work continues on my new program Female Persuasion. I
keep thinking of great new content for it. Stay tuned...
=====
(c) X & Y Communications, 2012. All Rights Reserved.
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.