[X&Y] I'm Bringing Sexy Back
Published: Wed, 06/13/07
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WHAT TOOK SO LONG? You may have noticed this newsletter is a few
days behind schedule. We have good reason for that. For the past
few days we've been hard at work and FINALLY we've released the
first VIDEO SHOWS. X & Y On The Fly LIVE and The Chick Whisperer
TV, both hosted by the two of us, are now on our X-NET page at
http://www.xandycommunications.net/main/xnet.htm
(www.xandycommuncations.net/main/xnet.htm). Now that we are
getting the hang of this, look for clips like "Cook For Your Date
TV" and "Mr. Nice Guy Meets Women At The Supermarket" in the near
future.
And now for today's topic--one I've never seen properly addressed
anywhere before. Hang onto your seat...
I'M BRINGING SEXY BACK
No, not me personally. I'm no Justin Timberlake (which is fine
with me, frankly).
It's just that I'm starting to think we've completely lost touch
with what "sexy" means...especially as far as what makes a woman
sexy. And that is something that needs to make a comeback...big time.
Men who are confident, stylish and masculine are generally
understood to be sexy. We talk a lot about that sort of thing
around here, and have the newsletter archive, podcast feeds and the
Power Sessions to prove it.
But for women, there's a disconnect in today's culture. And I
believe it to be a particularly tragic one. Somewhere along the
line, the concept of "sexy" somehow began to be confused with--or
even considered interchangeable with--"slutty".
Do you know the difference between the two? Can you articulate
what that difference is? Both a "sexy" woman and a "slutty" woman
are sexually attractive, and each therefore can get men pretty well
charged up. But that's where the similarities end.
In my mind the difference is very clear. To me, a "sexy" woman
exudes the kind of natural feminine charm and mystique that ignites
masculine energy. Softness, warmth, confidence, peace, dignity,
motherhood, grace, a warm smile and a caring heart draw men in...all
woven together with confidence. Certainly, a feminine woman who
believes in the natural strength of her very femininity itself
reaches the elusive state of "irresistibility" that the likes of
Amy Waterman and Marie Forleo harp on so consistently...and for good
reason. After all, what masculine man can resist a feminine woman.
Natural femininity is just flat-out SEXY.
So, then, what causes a woman to come off as "slutty" rather than
"sexy"?
A few newsletters ago we discussed how men who are "sex focused"
tend to chase away great women. Similarly, women who think "all
men are sex-focused dogs" tend to attract...well..."sex-focused dogs".
After all, what man who genuinely appreciates femininity is going
to settle for a woman who has such a cynical view of manhood?
And therein lies the answer to what really is at the core of
"sluttiness". Simply put, when a woman decides in her mind that
all men truly are "sex-focused dogs", we already know how that
attitude affects what kind of guys she tends to attract. But what
is HER reaction? Some women are frustrated by their view of men
and prefer to stay alone--dateless. Other women, waving a white
flag to what they perceive to be the only dimension of manhood
available out there, instead CAPITULATE to men who focus on sex.
Perhaps in today's culture there are plenty of women who are just
as sex-focused as many men are. I won't discount that. But in the
majority of cases when a woman comes off as "slutty", she simply
believes she has the most to gain if she just gives sex-focused men
exactly what they want. So she portrays herself as a sex object,
with the goal of maximizing her sexual visibility and therefore her
potential for getting attention from the type of guy she feels she
must settle for. After all, the alternative--in her mind--is NO guy.
Notice I used that word "settle" again. That's exactly what is
going on here. Whether we are sex-focused and/or have talked
ourselves into believing the opposite sex is so, we set ourselves
up for getting less out of life than greatness when it comes to
relationships. Often you hear "sluttiness" referred to in the
same context as "lack of self-respect". Agreed, insofar as the act
of capitulation to mediocrity goes. But it's much deeper than
that. And again, it's not a "male/female" thing, it's a "human"
thing. How so? Sex-focused men and the women who capitulate to
them (and vice-versa when the shoe fits) are both not just
disrespecting themselves, they are failing to respect the opposite
gender.
And you know what that adds up to. You've got it: Everybody
involved is getting exactly what they are setting themselves up for
in their respective dating lives.
If you want a great man or a great woman, you must believe there is
greatness to be had in the opposite gender. Think "appreciate and
ignite" rather than "capitulate and accept" and you'll get out from
under this sexual rat race if you so choose. Then, of course,
you'll begin to deserve what you want.
Be Good,
Scot
DATING, INC.--THIS IS AT THE TOP OF THE 'NEWS' LIST THIS WEEK FOR
GOOD REASON: Emily and I were invited this week to be part of a
very special launch for a great new book. All you have to do is
visit http://www.datingincbonus.com (www.datingincbonus.com) by
midnight tonight for all the details. Believe it or not, the
bonuses ALONE they are giving out with this otherwise
normally-priced book (Just $11.66? Are you kidding me?) are worth
$1,109. No, that's not a typo. And yes, that's in US dollars.
The book is called Dating, Inc., and it teaches you how to apply
the business skills you already know, or could easily learn, to
find and keep a great partner. Dating, Inc. is written by my
friends Carol and Jeff Cohen. She's a Fortune 500 business
executive, he's a dating expert.
Jeff and Carol refer to their book as a "clear game plan to find
your mate", saying "you no longer have to depend on fate to find
your mate." That all sounds good to Emily and I. The book is
written specifically for you ladies out there, but I'm thinking
it's also a great gift idea for us guys to buy for someone we know.
Hey...I've looked at the list and ALL THOSE BONUSES aren't
necessarily "gender specific", so I'm thinking they might be
useful!
Go to http://www.datingincbonus.com (www.datingincbonus.com) to
find out more about the book, see that killer list of bonuses (one
of which is Get What You Deserve from us, of course), and then
GETCHASUM. This is one of the most creative, one-of-a-kind deals
I've seen in a LONG time. Bonuses worth $1,109? Unreal.
Jeff told me that this offer really is only good for one day--for
real. So definitely check it out now before it slips your mind.
EMILY'S "KEYS TO BLISS" NEWSLETTER: We announced it last week, and
it's worth repeating: Emily now is doing a newsletter for the
ladies. Sign up for that by sending email to emily@aweber.com. No
subject or text is necessary. Joining that will not affect your
membership to this newsletter.
UPDATED PAGES AND NEW BONUSES: I'm always at work these days
looking for ways to make everything we do around here even better.
BOTH Power Sessions programs and the book Deserve What You Want
now have ADDITIONAL BONUSES. And they are REAL GOOD ONES--each of
which could stand alone as a separate product. In fact, the web
pages for every book and program all have updated information.
Truly, every book and program is now actually a FULL PACKAGE of
goodies...every single one of them. You can explore all the new
action directly from http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com
(www.deservewhatyouwant.com).
PODCAST UPDATE: The notorious Nick Shane himself
(http://www.playboyskool.com) is our guest on The Chick Whisperer
(http://feeds.feedburner.com/thechickwhisperer) show to be recorded
tomorrow. The subject is "What Exactly Does 'Player' MEAN?" I'm
anticipating a true barnburner, as is typically the case with
friends of ours sit in. As for XYotF, "You've Attracted A Great
One...Now What?" will go to "press" later in the week and feature an
unbelievably intuitive conversation with none other than lady-guru
extraordinaire Marie Forleo
(http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/marie). Guys know her from the
DYD Interview Series (hers is the double interview every guy gets
as a bonus upon signup) and women SHOULD know her. Get in on that
at http://feeds.feedburner.com/xyonthefly. Finally, "Online
Dating Profile Rating" (http://feeds.feedburner.com/onlinedating)
will feature profiles submitted by listeners for at least the next
two episodes--and I'm proud to say that includes one from a woman,
finally. Remember to drop us a voicemail at 210-362-4400? We've
got PRIZES for callers. Also, all of the podcasts are available
via CELL PHONE. The numbers to call are right on the title of the
feed (and below).
FINALLY, A SHOUT OUT TO OUR GUYS IN IRAQ: A salute to the HHC
Company, 1st of the 133rd Infantry, Army National Guard out of
Waterloo, IA. They're fans of The Chick Whisperer podcast and of
this newsletter. Thanks guys for your service to the United States
Of America, and we look forward to welcoming you home soon from
Iraq safe and sound.
PODCAST PHONE NUMBERS TO LISTEN IN ON:
X & Y On The Fly
289-466-5002
Feed: http://feeds.feedburner.com/xyonthefly
The Chick Whisperer
415-376-7267
Feed: http://feeds.feedburner.com/thechickwhisperer
Online Dating Profile Rating
305-890-1549
Feed: http://feeds.feedburner.com/onlinedating
Nice Guys Need Love Too--Comedy Cast
305-890-1558
Feed: http://feeds.feedburner.com/niceguys
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