[X&Y] What To Do When You're Not Sure About Her Just Yet: 4 Crucial Steps
Published: Tue, 03/04/14
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IN THIS EDITION: So you've been out with a woman a few times and
your personal "jury" is still out about her... How should you
proceed?
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If you're reading this, chances are you're a great guy with plenty
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That means you should be WITH the women you want.
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And now, here's one example of exactly the kind of wisdom that
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WHAT TO DO IF YOU'RE NOT SURE ABOUT HER YET: 4 CRUCIAL STEPS
The more I write about dating, seduction and women in general, the
more I realize how much there really is to talk about.
Some of you have asked how I come up with so many different topics,
and I have to tell you...it's just not that hard to do.
Every single time I'm on a live coaching call, at least one great
topic for a future newsletter just pops out of the blue.
Yet at the same time, it seems like the same worn-out topics get
re-hashed again and again elsewhere.
I understand that A LOT of guys actually like it that way, but
let's face it: If you want to truly master the art of succeeding
with women, you're going to have to dig way, way deeper than most
men ever do.
That, my friends and neighbors, is exactly how you make the fabled
"unfair advantage" a stone-cold reality in your life. You GO
BEYOND.
So today I'm going to add a piece to the puzzle that will bring you
ever closer to getting the "big picture".
It goes like this: One key skill you've got to learn is how to
conduct yourself when on a first meeting with a woman you're not
completely sure about just yet.
I know what you're already saying.
"Scot, man. If you're not sure, shouldn't that be an automatic
'no'? I mean, aren't you the guy who's always harping on 'not
settling'?
Not so fast.
You may be completely sold on how she looks and how she carries
herself. You know, all the things you make snap judgments about on
sight.
And while I know it's completely possible for women to increase in
apparent physical beauty (or the opposite) as you get to know them
personally, I will indeed vouch for the fact that your "100 out of
100" will very likely knock your socks off in the looks department
from the moment you first notice her.
But just because "instant attraction" is a reality doesn't mean
that "love at first sight" isn't still a dangerous myth.
Every single woman you meet had better pass some hard tests.
By now you know what those are. She's got to actually LIKE MEN.
She's got to LIKE HERSELF. And she's got to be a woman of strong
character.
She also has to enjoy being a woman--which ALL (yes, he said all)
intrinsically feminine women do.
So while you're sitting in front of her trying to decipher her
"code" and getting to know what's really going on in her head, here
are some things to keep in mind.
1) CONGRATULATE YOURSELF FOR NOT FALLING ALL OVER YOURSELF TRYING TO IMPRESS HER
That's right. By now the dangers of "pre-qualification" have been
drilled into your mind. You don't need me to do that again for you.
And if you are indeed no longer "clouded by beauty-vision" pat
yourself on the back.
Realize you are among a very small minority of men who can keep
their heads together when confronted (and I think that's the
correct word) with the prospect of meeting a woman who's more
physically attractive than most.
The crazy irony is that not only will this give you a clear head
about making sure the woman you're in front of is the "whole
package" instead of just a pretty face, your confidence and
masculinity as displayed by virtue of this factor alone is going to
make that pretty face smile.
That means she's more likely to want you, which brings up the
second step...
2) LEARN THE ART OF "CHARM THROTTLING"
I've written about this before in detail. Attractive women who
deal with a string of guys who are "pre-qualifier" types do it ALL
THE TIME.
And as the chooser rather than the chaser you're going to have to
do likewise.
The premise is simply this: The "shock and awe" of your "Big Four"
presence is going to be so attractive to most women (regardless of
who they are) that they are highly likely to want to lock you down
fast enough that it'll make your head spin.
Men of high character who are able to project masculine confidence
while putting a woman completely at ease in his presence are rare.
Welcome to why we talk about the "Big Four" around here: Because
THEY WORK.
So when you are reasonably comfortable that a woman you are out
with is really starting to like you, remember a simple but powerful
concept.
We as men usually need a 2x4 upside the head to figure out a woman
is attracted. So if you KNOW she likes you, it's probable that she
REALLY likes you.
That means in order to give yourself time to make a final decision
regarding whether to continue seeing a woman or not, it's important
that you lay back and tone it down a bit.
By this I mean don't banter with her quite as much. Be a bit more
reserved in the true sense of the word. Hold some of your charm
back a bit.
Once you know the possibility of a second date is there for you,
save the rest for another time. Otherwise, she could "fall in
love" with you, and any decision you make to cut things off could
be more hurtful to her than it had to be.
Worse, it could result in you earning yourself a stalker.
3) TELL HER WHAT TO EXPECT, WITHOUT PRESSURING HER
If you're not quite at the level where you want to be yet when it
comes to creating attraction with women, I'm sure the first two
points above were nothing short of preposterous for you to read.
No worries. As I've said before, my vision for you is probably
much larger than even what you have for yourself at this very
moment.
But you'll get to this point where all of this stuff matters sooner
or later, which is why you need to know what the real deal is NOW.
And when that time comes, there's no reason why SHE shouldn't know
it also.
Basically, it's okay to tell her exactly what your "process" is for
evaluating women--without, of course, putting it in those exact
words. That would be more arrogant than you'd likely be able to
walk away from without a limp.
But you DO explain to her that you really enjoy meeting women
socially, and that you've made lots of great friends that way.
Further, you greatly value every step to getting to know someone
well...and you don't enter into relationships lightly.
Ever been with a woman who kept saying things like, "friends first"
and "I like to get to know someone before I date him"?
Did you notice that's usually a woman who is in high demand by men?
You guessed it. That was her way of accomplishing everything we're
talking about here.
If you've ever heard such musings from women, did you sense what
was going on at the time or did you completely miss it--perhaps
soldiering on trying to impress her more?
Well, my guess is that she'll "get it" when a similar message comes
from you.
And if not, here's the final bullet point...
4) DON'T LET HER RUSH YOU
Yep...some women can perform their own version of "soldiering
onward".
They'll talk about the chemistry between the two of you. They'll
start dreaming aloud about the future. They may even ask you what
you might want to name your kids someday.
If they're really bent on becoming your girlfriend, even women who
led with sexual conservatism may come on very strong a lot sooner
than you expected...perhaps along with a carefully timed discourse on
how she only has sex with a guy she's "in a relationship with".
I think you get the idea. The point is that even top-notch women
truly will start to chase you at some point in your well-played
interactions with them.
If you've never seen this happen in real life before, I can assure
you it goes on.
When women chase, however, they tend to do so AFTER they've gotten
And if not, here's the final bullet point...
4) DON'T LET HER RUSH YOU
Yep...some women can perform their own version of "soldiering
onward".
They'll talk about the chemistry between the two of you. They'll
start dreaming aloud about the future. They may even ask you what
you might want to name your kids someday.
If they're really bent on becoming your girlfriend, even women who
led with sexual conservatism may come on very strong a lot sooner
than you expected...perhaps along with a carefully timed discourse on
how she only has sex with a guy she's "in a relationship with".
I think you get the idea. The point is that even top-notch women
truly will start to chase you at some point in your well-played
interactions with them.
If you've never seen this happen in real life before, I can assure
you it goes on.
When women chase, however, they tend to do so AFTER they've gotten
to know you some.
We as guys tend to begin the chase immediately on sight ...which is a
major clue as to why so many men are "chasers". They lead,
basically.
Keep your composure as a man with options.
Don't let yourself be tempted into a sexual situation with a woman
who may very well be so into you already that she (ahem) "forgets"
what her actual birth control situation is.
Don't let her emotional displays tug at your heart strings.
In short, don't be manipulated.
Listen, I realize that what I've just shared with you may sound
like advanced stuff. But the best time to get the hang of it is
NOW rather than later.
The wisdom to know which women to continue seeing and which to stay
"friends" with (or cut ties to completely) is a MUST HAVE skill.
Don't kid yourself.
Consider how it would probably take you both hands to count how
many men you know who are married to a physically beautiful woman
but who are miserable--or who have been ruined by a divorce from
her--and you'll get the point.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. I have a BIG announcement coming tomorrow. There hasn't been
We as guys tend to begin the chase immediately on sight ...which is a
major clue as to why so many men are "chasers". They lead,
basically.
Keep your composure as a man with options.
Don't let yourself be tempted into a sexual situation with a woman
who may very well be so into you already that she (ahem) "forgets"
what her actual birth control situation is.
Don't let her emotional displays tug at your heart strings.
In short, don't be manipulated.
Listen, I realize that what I've just shared with you may sound
like advanced stuff. But the best time to get the hang of it is
NOW rather than later.
The wisdom to know which women to continue seeing and which to stay
"friends" with (or cut ties to completely) is a MUST HAVE skill.
Don't kid yourself.
Consider how it would probably take you both hands to count how
many men you know who are married to a physically beautiful woman
but who are miserable--or who have been ruined by a divorce from
her--and you'll get the point.
Be Good,
Scot McKay
P.S. I have a BIG announcement coming tomorrow. There hasn't been
an all-new X & Y Communications program for over a year...but that's
about to change. Find out more tomorrow at 5p EDT...
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