[X&Y] 5 Things Women Want You To Know About Approaching Them

Published: Sat, 12/08/12



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IN THIS EDITION:  What if you could get inside a woman's head and
figure out what she REALLY thinks about being approached by guys?  

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SO, HOW DID IT GO LAST NIGHT?


Did you go out, see some girls you found attractive, and NOT approach
them?

Or did you have a date...but it didn't exactly turn out as you planned?

Or maybe you DO have a girlfriend, so it was another night at home
with her crashed out in front of some boring "chick flick"...while you
secretly fantasize about other, hotter women.

Or worse...was your night at home spent with "Mother Thumb and her four
daughters?"

Perhaps you just worked on a project or something because you're
actually "holding out" for one girl in particular. (She's not your
girlfriend or anything, but if she ever called you'd drop everything.)

If you can relate to ANY of the above scenarios, it's time to get
OUT of that mess:



No More Friday Frustration



When you click that link above you'll see something I've never
shown you before.

If you want to STOP frittering away Fridays and make your
weekends count (starting with TONIGHT), then this is something
you really should take a look at:



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5 THINGS WOMEN WANT YOU TO KNOW WHEN APPROACHING THEM


I've been spending quite a bit of time lately talking to women
about what it's like for them to interact with guys these days.  

Remember, Emily and I are both dating coaches so there's a
list of thousands of women who we write to...and many of them
write us back.

Plus, I talk to my fair share of women live and in person. of
course.

Taking all of the information I've gathered from so many women into
consideration, I've pulled together some SHOCKING CONCLUSIONS
regarding any "approach anxiety" you may be suffering from.  

Let's get right to the list:



1)  Women Usually Have No Idea That Guys Deal With Approach Anxiety


This was a revelation that seriously fried my circuits.  The first
time I ever heard that most women are COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS to the
fact that men are generally afraid to approach women was from
Emily.  I thought she had to be joking.

But it's no joke.  I've asked numerous other about this, and ALL
of them confirmed what Emily reported.

Seriously, for most women, the idea of any man being "afraid" of
them flat out doesn't compute.  

Generally, they react with shock that guys would be too scared
to talk to them...as if they're so "dangerous" in their dresses,
high heels and French manicures.

So how do these same women tend to explain away the fact that like
97% of all men can barely manage a "hit and run" compliment, if
they even talk to them AT ALL?  

Simple...they assume guys aren't really interested in them.  

That's right...they think the vast majority of guys AREN'T
ATTRACTED TO THEM.



2)  Women Are Literally Stir-Crazy Because You Won't Approach Them


Somewhere along the line we as guys developed what can only be
described as an "us vs. them" mentality when it comes to women.

As I mentioned in this space recently, there's a constant stream
of subtle communication elsewhere in the world of men's dating
advice that MOTOS (members of the opposite sex) are somehow the
"enemy", requiring that we "target" them with various tactical
schemes, etc.  

Thinking of women as some sort of "non human" species who can't be
figured out may soften the blow of rejection a bit by giving us an
easy excuse.   

In other words, if you don't see a woman as simply another human
being like you to be social with, then it somehow doesn't hurt as
bad if and when that social interaction doesn't end well.

But as much as we pretend that women are some "alien" creatures
(from Venus, perhaps?) who are hard-wired to make life difficult
for men, here's the disarmingly simple truth:  Really, every woman
is VERY HUMAN, just like you.

If she wins the lottery, she'll be happy.  If her dog runs away,
she'll be sad.

In fact, the only REAL differences are based on the fact that
SHE'S feminine, and YOU'RE masculine.

And she WANTS TO MEET a guy like you EVERY BIT AS MUCH as you want
to meet a woman like her.  In fact, she's probably at a total loss
as to why you aren't introducing yourself to you.

Oh, by the way, if you think women are ever going to start "making
the first move" on your behalf, you've still got to learn about how
women DEMAND a guy who can LEAD.

Which brings us to the next point...



3)  You Pretty Much Control The Tone Of The Interaction


That's right, women not only respond POWERFULLY to leadership from
a man, the highest quality women DEMAND IT like I said.  

And sure, women look at how much ambition you have as an indicator
of your long term leadership skills, but even in the moment a woman
is ALWAYS looking to you to take the lead.

I hope it comes as no surprise to you that as you lead in ANY
SITUATION, women follow.

So it follows logically that if you are a nervous wreck and
tripping all over yourself when meeting a woman for the first time,
SHE is going to start feeling insecure also.

If you're nervous and awkward, she's going to respond to you in
kind.  And raise you hand if you already know that making a woman
feel INSECURE in your presence is basically the fast-track to
getting NOWHERE with her.

Here's the crazy part, though.  Sure, women might expect some
"nervous energy" when meeting you, sort of in line with that
anticipatory adrenaline rush that goes with meeting someone
exciting and new.

But remember, women generally are OBLIVIOUS to approach anxiety's
basic existence.

So what is she thinking when you're completely freaked out?  She's
likely to assume that's your AUTHENTIC self.  She's likely to think
that's how you ALWAYS ARE in social settings.

Meanwhile, if you are confident socially and expect to be treated
well by any woman you meet, it's amazingly predictable how often
women will be comfortable with you, and treat you in the manner you
feel you deserve.     

And that leads to this...



4)  Most Women Are Only Rude To Guys Who Are Rude To Them First


I recently heard there are at least a few pickup artists out there
teaching that if a woman DOESN'T respond to you with a look of
total shock and/or disdain when you approach her, you're probably
doing something "wrong".

My first thought upon hearing this advice was that I haven't
experienced that scenario since about tenth grade.  NOT EVEN ONCE.

And yet, I've met PLENTY of women.  And it has usually gone very
well.  Go figure.

Guys, once again women are HUMAN.  And they respond to YOUR
LEADERSHIP.  If you're rude to them, it is NOT going to end well
for you...especially if it's a high quality woman you are dealing with.

If you approach women in an overbearing, obnoxious or flat-out
arrogant manner, expect to be responded to in kind.  It's really as
simple as that.

Want to engage in some playful banter if she seems to have that
kind of personality?  That's different.  But don't expect to insult
a woman's person OR her intelligence and create attraction.  This
is not rocket science.



5)  There's A VERY GOOD Reason Why Many Women Think Most Guys Are
Jerks


Having read the previous four points, my educated guess is you can
see this one coming.  

It's basically the logical conclusion to the discussion.

Why do so many women think so many guys are "I/Js" ("Idiot/Jerks")?

Because those are the ONLY GUYS who sack up and approach them,
that's why.

Seriously, most of us are extra careful not to "bother" women.  

Yes...we may be utterly scared of rejection at our core, sure
enough.  

But what keeps us from EVER EVEN TRYING to overcome that fear is
that we want to be POLITE.  

We don't want to alarm or startle women by being a "stranger" who
approaches.  We tell ourselves we're being respectful to women by
honoring their space and their privacy.

So then, what happens?  Some of the most well-meaning guys are
literally "hidden" from a woman's social experience.

Meanwhile?  It's often the guy without any regard for social
constraint, "sensitivity training", sexual harassment manuals, or
even what others think of him AT ALL who ends up being the one guy
in fifty who actually APPROACHES any particular woman.

It's that brash disregard for social skill that causes such a guy
to not give a rip about outcomes.  He may even THRIVE on getting
negative reactions from people (i.e. women).   

So guess what?  Women tend to meet a LOT of guys like that.

And it can't help but cause women to feel as if that's what MOST
guys must truly be like.  After all, it's what most guys who they
meet are like.

But even so, most great women suspect there's MORE.  They simply
want the high-quality guys to make themselves known.

Basically, women encounter VERY, VERY few guys who can pull off
that magical balance of being BOLD enough to approach her, yet MAN
enough to make her feel secure in his presence.  

Yet, that's the ONE GUY they all dream about meeting.  That's the
guy they so very much crave a MOVIE MOMENT with.



Will this information empower you to meet MORE women while feeling
LESS anxious about it?  It most definitely should.

But as I've said before, I can pack your parachute and teach you
how to "arch, look, reach and pull".

But it's YOU--and ONLY YOU--who ultimately makes the decision to jump
out of the plane.

So you can stand at the doorway and look nervously at the Wild Blue
Yonder, or you can take the leap...and feel the rush that goes with
it.  The difference here, however, is that when it comes to
interacting with women, there's no parachute involved.  

You're the only moving part that can "fail to deploy" in this case.
Don't do that to yourself.


Be Good,

Scot McKay




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