[X&Y] Are You Lazy When It Comes To Women?
Published: Sat, 03/01/14
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IN THIS EDITION: If you're lazy when it comes to going after what
you want, you'll pay the price. Sometimes the most costly effectsaren't what you'd guess they'd be.
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ARE YOU LAZY WHEN IT COMES TO WOMEN?
No, I'm not about to talk to you about how women tend to nag guys
who lay around the house doing nothing. Everyone knows that already.
Instead, this is all about making sure YOU get the woman you want
rather than some other guy.
I've noticed a disturbing pattern that's unfortunately almost
universal. We as guys discover a woman who we find attractive, and
then we wait around instead of doing something about it on the spot.
You know, I'm sure the whole "fear of rejection" thing has
something to do with that, as does a "nice guy" fear of offending
women.
Similarly, I'm fully aware that particularly intelligent guys tend
to suffer from analysis paralysis.
When that sets in, it causes one to think through every angle of
every possible scenario completely--every word, every move, every
"what if"--before even simple action can take place.
But let me tell you, I think another very real arch enemy to your
success with women comes in the form of sheer, unfettered laziness.
We see a woman we like at school, in our social circle or even at
the supermarket and we tell ourselves we'll talk to her later.
We'll get around to it.
Perhaps we just don't feel like we're "in state", or whatever.
Hey, if you're just not in the mood to make a bold move in the
moment, that's your prerogative. And rest assured, I'm not about
to pressure you to be on point every minute of every day.
But that said, know this. If YOU'RE lazy about getting the woman
you want, some other guy WON'T be. You can bank on that.
In my own past I remember a certain little brunette with curly hair
and a bright smile who landed on campus at the beginning of the new
year of school. I knew instantly she was my type in just about
every single way.
The problem was, some other guy had already met her, created
attraction and full-on girlfriended her during freshman orientation
weekend...before school had even friggin' started.I remember thinking it was so completely unfair that this guy got a
head start on everyone else.
And what was SHE thinking? I mean, don't these freshman chicks
ever think about maybe waiting to see what the upperclassmen might
be like?
I guess not. But one thing was for darn skippy sure: Dude left
nothing to happenstance. He knew this little chick was dynamite
and he DID WORK...fast. "Procrastination" was obviously not in his
vocabulary.
So HE got the girl, and the rest of us got to watch from the
sidelines--and complain about it, just like truly lazy people tend
to do.
This went on until honkin' February. Over five months.
But I was observant. One day I noticed that the two of them were
no longer joined at the hip.
Let's just say I had filed away the lesson from the previous
September. The VERY NEXT time I saw this girl, which happened to
be in the main common area checking her mail, I took a deep breath
and introduced myself.
"Serial dater" such that she was, I easily made her MY girlfriend
and dated her (triumphantly, I might add) for the next eleven
months.
So far, so good right? But hang on...now comes the rough part.
You see, it was eleven months into the thing that we got into a
tiff over something on the phone. She shouted out, "I don't see
how we can have a relationship if you don't even care about my
feelings!"
I was tired, cranky, and I didn't feel like dealing with it. I
blurted out, "Guess not. I'm going to bed." And I hung up.
Sure, that was 20-year-old immaturity flaring up at its worst.
But more importantly, I'd gotten LAZY about the relationship. Not
only in that moment, but in general.
My knee-jerk reaction to the phone conversation only underscored
that I had begun to take my girlfriend for granted. And yes, she
freely interpreted my words as a full-on breakup.
As it turns out, women truly do NOT dig laziness. They don't
feel such a guy can be a protector or a provider in any way, shape
or form.
Well, here's how the story ends. I kid you not, the VERY NEXT day
some other guy swooped in and became her next boyfriend.
By the time I had cleared my head the following evening and called
her to "make nice", she very calmly and directly told me it was
too late.
Now, you can speculate about the extenuating circumstances all you
want. All I know is that she had never been a cheater in the past,
so I honestly believe the "new guy" was simply as patient--and
proactive--as I'd once learned to be.
And with that, I'd been trumped at my own strategy. Today--26 years
later--that guy and my ex-girlfriend are still happily married and
have a few kids together.
Hey, all's well that ends well. To be completely up front, I
wasn't anywhere near ready to be married at that point in my life
so the breakup was bound to happen. I certainly went on to meet
other women who "floated my boat" more buoyantly than she ever did,
including the one I'm married to.
But nevertheless, the lesson is crystal clear: Lead, follow or get
out of the way.
Those who are NOT lazy get the girl. And if they have the
wherewithal not to become a slacker later on, they KEEP the girl.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
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