[X&Y] What To Do If Someone Says, "You're Too Picky"
Published: Sat, 01/11/14
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IN THIS EDITION: Are you "shallow", or just not so interested
in settling?
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WHAT TO DO IF SOMEONE SAYS, "YOU'RE TOO PICKY" (OR, "ARE
YOU REALLY BEING SHALLOW FOR WANTING A TOTAL HOTTIE?")
Have you ever been told you were being "too shallow" and/or
"too picky" when you expressed to someone what you were looking
for in a girlfriend? I know I have.
If we say we want her to look a certain way, that's when we tend
to hear this sort of thing.
Numerous women I've talked to have reported that they draw similar
disdain when they say they want an "intelligent" man.
(Hmmm...so why don't men hear that when they express such a desire
for the woman they hope to meet?)
Furthermore, we all know what a woman's going to hear if she says
she hopes for a husband who is financially successful.
My educated guess is it's probably something like what a guy hears
when he talks about what kind of body his future wife should have.
So is there anything to this accusation of "being shallow"?
Should we all lighten up? After all, what we are hoping and
dreaming of is a bit unreasonable...isn't it?
My answer is unequivocally NOT.
If refusing to settle for any less than the women I am going to be
thrilled to be with is "shallow", then so be it.
In that case, let it be known that I'm a "kiddie pool" amongst an
ocean of men.
You'd better believe it. After all, I plan to spend the rest of my
life with this woman, so why should I "settle" for half-hearted
unfulfillment of broken dreams?
My personal pet peeve is when someone tells me, "You shouldn't be
so 'picky'. After all, you aren't perfect."
Well, um...exactly.
And who IS perfect, for that matter? I happen to believe that
people who are "perfect", whoever they are, must have a really hard
time finding someone to date.
After all, who IS good enough for someone who is perfect? Kind of
an ironic twist, isn't it?
My opinion is that we tend to be attracted to people who look a lot
like us, have the same values as we do, and share other similar
things--like a sense of humor, for example.
Emily disagrees. She thinks people tend to go for someone who is a
lot different than they are. You know, ye olde "we complete each
other" bit.
Well, here it is: it really doesn't matter which one of us has it
figured out. Neither situation involves someone going after a
"perfect" person, does it?
Whether I want to find someone who is a lot like me or who
"completes" me she's not necessarily going to fit the media's
Barbie doll persona.
When we're considering who it is that we want to spend the rest of
our life with out of the 3.5 billion women on Planet Earth, I
hereby declare that each and every one of us has every right to
consider very diligently exactly who she should be and which
traits she should have.
In fact, I highly recommend you do so. And don't quit until you've
met someone with the whole package, including sexual attractiveness.
Otherwise, that very same woman who exhorted you to "look further
than skin deep" is going to be VERY distraught and humiliated
every time your head swivels around at the mall.
Don't kid yourself. Despite her shenanigans designed to guilt
you into settling for her, she's still going to want (and expect)
you to think she's the most beautiful woman on Earth.
The problem will be that you didn't break up with her so that
she could go find another guy who actually thought so.
Remember always, dating is NOT a charity cause. You don't owe a
woman you're not attracted to anything in terms of a non-platonic
relationship.
Meet your dream woman and THEN save the world together.
And once you do that, make sure you are the kind of man who is
going to make her equally thrilled to spend a lifetime with you.
The only thing potentially worse than settling is being settled
for. Deserve what you want.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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