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IN THIS EDITION:  If you are serious about truly deserving what you
want instead of settling for mediocrity, today's newsletter could
be the most important one I've ever written.

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YOU WANT THE "WHOLE PACKAGE"


Lots of guys write me and ask me which of my action packed,
results-oriented programs they should start with.

Perhaps you've wondered the same thing.

The answer to that question depends on what your particular
sticking points are.

BUT...what if you're not sure?

Or what if you want to achieve overall excellence in EVERY way
as a man who enjoys a life full of attractive women?

In other words, what if you really want to have the "whole package"?

Well, there's no better way to do that than to GET the whole
package. 

By that I mean you can actually solve the question of which one
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Imagine getting the answers to EVERY burning question and put
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But right now I'm running an unprecedented promotion.  You can
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This coupon is BRAND NEW and has never been available before.
It expires on the 30th so be sure to get in on it while the
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HOW SOCIAL SKILLS REALLY WORK
 

When we talk about social skills as it relates to attracting women,
the conversation typically centers around a very finite number of
variables. 

Most of these variables involve polar opposites with regard to what
we as individuals DO and DON'T want to exhibit in our public-facing
persona.

For example, most of us would rather not resort to petty manipulation
in order to get what we want in any aspect of life, especially as it
pertains to women. 

And true to deserving what we want, we absolutely positively don't
want to BE manipulated either.

Further, most of us who aren't psychopathic by nature want to be
seen as generous towards others in thought, word and deed.  You
know--the kind of person who makes everyone's life just a bit more
fulfilling and exciting just by being around.

We want to leave the world (and the people in it) better than we
found it.

But we'd rather not become everyone's doormat in the process,
either.

Perhaps most of all, we dread being "needy" or "clingy" and
therefore perceived as someone who is an approval seeker.

After all, those who SEEK approval are typically viewed by others
as starving for it.  This in turn makes people assume that they're
not getting approval because they don't deserve any.

Yet, every normal red-blooded human being walking this planet
desires to be loved--and therefore "approved"--by definition.

Ironic, isn't it?

Indeed, we hear ideas about the individual importance of all of
these specific concepts talked about every day, from any and every
corner of the wide world of dating advice.

But what we encounter far less often is any realistic description
of how all of those factors INTERRELATE. 

It's relatively easy to dissect each facet of human interaction and
describe it in a vacuum.  And there's no question that really can be
a valuable conversation.

But without the ability combine all of the right moves together
into that ever-elusive state of "effective social skill", we
flat-out will NEVER be able to attain maximum ability to deserve
what we want.
 
Much of the time the advice you read about not being needy,
avoiding clinginess, and eliminating manipulative tendencies plays
something like a Nike ad: "Just Do It".

So today, once and for all, I'd like to draw all of those components
together for you and demonstrate how they interact, even as WE
interact with one another.

I believe this is where the "light bulb" is going to go on for many
of us.

Last night I was on the phone with one of the guys who is about
midway through the Ten-Plus program.  He had brought up an
interesting issue earlier in the day via e-mail:


  "I have realized that all the things I have done to make the
  changes that I've been making have been for the purpose of
  obtaining positive responses from people. Perhaps what I've done is
  valid, but I did it to be liked. I did it to try and manipulate
  things, namely how people perceive me."


When I called him and started listening to more about what he was
getting at, it occurred to me that he actually felt a bit guilty
about his newfound ability to elicit very positive reactions from
people thanks to recent changes in social habits.

What threw me was that he used the word "manipulate" to describe
how he felt he had brought all of this about.

But when I finally grasped exactly what he was feeling, I
simply (and non-eloquently) stated, "Dude, you aren't a 'manipulator'
just because people are giving you the type of social approval
you've always desired.  You have every human right to be
appreciated and to be approved of.  We all want that, and it's not at
all a negative thing to enjoy the logical, natural results of being
generous, giving, and downright cool towards people.  Similarly,
there's no GUILT in being attractive to women"

The words were more of an epiphany to him than I could have dreamed
while I was uttering them.

And the more we discussed the issue, the more the social concepts
that repeatedly vex those who struggle with women (and all things
social, actually, in many cases) started coming together to make
real-world sense before our very eyes.

In reality, being AUTHENTIC about wanting to make the lives of
those around you better NATURALLY begets approval from those around
you.

How about THAT? 

But it's true.  Others appreciate your social demeanor towards them,
and happily reward you.  And enjoying that reward, in a very real
way VALIDATES your actions towards others. 

It's like a self-perpetuating cycle, loosely related to the
good-old Golden Rule:  You become a man who enriches the lives of
others, and your life is enriched to a greater degree.

The secret to success, from a social standpoint, is all in the
nature of the outward intentions you have and your ability to
execute upon them.

So BEING good to others is the first key component, and EXPECTING
and ACCEPTING goodness from others is the other.

Take either or both aspects of basic formula for positive social
interaction and turn it on its head, and the entire house of cards
comes crashing down.

So when you break it all down, here are the four possible combos
available to you:



1)  Offer unconditional validation and goodwill while rejecting
validation and goodwill from others 


Become a DOORMAT, and you open yourself to easy manipulation.  As
my friend and I discussed, this can even come off as arrogance, as
oddly tragic as that sounds.  No matter what, there is no respect
for the "giver".

The polar opposite of this state of affairs would be...



2)  Feign unconditional positive concern for others, while the real
intent is purely selfish gain


This is the very definition of social manipulation.

Now consider the two ends of the spectrum at large...



3)  Little positive concern for others, little concern over personal
gain


This illustrates lack of self-respect, and therefore an inability
to respect others.  This is the stuff personal hopelessness and
despair is made of.  The "house of cards" has been flattened.

And finally the most desirable state of all...



4)  Genuine unconditional concern for others, expectation of
positive response from others


This is, by definition, what "mutual respect" is all about.  In
order to truly respect (and therefore enrich) others we MUST hold
our own measure of self-respect to a golden standard.

We do not allow ourselves to tolerate mistreatment by others,
even as we treat others fairly and reasonably. 

The "house of cards" is transformed into a "tower of power" at this
point.



Do you see now how all of that (respect, approval, neediness,
selfishness, selflessness and manipulation) hinges together? 

I realize this is a pretty complex discussion.  As such, read this
newsletter several times if you feel the need to.  Doing so could
illuminate your ability to deserve what you want more than most
people will ever comprehend.


Be Good,

Scot McKay


P.S.  My friend and I talked even more about social success.  I'll