[X&Y] Why Most Self-Help Schemes FAIL
Published: Thu, 01/04/07
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WHY MOST SELF-HELP SCHEMES FAIL
Most of us have tried some sort of self-help or
self-improvement plan at some point in our adult lives.
It's only natural to want to change. Perhaps you've
wanted to battle a weight problem, become a better
entrepreneur, improve your self-esteem or...of course...
increase your success with the opposite sex.
But most people who try to tackle an obstacle in their
lives, despite taking the first step, typically FAIL.
Usually this is after only a brief period of giving it
a try.
Why does this pattern repeat itself over and over? And
what makes the difference in the lives of the relatively
few people who succeed at making real and lasting change
in their lives?
Well, in the case of dieting and exercise, the answer
may be as simple as it's just too difficult to break
the habits one has to in order to get into better shape.
Indeed, the media knows this and therefore there's a
marketing bonanza tied to endless physical self-help
programs. The same can be said for programs designed to
help smokers quit.
But that sort of stuff's not my job anyway, at least not
directly. I'm here to help you relate better to the
opposite gender and attract better quality people to go
out on a date with. What's more, I'd love to see you
never, ever SETTLE ever again. I'm all about assisting
you in finding, attracting and DESERVING the most amazing
person you have ever met.
With that the case, the job in store for me today is
break down the mystery surrounding why most people who
CAN AND SHOULD do something to improve their dating life,
and who ABSOLUTELY COULD end a pattern of attracting WRONG
PEOPLE and/or CHRONIC LONELINESS...don't.
So here we go. Follow me closely here, because what you
are about to experience here is BRAND NEW material.
Although I do think that there's a parallel between the
difficulties associated with dieting (for example) and
those of becoming wildly successful in the dating world,
I'm firmly convinced that there is a more powerful force
at work.
In our culture, there is a high premium placed on BEING
REAL, or BEING YOURSELF. Being branded "fake" is one of
the greatest fears anyone faces in his or her social
circle. Most of us avoid like the plague been viewed as
"superficial", "trying too hard", "overcompensating",
"being something we aren't", "brownnosing" or anything
similar to that in nature.
But here's the truth. Self-improvement, by its very
definition, requires CHANGE. Sure, a lot of people
resist any form of change, but the problem we're
talking about runs much deeper. If and when old habits
need to die, new habits have got to replace them.
And habits are not formed overnight.
The civil war we invariably face centers around that
time gap between when we start to intentionalize new
behaviors and when those new behaviors become habit.
During that time, those new behaviors really, truly are
not "us" yet, are they? This really is a legitimate
point. The fact is absolutely, positively that our lot
is to be "fake" for a period of time until the old habit
is beaten down and the new behavior is second nature.
And because of that, most of us--either consciously or
unconsciously--rationalize against making the change. The
risk of appearing "fake" seems to outweigh the benefit of
making changes.
But you and I both know the truth. If we are NOT
attracting and keeping the caliber of person we desire in
the dating world, we have GOT to do something to DESERVE
what we want. This is, like dieting, HARD WORK. And on
top of all else...yes...it involves the excruciating
discomfort and marked social risk of enduring a period of
behavior change that those around us will likely recognize
as such.
Now that you have some added insight into what is going on
behind the scenes, though, do you somehow feel better
equipped to stay the course? Having brought unconscious
reasoning to the conscious level, can you face the fear
of social scrutiny vis-à-vis the reward at the other
side?
I trust your answer is a resounding YES to those
questions. The good news is that some new habits can
and will be formed in your life much more quickly than
you might suspect. The better news is that once you
successfully navigate a few new habits, the momentum
builds and it becomes more natural to implement change.
The BEST news, however, is that the end game is
arriving at the echelon of "quality singles" who
deserves the top 1%.
And there is no other goal more worthy than earning a
relationship with the greatest man or woman you've ever
met. And there is no greater feeling than knowing that
wherever you go the most amazing man or woman in the
room is with YOU.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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