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WHAT'S INSIDE:  If you've got a date scheduled for this weekend
READ THIS first.  In fact, it's a good idea to have the knowledge
I'm about to share with you in your back pocket REGARDLESS of what
you've got going on tonight.

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WARNING:  DON'T GO OUT WITH HER TONIGHT IF THIS IS THE CASE...


Most of us as guys get a raging case of "Tunnel Vision Disorder"
whenever we set our sights on getting a woman we like to go out on
a date with us.

We "lock on" to that as a goal, and that's all we care about.

As such, sometimes we end up going on dates with women we should
NEVER have agreed to...and we thereby end up "hornswaggled".  

"Hoodwinked".  "Flim-flammed".  TRICKED.

We might even fall into the trap willingly, no less.  After all,
she's FINALLY going out with us, which is all that matters in our
mind's eye at the time.

And we PAY.  Oh man, do we PAY.

By that I mean literally AND figuratively.

Here's how the whole scheme is laid out.

First, a guy like you or me meets a woman who he finds attractive.
He gets her number and calls her.

He asks her on a date, but she's either non-committal or initially
agrees but ends up flaking on him later.

Either way, she's not exactly enthusiastic about coming up with
alternate dates and times if the dude's suggested plan doesn't
match up with her schedule.

Our hero calls her a couple more times but she either doesn't
answer the phone, or if she does offers some vague excuse like,
"Gee, I've been really busy lately.  I just don't have any time at
all to hang out.  Maybe some other time."

This goes on for a couple of weeks.

THEN, one Friday afternoon about 4:45 pm she actually CALLS
HIM....totally "out of the blue".

When he answers (after the first ring), she cheerfully and perhaps
even flirtatiously says something to the following effect:


  "Heyyyy....guess what?  I have an extra ticket to the Summertime
  Carnival Fest tonight, and I was wondering if you'd like to join  
  me?"


Excitedly, the guy--who's been CHASING her for a couple weeks now--
drops EVERYTHING (even if he has playoff tickets) and instantly
agrees to go out with her.

About then he's pretty much so thrilled by what he sees as clearly
a GLORIOUS turn of events that he practically pees his pants.

At precisely 7:30 pm he's right where he's supposed to be to meet
his "future girlfriend".  He's probably even ten minutes early...you
know, just in case.

Sure enough, the woman does NOT flake on him this time.  

She shows up, alright...with a girlfriend AND her married older
sister (who decided to tag along at the last minute) AND her
four-year-old nephew, who she and her sister are babysitting for
the evening.

The guy's taken back by the additional "surprise" members of what's
now a full-on entourage, but he soldiers on.  

I mean, come on...he can't RUIN HIS CHANCES with her by objecting to
anything at this point, right?  

Besides, he's thinking what a great chance he's got now to "impress"
everyone at once.  

Maybe the two other women will approve of him as well--and talk the
woman of his dreams into dating him.

So onward.

He walks around the carnival with the woman AND the two other women
AND her nephew.  Possibly, if the stars are aligned, he even gets
to hold her hand while doing so.

It's going SO WELL at that point, he figures, that when her nephew
oddly asks HIM to buy him some cotton candy, he gladly obliges...
noting to himself how amazing this is going to look to the woman
of his affections.

Right on cue, she THANKS HIM...with batted eyelashes.

And by the time 11:00 pm rolls around, he's spent over $150 on ride
tickets, hot dogs, beer and whatever else...for EVERYONE.

Most likely, one of the women sprung for one round of sodas along
the way--you know, just to keep it "even"...or at least so that the
guy wouldn't realize he was paying for everything else.

(And hey, one of them had bought the tickets to begin with anyway,
right?)

Finally, at precisely 11:15 pm (within an hour of the carnival
closing) she "accidentally" runs into a guy friend she hasn't seen
in "forever".

The two of them soon get into a conversation before turning away
and walking a short distance away together.  Seconds later she
starts giggling and hitting him on the shoulder.

One of two things happens after that.  

If the other guy actually left the picture, the woman gets a couple
of texts that she pretends didn't happen.  All the while our main
man quietly sulks.  He dares not "make a scene" by saying anything.

After all, she'd probably casually pass him off as "just a friend"
and he'd be left speechless...and looking pretty foolish.

So he "goes through the motions" from there, keeping his thoughts
and emotions to himself like the "nice guy" he is.

Roughly a half hour later, if that, he parts ways with the
"entourage", probably with big hugs and a smiley "Thank you soooo
much!"

But CERTAINLY there's no good night kiss.  (I mean, in front of the
kid?  You can't be serious.)

Or...the second possible outcome plays out.

If the woman is truly bereft of character, she flat out leaves the
guy standing there at the carnival with her friend and married
sister--who has graciously agreed to take the four-year-old nephew
home for her.

And, of course, she runs off with the other guy who's offered to
"drive her home" because she's a little "tipsy" after three or four
$8 beers.

If you haven't figured it out yet, out main man got HOSED in this
deal.   

From the VERY BEGINNING, the woman leveraged his OVEREAGER
need to see her in order to basically get a free night out for
her and three other people.

Amazingly, there's a sliver of a chance that the woman didn't
CONSCIOUSLY plan all of this in such detail.

There's a SMALL probability that she simply felt like she didn't
want to leave the poor guy hanging and that this was a primo chance
to "throw him a bone" by hanging out with him...all with the
"insulation" of other trusted people around.

Or, she may have had the whole "big picture" in mind all along,
including that "chance" meetup with some other guy later in the
evening.  

After all, she'd never expect HIM to spend so much on her.  Good
grief, that might cause him not to want to see her again or
something.

Ultimately though, what her exact motives were doesn't really
matter.  

The point is this:  SHE WASN'T EVEN REMOTELY ATTRACTED TO HIM, LET
ALONE INTERESTED IN HIM.

Nevertheless, I've known guys who make EXCUSES for behavior like
this and call the woman the next day asking if she'd like to go out
again sometime.  

Can you imagine that?  That's pretty much jacking the pedestal he's
put her on to the sky, if you ask me.  Crazy.

Remember always that you can bet your life on this:  A woman needs
to be ATTRACTED AND INTERESTED in order for you to get ANYWHERE
romantically with her.

Here's a general set of guidelines to follow based on what we've
talked about here.

When a woman IS genuinely, REALLY interested in you the following
tends to happen:



  1)  She's EXCITED to go out with you SOONER than LATER (i.e. it
  doesn't take two weeks).


  2)  If she can't hang out with you at the time you suggest, SHE
  gives you alternate choices.


  3)  She prefers that YOU make the plans, since that's what a real
  man SHOULD do.


  4)  She's makes the extra effort to impress you as opposed to,
  say, using you as a temporary ATM machine.


And importantly...


  5)  She makes SURE that the two of you get some "quality time"
  alone.  Someone else involved would be as much of a "third wheel"
  to her as he or she would be to you.
    


So from now on look for these warning signs whenever a woman you've
been "working on" for a while appears to finally "come around" to
wanting to go out with you:



  1)  Sudden transformation from being apathetic towards you to
  apparently being excited...especially if some time has passed since
  you've started talking to her.


  2)  She suggests plans on HER TERMS...probably on very short notice.


  3)  Other people end up coming along (either announced ahead of time
  or not).



If you agree to go out with ANY woman under such circumstances,
you're most certainly setting yourself up for a frustrating and
very EXPENSIVE evening.

It's a great thing to be a confident man who perceives himself as
having OPTIONS when it comes to women.  That way you can see "trap"
situations for what they are instead of being "clouded by beauty
vision"...sometimes with disastrous results.

Oh, and for you ladies reading this--and I know you're out
there--what we covered today is NOT gender specific.  


Be Good,

Scot McKay




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