[X&Y] Reader Questions And Comments
Published: Fri, 03/23/07
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/forum
http://www.romantic-dinner.com | http://www.datetoorder.com |
http://www.nottooshort.com | http://www.dating-resources.net
READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS
But First, Some Important News...
Guess what? Emily is pregnant! Didn't take us long, did it? Both
of us are excited about being parents again. It's been a while.
Emily's son is going to be 12 and my daughter 8 when this one hits
the scene. And yeah, guys...I have fully considered that I'm going
to be retirement age before this one graduates college. It's all
good.
Be all that as it may, Emilita is already HUNGRY. Wow. With all
these mouths to feed around here, I'd better send you all a
coupon...and FAST! So here you go. Enter "baby62" anywhere fine X &
Y Communications products are sold and YOU will get 35% off. And
because today is a great day to be alive, I'm even opening up the
new BONUS PACKAGE to that coupon when you order from
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com. I'll keep this open a full week
for you. Like I said, I'm in a great mood. Below, where you
usually find all the weekly "news" I've got another cool
announcement about some great BONUS ITEMS that I've added to every
single book and program we've got. More on the NEW FORUM below also...
Now let's get to some of your questions...
=====
Where's That Crowbar When I Need It?
Hi,
I've read some of the advice tips on the site about the importance
of being independent and inspiring women to feel comfortable in the
presence of confident guys. Here's a situation I'd like to tell you
about: there is a woman who I met recently. We talked for a few
minutes and exchanged email addresses with each other. It was all
casual and I didn't even suggest that I'm interested in her
romantically. I'd like to get to know her start on a friendship
level and see what can happen. So I emailed her the following day
and told her that if she'd like to meet me sometime for friendly
conversation I spend a couple of hours during the afternoon at a
social club. She emailed me back a few HOURS later and said that
she's like to meet me because it turns out that she goes to that
same place everyday, too (although we had never seen each other
there before). She asked me what she should do. Then she asked me
for my phone number and told me that she goes to that place almost
every day when she's not working.
So what I'm wondering is: is this lady asking for my phone number
because she wants to know if I have a phone? She already knows I
have email because we exchanged addresses after that first time we
met only a day earlier. What do you think could be a reason why
she's asking me for my phone number?
I'm wanting to start off as a friend to this woman and see what
happens.
Thanks.
Joseph
Joseph:
First of all, I could send this email to any of millions of
desperate men everywhere who would love to have a "problem" like
yours. 99% of these men would automatically understand her
response to you as a clear sign of interest. And they'd be
correct.
The natural progression from exchanging email addresses is to take
things to the telephone. The natural progression from there is to
meet in person. This particular woman's interest level in you is
high enough that she is sending you such blatant hints of her
desire for BOTH that only a crowbar upside your head might be more
obvious. Note I said "might".
So let's first go over what you did that was GREAT:
1) Nutting up and ask for her contact info. You're ahead of most men
there already. Great job.
2) Emailing a woman you sense has interest in you the following
day. I believe artificial "waiting periods" represent the kind of
"game playing" people hate.
3) Calling her to action. (meeting you at the social club)
Here's where you'll do better in the future:
1) Understand that email --> phone --> meet is the natural
progression. You skipped a step and she's bringing you back
around, understandably.
2) Any positive response from a woman is just that...it's GOOD.
She is asking for your phone number because she wants to MOVE
THINGS FORWARD...and,...
3) ...women LOVE LOVE LOVE men who LEAD. She is asking you "what
she should do" because she wants YOU to be the man here and LEAD.
This is a "Chick Whispering" basic. Women want you to wear the
pants, and will hint at what they want you to ASK them rather than
asking first. See how that works? And don't you just LOVE LOVE
LOVE women who look at you adoringly when you are their Superhero
who knows how to be a LEADER? Of course you do.
That all brings me to the final, and perhaps most overarching
thought. You talk about "friends first". You do realize that this
is almost always a MYTH unless you are clearly in the driver's seat
of leadership.
By this I mean that women typically find it very, very hard to move
a man from "friend" to "lover". Either you are causing her erotic
synapses to fire up like VG race fuel or you are doomed to being a
"tea party guest". And hey, Earl Grey smells nice but there's just
something about spent 2-stroke race gas fumes that satisfies.
I hope you haven't been brainwashed by the same cult that had me
duped me back in the day. You know the one. They preach that "all
male behavior is bad behavior" and that "showing romantic interest
in a woman is offensive to them."
Unless you yourself are unconvinced that you are ready to blow up
the chemistry lab with this chick, you need to get in front of her
and FLIRT, my man! She'll LOVE LOVE LOVE you for it.
=====
The Best "Contest" Is "No Contest"
Scot,
Could it be that the best thing for a man to do is reframe approach
anxiety in his mind by saying to himself, "I've won by approaching
and introducing myself as well as I can"?
As far as being beaten by a girl, that's tough to deal with. It
seems the girls are winning at all levels of society. They have a
level of psychological sophistication that few men can
match. Even King Solomon could not figure them out.
Could it be the best thing to do is to learn how to harness women's
power and use them as muses?
Thanks.
WP
You make an interesting point, WP. You truly ARE a winner
comparatively speaking if you actually can approach a woman. It is
absolutely true that the vast majority of men LOSE by not even
trying.
Still, I truly believe that viewing the approach as a "contest" is
where we ALL lose no matter what. We should simply be mutually
qualifying one another, without any value judgment placed on it.
If it's simply a conversation rather than a competition for who has
the "power" then the angst goes out the window...at least
theoretically. Having opened some other emails this lately (not
necessarily yours) it looks like some guys are all too fast to
replace one excuse with another...
As for how things go with the rest of society, women deserve to
"win" as much as men do and given an abundance mentality we as men
shouldn't be concerned at all about that but rather encourage it.
There's no need for women to "win" at the necessary expense of a
man in most cases. Their victories are independent of male
successes and failures. It's just that specific situation of
begging for first dates that pits us against each other as men and
women. That's the one we DO have control over....fully.
Rather than harnessing women's power and using them as muses, which
to me almost sounds like considering them livestock, I'd rather
reframe the concept and point us as men in the direction of gaining
psychological sophistication (a term that I really like, by the
way) and using 3000 years of human history's wisdom to build upon
that of even Solomon himself.
Thanks for your terrific email.
=====
Enough Cowbell
Quote From Last Week's Newsletter: "Stop focusing on sexuality and
start igniting masculinity or femininity instead and you will
discover life-changing secrets to getting second dates. If this
doesn't make sense, send me an email."
Hi:
I didn't quite get it.
Best,
John
Hey John:
First, thanks for actually taking me up on the invitation to write.
That's cool.
I firmly believe that most men let themselves get obsessed with a
woman's sexuality without any regard for her femininity whatsoever.
A man's masculinity--his maleness as evidenced by the traits of
true manhood--is what INSPIRES a sexually charged response from a
woman. Men OR women who view the purpose of dating as "getting
some" rarely have fulfilling, highly intense sex lives. A man who
has figured out how to be a MAN without being either an I/J
(Idiot/Jerk) or a Mama's Boy AND who appreciates women for their
femininity above and beyond their utility as sex objects will
discover something very, very powerful. Femininity CRAVES
masculinity and is ignited by it like a lit match ignites kerosene.
If you think about it, this all makes perfect design. Sexuality
is the natural and INEVITABLE by-product of this "chemical reaction".
If this all sounds scientific and technical, it really isn't
complicated. What I'm talking about here is exactly how it used to
be throughout most of human history without much if any elaboration
necessary. It's today's blurring of gender roles, the
"feminization" of America and the messages we hear that "all male
behavior is bad behavior" that have caused things to get where they
are. That and the fact that so many women have cheapened sex
themselves.
Ultimately, if you exude masculine power it's like catnip with
women. You appreciate them--you genuinely LIKE the presence of a
great woman--and the "Just Be Friends" issue literally vanishes.
You regain total control and initiate the right kind of
"friendships" with women. No need to "pressure" the issue of
sexuality. Women will be unable to resist the magnetic,
physiological urge to act on your masculine presence. From there,
you keep in mind things like "The Most Important 30 Minutes In
Dating" and you will have sexual options beyond your wildest
dreams. I know when I started getting all of this worked out in my
life my friends were dumbfounded, as was I to some degree. Sooner
than later you will literally be getting calls from women whom you
haven't contacted for a while who simply want to "come over". You
will open the door and they will throw their arms around you and
start kissing you passionately. You may be skeptical, but it
absolutely happens. It NEVER happens, though, to guys who are
trying to "get some".
Masculine, confident. Appreciative of femininity over female
sexuality. Magic.
=====
Quality Vs. Quantity From The Voice Of Experience
Hey Scot, how's it going!
Just wanted to say, I checked over your site and I think it's
awesome what you are doing and teaching people! You have inspired
me to start deserving what I want also instead of settling for just
anyone! I really don't have trouble meeting woman and going on
dates, it's just that I haven't found a lot of quality woman in
this world. I've been in lots of one-night stands with women and
have come to the realization that it doesn't bring happiness. Only
having a true connection with a woman leads to happiness.
My only question to you is how did you know the woman your married
to now was the right one for you? Out of all the women you dated,
how did you know she was the one? How did you know when to stop
dating is the question I'm trying to ask, what if you kept on
dating instead of stopping and met another high quality woman?
Anonymous
Thanks for your kind words. I live for hearing that people are
inspired. I appreciate your story and your revelations. As for
one-night-stands, I've never understood it. I've tended to like
the women I've been intimate with and wanted more!
Your "one question" really is a BIG one. Here's the simple answer:
I dated MANY women. And I dated as many of them at once as I
could handle. As I did, I made very careful notes of what I liked
and didn't like, even going so far as to building a spreadsheet so
as to rein in my typically right-brained approach to "winging it"
when it comes to such things. As I learned more about women and
what they want from a man, and as I began to DESERVE a great woman
more and more, I raised the proverbial bar as far as the quality of
women in my life. So yes, like I found out first-hand, guys like
you and I run the distinct risk of encountering the enviable
problem of having MORE THAN ONE high quality woman in the picture.
But having CONTROL over one's dating life is key in this situation.
This means making the choices that affect ONE'S OWN life. Being
able to attract and make my own decisions regarding the women in my
life, I placed myself into the position of being able to fine-tune
who it was I was looking for and I recognized her almost instantly.
This meant cutting ties with some great women, but I was also at a
point in my life where I was comfortable with the notion of being
READY for some stability around here. Importantly, that decision
was MY OWN choice--no pressure from her--based on experience and
being in a position of strength rather than neediness when it came
to my interactions with women in my life.
There's so much more to this, though. Your attitude matters way
more than objective strategy, and certainly more than tips, tricks
and tactics. You MUST respect and genuinely enjoy female-ness
rather than being sex-focused. Otherwise, you will get what you
deserve--which is MUCH LESS than what cements a solid long-term
future with a great woman. A man who UNDERSTANDS and ACTUALLY
LIKES women realizes the crucial importance of masculinity and
thereby draws women to him. Women everywhere CRAVE a man who is
masculine enough to awaken their femininity. Get this principle
and begin having the "enviable" problem cited above.
Now, being the kind of guy we're talking about here is actually not
so hard to pull off. For most guys, it's kind of like a "light
bulb" that goes off after struggling with the concepts for a brief
while. Kind of like when you learn how to ride a bike. That said,
doing third-gear wheelies on a GSXR1000 is a bit more advanced than
simply getting rid of the training wheels, if you get my drift.
That's why we have Power Sessions.
How about a woman's perspective on all of this? Just a couple of
nights ago you wouldn't have believed the quality of our waitress
at dinner who announced to us that she was "dateless". Although
she was beginning to doubt herself, the only difference between her
and her friends was that she refused to settle for a moron. Good
for her. Emily and I both agreed that she should take great pride
in her pickiness instead of doubting it and she will begin to see
the men she deserves come looking for her. These men, by the way,
happen to be guys like YOU. Did I mention that this 21 year old
sweetheart with big brown eyes and a priceless smile was DATELESS?
There ARE NOT ENOUGH great men to go around. Do your part to
change that...and win.
=====
David D. Differences
Hey Scot:
I was kinda wondering the difference between your e-books and David
DeAngelo's e-books. I just listened to your interview and it was
great and I 'm thinking about purchasing your info also, but I was
just wondering what do you talk about in your monthly audio series
compared to what David DeAngelo talks about?
Thanks,
Steve
Hey Steve:
If I had to cite a major difference between David D.'s material and
mine I would point to the fact that Dave makes it very clear that
he is about attracting and meeting women without going into the
relationship aspect of things. I talk a lot about going from
attracting and meeting women all the way through selecting and
keeping the greatest woman you've ever met. David D. is the
undisputed champ at what he does, largely because of his focus. So
that said, there's no value judgment on his material versus mine.
They are very complimentary but indeed different. Guys who are
already good with women but want to get the GREATEST women of all
come to me. You'll find as you read and listen to more stuff from
me that I LOVE finding angles that nobody has ever considered and
exploring them. In that respect, I do what I can (and should) to
make sure that X & Y info is different than ANYONE else's material,
Dave's or otherwise. For example, Cook For Your Date and How To
Manage Your Wildly Successful Dating Life are books that I can
honestly say are completely original in scope.
As for the audio series, that's more objectively defined. Dave's
is an interview series whereas our Power Sessions series is a
specialized instruction program for men with a deep focus on
absolute excellence with women. I do interviews from time to time
for it--this month with Joseph "Thundercat" Matthews for
example--but I tend to keep those separate. The Power Sessions
guys got the interview with Joseph this month as an unannounced
free bonus. Another way I add value is by backing the Power
Sessions series with email coaching.
=====
Be good,
Scot McKay
THE DISCUSSION FORUM IS LIVE: We mentioned it a couple of weeks
ago, and I am proud to say that the Deserve What You Want
Discussion Board is now ready to go. This newsletter is the very
first place I've ever announced it...so there are no users yet.
Definitely go sign up and grab a low member number. That could be
really cool when there are thousands of people registered, right?
Both of us McKays and some high-profile types will be on there
frequently, actively responding to posts. You'll find that this
forum is very different. We focus on dating excellence, and will
do so in a tasteful manner. This is going to be an
effectively-moderated, high-end community as I would hope you'd be
expecting from us. So cool...I'm excited.
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/forum is the URL, and it will be
actively linked to from just about everywhere in the X & Y universe
within 24 hours or so.
IT'S BONUS CITY AROUND HERE: I spent the entire day Monday adding
LOTS OF BONUS ITEMS to every e-book and program we've got. All
e-books now include a BRAND NEW audio series called "Rapid Fire"
that features a full six dozen dating tips of about a minute each
covering just about any issue or scenario you can imagine. These
follow the Dating-Cast Minutes we've done and now you can enjoy
immediate gratification. There's also a great interview with
Joseph "Thundercat" Matthews
(http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/laugh) with some of the programs
for guys. My new friend Martin Merrill
(http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/laugh) has also been gracious
enough to give us a great bonus item based on his killer book Make
Her Laugh. As you'd expect, I have even more cool surprises up my
sleeve here...
PODCAST UPDATE: I am absolutely BLOWN AWAY by how fast "The Chick
Whisperer" has caught fire. Less than three weeks into its
existence it is already on the Top 25 list at iTunes and has
cracked Page Two on the "Featured" list. A huge thanks to all of
you guys who are listening. Episode 3 hit the street on Wednesday,
and believe it or not Episode 4 has already been recorded and
edited. I can tell you that The Dean and I had none other than
Michael The Dating Wizard (http://www.thechickwhisperer.com/wizard)
sit in for that. Michael is right on the money and that show is
EPIC. Steve commented that he really, truthfully can't believe we
are planning to give this away for free. Snag The Chick Whisperer
on iTunes with http://feeds.feedburner.com/thechickwhisperer.
Episode 25 of "X & Y On The Fly" on online dating is getting done
tonight...finally. Remember, Grant Adams from Net2Bed/Net2Wed (see
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/grant for that) is our guest.
Only the best guests for our discriminating audience. Subscribe on
iTunes right now at http://feeds.feedburner.com/xyonthefly. The
seventh episode of "Online Dating Profile Rating"
(http://feeds.feedburner.com/onlinedating) will happen tonight
also. As you would expect, all of these can be subscribed to via
feed, through iTunes or via email. As always, we appreciate a
review on iTunes and/or a vote for us on Podcast Alley. Remember
you can now leave us voicemail at 210-362-4400, and we've got
PRIZES these days for callers who make it to the air.
I [HEART] INTERVIEW SERIES: My friend and talented dating
strategist James Brito from 000Relationships has invited me to be a
part of his new Mastery Series, where he interviews dating experts.
Having done the David DeAngelo "Dating Gurus" series last month,
I'm beginning to LOVE LOVE LOVE being a part of these. Whether I
have guest on our shows or AM a guest on a series like the one
James is doing, I always end up really enjoying it. Let me tell
you, James has corralled some HEAVY HITTERS that he calls the
"Who's Who Of The Dating Community" for his series, so I'm honored
to be included. He's offering a special 40% off offer since this
is newly launched, so I'd definitely recommend getting in on the
discount before it expires on March 26th. Find out more at
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/james. And guess what this
means, guys? It means that there could very well also be a special
bonus "round table" with James for the Power Sessions guys in
April. What can I say? I'm a negotiator! Get in on that elite
group of Power Sessions guys at
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/powersessions/men. I know "Mama"
is working some sweet surprises for the ladies with her series
also, which you can check in on at
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/powersessions/women.
Did a friend forward you this message? To receive this free
newsletter on 21st century dating issues from X & Y Communications
on a regular basis, simply go to http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com,
drop your email in the annoying popup window, and download "Get
What You Deserve" for free. Or, just email xandy@aweber.com. Easy
stuff.
Questions? Ideas? Comments? Send to
questions@xandycommunications.net. Your feedback is welcome. If
you like what you read, please feel free to forward the newsletter
to others. That's how we build our audience.
X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you the most skilled
participant in the dating world you can be, at whatever stage of
life you are in. It's all about straight talk about the most
creative subjects, somehow encompassing moral principles while
being neither too shy nor too judgmental to hit the important
things head on. The basic stuff you've heard a million times isn't
rehashed around here. Enjoy!
Please also note that the information in this newsletter is for
entertainment purposes only and is not intended to constitute
professional advice.
(c) X & Y Communications, 2005-2007. All Rights Reserved.
http://www.frappr.com/xandy
http://www.myspace.com/x_and_y
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/forum
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.
Our records indicate that at requested information
by e-mail from our company at
Date:
IP: