[X&Y] "Like Flashing Neon Lights Saying, 'Take Me!'"

Published: Tue, 06/11/13




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IN THIS EDITION:  Mark from Nebraska writes in and says, "I later
found out that this look meant, 'So are you gonna kiss me, or
what?' Of course, I did nothing."  If that sounds hauntingly
familiar to you, read on...

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READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS


Great advice in latest newsletters, Scot!

Before I discovered newsletters and books like yours, the only time
a woman became attracted to me was when I was "accidentally myself"
kind of like you were in the Target store.

For example, there was this really cute girl in acting class in
college. The class was great because it allowed me to showcase my
humor. I had a blast, especially when we did improv games.

Anyway, humor was apparently a huge turn on for this woman because
it wasn't long before she started dropping subtle hints that she
was attracted to me (even though I didn't really say much to her).

Well, at the time they seemed subtle, but looking back they were
more like flashing neon lights saying, "Take me!"

Unfortunately, I was too insecure (or should I say too stupid) to
do anything about it until just before the class ended.

A similar thing happened a few years later with a girl at work. She
was more subtle, but also more patient. Of course, I screwed that
one up too.

I have this vivid memory of me dropping her off at her house after
our first time hanging out. She's got one hand on the door handle
like she's going to leave, but keeps rambling about nothing and
looking at me.

I later found out that this look meant, "So are you gonna kiss me,
or what?"

Of course, I did nothing.

Any chance she gave me afterwards I messed up by either doing
nothing or acting needy and insecure (in other words, not myself).

Believe it or not, I thought I was supposed to wait for
"permission" from the girl before making a move.

Thank God for products like yours. If it wasn't for them, I'd still
be shooting myself in the foot.

Of course, it would've been nice to have gotten all this great
information before I met those women (especially the last one), but
oh well...


Mark (Elkhorn, NE)



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Thanks for writing, Mark.

Well, you can't let water under the proverbial bridge get to you.
Man...we ALL go through that sort of thing.

I remember at the end of my senior year in high school they gave
out yearbooks, and I couldn't believe what some of the hottest
girls in school wrote in mine.  

"Uh...well I always thought you seemed like a really interesting
guy, and I think whoever is your girlfriend in college will be the
luckiest girl in the world.  Oh well."

Or, "I guess we never really got a chance to hang out together...I
would've liked that.  But you never really asked."

I could've kicked myself for "failing to deploy" (exactly like I
mentioned above).

In fact, I DID kick myself.  After all, who knew?  These girls
never SAID ANYTHING.

Yet, I sat across the room from girls like that all day long...
fantasizing about them, but not really DOING a whole lot about
it.  

The reality of the matter is that most of us spend our lives
hoping for women to basically broadcast their undying affection
for us with a bullhorn before we'll ever understand them to be
"wanting us".  

But women really do tend to be more subtle about things like
that, don't they though?  

It's all because they want US to lead.  As you said, they want US
to TAKE THEM...not vice-versa. That REALLY IS important to women.

Too bad most of us are all wadded up in a mindset that prohibits
any sort of direct attraction toward a woman on the grounds that it
would be "harassment" or "oppressive behavior".  

Meanwhile, the simple truth is that when a woman is showing ANY
sort of attraction toward us (e.g.  smiling during conversation,
continuing conversations, lightly touching us, ANYTHING that would
be construed by a third-party as subtle flirting) she really WANTS
us to respond powerfully to that.

But most men blow it in those situations.  And the women invariably
are left wondering what they could possibly have done wrong.  

As I mentioned in the first part of this newsletter, women
straight-up THINK DIFFERENTLY than we do sometimes...and this is one
of those times.  

We as men aren't usually about "subtlety" when conveying what we
want to someone else.  And we're rarely interested in coaxing the
opposite gender to show some leadership skill.

So definitely don't feel bad.  It sounds like you're on the right
path.  It's a RARE MAN who has what I'm telling you figured out,
especially to the point where he can recognize a woman's
"permission to proceed" when granted, especially in the moment.

(And for the record, gentlemen, here's a hopefully-unnecessary
disclaimer:  "Take me!" is absolutely, positively a matter of
permission granted by a woman, not something you impose like a
caveman.)  

That said, I actually still get the occasional e-mail from a guy
(like unto which I've answered in this space before) who has had a
woman over to his apartment to watch a movie, during which she
tickled him or whacked him with a pillow...to which the guy
responded to by just smiling and nodding, or something.  

Then at the end of the movie, the poor woman got up and wordlessly
slammed the door behind her as she left--never to be heard from
again.  The guy invariably asks, "What could I do next time to be
MORE of a 'gentleman'?  I obviously offended her somehow."

What was "offensive", of course, was causing the woman to literally
feel rejected when in her mind she dropped every blatant hint in
the book that it was time to kiss her.  In such a scenario, a true
"gentleman" recognizes that it's time to kiss her brains out.

Thanks again for your great letter.  


Be Good,

Scot McKay



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