[X&Y] The Third Date

Published: Wed, 01/08/14


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WHAT'S INSIDE:  You're about to go on the infamous 3rd date with a
woman. What should you expect?

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THE THIRD DATE


I've talked to you before about how to get first dates and ace them.

I've also written about how to make sure the second date goes
according to plan.

But what about the all-important THIRD date?

Certainly, you're already familiar with the concept of the third
date being when sex might be likely to happen.  But most of the
articles on dating and relationships I've ever seen sort of drop
that idea on the table and leave it there.

So without a doubt, a full-on discussion of third-date mastery is
long overdue.

Let's just jump right into it, then.  And we can start with the
most obvious question:

Is the third date REALLY all about transitioning to a sexual
relationship?

If you've been reading this newsletter long enough, you know by now
I'm not one to ever slap a timeline on ANYTHING related to
male/female interaction.

So with that in mind let me be clear.  The third date should NEVER
carry with it any objective expectation that the two of you are
going to have sex.
I suppose if you were to look at a textbook example of how dating
relationships might progress, it would go like this.

The first date is strictly about establishing whether the two of
you even get along at all, let alone are physically attracted to
each other.

It should be relaxed and fun, without any "interview
questions", especially about particularly sticky or controversial
subjects.

If that goes well, then the second date is likely when you relax a
bit--knowing that there's mutual interest, for sure--and start
delving into each other's souls a bit more.

You find out what she wants from her dating life right now, so you
can get a handle on how soon the idea of exclusivity will enter the
picture.

She might ask you if you want kids someday.  She may even let you
know for the first time that she HAS kids already.

You compare notes on religion, politics, food allergies and
anything else that would help you gauge compatibility.

So if you like each other and are compatible with each other,  it
goes without saying that the two of you are a pretty good match.

And suffice it to say that if second dates don't happen unless
there's mutual attraction, third dates don't happen unless the two
of you agree it's a good idea to keep spending time together...at
least for the time being.

So with basic questions of affection and compatibility out of the
way, all that's really left is for the two of you to get more
comfortable around each other.

You can put two and two together here and get four...or "big four",
if you will.

Masculinity and confidence create attraction.  Making her
comfortable in your presence naturally makes her want to ACT on
that attraction.

That's precisely why so many people automatically consider the
third date to be when sexual activity is likely to kick into high
gear.

Now see, I believe that "big four" men are so rare nowadays--and
some women so sexually open and assertive--that sex on the first or
second date is FAR from out of the question.

Some guys have even told me that some of the sharpest women they've
ever met have moved too fast for them early on.

So be it.

But the fact remains:  If a woman is attracted to you and
comfortable in your presence, you're VERY likely to start seeing
"sexual permission" signals.

Since the third date is ALL ABOUT building mutual comfort around
each other, it follows logically that it can often end with tearing
each other's clothes off.

That might not happen though, especially if she's particularly
skittish due to past experiences or sexually conservative.

And if you're a guy who's not "sex focused", but rather open to
enjoying a woman's feminine gifts in other ways as well you'll
instinctively know not to push things.

Remember the importance of making a woman comfortable in your
presence.  Being pushy or otherwise feeling compelled to stick to a
"timeline" can only backfire on you.

For sure, even if she IS ready and willing to have sex with you on
the third date it might not be the best idea.

As we've talked about before, MANY women use sex as leverage for
getting you to commit to an exclusive relationship before you're
ready to.  That's something to take into consideration, most
definitely.

But hey...other women, being the sexual creatures that they are, may
be perfectly okay with a casual relationship...even if sex is a part
of that.

For women, the big deal is to not come off as "slutty".  They want
to feel respectable, and they want you to respect them.   

So given the overwhelming support in today's society for third-date
sex as an "established norm", they might see that as the point
where she's no longer running a risk of being seen as "easy".

No matter what, you can see the importance of having "The Talk"
about what she's looking for from a relationship on the second
date...or on that third date at the latest.  It's GOT to be before
sex happens, regardless.

Sex isn't the only consideration when it comes to third dates,
however.

Either you or she might start thinking about introducing each other
to friends or even family.   Be careful, as this can be a powerful
strategy to push things toward an exclusive relationship.  

Make sure that's what BOTH of you want before getting too
intertwined in each other's respective social circles.

Indeed, there may be some very targeted conversation on the third
date about going exclusive.  Don't ever feel pressured--especially
if "the talk" has already happened.  

It's perfectly okay to remain casual for as long as you both care
to.  And for what it's worth, it's also perfectly okay for you to
go as long without having sex (or even kissing, for that matter) as
you care to.

In fact, if you can get through a third date successfully WITHOUT
pressure to go exclusive, it's surprisingly probable that you'll be
able to keep things casual for as long as you'd like.  

The third date really is as pivotal in that sense as it is with
regard to sex.


Be Good,

Scot McKay
 



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