[X&Y] Gold Digging 101
Published: Wed, 06/20/07
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DATING COACHING WITH A DESTINATION: Based on listening to many of
your thoughts, the concept of deserving what you want vis-à-vis a
world of "snake-oil" and "quick fixes" is one that you would like
to see translated into one-on-one coaching. Instead of an hour or
two of consultation you would like to see a directed program with a
stated mission and an end goal in mind. Having piloted this
program with a few of you already, the results thus far have proven
the concept to be stunningly effective. So, today--right here--I'm
announcing the Ten-Plus Accelerated Coaching Program. The name is
derived from the concept of "ten sessions PLUS a comprehensive
planning session", but if YOU become a "10+" in the process, I can
accept that also. The planning session allows absolute granular
accuracy in handcrafting your personal program to your exact
desires and highest standards, which I will collaborate closely
with you on. Clearly, this is a concept that is specifically
geared for you who are truly feeling that life is too short to
settle for mediocrity any longer in your dating life.
By now you know that our approach is character-based and all about
quality vs. quantity. While the Ten-Plus program is not
inexpensive, it's not cheap either. If you know what I mean by
that, Ten-Plus will prove dramatically more cost-effective for you
than some of the seduction-oriented "bootcamps" offered elsewhere.
If this is for you, by now you know who you are. Find out more
at: http://www.xandycommunications.net/main/coach.htm
(www.xandycommuncations.net/main/coach.htm).
And now for today's "gold-plated" topic...
GOLD DIGGING 101
All too often you overhear in conversation that someone--typically a
woman--has been accused of being a "gold digger". Universally, the
term carries a negative connotation, and is understood to mean that
she who is the subject of such discussion is "in it for the money".
So why is this concept met with such invective from guys
everywhere? That's a great question, and I'm glad you asked.
I think the hard feelings can be summarized in two basic elements:
1) Women who are just looking for $$$ out of a relationship are
considered shallow. Does she not even care about the guy at all?
2) Women who are after a megabucks lifestyle courtesy of some guy
are quite simply expressing an expectation that most "mere mortal"
men can't satisfy.
The net-net of it all is that men feel frustration and resentment
towards women who portray this persona, hence the disdainful
moniker of "gold digger" is pronounced upon them.
So lets talk about this. First, what can we learn from this
phenomenon?
Well, you know me. We're all about "chick whispering" around here.
If men and women BOTH can understand and relate to what kind of
emotions are generated here, we can all benefit from the
discussion. So let me go ahead and throw it out on the table.
Guys: You know that empty, almost disgusted feeling you get in the
pit of your stomach when you suspect that the woman you are seeing
is only going out with you because you take her to fancy
restaurants and buy her expensive gifts? Yeah, well...that's EXACTLY
how a woman feels when she suspects a guy is only interested in her
as a sexual conquest.
Did that hit you like a ton of bricks? Maybe so.
But just for the sake of clarification, let's level the playing
field. Ladies: If you are prioritizing material gain in your
dating life, you are NO DIFFERENT than the man who is singularly
sex-focused.
Think about it. Whether you are a man or a woman, if you are bent
on selfish intent you are giving the people you date negative
vibes. Typing that last statement, it seemed so obvious a concept
to me. Yet, people everywhere have been known to habitually
operate as such. Why? Because it works...sometimes. Or it least it
would appear that way. The tragedy of it all is that whether you
are a man or a woman, selfish manipulation really only succeeds in
keeping around DESPERATE people who feel devoid of other options.
What do you know? Once again, people get what they deserve.
The questions then are twofold: If you are acting selfishly, are
you really fulfilled by keeping someone desperate around who is
merely capitulating to you? Or, if you are getting "used" by MOTOS
(Members Of The Opposite Sex) on a regular basis, how long are you
going to tolerate that, thinking that it's simply 'your lot in
life' or something to do so?
How about deserving what you want instead? To do that, you have
got to show genuine concern and respect for others...especially
people you are dating. The opposite of "shallowness" is "depth",
and "depth"--by definition--can support a greater volume. Your
dating life will indeed hold more if you begin to add depth to your
relationships.
But let's not end the conversation so quickly. Is it categorically
wrong for a woman to want a man who can provide financially? For
that matter, is it wrong for a man to desire sexual fulfillment?
It may or may not surprise you that there are plenty of guys out
there with fat bank accounts who are PERFECTLY OKAY with the fact
that a woman would be attracted to him, at least in part,
specifically because he can provide financially. And given that
women tend to have an archetypal disposition towards favoring men
who are "providers", this is not surprising. Given that such men
have no guilt or shame tied to being unable to offer such
"provision", it's all good...as long as the woman brings her portion
to the relationship. If she doesn't have an "entitlement"
mentality and is happy to genuinely give her part to the
relationship, then many men are in fact PROUD to pay a woman's way.
Ultimately, we ALL like to live the "good life" complete with lots
of financial and sexual success, so simply having such desires
isn't bad at all. The caveat here, of course, is that if a man of
means remains himself so shallow that he is only about leveraging
his wallet for sex (indirectly, we hope), then he shouldn't kvetch
about "gold diggers".
For more on this, including (among other things) what you can
expect if you actually enter into a "gold digging" marriage, be
sure to get in on the June Power Sessions For Men program at
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/powersessions/men.
Be Good,
Scot
FINALLY....A TELESEMINAR SERIES: Mark your calendar for Monday, 9
July @ 9p EDT (6p PDT). Carlos Xuma
(http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/carlos) has invited me to team
up with him on a LIVE teleseminar series. This will be the very
first time we've offered anything like this, of course. The first
introductory seminar will be FREE, on which we'll announce what the
series will officially entail. All I can say now is that YOUR
VOICE has been heard. Carlos and I both get lots of e-mails asking
what to say to the opposite sex and when to say it. Truly, once
this teleseminar series is finished you will NEVER AGAIN be at a
loss for how to communicate effectively with someone who interests
you. THERE ARE ONLY 200 SPOTS available, and Carlos' list is
hearing about this also. To get in on that go to
http://instantteleseminar.com/?eventid=303375 RIGHT NOW to reserve
your space. The cool thing about the teleseminar format is that it
is LIVE and INTERACTIVE, so there will be time for real Q & A.
EMILY'S "KEYS TO BLISS" NEWSLETTER: Emily now is doing a
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one shortly. Sign up for that by sending email to
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UPDATED PAGES AND NEW BONUSES: BOTH Power Sessions programs and
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of them. You can explore all the new action directly from
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PODCAST UPDATE: The new X & Y On The Fly entitled "You've
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topic generated some truly interesting conversation on the part of
everyone involved. "Online Dating Profile Rating"
(http://feeds.feedburner.com/onlinedating) Show 14 is also out, and
15 and 16 have already been recorded to be released in the next
couple of weeks...they'll knock you out. Remember to drop us a
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