[X&Y] Reader Questions And Comments
Published: Sat, 09/15/07
http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/ (www.deservewhatyouwant.com)
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IN THIS EDITION: When seduction advice backfires ... When NOT to
date ... Is the CHEATER still in CONTROL? ... Sleepless nights
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VIRTUOSITY PRE-RELEASE SPECIAL: Since the last newsletter I have
added three new specialized audio programs to my upcoming advanced
series and have expanded the guest list of world-class co-hosts
even further. I am not finished yet--two other "heavy hitters"
have accepted invitations within the last 24 hours. Discover exactly
what we're talking about here and get in on the pre-release special
offer at: http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com/virtuosity
And now, on to your questions...
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READER QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS
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SOME TRICKS FROM A GUY OUT IN CALIFORNIA
Hey Scot,
Unfortunately it's not going very well. Lost is the best word to
describe me at the moment. I understand what you and Emily have
and would give anything I have to be as happy as you both are. I
have emailed you before and I am a member of the Power Sessions,
which are great by the way.
At the turn of the new year I lost an excellent women, (I believe
that she was even my perfect match) by using some tactics from the
pickup artist community. It didn't work because it wasn't me and
she wanted me, not some tricks from a guy out in California. I
have dated many women since then but I feel like I would be
settling with them. Then I manage to somehow sabotage the
situation and feel like crap. I hate feeling like this so I'm not
even dating anymore. I absolutely hate giving up, but I don't know
how much more failure I can take. I am a fairly stand up guy and
have many of the qualities you speak of, but this has been a bad
year and I'm not having much luck. My optimism is running on E.
Is there anything I can do to turn this sinking ship around?
Thanks,
Steve
Hello Steve:
I'm getting letters similar to yours very often nowadays, and part
of the reason I'm printing it here is that I'm sure it will
resonate with A LOT of men out there.
Believe me, I'm very aware that we as guys have very few viable
options when it comes to getting better with women and I'm
laser-focused on helping change that, of course.
The truth is that some guys aren't necessarily interested in
becoming a "world class pickup artist". They'd really just like to
get better at attracting great women, but the vast majority of
dating/attraction material out there tends to assume men are all
interested in quantity vs. quality (for lack of a less euphemistic
description). So the simple truth is that when a man decides he
wants to step up and improve his skills, it's altogether possible
that his congruency and perceived level of character will actually
take a hit when he puts the new info into practice. Ironically,
this means his level of success with women will actually drop like
a rock.
Sure, most of the advice out there will work to some degree. But
the disconnect likely occurred in your case because you are indeed
interested in GREAT WOMEN, not just ANY WOMEN. Ironically, men
who are focused on tricks and routines are not the ones who are
attracting the highest echelon of women, as you've already figured
out.
The very sharpest women are wise to all of that and deserve better.
They deserve a man of character.
You've already recognized you are a stand-up guy (read: "solid
character"). You also know what it means to attract a terrific
woman, having done so. Be that man of high character and deserve
what you want. Part of being that guy is refusing to accept
failure. So in a very real way, a simple decision on your part to
not "give up" may be a big part of what it takes to resume being
the kind of man who attracts the kind of woman you are used to.
Then you empower yourself to confidently continue becoming an even
better man than ever.
Oh...and yes...stick around. We're all about "raising the bar" around
here. You'll love the Power Session that hit your e-mail box earlier
today. It's all about character-based relationship management--
a crucial skillset.
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TOO YOUNG, SEPARATED, MOVING, OR *NOT* MOVING
Hello,
I have a question. Is there any time when someone honestly should
not date? If so, how do they know when to finally start dating?
Monique
PS- I love your show. Thanks for pointing out some obvious stuff
to men. :)
Monique:
That's one of those questions that requires me to go through ALL
the file cards to make sure I don't miss anything.
No wait...I can only think of three:
1) You are young enough that your parents still have
authority in your life and prohibit it.
2) You are "separated" and still pending divorce.
3) You are dead.
Notice that "married" is conspicuous by it's absence. Emily and I
go on dates all the time.
On second thought, there's arguably a fourth:
4) You are about to permanently move far, far away within a
short amount of time.
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WHAT...CAUTIOUS? HIM? REALLY?
Dear Scot,
Thank you so much for all the emails I receive from you guys.
I have one problem Scot, the thing is I am stuck. I have known this
one guy in my area for about six months or so, he is a good guy and
has good looks and has a good job as a metallurgist, once in a
while we chat but that's just it. I know he likes me because he
really pays attention to me and calls me at least twice a week. The
problem is that last year a week before his wedding he found his
fiancée to be in bed with his best friend. That really upset him
and their wedding was called off. Sometimes he can be so aloof but
how do I get really close to him because he seems very cautious at
times?
Rita
Hello Rita:
Ah yes... another example of the type of emails like that have been
showing up in our inbox more often than ever lately.
I call 'em the "How We'd Love To Have A Word With The Other One Of
You" type of emails.
Clearly your friend has had a traumatic experience. One that
continues to torture him to the core, as evidenced by how he
appears to be projecting a deep level of inherent mistrust on every
woman he meets nowadays.
That, of course, is unfair. After all, his (former) best friend
(who is male, I assume?) was involved in the infraction also. Yet
I'm sure he still trusts himself--a fellow male.
Yes. I'd love to have a word with your friend. Share some life
experiences. Explain that there are some amazing and perfectly
trustworthy women out there (of which you may very well be one).
Maybe tell him that he'll continue to attract and settle for
untrustworthy women into his life as long as that is who he expects
to show up. Exhort him that life is way too short to let this
former-fiancée CONTROL him to the degree she still is. That last
one would be a wake-up call, wouldn't it? Boy howdy.
Or, on the other hand, maybe I'd just slap his wrist and get him to
stop leading on a nice woman like you with a bunch of lines
designed to hold you at bay until he finds someone he likes more.
I guess I'd have to make the judgment call on which direction to go
sometime into our little talk.
But the truth is I didn't get the email from him. I got it from
you.
So my answer for you is much less complicated and even more
pragmatic: You aren't going to change him. You deserve a man who
is emotionally available, which this one isn't. Now go deserve
what you want--and remember part of deserving is recognizing who
you deserve.
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ATTACK OF (OR ADVICE OF?) THE CLONES
Scot:
My friend told me about your site. I read it, started listening to
The Chick Whisperer and some of the other audio lessons too. I
like what you have to say. I have to wonder though, how you are
able to answer e-mails, be available for phone calls, and come up
with audio interviews including Virtuosity? Are you sure it's only
you (and Emily)? Are there 3 Scot McKays?
Frank
Hello Frank:
Nope, there really is only one of me. Having seen Multiplicity
with Michael Keaton a few years back I decided cloning is out of
the question.
Here's the simple truth. It's generally accepted that waking up
every morning excited about one's work is as good as it gets.
Well, I woke up YESTERDAY morning excited about my job...and I
haven't gone to bed yet.
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Be Good,
Scot
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STOP YOUR BREAKUP NOW: I am now formally offering direct coaching
designed to help you stop impending breakups from happening. A
brief five minute call establishes feasibility, after which the
session will be scheduled ASAP. If you are feeling as if you are
about to lose your significant other, get in touch with me. For
more info or to order check out http://www.dating-coaches.com.
ARE YOU LIVING IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY AND NOT EXPERIENCING THE DATING
SUCCESS YOU WANT?: A specialized three-session program has also
now been launched for you. That's also at
http://www.dating-coaches.com. Schedule at your convenience
regardless of time zone. Results are guaranteed.
POWER SESSIONS: They are ALL NEW as of this morning. Mine is on
relationship management, and Emily's is on sensuality. Tell you what,
get your first month free with any order (including Virtuosity) and
I'll leave the link to the August edition in the welcome email for the
next 24 hours...that's 2 for 1. http://www.deservewhatyouwant.com
X & Y ON THE FLY #32 IS ON THE LOOSE: Sean Stephenson of
www.timetostand.com is the guest, and http://www.x-net-media.com
is the place. If you have iTunes get it there in the
"health/self-help" section. This is a good one: "An Unsettling
Conversation About Settling". Emily thinks it's the best episode
of XYotF ever.
THE CHICK WHISPERER: Yes, a new episode is finally coming. I
assure you I'll make it a good one. Look for it later this week.
PAPERBACK VERSIONS OF THE BOOKS: Did you know you can get Deserve
What You Want, Cook For Your Date and How To Manage Your Wildly
Successful Dating Life in paperback? Most people don't, as it
turns out. It's all at http://www.lulu.com/xandy. Getchasum.
BTW, CFYD is coil bound for obvious reasons. Nice.
DATINGCAST: The one-minute shows are proving popular...#17 on
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PODCAST PHONE NUMBERS TO LISTEN IN ON:
X & Y On The Fly
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Feed: http://feeds.feedburner.com/xyonthefly
The Chick Whisperer
415-376-7267
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Online Dating Profile Rating
305-890-1549
Feed: http://feeds.feedburner.com/onlinedating
Nice Guys Need Love Too--Comedy Cast
305-890-1558
Feed: http://feeds.feedburner.com/niceguys
*NEW* DatingCast
360-227-5762
Feed: http://feeds.feedburner.com/datingcast
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