[X&Y] Having Dating Options And Exercising Them
Published: Thu, 02/15/07
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***Note: Today's newsletter is another adapted
excerpt from the upcoming book How To Manage Your
Wildly Successful Dating Life, to be released
within the next SIX DAYS. That's all the time
left to get in on the 50% PRE-RELEASE discount at
http://www.wildsuccess.net .***
HAVING DATING OPTIONS AND EXERCISING THEM
Unless you been popular with the opposite sex your
entire life, today's topic is uncharted territory
for you. Although just about anyone who is highly
eligible can struggle with what we are about to
talk about, it's those who have most recently made
changes in their lives resulting in increased
popularity who are most confounded by it.
Since we're all about helping you have a wildly
successful dating life around here, you may be
closer than you think the day when you find
yourself confronted with the concept of having
real OPTIONS when it comes to who you are dating.
And that's a great place to be.
The vast majority of people on Earth quite simply
do not have a copious supply of people who can't
wait to be with them romantically. Perhaps
that's why so many of us end up marrying the
first (and often times the only) person who is
willing to "put up with us".
Invariably, this leads to a state that I
non-affectionately refer to as having "settled".
"Settling" leads eventually to both partners
experiencing virtually zero fulfillment from the
relationship. He or she who has "settled" will
always have his or her nose pressed to the glass
gazing at the greener pastures outside.
Meanwhile, his or her partner is likely to become
very bitter in a relatively short period of time
knowing that he or she is not "enough" for the
other. Feeling inadequate--let alone BEING
inadequate--is a humiliating existence. For that
matter, a partner who feels as if he or she has
"settled" can also feel humiliated at times--
generally when others think (either implicitly or
explicitly) that he or she could have "done
better".
So who has the more miserable existence? The
partner who is forever feeling slighted or the
partner who is longing for better and embarrassed
to be seen in public together? I don't know and
I don't care, frankly. The point is that YOU
don't have to be either one of them.
In your case, the greatest gift bestowed upon you
by having options is that you are thereby
decreasing the probability that you will end up
"settling" as indeed most others do. Instead of
taking whatever you can get, even if only for a
single date as is the case for many people, you
have CHOICES.
The experience of having options is a key earmark
of dating success. You are truly attractive to
the opposite gender and are doing things right.
Now, simply put, you have to give yourself
permission to explore those options.
It is my opinion that one who has the choice among
numerous worthy members of the opposite sex should
be dating several of them at once until he or she
has not only a clear picture of what he or she
wants in a mate, but indeed until he or she feels
that person has actually been identified.
One does not have to sacrifice character or
integrity in order to do this effectively. Your
reputation as a man or woman of integrity and
class is not at stake simply because you are
getting to know other people more often (and more
efficiently, frankly) than you used to. How
exactly how to date multiple people at once is
discussed in greater detail in the book How To
Manage Your Wildly Successful Dating Life.
If you are more comfortable dating one person at
a time, I can't deny that it will be easier for
you to manage your dating life. And there is, of
course, no inherent fault in doing so. Yet, I
maintain that life is simply too short to stick
with one potential partner you are unsure of
until being fully sure he or she is not what you
want. The only way to quickly gain the most
effective perspective on what your ultimate
partner will be like is to date as many people
as you can.
Unless and until you do that, all of your own
conjecture regarding what you want in a person
is merely unproven speculation, isn't it? In
order to maximize your dating success, you must
leverage the options you have towards having a
greater sense of exactly what kind of person you
want to be with long term.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
PODCAST UPDATE: Episode 23 of "X & Y On The Fly"
is about masculinity and it's on iTunes RIGHT NOW
(or at http://feeds.feedburner.com/xyonthefly).
Our guest is Carlos Xuma from Dating Dynamics who
talks about secrets of the Alpha Man (find out
more at http://www.deservewhatyouwant/carlos.
Great interviews with some heavy hitters are
already being recorded for future shows...it's
exciting stuff! Meanwhile, check out the first
four episodes of "Online Dating Profile Rating"
(http://feeds.feedburner.com/onlinedating) and
the brand-new (and long overdue) third round of
"Nice Guys Need Love Too"
(http://feeds.feedburner.com/niceguys). As you
would expect, all of these can be subscribed to
via feed, through iTunes or via email. PLEASE
write a review on iTunes and/or vote for us on
Podcast Alley.
MY "DATING GURUS SERIES" INTERVIEW WITH DAVID
DEANGELO HITS THE PRESS TOMORROW: I have to
admit, I was like a little kid at Christmas time
reading the letter that David D. sent to his one
million man mailing list about the interview we
did together. I joked to Emily that the bullet
points were so impressive that I can't wait to
find out my own secrets! In any case I hope you
are in on getting that interview shipped to you.
If not, it's not too late until MIDNIGHT TONIGHT
PST. Here's a quick link for you:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/davidd. Dave's
giving it away with every copy of his book Double
Your Dating, so it's a no-brainer to get more bang
for your $19.95. See, I like to make things super
easy. Besides, every guy should read Double Your
Dating--it was one of the first and most profound
influences on my own dating success.
35% OFF DESERVE WHAT YOU WANT: Have you read
Deserve What You Want Yet? If not, that is the
single best way to get the foundation of what we
talk about here in the newsletter and--more
importantly--begin to get your dating life handled
in a way that few ever learn how to. If you have
been putting off reading it, here's a motivator
for you: Go to http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com,
click on any image of the blue DWYW book cover you
see and when you order be sure to enter "dwyw35"
into the "coupon code" box and I'll give you 35%
off the book from now through the weekend like I
did last week.
YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M IN A GOOD MOOD...HOW ABOUT A
PROMO FOR COOK FOR YOUR DATE ALSO?: After all,
my new friend Nora Maskuri has graciously allowed
us to offer her killer romantic recipe book as a
FREE BONUS with every copy. That just means
there's even more ideas available to you now than
ever. So how about it? Get in on what has always
been my "nuclear weapon" when it comes to dating
at http://www.romantic-dinner.com. So, how about
50% off? Does that work? Use "cfyd50" as the
"coupon code". Have your date bring the wine and
the book just paid for itself, didn't it? Nice.
Enjoy!
"THE CHICK WHISPERER": If you see those words in
your travels around the Internet don't worry...it's
only me. One of YOU coined that phrase for me and
I LOVE IT!
PARTNERSHIPS WITH DATING SITES: Emily and I met
on Match.com, and now we've partnered with Match to
give you the chance to try online dating for
yourself. Check out
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/match for more!
I'm also proud to say we've started working with
http://www.datingz.com, which is a truly excellent
and COMPLETELY FREE dating site.
Finally, I've always been skeptical of the whole
Russian bride thing, but having been to
http://www.chanceforlove.com I've got to say there
are some amazing women out there. If finding a
great woman (with a cool accent) has ever crossed
your mind, why not take a look? I was amazed.
Actually, we're talking floored. Emily even thought
so.
Remember, Emily and I have kicked off our married
lives by launching PowerMonogamy.com. We give
away a DAILY MINI PODCAST over there called The
DatingCast Minute. Now you can get a brand new
message on a daily basis...all for f-r-e-e, of
course.
Power Sessions For Men and Power Sessions For
Women are where we share our very best material,
specifically designed to help you go from GOOD to
AMAZING in deserving what you want. The newly-
updated info pages are online at:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/powersessions/men
or
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/powersessions/women.
And yes--the February edition of Power Sessions For
Men is hot off the press, taking the XYotF podcast's
discussion of masculinity to a much, much deeper
level. Don't miss that one, guys. I can't think of
a more important topic for men when it comes to
improving skills with women.
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X & Y Communications is dedicated to making you
the most skilled participant in the dating world
you can be, at whatever stage of life you are in.
It's all about straight talk about the most
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The basic stuff you've heard a million times isn't
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Please also note that the information in this
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