[X&Y] Sick Of Doing All The Calling And Texting? Read This...
Published: Sat, 09/29/12
WHAT'S INSIDE: You're out with a woman and she seems to like
you...but it's always YOU who is picking up the phone to call,sending the first text, and the like. Is it still safe to say
she's interested?
And assuming so, how do you take your mutual interest to the next
level?
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THIS DOESN'T HAPPEN OFTEN, BUT...
Right now I want you to be honest with yourself.
Are you the kind of guy who tends to procrastinate?
Do you sometimes kick yourself for not being as productive as
you should be...yet nothing ever changes?
And most of all, do you ever wonder if all this "wheel spinning"
is negatively affecting your relationships with women--both in
the long and the short term?
(That last one is the REAL killer, isn't it?)
If you answered "yes" to any of those questions, let me tell
you that you've got PLENTY of company.
But now there's a logical, simple and best of all cost-effective
solution for all this...and let me tell you, those don't come
around very often:
I first told you about this a couple of weeks ago, and since then
I've been receiving excellent feedback about it.
Maybe you heard about it then and meant to take a look, but have
been putting it off.
If THAT'S the case, you can already sense that this just might be
for you, right? Take a look:
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READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS
Hey Scot,
I recently meet a woman on Match.com. We started with a few emails
then with an online chat that lasted about an hour and a half.
We talked on the phone twice for a total of about 3 hours.
We have gone out three times, I really like her and honestly I
don't remember the last time I had such a great connection with
someone.
My concern is that it seems to be a little one sided. I really do
think she likes me because when we are together she is very
affectionate towards me, but it seems like when we are not together
I am the only one trying to make contact.
I may call her or send her a "good morning" text or a "how was your
day" text. I have only received one text like that from her, and we
have been talking for over three weeks.
Am I reading too much into it?
Also, is three really great dates enough time to suggest that we
try to make it a little more serious? Or should I just let things
progress naturally? Thanks.
Andrew (Denver, CO)
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Hello Andrew:
Not to worry. Most women are taught to let the man take the lead
when it comes to initiating interaction.
If it really eats at you, go ahead and acknowledge it to her just
to see how she reacts. For example, "I've noticed you're very
traditional...preferring the man take the lead when it comes to
phone calls and things like that."
Note that you aren't complaining, challenging or worrying. You're
simply stating a fact.
Note especially that you're confidently calling out the "elephant
in the room", like we've talked about before rather than running
away from the issue.
If she flat-out hasn't realized that you're doing all the calling
and texting, it may be because that's simply her "unconscious"
habit when relating to men. And if that's the case, that's not
unusual for women who have been raised around "traditional"
thinking from a young age.
Be careful if that's indeed what's going on, though.
She may launch into a stream of "I'm sorrys" if she senses you
may be displeased. This tends to be an all but de facto practice
among women, doesn't it?
Although saying "I'm sorry" a lot can be a sign of low self-esteem
if it occurs often enough, she may genuinely feel in this scenario
that she's let you down.
On the other hand, she may openly acknowledge that she's indeed
been intentional about waiting for you to contact her first.
She may also be prompted at that point to ask you if you either
like it that way or have a problem with it. But at least you'll have
reassurance that she's indeed like that rather than losing interest
in you.
EITHER WAY she responds, it's important at that point to take the
lead (as she wants you to anyway) and reassure her that you find
her old-fashioned outlook refreshing and that you LIKE it.
And if you get nothing more than "I don't know", or some sort of
hesitation--it's time to watch carefully. Is she just being shy or
is she hemming and hawing over the fact that she really isn't as
sold on you as you think? Watch the rest of her interaction with
you carefully and connect the dots.
But in all likelihood, if your gut feeling is that she's indeed
attracted to you, she's probably just "old school". You'll be fine.
As for how slow or fast you want to take things from there, you're
the man. You lead. That reality is largely manufactured by YOU.
The good news is she'll almost certainly LIKE THAT about you also.
If you are a man who has options and you think this woman is
particularly terrific vis-à-vis others you've considered, then
you'll have plenty of clarity when it comes to making her your
steady girlfriend or not.
But feel free to take your time and enjoy all the steps on the path
to getting to know each other well enough for that.
Remember always: It's when we're desperate to hold on to any woman
who both likes us and can fog a mirror that we're in trouble.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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