One of the most unfortunate truths in the dating world is that a disproportionately large number of single adults have actually given up on dating completely.  Interestingly, some such people really have no concrete answer as to why this is. Others are readily able to come up with an excuse or two (or ten).  Either way, it's tragic that so many people voluntarily choose a life without any chance of meeting a "significant other".

My personal feeling is that just about any one of us walking this planet could theoretically join the throng of those who have thrown in the towel on dating.  Each one of us could cite some excuse of our own and be done with it--after all, nobody's perfect.

Yet there are plenty of people who experience wild success in the dating world despite their own subset of imperfections. The secret is figuring out what negative thoughts are theoretically limiting us and addressing them effectively. 

1)    Physical Limitations

While it's always a great idea to be in the best shape one can and to make some effort with regard to one's appearance, it's shocking how many people cite a relatively minor physical imperfection and automatically assume nobody will be interested in dating them.  Ironically, many of what we see as "limitations" may be "perfect imperfections" in the eyes of a beholder.

2)     Advanced Age

It's not uncommon to believe one is "too old" to date.  Amazingly, this sentiment can present itself as early as 28 or 30 years of age for some people!  Meanwhile, a simple look around shows that there are "newlyweds" of all ages out there. Logically, of course, all of these people had to start dating somewhere...and it probably wasn't years and years ago!  Interesting, despite the stereotype of older guys dating younger women I find that men and women make this excuse in equal numbers.

3)     Kids

How many single parents exclude themselves from the dating pool using their kids as an excuse?  Many claim that they are just waiting until the kids "leave the nest" before dating again. This could mean ten or twenty years from now!  Something tells me that someone who plays this card will simply utilize a different excuse after the kids are finally out of the house (maybe the one above?).  Other single parents claim that "nobody will accept them and their kids as a package deal".  Hey, how about all the other single parents out there?  Would they not relate better to another single parent?  If you are one also why deny them the chance to meet you?

4)     Games

If you've been lied to, cheated on and / or stood up repeatedly it's easy to call it quits on dating just to make sure it doesn't happen again.  How about asking key questions of prospective dates up front instead?  Find out what others are looking for from a relationship and encourage honesty.  If you've been stood up some, call out "flakiness" in the very conversation in which the first date is arranged.  These options, although very direct, are a lot more comfortable than spending life alone.

5)     Finances

Already you may be getting the idea that it's easy for just about anyone to pick an excuse and run with it--and that each one is often merely a front for remaining in one's "comfort zone".  Indeed, dating is not for lazy people.  Leaving that "comfort zone" is prerequisite for conquering fears or feeling of inadequacy and taking direct control of one's future happiness. 

Stay tuned for part two of this three part series next week.

Scot

 

 

We have been asked lately about the possibility of more gender-specific information.  I'm pleased to announce that we're launching a monthly audio series called Power Sessions. Emily will host Power Sessions For Women, and I'll host Power Sessions For Men.   Plan on getting real-world solutions to dating issues along with our very best tips and secrets.  More info soon.  

 

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X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of life you are in. It's all about straight talk about the most creative subjects, somehow encompassing moral principles while being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important things head on.  The stuff you've heard a million times isn't rehashed around here.  Enjoy!

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