[X&Y] When To Go "Exclusive" With Her, And When NOT To

Published: Mon, 09/02/13



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IN THIS EDITION:  Some fear exclusive relationships and avoid them
like the plague.  Others tend to jump into one with the first person
who shows interest.  Stop the madness...whoever you are.
 
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WHEN MAINSTREAM ADVICE DOESN'T CUT IT


Most of what you're going to read in this space (and elsewhere,
frankly) is all about giving a large audience of guys the type
of good, solid baseline info we all generally need to get better
with women.

But what if your situation is somewhat unique?

Or what if you feel like you've advanced beyond the basics
and want to raise the bar to an even higher level?

Chances are you're going to need something more customized.

You may enjoy these newsletters as much as the next guy, but
there's really no doubt about it:  where I truly specialize is
in personalized one-on-one coaching.

My track record is consistent.  When guys put me to work for
them they get real, tangible results.  No matter what their
specific goals may be, I make sure they reach them--and then
go way beyond.

It's now September, and everyone's gearing up for a busy
Autumn season. Isn't it finally time to get this area of your
life handled? 

If you feel like you've been spinning your wheels, it's time
to get the traction you're looking for and find the success you
already know you deserve.

Many of you have the day off today, especially if you're in the
US.  Write me a note and tell me your story:



scot@deservewhatyouwant.com



I will respond to you personally.  If you'd like for me to call
you, be sure to give me a number where you can be reached.

Anyone who's serious about any particular endeavor almost
invariably has someone in his corner.  If you're serious about
getting the right woman in your life--regardless of the
challenges you face--then it's time to get in touch with me.



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WHEN TO GO "EXCLUSIVE" AND WHEN NOT TO


By now it is my sincere hope that you are making your OWN decisions
with regard to either dating multiple women at once OR selecting a
steady girlfriend. 

After all, the truth is that how you conduct your dating life is
your business, and there is no valid reasoning to support slapping
a value judgment on how you do so. 

And yeah, I realize that doesn't stop the "mainstream" dating advice
crowd from telling you one thing and the PUA "bootcampers" from
telling you the exact opposite...as if each respective side's mutually
exclusive viewpoint was "absolute".

You'd think there's no middle ground. 

And really, you never, ever hear about how to handle any potential
PROGRESSION from dating multiple women now to possibly selecting
one for a more stable relationship later. 

From what you read out there, it really is made out to be an "all
or nothing" deal. 

You're told either to go out clubbing as much as possible and
hopefully build a collection of phone numbers, or you're admonished
to think more in terms of building a monogamous relationship from
minute one.

Well, once again, welcome to yet another newsletter about a topic
you've likely NEVER, EVER heard mentioned elsewhere.

To be sure, I'm not going to tell you IF you should have an
exclusive girlfriend or not.

No pre-determined outcomes.  No agendas. 

Instead, just straight talk on how to handle the decision to go
exclusive with a certain woman...or not.

Almost every day, it seems, I hear from guys who want to date lots
of women, but have found themselves in a steady relationship they
never really asked for explicitly. 

Or, I hear from guys with the opposite problem.  They really want a
great girlfriend and someone to build a future with, but having
focused on pickup techniques they're left wanting when it comes to
relationship management skills.

Well, today I've got your back on this issue.

Here, in simple English, are three UNACCEPTABLE reasons to make a
woman your steady girlfriend, followed logically by three
OUTSTANDING reasons to go exclusive with her:



THREE UNACCEPTABLE REASONS TO GO EXCLUSIVE



1)  She's the only one you're dating anyway


OK.  You feel as if you don't have any other options and don't see
any on the immediate horizon.  But you DO have a woman who
actually seems to like you.  Why not just make her your steady
girlfriend?  Seems uncomplicated enough.

And indeed, this is how things go for A LOT of guys out there.  I'd
dare say the MAJORITY.

I've written before about how if ONE woman is wildly attracted to
you, it almost GUARANTEES that there would be others.  And that's
pretty much true. 

Some guys truly are at "ground zero" when it comes to attraction
and aren't yet deserving what they want.  But other guys are
passively sleepwalking through life and only end up with a woman by
default, basically. 

Out of happenstance, a guy may be introduced to a woman and end up
on a first date with her.  Date one turns into date two, and so on
until what we're talking about here happens.

And what's next?  That nagging feeling of having SETTLED, that's
what.

If you can get one woman in your life, you could theoretically have
options if you summon the confidence to believe it.  Apart from
that, you are operating from a position of very limited personal
power.



2)  She cajoled you more than others


You may actually have several women you are casually dating, all of
whom are interesting and interested. 

But often there's that one woman who levels the ultimatum on
exclusivity a bit earlier and with decidedly more conviction than
the others. 

Since she's so vocal about it, and since you kind of like her, you
capitulate. 

And "capitulate" is a profane word around here.  It rhymes with
"settle".

For that matter, if you look up "capitulate" in the dictionary,
it'll probably say "gave away all his power to a woman who lost all
respect for him almost immediately after he caved in to her demands."

Careful here.  I'm NOT saying that any woman who wants an exclusive
relationship with you should be denied categorically. 

I AM saying that you shouldn't kowtow to HER decision to be
exclusive...especially if it's not YOUR decision also.



3)  You feel like you've got to "lock her down"


Maybe you have some options, but then the World's Hottest Woman
shows up in your life. 

You have this "OMG" moment and start scrambling to make her your
steady girlfriend because... 1)  She's the most ridiculously sexy
chick you've ever dated and you've got to make her yours, and... 2) 
...if  you don't, you're afraid some other guy will.

First of all, remember that if a high-quality woman shows up in
your life, that's to be treated as having RAISED THE BAR.  It's not
to be considered a "stroke of luck". 

This is kind of a logical progression to the concept that having
the ability to attract ONE begets the ability to attract MANY.

Indeed, this woman is simply an indicator that you have earned the
ability to attract a higher echelon of women.  So continue the
rational progression of seeing how well you two get along before
getting serious, please.

But more importantly, you are seriously damaging you own
attractiveness here by jumping all over her.  Remember, getting
kills wanting--in HER mind in this case--especially if you're
trying to hold onto her with a "death grip" very early on.

And most importantly, um...you CAN'T lock another human being down,
anyway.  She can still leave you, even if she's you're steady
girlfriend.



THREE OUTSTANDING REASONS TO GO EXCLUSIVE


1)  You have a firm grasp of what you really want


If you haven't dated many women at all, how do you know what you
REALLY want? 

If you've dated your share of high-quality women and you've had a
chance to fine-tune exactly who it is you're looking for, then
you'll be WAY better equipped to recognize her when she shows up in
your life.

And if you indeed find yourself in the mood to actually HAVE an
exclusive relationship with her, it's probably because of the next
point...



2)  You've left no curiosity unanswered in the dating world


Here' a truth that's about as simple as truth gets:  If you're
still interested in dating lots of women, then you probably aren't
interested in choosing one of them from the mix at this point. 

If you end up in a steady relationship under such circumstances,
you'll probably end up with your nose pressed against the glass
looking at "greener pastures" outside. 

And this will be the case no matter how great your girlfriend is.
After all, you weren't in the "relationship" state of mind just yet.

On the other hand, what if you've been dating sixteen women at
once, and have grown tired of all the juggling?

Let's say you narrowed that field down to four or five at that
point.  And after a while, you then started realizing that you had
met and enjoyed the company of lots of incredible women but were
now thinking more about stability and long-term vision than you
have in the past.

It's about then that you may realize that one woman on your list is
by far your first choice.  Were she available every night, you'd
see her instead of the others.

Well, that woman would be a GOOD choice for an exclusive
relationship, I'd say.  You will have selected her from many
options and with a solid frame of mind.



3)  You have tested and approved her ultimate worthiness


Even if you have a firm grasp on what runs your guns as far as
women go, and even if you have a pile of women in your life,
there's always the off chance that one's going to come along who
flat-out knocks your socks off. 

The switch gets flipped and she's basically all you can think of.

Whoa there, cowboy.

You've been around the block enough to know that it takes sweet
time to qualify a woman fully.  Spend loads of time with her in
common, everyday situations. 

Mix it up some.  Meet her friends and vice-versa.  Go on that
all-important road trip to see if you can handle extended
"windshield" time with each other.

You've got to make sure you know that what's under the hood has the
horsepower to back the sexy bodywork.  Otherwise, she's "all show
and no go". 

And true character takes time to show forth in its fullness.

Take your time and decide from a position of strength.  And deserve
what you want also, because a great woman like her is probably as
tuned in to reason as you are.



You'll notice that conspicuous by its absence from either list is
"because she's pregnant".  That's either the subject of a whole
'nother newsletter, or something that needs to be handled on a
case-by-case basis.

But either way, guys, the one thing is DO know for sure is that you
have GOT to be a man who makes his own informed decisions in the
dating world rather than being subject to the whim of someone else. 


Be Good,

Scot McKay




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