[X&Y] Exactly WHY Teasing And Banter Work So Amazingly Well
Published: Mon, 02/17/14
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IN THIS EDITION: Teasing and bantering with women flat-out works.
You know that already. But do you know WHY? =====
"IF YOU CAN MAKE A WOMAN LAUGH, YOU CAN MAKE HER DO ANYTHING" -- Marilyn Monroe
We've all heard that women are attracted to funny guys.
But have you ever noticed that it's not necessarily the funniest
guys with the hottest women?
Meanwhile, there are some legitimately HILARIOUS dudes who are
dateless, right? I'm thinking of some GREAT stand-up guys who
pretty much come off as pathetic rather than attractive even in the
very least...
Well, Zach Browman over at Social Fluency (who I've known for about
two years not) has a pretty sweet presentation on the difference
between "attractive" humor and "unattractive" humor:
There really is something to this. I've never seen anybody break
down exactly how to make women laugh the RIGHT way quite so well.
Go ahead and watch it as soon as you can. He put this back online
as a special favor to me and it won't be available for very long.
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EXACTLY WHY TEASING AND BANTER WORK SO AMAZINGLY WELL
Every red-blooded dating coach would agree that the vast majority
of women LOVE it when guys tease them and engage them in witty,
playful conversation.
You're taught to do it. You're even taught HOW to do it.
But I've never really seen a solid explanation of WHY it works.
I have this sneaking suspicion that knowing the underlying "reason
why" is a much larger part of helping us to actually learn a skill
than most of us think.
For example, unless you know what a clutch actually DOES, it's A
LOT harder to learn to drive a car with a stick shift.
Could I have just uncovered the reason why so many guys struggle
with getting the whole "teasing and banter" ball rolling with
women? Maybe so.
So on with it.
You know how I always harp on making a woman feel safe and
comfortable in your presence?
Well here it is: That's got EVERYTHING to do with why teasing
women and playfully bantering with them is so magical.
Now obviously, when you "bring out the playful" in her you're
making her feel more like a woman. That leadership on your part
makes her hot for you because she recognizes your leadership in
seeking out her feminine nature.
On one level, that makes her more confident that you're a REAL man.
That alone gives her a measure of safety.
But here's the deeper part that most guys miss.
When you tease a woman and/or are willing to say random, offhand or
even preposterous things to her that shows her--very clearly, mind
you--that you have NO FEAR of her.
Believe me, most women are 100% aware that if a man is reduced to a
sniveling wad of nerves when even faced with talking to HER, then
there's just NO WAY he's going to be fit to be that protector
(and by proxy, a provider) anytime the stakes are any higher than
that.In a woman's mind, that would be...um...just about ANY time. After
all, every single woman I've ever informed of the concept of
"approach anxiety" has responded with utter surprise. "What? I'm
just a girl!"
Indeed. Men shouldn't be afraid of women.
Being "Mr. Nice Guy", keeping conversation neuter and playing it
safe have "fear of loss" scribbled all over them. Women can sense
the cowardice in an instant.And obviously, if you wimp out from even talking to her, it's all
over before it has even started.
But when you boldly tease her and make light conversation with her,
you actively demonstrate you don't FEAR her in any way.
You don't fear offending her by merely being interested. You're not worried
about bothering her. You're not concerned about saying the "wrong thing".
Perhaps most importantly, you're not deathly afraid of LOSING her
before you've even ATTRACTED her.
When it comes to teasing women and bantering with them, remember
always to portray yourself as a decent human being. We're not
talking about insulting women here or coming off as a physical
threat in any way.
But above and beyond that, it's not so much the words you use that
create attraction, so don't sweat the details. It's that lack of
fear that shows you have real potential to be a protector. Be Good,
Scot McKay
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