[X&Y] "I Really Like Her...So I Should BREAK UP With Her, Right?" <-- Reader Question
Published: Thu, 02/20/14
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IN THIS EDITION: How about we completely re-arrange some
established "pickup" advice? =====
HOW TO BE A MAN OF ACTION
Sometimes we spend so much time trying to find the right techniques
to attract women that we forget what they REALLY want.
Women want a guy who's got his act together. And women LOVE men
who take action.
When you get right down to it, we're either "doers" or "talkers"...
and too many men talk about all their big ideas but never follow
through on them.
Women have no respect for guys like that.
Doers, on the other hand, turn women on with their ambition,
capability and effectiveness.
In the years I've been teaching guys, I've noticed the single
biggest thing that keeps them from getting their life together is...
Procrastination.
In fact, the vast majority of men even procrastinate when it comes
to the very first step in the process of attracting women: They
makes excuses to "put off" meeting any of them to begin with.
Why in the world do we do that?
Worse, if you hesitate and avoid approaching a girl when you're
really attracted to her, chances are you're hesitating and avoiding
taking action in other areas of your life as well.
And this really isn't only about putting things off that you know
should be done.
Jumping from one project to another and failing to follow through
on what you DO get around to starting have the same root cause.
It all not only affects how successful you are in just about every
area of life, it also affects how you FEEL about yourself, doesn't
it?
I used to kick myself all the time for procrastinating. I felt
stressed constantly and was mad at myself for failing to get things
done.
That was YEARS ago...and man, what a difference it's made in my life
to change that mindset for the better. All I can say is that it
would have happened a LOT sooner for me had there been something
like THIS years ago:
As it turns out, procrastination isn't about laziness, lack of
discipline or lack of willpower.
There's really nothing "wrong" with you.
So blaming yourself, trying to "just push through" and/or beating
yourself up won't work. I can tell you that first hand.
There's only ONE way to rid yourself of the procrastination habit
that holds you back. You have to remove the SOURCE of it:
This video reveals a whole new perspective on procrastination.
Watch it and you'll immediately increase your productivity. You'll
flat-out get more done...period.
If you struggle with procrastination--or just wish you could get
more done during the course of a day--then this is for you:
I have to say, if you just caught yourself saying, "I'll look at
this later", then you ALREADY know how important it is to watch
this now while it's fresh in your mind.
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WHEN YOU FIND A GREAT WOMEN YOU LIKE MORE THAN ALL OTHERS AND WHO LIKES YOU BACK, DO WHAT ANY SELF-RESPECTING PUA WOULD DO: BREAK UP WITH HER (?!)
Hi Scot,
I've got a question.
I'm currently "casually" seeing a girl from home. I go to college
in a different place to her so I only really see her at the
weekends. Although we are not exclusive, since I've been with her I
find that I'm not really interested in any other girls.
There are a few problems with this because I know the wisdom in not
putting my eggs all in one basket.
I am wondering what to do because I am also finding my confidence
reduced and my insecurity about this situation increased--although
I know enough not to act needy or anything like that, even if I'm
feeling it.
I think from her end, she probably thinks that everything is fine
and casual. But do you think I should end this relationship if it's
causing internal (and imagined) distress even if I like her and she
likes me?
It's probably not far off from being "one-itis" (shudder LOL), but
the thing is she likes me too.
If I am to end it I would want to do so in as masculine a way as
possible, if that is possible.
How would that even be done? There can be no reason to end a
decidedly good situation except for me wussing out! That throws
masculinity out the window LOL.
Anyway, I'd appreciate any advice you'd have.
Cheers,
Gordon (Belfast, Northern Ireland)
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OK, thanks for bringing up a great topic, Gordon.
Here we arrive at an issue I see A LOT based on some very
simplistic teaching out there designed specifically for men who are
at the absolute baseline level in terms of developing skills with
women.
Unfortunately, the objectively basic "paint by numbers" approach of
teaching beginners how not to screw up with women leaves very
little grey area (as does "paint by numbers" in real life, I
suppose).
As such, the teaching includes such pearls of wisdom as "avoid
one-itis", "don't give your power away to women", and/or as you
mentioned "don't put your eggs in one basket".
All of this is nice entry-level advice if you are a supplicative
wussy-boy who tends to fall in "love" with anyone female who
actually likes him and can fog a mirror.
The problem arises when we continue to abide by these sort of
"rules" once we actually start SUCCEEDING at attracting high
quality women.
What happens then? A guy like your or me meets a woman we like
very much--far more than the others we've dated. And she likes us
back...a lot.
But based on what we've been taught back at the beginning, our
first impulse is to panic...thinking we'd better BREAK UP WITH HER.
This is the part where somebody scratches the needle across the
record while the music's playing...bringing it all to an abrupt
stop with a "WHAAAT?"
If she lives in your hometown and you see her every weekend I'm
hard pressed to call this a long-distance relationship, so I think
you should be GLAD you've found a woman you can potentially keep
around long-term.
And she apparently likes you back. THIS IS NOT A BAD THING. In
fact, this is what most guys DREAM OF, isn't it?
I mean, going to college and experiencing the feeling that the only
woman you really want is the one YOU HAVE? That's about as good as
it gets, and ALMOST NO GUYS ever get to have that in their lives.
Why am I so sure about what I'm saying?
Many years ago I was in your situation almost exactly. Instead of
manning up, I BROKE UP WITH HER because my own weakness/jealousy
pissed me off.
Not only did some other guy snag her up literally THE DAY AFTER we
broke up, he married her. And last I checked in the "alumni news"
section she was still married to him with three kids.
That was a great woman...and I screwed up.
So when I met Emily two years ago, you can bet I didn't make the
same mistake. I let all the other women in my life go--BY CHOICE,
importantly--and have not looked back.
After all, I dated enough to know what I wanted. And when she
showed up, I suddenly didn't have room in my schedule for the
other women I had been dating.
This is all about having 100% CONTROL over your dating life and
having the FREEDOM to make the decisions YOU want to make, when and
only when the time is right by YOUR own standards.
Quote: "There can be no reason to end a decidedly good situation
except for me wussing out!"
So thereby you have my support for an answer you've already
provided to your own question.
You don't sound like a man who is weak. You sound like a man who
is hypersensitive about LOOKING weak. Fair enough.
Why not LEAD as a man, then, and go make sure you deserve what you
want from your relationship with this woman and make it happen?
If it ultimately doesn't work out, you at least exercised an option
that was YOURS.
And my guess is that you'll be strong enough a relationship manager
to continue making long-term decisions from a position of strength
whether it's within the context of a long-term exclusive
relationship with this woman of yours OR when the time comes to
eventually break up with her for good reason.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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