[X&Y] The Most Critical 30 Minutes In Dating
Published: Tue, 11/13/12
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IN THIS EDITION: The main idea of this classic newsletter (one
of the first 20 I ever wrote) has come up in coaching calls
several times over the last few weeks, so I thought I'd share
it with the vast majority of you guys who've never read it.
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THE MOST CRITICAL THIRTY MINUTES IN DATING
There has been a lot of work to do around here
lately, so last night it was time to relax a bit.
Emily and I decided to rent a movie. The mood
struck me for some reason to go old-school and I
suggested "Roman Holiday", which seemed a solid
choice because 1) We'd been to Rome on our
honeymoon last month, 2) Audrey Hepburn looks more
like Emily's sister than Emily's sister does (which
isn't a bad thing) and 3) unthinkably, neither one
of us had never seen this movie before (a first).
So "Roman Holiday" it was. Now I famously can't sit
through "chick flicks", even though my own personal
"swipe file" of solid dating strategy gleaned from
movies is considerable.
My silver bullet there, you see, is to watch OLD MOVIES.
A major difference between modern "romantic comedies" and
the old-school movies is that REAL MEN are portrayed.
And these REAL MEN are typically attracting REAL WOMEN.
All the low-end prurient stuff is absent as is any hint of
cultural "feminization", and for some reason this
enhances the demonstration of pure ATTRACTION SKILLS
at work.
All of this, of course, is highly valuable study material
when learning how to attract the highest level of woman
imaginable.
And best of all, nobody seems to be watching these movies
nowadays so doing so is like gaining an unfair advantage.
Now I could go on about the several different ways in
which this movie is a gold mine. But today we're going
to focus on one key, often underestimated and
little-understood factor that leading man Gregory
Peck is the MASTER of in this particular movie.
His character delivers on this principle better perhaps
than even Sean Connery's James Bond himself.
I call it "The Most Critical Thirty Minutes In Dating".
Whether you are a man or a woman, what you do with
these thirty minutes will make or break the future of
your relationship with whomever you are relating to.
These thirty minutes begin ticking, of course, at the
very moment one realizes that his or her date is
sexually attracted. And the difference maker is how
exactly one reacts to this development.
Women stereotypically have a firm grasp on this
concept, as men are similarly stereotyped as
telegraphing sexual attraction all too blatantly.
Many women instinctively sense just how profound the
power is that they hold in such a case, and use it
effectively to quite literally cast a spell upon a
man and put him under her full control.
We as guys, unfortunately, often have no idea how
powerful it is not to be needy when it comes to sexual
attention. And worse, once we sense that a woman is
"feeling it", we proceed to blow all screaming
potential to smithereens.
Why?
Simple. We put too much focus on sex as a "prize", and
we forget about the woman.
But not Gregory Peck's character in "Roman Holiday".
When he encounters a presumably "drunk" Audrey Hepburn
late at night on a park bench, he RELUCTANTLY ends up
taking her back to his place.
Whether Audrey is really so "disoriented" or not is left
to the imagination, but she announces that she plans to
undress and go to sleep (in his bed, no less) whether
Gregory Peck is standing there watching her or not.
Now at this point, do I need to tell you how most
sex-starved guys would act?
Meanwhile, Greg (not yet realizing that Audrey's
character is really a princess from a foreign country)
furrows his eyebrows at her brattiness and throws a set
of mens pajamas at her.
He tells her that he's going to "get coffee" and will be
back in five minutes...and that she'd better not even
think about taking the bed. The couch is over there.
Audrey is left thinking, "Who is this guy?" She's
intrigued by his utter lack of sexual neediness. Here,
obviously, is a man who is very picky about his women
and all about making sexual decisions on his own terms.
In the morning, Audrey wakes up and Greg is the image of
coolness. With her senses back in order, she soon
discovers on her own that he had not "taken advantage"
of her. She's intrigued.
In an ironic twist, Greg actually lets her leave his
apartment...passing what Emily and I agree was a test by
Audrey's character to see if he really was man enough to
let her go.
Of course, in the midst of other plot complications
incidental to the point at hand, he doesn't really let
her get away.
And as soon as he sees her again, it's very obvious that
Audrey is digging him. Still, Greg plays it cool. His
paws aren't all over her and he's probably still not even
convinced about her. He refuses to "chase" her.
Greg has succeeded wildly at the "Big Four". He is
masculine, his intrigue interests her, he is CONFIDENT,
and--importantly--he INSPIRES CONFIDENCE in her that she
is safe in his presence.
So the thirty minutes begin ticking.
Make no mistake, he may have been able to steal a kiss
and start having his fun with her right then and there.
But watching the movie, you can't imagine Greg blowing
his high-end persona and being such a shortsighted
bonehead. Nope, this guy is for real.
And, sure enough...about a half an hour later he is
rewarded by Audrey's show of affection toward him.
And let's not overlook the fact that Audrey knew exactly
what was going on there and responded with the awe-
inspiring manner of feminine charm and class which
defined her entire acting career.
By the time night falls upon 1953 Rome, having spent
the day with Audrey--and having withstood the tests
posed by the interest of other men--he reaps the
benefits of being a man who deserves.
A real, live princess has fallen in love with him.
Now listen, I fully get that if two people realize
that sexual chemistry is "on" there's no logical
reason to wait around.
But the sheer confidence and prowess associated with
pacing sexual tension in a way that's sure to drive
a woman wild is what separates the needy and the sex-
focused also-rans from the true champions at enjoying
a passion-filled life.
The patience of a man who knows the raw power of
sexual energy contributes to his ability to deserve a
princess. And he tends to settle for nothing less, does
he not?
By now you may be saying, "Yeah, McKay...but we're
discussing a fifty-four year old work of fiction here."
...Or are we?
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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