[X&Y] Insecure Guy + Desperate Woman = Successful Date?
Published: Mon, 05/21/07
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INSECURE GUY + DESPERATE WOMAN = SUCCESSFUL DATE?
(or, "Once Upon A Time In Buenos Aires")
Emily and I are back home after an unbelievable vacation in South
America. We had a blast...you gotta love frequent flier miles. Our
first stop was Buenos Aires, Argentina where the only thing better
than a great steak is the great people. Rich culture, lots of fun
to be had and the amazing sight to a "northerner" of leaves changing
and falling in May.
It was with this euphoric (and hungry) state of mind that Emily and
I found ourselves (for the second night in a row) at Cumana, an
unbelievable (and sadly website-less) restaurant in the Recoleta
district. As we were recounting the day's adventures over Quilmes
and locro, another couple sat down at the table directly beside us
at the busy eatery.
The couple began bantering away in the typically Italian-sounding
Espanol that is ubiquitous down there, and it was soon obvious that
this was a first date. Both sharp looking and well dressed, they
seemed to be sharing a mutual attraction along with their empanadas
and malbec. Then, something happened. Her mobile phone went off.
She had received a text message, which she proceeded to read...and
answer.
He asked, "Who was that?"
"Nobody", she answered.
Despite the fact that it was against what we would recommend around
here for her to have messed with the cell phone during a first
date, we also would have liked to have seen the guy in this
scenario man-up with some confidence and LET IT GO.
No such luck.
Instead, he continued to insist on finding out who was sending the
text messages. "Nobody...really", she maintained. According to
Murphy's Law, it was right then that she received the reply to her
response. Growing impatient in a fit of immature jealousy, the guy
reached across the table, physically grabbed the phone out of his
date's hand and started reading the text messages. Slack jawed,
the woman watched silently as his eyebrows began to furrow. Sure
enough, "another guy" had messaged her.
The guy then tossed the phone onto the table, crossed his arms,
looked sideways and literally began to pout. Not a word was
spoken.
Nonplussed, after about half a minute the woman started to beg him
for an end to the deafening silence...to no avail. Her emotionally
overwrought date was too wadded up with insecurity to be of use in
that department.
For clarity's sake, Emily and I really didn't intend to be
interlopers in this whole brouhaha. In fact, at this point we
would have rather been spared the pain. But it's just that this
otherwise amazing restaurant places its tables literally six inches
from each other. So, like it or not, we were along for the ride.
And indeed, things were appalling enough already. But it's what
unfolded next that almost cajoled my dinner to the surface.
Fortunately, the food in Argentina is way too good to give back so
that didn't happen.
The guy began to nervously, and predictably, blurt out that she
should "just leave and go out with the other guy", etc. As
unattractive a display as this was, one (e.g. one named "Emily")
would have thought that the woman would take him up on that offer
and split.
Again...no such good fortune.
Instead, she tried to reason with the man-boy across the table that
Mr. Text Message was "nothing to her", "only a friend", etc. But
her date continued his passive-aggressive display.
Next, as a gasp was heard from the crowd, the woman--at wit's
end--announced, "Look, I'll pay for dinner. Here's fifty pesos!"
Still staring at the wall, her date shrugged.
Finally, and unthinkably, the woman pushed all of her chips to the
center of the table. "Hey...I'm sorry--REALLY, REALLY sorry. Let's
pay the bill and I'll go home with you and prove it to you!"
And yes...they left together, her still pleading and him still pouting.
Emily usual appetite for dessert was thoroughly lost. Remember,
she's pregnant and doesn't get to drink away this kind of painful
experience like the rest of us could have.
She looked at me and managed to utter a simple, "How?" Of course,
she was viewing things from the female perspective. In her eyes,
the woman had surrendered every shred of self-esteem potentially
available to her.
Indeed. But I was moreover fascinated by the ridiculous fact
that: THIS GUY ACTED LIKE A TOTAL NEEDY WIMP. YET SHE PAID THE
BILL--AND HAD SEX WITH HIM ON THE FIRST DATE.
Wait a minute, isn't that THE GOAL of dating according to lots of
"dating gurus" out there? So in a way, can it be possible that
this guy SUCCEEDED on this date?
If getting her to "pay and lay" is the end game, then there's no
denying it. Dude "won".
But if you are like me, you know he somehow still LOST. After all,
I haven't heard his approach advocated...um...anywhere, really. Can
you put your finger on why this is?
In my estimation, both the guy and the gal in this true story got
what they DESERVE. A woman desperate to be with any man who will
approve of her will end up with a man who falls far short of the
masculine ideal. And a man who somehow keeps a woman around by
manipulation through weakness will never, ever achieve greatness
with a truly great woman. They won't stick around for it.
So the question remains. Sure, they both got what they deserved,
but are they DESERVING WHAT THEY WANT? One dinner and one night of
"passion" based solely on bargaining is likely, at best, a Pyrrhic
victory. He'll still be jealous while simultaneously having zero
respect for her. And she'll find her bargain didn't work, and
she'll be left emotionally empty...quickly bored if not outright
disgusted with both him and with her own self. And who wants that?
My challenge to you this week is a simple one: Is your definition
of "dating success" big enough? It should be able to contain your
wildest hopes and dreams, not just a "quick fix". And, rest
assured, that's what we're all about around here.
Meanwhile, back at the restaurant, Emily and I resumed our own date
with newfound peace. She ordered the most amazing Flan I've ever
experienced. We joked, fed each other dessert and enjoyed each
other's company over candlelight. When finished, she paid the bill
(from our joint account) and we went back to our room
together...holding hands. While the irony is implicit, I'm thinking
the rest of our evening was very different from that experienced by
the other couple.
Be Good,
Scot
MORE COOL STUFF FROM EMILY: I'm proud to say that Emily is indeed
going to be doing more material in addition to the two podcasts and
her Power Sessions program. The opening salvo will be a MONUMENTAL
roundtable discussion with two of the major names in the field of
women's dating advice scheduled to take place tomorrow night.
More on that next week when the finished product is unveiled.
Meanwhile, we've added YET ANOTHER special bonus to the Power
Sessions For Women program. That's thanks to our new friend Mimi
Tanner (who is definitely also world-famous for what she does). A
special promo-edition of Mimi's book "Calling Men" is yours for the
taking when you get in on Emily's Power Sessions program. For more
info on Mimi, check out our special link:
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/callingmen
(www.deservewhatyouwant.com/callingmen).
MYSPACE PICS: We added some pics from our vacation to MySpace.
http://www.myspace.com/x_and_y (www.myspace.com/x_and_y). Stop by,
make a friend and say "hello".
PODCAST UPDATE: Having been away for a week and a half and then
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Fly" this week also called "The War Of The Roses". Look forward to
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POWER SESSIONS: The May Power Sessions are BOTH on the "Hidden
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NICK SHANE: My new friend Nick Shane from
http://www.PlayboySkool.com (www.playboyskool.com) interviewed me
this past Thursday for his "Playboy Skool University". We recorded
over two hours of fresh material for release in the very near future
to guys on his program. Despite the decidedly Hefner-esque site
URL, Nick is all about presenting a wide variety of ideas when it
comes to getting better with the opposite sex. Most of you who know
me by now can guess (correctly) that I was more than happy to add
some very real "variety" to the mix. Check out his site, join his
newsletter (which if you are a fan of David D. and/or hilarious
reads you'll love) and tell him I said "hello".
I'M ON ROBERT MARTIN'S "LOOK GREAT NAKED AT ANY AGE" PROGRAM: ...and
it's already WORKING. Relax, I won't be posting any pictures as
proof, but I will be monitoring my progress every week. That Emily
chick can basically inhale food without effect (especially these
days) so you can imagine what has happened on my side lately (and
the recent MySpace pics basically show it). So far, after week one
I have lost FIVE POUNDS and one belt-notch already. Crazy, but
true. Stay tuned. Robert's killer program designed specifically
to help you look your best for the opposite sex can be found at our
special promo site: http://www.thechickwhisperer.com/martin
(www.thechickwhisperer.com/martin).
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