[X&Y] Doubt In The Face Of Belief
Published: Fri, 04/13/07
www.deservewhatyouwant.com/forum
(http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/forum)
www.romantic-dinner.com (http://www.romantic-dinner.com)
www.datetoorder.com (http://www.datetoorder.com)
www.nottooshort.com (http://www.nottooshort.com)
www.dating-resources.net (http://www.dating-resources.net)
____________________________________________________________________
DOUBT IN THE FACE OF BELIEF
All of us are inspired when we hear stories of BELIEF in the face
of DOUBT. Movies like "The Pursuit Of Happyness", "Rudy" and
"Hoosiers" all come to mind. The characters in each respective
flick are repeatedly told that they would or even SHOULD fail, yet
their sheer will and determination carries them to wildly
successful victory against all odds. And it's human nature for us
to LOVE these movies.
So why, then, is it also human nature for us to do the EXACT
OPPOSITE when is comes to our dating lives? Why do we so often
DOUBT in the face of BELIEF when it comes to approaching the
opposite sex? I mean, realistically speaking, the symptoms of this
disorder often extend even into first dates, second dates and
possibly even into 50 year marriages.
Here's a case in point.
This week I was engaged in a discussion about online dating
involving the finer points of sending emails to women. While
common wisdom suggests that a first email that goes unreturned
signals disinterest, I happen to believe that the very most popular
women online are often so inundated with messages that they
will respond ONLY to second attempts at contact. Such women are
wise to "cut/paste" first emails from lazy, unimaginative men and
therefore want to know who is REALLY interested enough to make a
real effort. While "always" is a precarious term to use when
dealing with real people, my personal "field testing" has shown
that women will respond to a well-placed and effectively written
second email well over 50% of the time.
My friend vehemently disagreed and said he refuses to send second
emails to women. After all, he's got "proof" it doesn't work. He
proceeded to pull up an email from one woman who responded to a
second email with, "Don't you get it? 'No answer' means 'NO
INTEREST'!"
ONE EMAIL from ONE WOMAN had such a profound impact on my friend
that it shaped his ENTIRE OPINION on the matter. Are you kidding
me?
Never mind the fact that I could pull up probably fifty or so
positive responses to second emails from my own personal online
dating "files". And never mind also that yes...I too had a few
emails sent back to me that read similarly to his. The
overwhelmingly positive ratio based on greater number of instances
flat-out did not matter to my friend.
What this all comes down to is that we as humans "tree hug" our
limiting beliefs at times to a point where all reason goes out the
window. Simply put, when certain among us feel like believing
something to be true we only require a SINGLE SHRED OF EVIDENCE in
order to pronounce it so. Consider the following example of "Y"
approaching "X":
Y: "Hello, my name is Mike, what's yours?"
X: "Uh...my name is UNAVAILABLE, dork. Now get outta my face. No
woman could possibly want a total loser like you!"
X then proceeds to shy away from approaching another woman all
night (or all year...or all decade). Why? After this brutal deal,
his self-esteem is "shattered" and he himself internalizes and
believes what he has just been told...by ONE person. Conversely,
however, had the woman responded in a powerfully positive way, Mike
may theoretically have been left thinking, "I'm INVINCIBLE...all
women LOVE me!"
Either way, logical fallacy is at play here. There is almost never
any valid way to pronounce absolute truth upon a variable situation
based on a single event.
"ABC airlines crashed last year. Therefore I'm never flying ABC
airlines because they always crash!"
"My very first date after the divorce was a disaster. I'm through
with dating."
"My last girlfriend proved to by psychotic. All women are crazy!"
"The last guy I went out with couldn't keep his paws off of me.
All men are dogs!"
While it's perfectly natural for a bad experience here and there to
"harsh our buzz", the most poignant aspect of this issue surrounds
the fact that some people can even be repeatedly presented with a
steady stream of evidence to the CONTRARY of the negative beliefs
they happen to hold...and STILL not snap out of it. For example, I
can't tell you how many beautiful women I went out with who viewed
themselves as "ugly" and/or "worthless". Why? Well, of course,
that's the last thing their ex-husbands told them before leaving.
Meanwhile, such women were typically busy at the same time turning
heads so fast that men were getting whiplash.
Perhaps this topic has hit home for many of you. What are your own
limiting beliefs that are restricting you from a wildly successful
dating life? More importantly, how did those limiting beliefs get
there? If you take an honest look at the problem you are likely to
find that the opinion of a very small minority has shaped your
thoughts. If so, why is it you are more comfortable with
limitation than with empowerment? Begin to see yourself as others
truly see you and lose the "logical fallacies". This is absolutely
prerequisite to deserving what you want.
Be good,
Scot McKay
THE DISCUSSION FORUM (aka MESSAGE BOARD): The forum is at
www.deservewhatyouwant.com/forum
(http://www.xandycommunications.net/forum). Sign up and jump right
into the conversation. There are already some great topics posted
with equally fantastic insight behind them. I have to tell you, I
am already pleased at how the personality of this community is
exactly what I envisioned: tasteful and intelligent, yet willing
to throw the major issues on the table. Great stuff so far. Come
join in!
YOUTUBE(TM) VIDEO: The X & Y On The Fly LIVE show and The Chick
Whisperer TV are coming soon. Everything is in place to get
started; it's just a matter of timing since the co-host is in her
first trimester!
PODCAST UPDATE: "The Chick Whisperer" continues to climb the
iTunes "featured" charts, all the while maintaining its spot in the
worldwide Top 25. We're planning to have Joseph South
(http://www.thechickwhisperer.com/south) sit in with us for the
next show, the topic of which will be a barnburner: "Competition
From Other Guys". Get a head start on that at:
http://feeds.feedburner.com/thechickwhisperer. Episode 26 of "X &
Y On The Fly" is now going to be the Femininity show featuring a
GREAT interview with none other than Amy Waterman from
000Relationships. Find out more about her at
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/amy. The long-awaited "Seduction
Cast" will need to wait a bit longer due to the impending
possibility of an additional EPIC guest who I need to interview.
Subscribe on iTunes right now at
http://feeds.feedburner.com/xyonthefly so you don't miss a thing.
Meanwhile the tenth episode of "Online Dating Profile Rating"
(http://feeds.feedburner.com/onlinedating) will be the VERY FIRST
to feature a profile submitted by a listener. As you would
expect, all of these can be subscribed to via feed, through iTunes
or via email. As always, we appreciate a review on iTunes and/or a
vote for us on Podcast Alley. Remember you can now leave us
voicemail at 210-362-4400, and we've got PRIZES for callers. By
the way, congrats to John from Ohio who left us a voicemail and
snagged Grant Adams' Net2Bed Online Dating Complete Edition
(http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/grant) in the process.
POWER SESSIONS: The April Power Session was recorded last night
and queued up for delivery bright and early on the 15th. We cover
objective steps to setting yourself apart as a great man, along
with other surprises. AND REMEMBER...right before the 15th is the
BEST TIME to get in on Power Sessions if you haven't already,
because you get the current Power Sessions program now AND the
April one when it hits the street in just a few days. It's like
beating the system since no matter what I'll only ever bill you
once a month. Check it all out at:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/powersessions/men. You can even
get the first month FREE when you get your hands on any of the
three books which sweetens the deal even more. Emily's April
edition covers all the right questions a woman should be asking men
who are in her life. This is great material. Ladies, get in on
that at: http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/powersessions/women.
SOMETHING NEW AND DIFFERENT: I made friends this week with a guy
named Robert Martin, who is the author of a new program called
"Look Great Naked At Any Age". What fascinates me most about
Robert's work is that he effectively combines getting into shape
with killer dating strategy. Look for Robert to be our guest on an
upcoming podcast, and in the meantime visit him at
http://www.thechickwhisperer.com/martin. Oh, and by the way, you
know how much having a REAL track record matters to me. Martin
definitely delivers in that area--although thankfully he keeps his
shorts on for marketing purposes.
(c) X & Y Communications, 2005-2007. All Rights Reserved.
www.frappr.com/xandy (http://www.frappr.com/xandy)
www.myspace.com/x_and_y (http://www.myspace.com/x_and_y)
www.deservewhatyouwant.com/forum
(http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/forum)
This e-mail newsletter is a free service of X & Y Communications.
It is never sent to those who have not asked for it. If you
believe you have been sent this message in error, please respond
and we will kindly remove you from our mailing list.
Our records indicate that at requested information
by e-mail from our company at
Date:
IP: