[X&Y] Those USAF Thunderbird Pilots Must Get All The Women…Well, Except One Of Them

Published: Thu, 11/09/06

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Those USAF Thunderbird Pilots Must Get All The Women...Well, Except One Of Them
 
This past Sunday afternoon was a lazy one here in San Antonio.  So when we found out the annual air show was going on out at Lackland AFB we decided to get off our tails and go check it out. 
 
Along with the usual spectacle involving "warbirds" from WWII, aerobatic wizardry and guys jumping out of perfectly good airplanes, the world-famous USAF Thunderbirds were on hand to provide the big finale.
 
Now, I really enjoy air shows and was looking forward to checking out the T-birds for the first time having seen the Navy's Blue Angels on at least six or seven occasions.  But since I do what I do for a living, I couldn't help considering what the dating lives of T-bird pilots must be like.  After all, can you think of any more "alpha" a bad boy lifestyle than performing as one of the six most publicly bad-to-the-bone fighter pilots walking the planet?  Surely this has to at least help when it comes to attracting women.
 
Except that one of them--Maj. Nicole Malachowski at slot "3"--is a woman. 
 
As you can imagine, this plot twist caused me to ruminate on the subject at hand all the more deeply.  If Thunderbird pilots have what could be argued the ultimate trump card when it comes to establishing "social proof" with women, how does that translate for Maj. Malachowski?
 
When the T-birds made their customary sound off before taking flight, the decidedly feminine exclamation of the word "Three!" roused at least one response of "Dude, that was a chick!" from an apparently startled adolescent boy.
 
Indeed.  And "Major M." was runner up for Homecoming Queen back in high school, to complicate matters even more.
 
So first we had Danica Patrick, driving Indy cars over 200 mph while looking pretty good simultaneously.  Now this. 
 
I think the verdict is in, guys.  Being a racecar driver or a "flyboy" isn't what makes you a "man".  Think about that if ever tempted to feebly coerce a woman into somehow believing you are attractive because of whatever you do on weekends, whatever car you drive or "whatever" else external.
 
And apparently Nicole Malachowski must get a kick out the steady stream of guys who persist in this lame-o peacock ritual.  According to reports, one of Nicole Malachowski's routines when out on the town has historically been to challenge men who approach her with five chances at guessing what she does for a living.  If 'stumped', the 'loser' would have to buy her a drink.
 
I'll say.
 
Did you happen to note a certain ambiguity in this article's title?  That was purely intentional.  Whichever way you read it, it resonates.  Whether Maj. Malachowski is the one who doesn't' share her peers' interest in attracting women or the other five pilots aren't going to win her is irrelevant...the point stands either way.  We all know that the sharpest of women have an incredibly "challenging" time finding men who are worthy of them in general.  Imagine all the men who fell short of the mark with the Lady T-Bird--they themselves the likely 2% (max) of the single male population who weren't too intimidated to even say "hello".
 
But check it out, this is where things get even more interesting...Nicole Malachowski is happily married.   To a man.  Specifically, to a man who somehow, somewhere managed to win her affection, and presumably her respect. 
 
Now granted, I know very little about either one of the Malachowskis except for what I've read in a few Internet snippets from "Feature" sections nationwide.  So you'd better believe I'd love to interview them (And if the Malachowskis have been forwarded this article somehow and are reading, I've got a podcast episode with your name on it).  That said, my educated guess is that Mr. Malachowski (also an Air Force Major, curiously) is an inherently masculine man with a genuine sense of self-confidence.
 
Whatever the case is, she found a "keeper", didn't she?  And you know what I also have a tendency to believe?  It's pure conjecture, of course, but I believe her husband might say he found a "needle in a haystack" himself.  I'm sure he was willing to settle for no less than he deserved, a sentiment that his wife no doubt shares.  The fact that he met Nicole, was not intimidated by her and chose to spend his life with her tells me something.  It tells me that having an "inner game" as bulletproof as his makes him an even badder @$$ than his wife is.  Which is exactly why Mrs. Malachowski must dig him...majorly.
 
Be Good,
 
Scot McKay      
 
 
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