[X&Y] Why I Don't Teach "Sexual Escalation"
Published: Sat, 02/22/14
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IN THIS EDITION: As you probably already know, I don't teach
"sexual escalation". The term itself makes my skin crawl. Well,I've finally put my finger on exactly why that is...and you're going
to make sure you're sitting down for this one.
I'd recommend taking a deep breath before proceeding, because this
one newsletter may be a total game-changer for you, literally.
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What follows is going to cause some of you to stand up and cheer.
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Fasten your seat belts...
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WHY I DON'T TEACH "SEXUAL ESCALATION"
General George S. Patton once said, "If everybody's thinking the
same thing, then nobody's thinking."
For years I've felt that quote applied particularly well to the
whole idea of "kino escalation"...or "sexual escalation" at all,
really, since the vast majority of the time the terms seem to be
used interchangeably.
Just about every guy teaching men how to get better with women
teaches this concept as a fundamental principle for getting
physical with women.
I tend to stand out like a "voice crying out in the wilderness" as
one of the few who refuses to jump on the bandwagon.
Just recently it finally hit me why.
I should probably serve notice at this point that you might want to
sit down for this. I'm about to boldly go where no dating coach
has gone before.
And after reading what I'm about to say, you might very well
believe I shouldn't have. But after some consideration I think
this needs to be thrown out on the table.
Here goes...
"Escalation" is the primary strategy that's almost universally
followed by sexual predators. And therefore, it creeps me out.
There. I said it. And yes, you can take "sexual predators" to
mean exactly what you suspect it means.
At this point, I invite you to hear me out before "tree hugging" a
concept you might have always accepted as conventional wisdom,
and therefore instinctively springing into action to defend it.First of all, know this. It is (and always will be) a perfectly
good idea to demonstrate masculine, sexual attraction toward
feminine sexy women...in the proper context, of course.
And YES. I do believe that women really enjoy the whole process of
gradually building sexual tension when there's mutual attraction.
So if that's how you define "escalation", then so be it. You and I
are on the same page.
The problem is, however, that the kind of "escalation" that's
taught out there tends to come from a different place. Therefore
in my mind, the term itself has been irrevocably tainted. It's aimed squarely toward guys who haven't been having much luck
with women lately and who, frankly, lack the confidence to believe
a woman will respond positively to his masculine presence...at least
not without a little, say, "psychological encouragement".
Practically speaking, let's consider the exact pattern of
"escalation" we're talking about here...which also happens to be the
kind that's favored by sexual predators:
1) It all begins with a mindset based on the self-perceived
premise that their sexual advances will most likely NOT be welcomed.
2) The strategy is all about achieving personal sexual
satisfaction. The wants and needs of the other person involved
(i.e. the "target") are irrelevant.
3) There's a baseline recognition that they just can't jump right
into having sex with the person they're focused on right away.
4) In order to get away with what they want to do, they've got to
build "compliance"...slowly, if almost imperceptibly over time
So let's break it down.
The sexual predator knows that there's really no chance that his or
her victim is naturally thinking about him or her in a sexual manner.
Despite that painful realization, the predator is dead set on
having his or her way.
But lest the person he or she has an eye on cry "rape", they're
going to have to move slowly and deliberately..."boiling the frog",as the often used analogy goes.
So the predator "opens" by putting his or her arm around the other
person as a comforting gesture. He or she touches him or her
lightly on the arm...again, as a comfort.
Assuming all goes according to plan there, the "hair tousle" comes
next.
After that, there's a hand on the thigh. This feels a bit weird to
the other person, but since the would-be predator has been
"friendly" thus far, it's tolerated.
Bingo...the "compliance" ball is rolling.
Does this sound creepy to you? It should.
But unfortunately, it also probably sounds familiar if you've ever
read elsewhere about "kino escalation".
So...now that I've cajoled everyone's lunch to the surface, I guess
only two real questions remain.
First, "OK McKay, you can't be telling us to back off from women
completely here. So then, smart guy, what's the RIGHT way to lead
a woman into a sexual relationship?"
That's a fair question. And rest assured, gentlemen, there's good
news here.
Women can be sexually attracted to you NATURALLY...without
manipulation and most certainly without any creepy "escalation"
strategies.
If you show up as a "big four" man who knows how to ignite
femininity with masculinity as women define it (courage, ambition,
calm under pressure, inner strength, etc.) then you will TURN HER
ON automagically.
Lay off the "compliance" tactics and start basking in the female
glow of WILLINGNESS instead. It feels like warm sunshine on a
breezy day in Los Cabos...I promise.
Enjoy her femininity without pressuring her sexually in ANY way,
shape or form and watch her become genuinely comfortable in your
presence.
Stop focusing on sex and start focusing on women instead. Try it,
you'll like it.
She'll feel safe because she IS safe. And as you give her the
opportunity to shower you with feminine gifts, you'll soon find
that YES...she's sexually attracted to you. She gets HORNY for
you...and she WANTS it that way.
This is the "dance" as it's meant to be. No "pushing", no
"tactics", no "manipulation".
And OH YES...it leads to sex, rest assured. Importantly, it LEADS
there because YOU led her there. That's very, very different than
attempting to PUSH her there. See that?
So what about the second question? That would be, "It all seems to
crystal clear now. Where did we get off track here?"
Above all, I want you to know that if you've bought into the
"sexual escalation" meme a bit here and there it doesn't mean I
think you're some kind of perv, dude. It's all good. The analogy
I've shared with you today is mostly meant to serve as a friggin'
wake-up call.
My intention here is for you to STOP doing what is only going to
bring you pain and START pointing you in the direction of actual,
real success with high quality women (as always).
Honestly? I really do think that "sexual escalation" tactics tend
to appeal to guys who have been brainwashed into believing women
somehow need to be TRICKED in order to feel anything sexual toward
them.
Plus, there's a little bit of impatience there. I can fully get
how "immediate gratification" can sound really good if you've been
enduring a long "dry spell".
But aside from what's being taught, there's what really WORKS.
That's always, ALWAYS going to be the "big four": confidence,
masculinity as women define it, making a woman feel safe and
comfortable in your presence and--of course--character.
And you have my personal word that I'm always going to talk to you
about what WORKS rather than simply what's widely assumed by the
masses. My mission is most certainly very different than General
Patton's was, but I'm still going to make sure I'm thinking.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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