[X&Y] "But I'm 'Average'. How Can I Possibly Deserve What I Want?"
Published: Thu, 02/01/07
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"BUT I'M 'AVERAGE'. HOW CAN I POSSIBLY DESERVE
WHAT I WANT?
Generally speaking I am blessed to receive emails
on a daily basis from readers and listeners
expressing dramatic life change. I love to hear
from people who are refusing to settle and
therefore deserving what they want more and more
every day. I truly live for messages like those
these days. It inspires me to know that Emily and
I are making a difference.
Sometimes, however, I receive other messages that
inspire me in a completely different way. A few
days ago, I received just such an email. A woman
was unsubcribing from this newsletter, citing that
she was "just an average Plain Jane", and that she
could never live up the ideals talked about here and
in the book Deserve What You Want. What intrigued
me the most was that she was not so much discouraged
from the hard work of deserving what SHE wanted as
irritated that I would encourage men to never "settle"
for any less than who THEY deserved.
When it came right down to it, she felt that even her
most valiant efforts to deserve what she wants were
going to fall short. Ultimately, her feeling was that
no man from the "highest echelon of men on Earth" was
ever going to want her, no matter what. And having
been around the block a few times, I know for a fact
that plenty of men feel the same way about attracting
a great woman.
So then, this email got my attention because the
challenge presented to me in it was a valid one. How
dare I tell "average" people that they should expect
to earn the right to "never settle"? Come on now,
seriously...what kind of Pollyanna advice is THAT?
How does an AVERAGE person deserve a SUPERIOR
partner?
Fortunately, I'm up to the challenge. And because I
know you want practical answers from me instead of
philosophical musings, here is the bulletized list
you've come to expect:
1) Kill The Word "Average"
...And resort to Weapons Of Mass Destruction if that's
what it takes to accomplish this in your life. Anyone
who considers him or herself "average" (let alone
"below average") is acknowledging defeat before even
attempting to deserve. Unfortunately, most of the six
billion of us on this planet are shockingly willing to
accept mediocrity. After all, it's effortless.
Therefore, we all run the risk of being charmed into
living that lie.
Yes, I said "lie". We allow ourselves to sleep our way
through life, and in doing so we never even sniff
reaching our potential. Knowing that the MAJORITY of
people passively watch life from the sidelines, ACTIVELY
doing something to promote excellence in your own
reality pulls you by the collar out of the realm of the
"average" BY DEFINITION. Do you see how that works?
Years ago a great speaker named Bruce Thielemann
borrowed a phrase originally coined by pro surfer Phil
Edwards to refer to the apathetic masses, referring to
them as "legions of the unjazzed". His point was that
most humans let the most powerful and meaningful aspects
of what life has to offer slip quietly away having
"pampered themselves into mediocrity". What powerful
language to let nest in your soul.
Unhitch yourself from the "unjazzed" crowd today, and
begin deserving better immediately.
2) Your Presumptions Of Inadequacy May Point To
Arrogance
You look in the mirror and see "average". Realize,
right here and right now that your opinion has zero to
do with mine or anyone else's on the subject. Just
because you are not your own "type" does not mean you
are free to arrogantly presume your world view upon
anyone else, let alone EVERYONE else.
3) Don't Drink The Media's Purple Kool-Aid
Cult leader Jim Jones infamously is associated with
poisonous purple Kool-Aid. Sometimes I can't help but
think that the media is serving us a steady diet of a
similar potion when it comes to having us believe what
"not settling" means, exactly. I have dated women whom
I thought were fantastically beautiful who were
disgusted by their own appearance. They were not
"supermodels", so they were therefore displeased. The
irony here is that guys who share my personal
preferences aren't attracted to "supermodels" anyway.
We're attracted to women who are more like many of these
women who wish they were supermodels. That is to say,
we are attracted at least until they express how
displeased they are with themselves. NEVER discount
the power of your own confidence, or lack thereof.
Which drives the next point home...
4) Live Up To Your Own Design Specs
I was going to go with "Do The Best With What You've
Got" here, but that concept falls way short of the
meaning behind the heading I chose. Why? Simply put,
there is NOTHING more amazing than to meet someone who
has clearly maximized who he or she is. So many people
are not doing this. Over the next few days, pay
attention to the people around you. In your mind, give
thought to who just isn't at their best. Meanwhile,
open your eyes to who seems exceptional to you and how
their own personal effort has likely affected that.
One time I met a woman who habitually mesmerized nearly
all men who met her. Sure, she was fashionable, clean
and well-groomed. But her sense of humor, confident
presence and feminine charm set her apart as truly
mind-blowing. Note that ALL OF THIS WAS UNDER HER FULL
CONTROL. As I got to know her, she shared how she grew
up in poverty and was told she was "ugly" throughout her
childhood. Yet now she was a successful businesswoman
who had her pick of the sharpest men around. Finally it
occurred to me that if she had been anywhere close to as
apathetic as the "legions of the unjazzed" I probably
would never have even noticed her. Nor would have the
majority of other men, I'm guessing. She was not
superlative by accident. "Accidentally", as it were, she
would have been "average". But she wasn't.
5) Know Thyself
Hey wait a minute, who are these people you are thinking
would "never want you" anyway? Are these people you even
truly WANT to deserve? The more you date effectively,
the more you are going to realize how valid the concept
of "perfect imperfection" is. I've written about this
general concept elsewhere, of course, but the correlation
to today's point is absolutely crucial. We as human
beings are typically attracted to people we can relate to.
If you are living by the tenets presented above, I can
quite nearly GUARANTEE you will be wildly attracted to
the self-actualized opposite sex version of yourself.
Why would you not be? Give this concept a test drive.
If you have learned to deserve what you want, you will
soon be graced with the knowledge of who it is you
actually DO want. And wait until you figure out you DO
deserve that person. That's the best news there is.
Remember the "highest echelon on Earth" is subject to
YOUR definition. Have a clear understanding of that,
and your efforts to deserve what you want will be
focused and therefore highly effective. And those
efforts will produce magical results. Guaranteed.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
PODCAST UPDATE: Episode 22 of "X & Y On The Fly" is
going to be recorded tonight. I had the opportunity to
interview an AMAZING guest, so I promise the wait will be
worth it. Meanwhile, check out "Online Dating Profile
Rating" (http://feeds.feedburner.com/onlinedating) and
"Nice Guys Need Love Too"
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Remember, Emily and I have kicked off our married lives
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for YOU...if you are serious about finding and deserving
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